Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 We shouldn't get pitied for being dumped, we should PITY the dumpers for being WEAK. We are so much better than them and we shouldn't forget that! Err...I'M the dumper in my situation. Oh, Effervescent, we're gonna get along peachy I wouldn't say I'm BETTER than my ex, just more emotionally sound. I know that if she gets better down the line she'll look me up. I was the best thing she had, even according to her, and not to be cocky, but I kinda understand that, especially hearing about the lowlifes before me. I gave it my all, and was a very good boyfriend to boot. Wouldn't that be an interesting reunion...kinda like a fairytale..yep, fairytale. If a meteorite fell from the sky and hit a kid, it could happen, though. But for now, I'm living for ME. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Update: Feeling very lonely right now, in general, not thinking about the ex quite yet (or not consciously anyway). I was going to go out to a sports bar tonight but I'm too exhausted because I couldn't sleep again last night (too hot in my room to sleep, too much on my mind). I just am acutely aware of how everyone I know has someone.... my only single friend has his son this weekend so he isn't available for the most part. Wish some of my fellow folks in healing lived closer - we could go out tomorrow and keep ourselves occupied. Although you probably all have friends and family. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Update: Feeling very lonely right now, in general, not thinking about the ex quite yet (or not consciously anyway). I was going to go out to a sports bar tonight but I'm too exhausted because I couldn't sleep again last night (too hot in my room to sleep, too much on my mind). I just am acutely aware of how everyone I know has someone.... my only single friend has his son this weekend so he isn't available for the most part. Wish some of my fellow folks in healing lived closer - we could go out tomorrow and keep ourselves occupied. Although you probably all have friends and family. My best friend - who I could use right now is in another state with his girlfriend. My other friend is out having fun with her husband and kids. I don't know any single people either. You don't have family? Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 I hear ya, CT. I, too, wish some people from these boards lived closer. I'm actually getting my first vacation from everything that's been going on. Headed to L'Auberge du Lac Casino in Lake Charles, LA. Should be a nice relaxing time, do some gambling, have some drinks, maybe win some money. It would be amazing to win a few grand... would definitely speed up the process of getting out of here and back to finish school... and then to wherever life takes me after that. Just realized something... I'm single. How odd... It's strangely freeing to not have to worry about anyone else anymore when I start thinking about major life and career decisions. You would think that thought would have come a lot sooner than 5 weeks after the breakup. Hmmm... Anyway, I'm done rambling. I hope you feel better, CT. Get some sleep this weekend! Link to comment
orchidbloom Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 I'm in the same position too....all my friends are taken. What a pain. Though I've asked to hang out with them individually instead of with their SO. Online party? Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 My best friend - who I could use right now is in another state with his girlfriend. My other friend is out having fun with her husband and kids. I don't know any single people either. You don't have family? No I don't, really. And no real friends, just coworkers who are all married with kids so no time. My best friend lives out of state but his wife won't let him talk to me or hang out with me, so that's out of the equation. One of my former coworkers wants to find time to go catch up, but we live 45 miles apart and he's working 100 hour weeks right now (plus married with teenagers) Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Know what's funny, chewy? I've been thinking of myself as single since a month after the original breakup (which means October 2008 ). All through our GBT phase, I was "single" in my mind, but giving him a chance to be in a relationship with me again. So that part of it really isn't a change - it's more that my ex is no longer my primary prospect. And I don't have any secondary prospects really. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 No I don't, really. And no real friends, just coworkers who are all married with kids so no time. My best friend lives out of state but his wife won't let him talk to me or hang out with me, so that's out of the equation. One of my former coworkers wants to find time to go catch up, but we live 45 miles apart and he's working 100 hour weeks right now (plus married with teenagers) Let me guess...she's a control freak? I'm sorry, Ali Larter. I really hope your evening looks up a bit. Looks like I'm going to have a little bit of Jack tonight. Tomorrow morning's teeth drilling time! Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Err...I'M the dumper in my situation. Oh, Effervescent, we're gonna get along peachy I wouldn't say I'm BETTER than my ex, just more emotionally sound. I know that if she gets better down the line she'll look me up. I was the best thing she had, even according to her, and not to be cocky, but I kinda understand that, especially hearing about the lowlifes before me. I gave it my all, and was a very good boyfriend to boot. Wouldn't that be an interesting reunion...kinda like a fairytale..yep, fairytale. If a meteorite fell from the sky and hit a kid, it could happen, though. But for now, I'm living for ME. Sorry, didn't know that. You're hurting worse, than some of us here. I think in your case, you tried your best before calling it quits. That makes a big difference. Mine didn't. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Let me guess...she's a control freak? I'm sorry, Ali Larter. I really hope your evening looks up a bit. Looks like I'm going to have a little bit of Jack tonight. Tomorrow morning's teeth drilling time! Yep, control freak and jealous as hell for no known reason. Thanks for the well wishes. I ate too much (needed the nutrition after a week of barely being able to eat properly) so I'm sticking to various herbal teas and listening to the massive downpour and thunder outside. Haircut in the morning for me, think I'm going to try and wash the car before my 9 am appointment. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Share Posted June 13, 2009 Know what's funny, chewy? I've been thinking of myself as single since a month after the original breakup (which means October 2008 ). All through our GBT phase, I was "single" in my mind, but giving him a chance to be in a relationship with me again. So that part of it really isn't a change - it's more that my ex is no longer my primary prospect. And I don't have any secondary prospects really. I think I'm gonna shy away from ALL prospects for the time being. I've got some personal issues that I need to work on, and I think after living for someone else for so long, I deserve to put that effort into me for a change. And it'll be great, because I know I'll appreciate myself for it. I think my goal is gonna be to look like I did when I first got out of high school, about... wow. 8 years ago. Doesn't seem like that long, lol. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 I think I'm gonna shy away from ALL prospects for the time being. I've got some personal issues that I need to work on, and I think after living for someone else for so long, I deserve to put that effort into me for a change. And it'll be great, because I know I'll appreciate myself for it. I think my goal is gonna be to look like I did when I first got out of high school, about... wow. 8 years ago. Doesn't seem like that long, lol. Yeah, I understand. Because this is my second time around with this guy in less than a year, I'm probably a little further along than you are with the personal growth side of things. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, but I need to make new friends. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 I'll bow out and let you guys chitchat. I'm not really worth a damn as company at the moment Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Share Posted June 13, 2009 I'll bow out and let you guys chitchat. I'm not really worth a damn as company at the moment I disagree. Your company is welcome, as is your commentary. Hey, I got some good news the other day that I forgot to share. I might be getting a play that I'm writing staged in Austin next January. Friend of mine's a director, read my script (or what I have so far) and said he loved it and wanted to stage it. I told him that if he would stage it, I'd almost be compelled to pay him to do it. Anyway, that made me glad. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 My best friend lives in Austin - he'll go see it, I'm sure. Congrats!!! I'm falling into a bit of a low point so it's best that I not drag everyone else down. Ever have a day when everything keeps giving you negative messages suddenly? Things were going well until about 3pm and then it seemed like everything since then has been setting off my paranoia radar. Like my ex's email was a harbinger of bad things... I'm in the midst of a whopper of an anxiety attack right now, and sad / lonely to boot. So no, I'm not much good to y'all. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Share Posted June 13, 2009 Well you've been good to us before, so let us be good for you when you need it. If you need to vent, that's what the thread is here for. Share it and get some feedback, and I almost guarantee you that you'll feel better. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 My best friend lives in Austin - he'll go see it, I'm sure. Congrats!!! I'm falling into a bit of a low point so it's best that I not drag everyone else down. Ever have a day when everything keeps giving you negative messages suddenly? Things were going well until about 3pm and then it seemed like everything since then has been setting off my paranoia radar. Like my ex's email was a harbinger of bad things... I'm in the midst of a whopper of an anxiety attack right now, and sad / lonely to boot. So no, I'm not much good to y'all. I find that the bad messages come in groups, personally. You can have a great day one day, then the next, there's something small that you say "This sucks..." then brush it off. A half-hour later, something else happens, then something else, and before you know it, your paranoia is fueled up and you do something stupid like drive to your ex's place at 6:30am to see if her car is there, lol. But ya gotta try to lol, and brush it off. Snap the rubber band, thought-stop, whatever. But being alone doesn't help either, and neither does a gloomy, stormy evening. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 God, I cannot stop thinking about him. I feel like I'm going to die. I'm in so much pain right now. You guys need to stop me from thinking these irrational thoughts. I want to respond to that speech he wrote about our relationship. He is seeing things so wrongly . . . but I know it won't change anything. I know that I CANNOT be with him, while he's still a part of his "religion" and I know that I cannot be with him, even after he leaves his "religion". He has so much work he needs to do on himself, but he's not doing it. He's just putting on one bandage after another to cover up his wounds. I shouldn't want someone like him. I shouldn't love someone like him . . . why am I still so obsessed and in love with him? It's so unfair! He is not worth it and he doesn't deserve me . . . Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 I've asked myself that plenty of times here. For the last 5 months. Try one of the exercises in my thought-stopping thread. Even if it doesn't work, can't hurt more than it does now! Well, the rubber band one might... Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Share Posted June 13, 2009 It's work related anxiety... I'm trying to put it all out of my mind so as not to create a fatalistic self-fulfilling prohecy. I have what my mom would have called the screaming creeps. Work anxiety has woken me up both days that I managed to get some sleep this week - my gut is suddenly screaming at me and I can't pin it to anything. I wonder if my ex situation caused me to have triggers start to go off Very likely. Also, that anxiety may not all be work related. I'm sure a lot of that stress is coming from your recent relapse. Screaming Creeps... good name for that kind of feeling. Is your stomach hurting? Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Very likely. Also, that anxiety may not all be work related. I'm sure a lot of that stress is coming from your recent relapse. Screaming Creeps... good name for that kind of feeling. Is your stomach hurting? I start breathing shallowly and my chest gets tense. Work had some weird stuff happen today, things are unsettled, and I get anxious and afraid for my job when it gets weird. (long story - I'm squarely in the middle of some very volatile office politics and I'm in a highly visible position. Bad combo at times like this) Dont' want to derail the thread though. This is also when my ex would get really angry at me, when I'd feel that tension, and he'd withdraw. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Share Posted June 13, 2009 Gah. That doesn't sound fun at all. I wish I had some good advice, but I don't think I do. I know when I get stressed I try to relax by listening to some of my favorite music, lighting some candles, and giving myself a face massage. (something I picked up in an acting class... very relaxing) I dunno if that would help or not, though. If you're interested in the face massaging thing, let me know. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 How about a day at the spa or the gym? Is there any place that offers hot yoga around you? I'm doing that right now and I have to tell you, it's amazing. Very relaxing. I don't think about anything the entire time. Link to comment
Fan Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 My best friend lives in Austin - he'll go see it, I'm sure. Congrats!!! I'm falling into a bit of a low point so it's best that I not drag everyone else down. Ever have a day when everything keeps giving you negative messages suddenly? Things were going well until about 3pm and then it seemed like everything since then has been setting off my paranoia radar. Like my ex's email was a harbinger of bad things... I'm in the midst of a whopper of an anxiety attack right now, and sad / lonely to boot. So no, I'm not much good to y'all. Don't you just hate anxiety, anxiety makes you want your ex more as you need someone to lean on. Right I really feel the need to ring my ex but I wont. My anxiety has kicked in hard today as I'm going away on holiday for a week in a good few hours and I'm worried i might not be able to cope. The sad thing is I'm thinking how can I find out if she has tried contacting me.. but deep down I know its most unlikely that she will contact me. I look in the mirror every morning tell myself I'm stronger than this and one day in the future I'll laugh back at this. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Don't you just hate anxiety, anxiety makes you want your ex more as you need someone to lean on. Right I really feel the need to ring my ex but I wont. My anxiety has kicked in hard today as I'm going away on holiday for a week in a good few hours and I'm worried i might not be able to cope. The sad thing is I'm thinking how can I find out if she has tried contacting me.. but deep down I know its most unlikely that she will contact me. I look in the mirror every morning tell myself I'm stronger than this and one day in the future I'll laugh back at this. My ex ran away from me when I had anxiety. Or yelled at me sometimes. So perversely, my having what turned into an all night anxiety attack, reminded me more of why we broke up. Hopefully going on holiday will be good for you, Fan. It will be a change of surroundings, so there aren't the reminders every day of her. I suspect it will be harder to come home, and easier to be away. Link to comment
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