Just Broken Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Hello all. New here. I'll try to make this short. Need some online therapy! I've been dating this girl for almost 2 years. We broke up last November, then got back together in Feb. Been together since, 2-3 weeks ago. (That makes it about 3 months back together) When I broke up with her again. Let me tell you a bit about her: She is 23, very rude and disrespectful to all of my friends and family, She has no friends, A bad temper, gets worse when she drinks, very insecure, and just flat out mean! But she's gorgeous and has a great ass... So I put up with all her bs for that. Yes I have realized it was mostly lust. I felt some love, but for the most part I was never truly happy with her. But when I am without her, I fall apart. I drive myself crazy thinking about her and how we can make it work. And there is just no way to do this with her... But my questions are why do I only want her when I cant have her? How do I release myself from her and completely let go? Why do I want to be with her when there's no way I could ever marry this woman. Is lust that strong? I've never had this strong of a physical attraction towards someone. But I know as well as everyone who knows us, we are just so incompatible. Just tell me how to let go.? I'm sure some of you here have wanted someone you knew was no good for you at all... How do you stop thinking about them? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Uhm, well you could try replacing her with another gorgeous woman, with a great a$$......minus the nastiness I've never fallen for anyone who had a crap personality, no matter how good looking they were. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Looks arent everything. Personally if someone was direspectful to my family or friends I'd kick their butt to the curb permanetly. Remember, shes not very nice, shes insecure, horrible. Why not concentrate on finding someone your attracted to whose nice as well? Link to comment
Knead2Know Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I have had some very hot sex with a man I could not stand as a person. Yes lust is that strong, it should not be under estimated in any way, most people confuse this for love... People confuse love and lust mainly because there is such a strong correlation propagated that you need to be in love to have sex or really enjoy it. It can be confusing because both are so strong and make you crazy So it's important that you ask yourself if you really care for this woman, because I sense you do, in that case, you really care about her, but it's easier to view her as a sexual being, because she doesn't meet your view of what a wife should be... I think you should really think about what draws you to her, once you identify what that really is, than you will be able to begin letting go.... Link to comment
HurtingGuy Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I have known people I found extremely attractive and who I fantasized about, though I know their personality and would absolutely despise them as a person. I would never want to even befriend these people. Lust and Love can go hand in hand but are by themselves very very separate things. I think you're mistaking the feeling of comfort you had in simply having somebody around with feelings of love for that person. Separate your feelings of physical attraction to her from your actual thoughts about her as a person. Somebody with a personality you enjoy and love is the only kind of person you can have a fulfilling relationship with. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Looks arent everything. Personally if someone was direspectful to my family or friends I'd kick their butt to the curb permanetly. Remember, shes not very nice, shes insecure, horrible. Why not concentrate on finding someone your attracted to whose nice as well? I agree with BlueAfterglow08 - unless you are 99 and look like Quasimodo, there are LOADS of girls out there with great ass*s who will turn you on like nothing else Get out there and find one. Being disrespectful to your folks is an absolute dealbreaker. Lust is great. But believe me when you find lust AND love what you had here will pale into insignificance. Good luck. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Uhm, well you could try replacing her with another gorgeous woman, with a great a$$......minus the nastiness I've never fallen for anyone who had a crap personality, no matter how good looking they were. That's exactly what I was going to say, LOL. Yes, I guess lust can be that strong, but sometimes you have to start using your brain too. If you know this is not the type of person you could ever marry, then you cut off all ties and move on. On the other hand, if all you're really interested is some sex to see you through some "dry times", then not much will change and you'll continue to lust after her. Link to comment
Just Broken Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 I truly do want to get over her and move on. Her and I will never work. But How? Why do I miss her so much? Why do I want to send her a text right now? Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Because at the moment you don't have anyone else for sex And give yourself a bit of credit, you must at least have cared for her a little unless you are extremely shallow But your words speak volumes - she's not for you and it would never work, so move on. Link to comment
Just Broken Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 Yes. I did care for her. Se was/is very special to me for some reason... Link to comment
Just Broken Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 I think I have some sort of psychological dependency on her. Almost as if it were a spell. Or it's like an addiction. I cant seem to stop wanting or needing her... Link to comment
Just Broken Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 ok. it is done. I let her go. It has been 2 weeks. Now what? Time? Well I have a lot of time... Why do I choose loneliness instead of a woman who loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with "me".? me, of all people... Why is she so powerful over me? Why cant I move on? Why do I continue to pine over this negative woman? When I know it's wrong... Link to comment
Anyway Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I think I have some sort of psychological dependency on her. Almost as if it were a spell. Or it's like an addiction. I cant seem to stop wanting or needing her... Have you ever heard about the 'Stockholm Syndrome' or 'cognitive dissonance'? If not, read a bit about it and apply this to your situation. I think it might help. e.g.: link removed Link to comment
Just Broken Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 I just read the article. But I dont think this is my situation. She was not abusive towards me... It was just a toxic relationship. But I'm starting to think that I actually like or even crave the drama our relationship offers... Is that weird? A week ago she wanted to marry me. I did not. Now, I want to marry her. And I am about to call her. Is there anyone here who can stand behind me and say it is ok to spend the rest of my life with this woman? Anyone? Link to comment
EQD Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 seems like more of a codependency and possession feeling rather than lust. you like her features, you place alot of emphasis on them. shallow makes shallow. when she is gone you 'fall apart' because you want her to stabilize you. perhaps having her around even makes you feel better about yourself. but enough of that. you call it lust, i call it weakness. Link to comment
EQD Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I just read the article. But I dont think this is my situation. She was not abusive towards me... It was just a toxic relationship. But I'm starting to think that I actually like or even crave the drama our relationship offers... Is that weird? no. actually its terribly common. and its the key to why alot of terrible chaotic and unfufilling relationships work. Link to comment
Just Broken Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 So, what do you suggest I do? Link to comment
EQD Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 do whatever you want. there is no right or wrong here. its what you want or what you dont want. if you are done playing with the shiny toy and want something different.. like a decent girl you actually are compatable with, then leave her alone. go no contact and sever the tie. if you arent done, then you arent done. Link to comment
GeeLee Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Are you sure you want to consider marriage with this person? Once the looks and body fade... you are left with her personality. And you don't like her personality. Link to comment
Just Broken Posted August 14, 2009 Author Share Posted August 14, 2009 No, I am not sure. But I am sure that I dont want to spend the rest of my life alone... Whats worse? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 seems like more of a codependency and possession feeling rather than lust. you like her features, you place alot of emphasis on them. shallow makes shallow. when she is gone you 'fall apart' because you want her to stabilize you. perhaps having her around even makes you feel better about yourself. but enough of that. you call it lust, i call it weakness. Perfect. Remember, sex and toxic relationships can feel addictive ... almost like a drug; moving away from that is like a painful withdrawal. You need time, focus on other things in your life, and self-improvement to move forward. More than anything, you need to grow up and mature - work on your shallowness and developing stronger interpersonal relationships. Link to comment
EQD Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 No, I am not sure. But I am sure that I dont want to spend the rest of my life alone... Whats worse? lots of people do it. and besides there are alot of women out there. ALOT. i highly doubt that you will never ever.. ever... find another person to date than her. Link to comment
Just Broken Posted August 14, 2009 Author Share Posted August 14, 2009 I guess your right. But man, What on earth has this woman done to me? I cant get her off of my mind. For the past few weeks she has literally thrown herself at me, and I kept denying her. The minute she stopped, is when I start to fall apart. And want her back. Is it the chasing that I miss, or is it her? Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 It's her. When people that we don't really care about go away, we don't really care. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 I think it's a mixture of both... maybe your feelings for her aren't 100% genuine, but you still sorta-kinda-maybe like her/care about her. But let me get this straight... for the past few weeks, she's made herself really available to you & she's stated she wants to be with you and then you deny it? I'm just curious as to what the situation is exactly. Link to comment
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