Challenging myself

[Seymore]

Glad you're doing better today, Seymore.... you deserve a break. I hope you have good plans this weekend (that's when it gets more challenging for me - too much time to think)

 

I hear you. Back when I was with my ex, the weekends were a head-spinning ordeal much of the time because she could never just SIT STILL. So after I left her, there was this gaping hole at the end of the week. The weekends are just so open now that I find myself sitting around thinking. But I'm not afraid of this weekend. I'll find something to keep my mind occupied, even if I have to walk 10 miles. I can make it whatever I want it to be now. I hope you find something to keep your mind occupied as well.

 

Eff - just remember that what he's doing, it doesn't matter. You may feel left out or not a part of something you used to be a part of, and you may feel that people aren't seeing him for the real him, but if he's relying on a cult to make him feel validated, how is that healthy? Relying on anyone other than yourself to feel validated is not healthy. So if you have the family or whatever, spend it with them, surround yourself with people that care.

 

And work on yourself. If you do it enough, you can look at him in your mind and say "I don't need to lean on fake people to feel good about myself." I'm quite sure it'll come around to him. People will take notice of who he really is, because you can't hide that for long.

 

Good night folks. Be strong, and here's to better days ahead.

[COtuner]

Eff, I share some of your feelings. At least you have family, I bear this alone every day and every night (thank God for you guys on ENA). Even with 10 months behind me since the original breakup and realization that the relationship had failed, the loss of hope that came with the attempted second chance hits pretty hard. Not as hard as the first time, but it's dredging some deep stuff out of my soul. Just have to let yourself ride the roller coaster for a while each day and don't fight the emotions. Then take the reins back and go through the rest of the day doing what you need or want to do.

[chewy21]

Something interesting that I'd like some opinions about...

 

Lately I've been noticing that my right eye twitches almost contstantly. It's right below the inside corner of my eye, and it drives me mad. Could this be an effect of all the stress I've been through recently? I know it's cliche, but usually things become cliches for a reason. Anyone else have something like this going on?

 

A little off-the-wall, but it's something I've been wondering about.

[Effervescent]

Hi all. How is everyone doing? I hope the silence means that everyone's busy doing something. I'm doing better now. I just need to get past tmr. This will be my last relapse for sure. After tmr, I know my ex will be out of my life for good. There will be nothing else that will make me think of him.

 

I figured out why I've been so moody lately. I haven't been exercising as much as I did the first few weeks after my breakup, so I've been more prone to the saddness. I've gotten back to my regular routine, so I think I should be ok now. Thanks for all the words of encouragement. You guys are all right. I shouldn't need anyone else, but myself to be happy. On a very big plus side, I bought a beautiful winter coat that was on clearance a few months ago, but it didn't fit me- I couldn't even do the buttons up. I tried it on again today and it looked gorgeous! It fit so well. I was so happy. Working on myself has really paid off! Now, I just need to keep myself occupied enough, so that I don't go on FB for the next 48 hours. 48 hours until FREEDOM! Hugs to everyone! Hope you guys are keeping busy!

[COtuner]

Yeah, I bet it could be, chewy. I have something weird going on resulting from the stress but I won't share because it's definitely TMI

[Effervescent]

Something interesting that I'd like some opinions about...

 

Lately I've been noticing that my right eye twitches almost contstantly. It's right below the inside corner of my eye, and it drives me mad. Could this be an effect of all the stress I've been through recently? I know it's cliche, but usually things become cliches for a reason. Anyone else have something like this going on?

 

A little off-the-wall, but it's something I've been wondering about.

 

Have you been getting enough sleep? Eye twitching is usually a sign that you're not getting enough sleep. You're also right about the stress, sometimes that causes eye twitching too.

[COtuner]

Glad you're having an 'up" day Eff Good for you, and I bet the coat is lovely.

 

Me, spent the day housecleaning two rooms, hit the gym, and watched golf, mainly because it was quiet and mindless.

[chewy21]

Heh... well if it's embarassing I understand, but honestly, I can't think of anything right now that would be TMI.

 

It's just strange... you see that in so many cheesy cartoons and movies where the stressed out character has this eye twitch. I'd probably find it funny if it wasn't so freakin annoying.

[chewy21]

Have you been getting enough sleep? Eye twitching is usually a sign that you're not getting enough sleep. You're also right about the stress, sometimes that causes eye twitching too.

 

Yeah, night before last I slept 10 hours. I usually get at least 8 or so. Last night was the only night I've gotten less than 6 hours in several weeks, but this has been going on now for at least two weeks that I can remember.

 

Also, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, Eff. It's good to set those deadlines, but just remember not to beat yourself up too bad if you do have another backslide. It's not the end of the world, and you'll have people here who care and will listen.

 

How are you this evening, CT?

[COtuner]

I'm feeling weird, chewy. Discombobulated sounds like a good word for it.

[chewy21]

Discombobulated. Good word.

 

The reason why is obvious. I've grown to hate when my stepdad sees me staring blankly and asks "What's wrong, bub?"

 

I just feel like saying "Well, you know, the woman I loved and lived with for the last three years just decided suddenly that she didn't want me anymore... but other than that, nothing really!"

 

Ugh. So I won't ask what's wrong, because I hate that so much. But I will ask this: Has anything changed recently that might be making you feel weird?

[Effervescent]

I really hate it when people ask me "what's wrong?" too. They darn well know what's WRONG. Of course, it only gets worse, when they say, "You're STILL not over it?". That drives me nuts!

 

I understand what you're feeling CT. As sad it sounds, I prefer discombobulated to utter despair and saddness, so I guess it means things are on the upswing for you?

[COtuner]

just worried about the future.... and now wondering why my caps lock has reversed itself so everything is doing the opposite on my keyboard as it is supposed to do... what key did I hit?...

[COtuner]

I really hate it when people ask me "what's wrong?" too. They darn well know what's WRONG. Of course, it only gets worse, when they say, "You're STILL not over it?". That drives me nuts!

 

I understand what you're feeling CT. As sad it sounds, I prefer discombobulated to utter despair and saddness, so I guess it means things are on the upswing for you?

 

Not necessarily on the upswing, just staying really busy so I don't think about the bad stuff. I think I have another pit of despair yet to come, I'm just keeping my brain shut down so I don't think about it. Also thinking about an upcoming outing this week with someone I know - it's something to look forward to... I get sad when I realize there's not a darned thing to get excited about after that... and THAT'S when I started spiralling back down.

[Tired Tiger]

I've grown to hate when my stepdad sees me staring blankly and asks "What's wrong, bub?"

 

And then there's always, "you should really get some sleep".

 

 

 

Gee... ya think?

[chewy21]

Ha! I honestly have no idea what key or combination of keys would do that. Hope you get it fixed, though!

 

Yeah, the future isn't too much fun to think about anymore. Nothing's going to turn out the way I thought it would. It sucks because I was ready to trade everything I could have accomplished by myself for a life of being with Jessica, no matter what that meant. I was happy to make that deal. And now I'm back to wondering what direction my life will take.

 

It just sucks to be thinking for only one again, after thinking for two for so long.

 

Hang in there, CT. If you need to talk about anything, I'm here.

[chewy21]

And then there's always, "you should really get some sleep".

 

 

 

Gee... ya think?

 

HA! Yeah, I've gotten that one too.

 

It's like these people don't remember what it's like to go through a break up. Or maybe some people really do go through life either so guarded or so shallow that they really don't understand what it's like to lose a piece of yourself when something like this happens.

[COtuner]

And then there's always, "you should really get some sleep".

 

 

 

Gee... ya think?

 

Yeah, I've been getting that one at work a lot. I finally snapped at one person who said that to me (having no idea about the whole ex situation) - they told me I should go get some Xanax so I could sleep because life should be happy. I think I bit her head off faster than I would a chocolate Easter bunny,

[COtuner]

HA! Yeah, I've gotten that one too.

 

It's like these people don't remember what it's like to go through a break up. Or maybe some people really do go through life either so guarded or so shallow that they really don't understand what it's like to lose a piece of yourself when something like this happens.

 

Bah, the ones I know are so self absorbed they couldn't even retain water.

[COtuner]

Ha! I honestly have no idea what key or combination of keys would do that. Hope you get it fixed, though!

 

Yeah, the future isn't too much fun to think about anymore. Nothing's going to turn out the way I thought it would. It sucks because I was ready to trade everything I could have accomplished by myself for a life of being with Jessica, no matter what that meant. I was happy to make that deal. And now I'm back to wondering what direction my life will take.

 

It just sucks to be thinking for only one again, after thinking for two for so long.

 

Hang in there, CT. If you need to talk about anything, I'm here.

 

It's my age... I'm really not used to thinking so much about my age and my chances of ever finding real, lasting love. I've worked so hard to take care of myself to remain attractive, and fit, and healthy, have a good career and not be needy, etc etc. For what? For the 50 something Yentl lookalike that approached me this afternoon? Or the 18 year old wanting to get laid earlier last week? I don't want to deal with this crap again - it makes me really angry with my ex that I gave him so many years of my life trying to deal with how screwed up he was and still make it work for the marriage we had talked about, and now I'm out here again with even fewer chances.... it has me really upset tonight for some reason.

[Tired Tiger]

It's my age... I'm really not used to thinking so much about my age and my chances of ever finding real, lasting love. I've worked so hard to take care of myself to remain attractive, and fit, and healthy, have a good career and not be needy, etc etc. For what? For the 50 something Yentl lookalike that approached me this afternoon? Or the 18 year old wanting to get laid earlier last week? I don't want to deal with this crap again - it makes me really angry with my ex that I gave him so many years of my life trying to deal with how screwed up he was and still make it work for the marriage we had talked about, and now I'm out here again with even fewer chances.... it has me really upset tonight for some reason.

I can relate. And to think I'd already sworn off relationships by 38. It's just not worth the pain of the aftermath. I'd decided only do it again if it was the perfect storm of circumstances with someone matching my ridiculously high standards.

 

And there she was!

 

 

...and here I am. ](*,)

[chewy21]

It's my age... I'm really not used to thinking so much about my age and my chances of ever finding real, lasting love. I've worked so hard to take care of myself to remain attractive, and fit, and healthy, have a good career and not be needy, etc etc. For what? For the 50 something Yentl lookalike that approached me this afternoon? Or the 18 year old wanting to get laid earlier last week? I don't want to deal with this crap again - it makes me really angry with my ex that I gave him so many years of my life trying to deal with how screwed up he was and still make it work for the marriage we had talked about, and now I'm out here again with even fewer chances.... it has me really upset tonight for some reason.

 

I know you're probably a bit older than me, CT, but I've actually been struggling with the same thing. I'm sure that gives you a chuckle, but seriously, I had always thought that I'd be with the woman of my dreams and have a kid by the time I was 30. That's only 4 years away, and with all the work I have to do in the next few years, I really don't see that happening. I'm starting to get scared of the number, which is completely irrational, I know.

 

I can also relate to blaming your ex. I still get angry at Jessica for promising me that what we had was forever. I didn't need to worry about what other women thought of me, because she was the one I was going to get old with, and we were fine with that. It's tough to put into words. After you've seen each other on the toilet, it's easy to imagine growing old with them, because they'll always accept you no matter what... if that makes any sense. And I didn't have to worry about my age, because I had someone beside me who supported me no matter what. Now I'm looking at being single at 30, and maybe it's just me being overly self-counscious or maybe I'm worrying over nothing... in any case, I'm still worried about it.

 

Wow, I didn't realize how much I was worried until I typed all this out.

 

But you sound like you're still looking good at your age, CT. I know it's about more than that, but having an 18 year old hit on you should do something for that self-esteem. I know it would for me... as weird as that is to say.

 

Maybe we're both just too wrapped up in this conventional idea of a normal life. Who says our lives have to be "normal"? It just is what it is, and we can make it what we want it to be.

 

Sorry for that rambling post, and my semi-epiphany in the middle. In summary, I agree with you, but I think when we both dig deeper we'll find we're only afraid of our own irrational fears.

[COtuner]

I can relate. And to think I'd already sworn off relationships by 38. It's just not worth the pain of the aftermath. I'd decided only do it again if it was the perfect storm of circumstances with someone matching my ridiculously high standards.

 

And there she was!

 

 

...and here I am. ](*,)

 

 

 

Yup. I turn 39 next month... I've learned that I'm just not what people expect from a GF. Every guy I know says I am just not like other women - the ones I'm friends with love that, the ones I date hate that. My ex faked it until he had me.... I guess I was gullible enough to fall for it ](*,)

[COtuner]

Chewy, my ex kept me hanging for 5 years.... he never moved in, he rarely spent time with me, but he was always talking about how things were going to be "WHEN"..... it was the worst sort of leading someone on. And he didn't try to move on any of it until things had gone so far south between us and it was obvious that I was pulling away, that he started back to doing things that he thought I would like. Had nothing to do with being sincere, it was a desperate plea to keep me around. On one hand, I am grateful that I recognized what was going on and stood my ground, but on the other... what a blow.

 

I don't dream about being married with kids - I simply want someone to spend my life with whom I love and loves me back. We can enjoy the rest of life together. If that involves a ring on my finger, fine, but it's ok if it doesn't. It's more important to be out there living our lives and sharing.

[chewy21]

I'm with you, CT. Actually, the reason Jessica and I got engaged is because we were under so much pressure from our families to do so. In our minds, we were already married, and that devotion to one another was all we needed. So I'm totally in agreement with regards to marriage.

 

I mentioned a kid because, well, that's how I had always seen it happening. I've always wanted to at least have a son, like a miniature version of myself who I could teach the ways of the world as I saw them, and in turn learn from him later in life.

 

But honestly, it really just boils down to wanting love back in my life again, and being afraid that my time is running out. Again, completely irrational for me to be afraid of, and probably for you too.

 

That's so horrible to be led on like that for so long. You might think that makes you look like a fool, but I look at it in a completely different light. I see it as reflecting on your commitment, love, and devotion to this man, despite what it was putting you through. That's the beauty I see in it. And I'm glad you did finally wise up and see what was happening, because someone like you deserves much better than that. You deserve someone who will keep those promises and work to make them come true.

 

I feel inadequate attempting to speak my mind on these subjects sometimes because you've been through so much more than I have. I try to take what experience I have and empathize as much as possible... though I know sometimes I still miss the mark. But thanks for putting up with me. You've helped me through this more than you'll ever know, CT. I rest easier knowing I have someone like you who will listen to me when I'm down and tell me what I need to hear.

 

Gosh, I'm tired. I should probably get some rest. I hope you guys have a good night, and get some rest. If I can't sleep for some reason, I'm sure I'll end up back here.