chewy21 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Hey there, orchid! Well, actually, it seems you're doing better than the rest of us. I think we've all had a relapse since the thread started, but it's great to hear you're still going strong! At 2:30 PM today, I start Day 2 again. I'm gonna make it this time. She doesn't deserve me, and doesn't deserve to have me pining for her or worried about her after how she's treated me. What kinda games do you play, orchid? Link to comment
Fan Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 It's amazing how you believe they was the one when you still haven't seen half of the world, Do you really think she was the one out of millions and millions of people? The problem I have thinking about this is I might meet a nicer girl but they wont want me low self-esteem I know, I'm sure we are all suffering from it at the moment after being rejected in some form or another. You start to think whats the point of moving on, the only person I want is them, I will have to put all my effort in a new relationship which I don't really want... and you start asking yourself whats the point when I hurt this much when it ends. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Yes, Fan, I share the low self esteem thing at the moment too. Not because of my ex, but because I've ended up in yet another failed relationship. I did all the right things this time, I had thought and still ended up in an abusive, controlling relationship by the latter half. This event has brought back all my doubts that I'll even find the right guy out there. Despite the fact that I have a pretty good analysis of what went wrong this time - very similar to what went wrong in the previous 6 month relationship I had had back in 2001 (4 years before this one). Divorced man, hadn't dealt with his issues, controlling, angry, intolerant, inflexible, more seeking a companion than a girlfriend. My most recent ex started turning into the same person, different face and body. They couldn't have been more different at the beginning, to this day I haven't been able to look back with hindsight and see this situation being predictable, but they do share some character traits. So I've scratched those traits off the "compatibility list" for future dating. Better than nothing, I guess. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 As for my update, no email checking and planning to shut down that account over the weekend. I slept (except for a couple wake ups when it took me a while to get back to sleep, latter time about an hour), and I didn't have any breakdowns yesterday. I am suspecting staying busy has helped me reach a temporary plateau. This weekend may be challenging, despite having a lot of things I need to get done. I have still not been very productive at work though - just have ADD - like behavior jumping from one thing to the next since I can't concentrate. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Well, from the beginning, I've blocked my ex's number and e-mail addresses, and completely shut down my Facebook page. Unfortunately, I can still see her profile picture, even without an account. I've slipped three times in five and a half months. My paranoia and depression mostly seem to stem from each view of her picture, which stays burned into my head. Those are what bring about the worst feelings, so I'm going to start there and hopefully the rest will fall into place in healing. I've had some of the best days in YEARS back in March and April - one of those days being better than any day I had with the ex. I want days like that again. I would like to join the challenge - my personal challenge being not looking at her profile picture. Link to comment
Fan Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Well, from the beginning, I've blocked my ex's number and e-mail addresses, and completely shut down my Facebook page. Unfortunately, I can still see her profile picture, even without an account. I've slipped three times in five and a half months. My paranoia and depression mostly seem to stem from each view of her picture, which stays burned into my head. Those are what bring about the worst feelings, so I'm going to start there and hopefully the rest will fall into place in healing. I've had some of the best days in YEARS back in March and April - one of those days being better than any day I had with the ex. I want days like that again. I would like to join the challenge - my personal challenge being not looking at her profile picture. Don't you just hate facebook! I remember looking at her relationship status, Relationship with... I ended up looking at his profile but he had no pictures of himself! I know I shouldn't of done it but I did. I have now deleted my exs emails on it which I kept going over and over, but I did saved them to notepad but at least this way I can't see her picture. Seymore like you I know I can still search for her and see a limited profile, longest I gone is 3 days with out looking at it. Lets hope from today I can beat that record. Link to comment
CRGMEM Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 LOL Facebook & Myspace sucks! My ex doesn't even have a computer, but I still find myself checking to see when he last logged on. every once in a while he gets on someone else's computer and pops up on a status update on Facebook. I also find myself checking to see where I've dropped on the list. I'm still in his #1 spot on Myspace because he hasn't had time to change it. I know one day, I'll be replaced and sink into depression again. I can't bring myself to delete him! Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Don't you just hate facebook! I remember looking at her relationship status, Relationship with... I ended up looking at his profile but he had no pictures of himself! I know I shouldn't of done it but I did. I have now deleted my exs emails on it which I kept going over and over, but I did saved them to notepad but at least this way I can't see her picture. Seymore like you I know I can still search for her and see a limited profile, longest I gone is 3 days with out looking at it. Lets hope from today I can beat that record. Be strong Fan. 3 days can be tough, but if you stick with it, you'll notice a month went by and not even know it. Kind of like with NC...I was counting the days. 3...4...5...6...7..8...9...10....20...2 months. You just skip over the days without realizing it evenutally. And since right this moment I'm in an emotionally sobered state of mind (the frustration from my recent thread is kind of wearing off), I will NOT drive to her sister's boyfriend's place to check for a car. Next week or ever. It does not matter. I am what matters. I will try to curb these thoughts by reading up on and practicing the thought stopping techniques that lavenderdove gave me in my thread. I printed them out and will spend my lunch break at the lake today reading them. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Welcome to the challenge, Seymore. I think this is going to have to restart for me tomorrow evening when I head out of town, because until then, I'm going to have to be in contact with her. Since she only checks her YouTube account now, I have no choice but to send messages that way. Plus, I'm seeing her tomorrow. So that's really the ultimate NC break. But I wish you the best of luck. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Hi all. Late check-in today. Work has been chaotic. I haven't really slept much all night. Sick as hell. I kept coughing. When I finally did sleep, my brain wouldn't shut down, I keep going through the same thoughts over and over again. I just found out my ex is using me as an example of how his religion "helped" his life, i.e. by making him see that he didn't want me in it anymore. I think this has to be my worst moment since the breakup. I just want to go home and break down and cry. This is all too much. I cannot believe someone who I cared about and took care of for so long could honestly forget about all the good things I have done and only focus on how much "happier" he is without me. I know I am making improvements to myself, but it all seems so empty. I don't feel any better, or any happier. I just want to freeze time until I can feel better. I don't want to waste anymore time being unhappy. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Sorry you're having a rough day, Eff. Remember, he doesn't deserve you. He's off looking for the kind of acceptance that has to be bought. You're better than that. He's obviously deluded. Nothing he says should make a bit of difference to you, because he's not thinking clearly. If he were, then he would be realizing what a huge mistake he made right about now. But he's not. He's happy with the new validation he gets from a group of people he's paid to validate him. This says nothing about you, but everything about him. Move on. There are people out there who deserve the kind of love you're capable of giving, and he isn't one of them. Focus completely on yourself. Get lost in yourself. Pretty soon you'll remember how great you are, and then you'll wonder why you let someone who's proved how insignificant they are have so much control over your happiness. I'm with ya, Eff. We can do this. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Thanks, Chewy. I don't know why I can't snap out of this haze I've been in since last night. I KNOW I shouldn't give a crap about what he says, because he's literally an insane person right now, but I guess it still stings, because I still love him. I realize that I have soooooooooooooooo many people around me who love me and care about me, so I shouldn't care about him, but my mind won't leave me alone. The sad part about all of this is even though he has slapped me in the face with his speech, I know that if he were standing in front of me right now, all I would want to do is hug him and have him hold me tight. I am so angry at myself right now. I feel like I have no self-esteem at all. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Sounds like someone who blindly uses religion to guide them through life and not think for himself. I'm in your boat. All the crap my ex put me through, yet if she were right in front of me, I'm scared of what I might do, which is odd because how did I come to love someone like that to where I STILL feel for her. But she's not standing in front of me, and yours is not in front of you right now. Right now is an opportunity - don't waste it on "If he was right here", because he's not. Let him deal with his insanity, don't feel bad for him, don't feel ANYTHING for him. Easier said than done, I know, but I hope it helps. Link to comment
orchidbloom Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I'm suffering from low self esteem too. My friends have been great though, always affirming me and even inviting me to call them to get a pick me up. Hopefully I can wean myself off of their pep talks like I'm weaning myself slowly off my ex. Chewy, I kind of failed miserably on the FIRST day of this challenge. But it hurt so bad that I think it may have jolted me into fasting for real this time. I play WoW sometimes, but mostly have been trying to get through FF7 on the PS3 or Little Big Planet. Keeping busy is helping but I find myself having to curb drinking. Even one or two drinks can get me to that self pity party for one. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I play WoW sometimes, but mostly have been trying to get through FF7 on the PS3 or Little Big Planet. I need to dust LBP off. It's been so long and the hours fly by when I'm creating levels in that game. Link to comment
orchidbloom Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Seymore, are you on PSN? I'm quite horrible at jumping but if you want to play I'm game! Too bad the whole game is about jumping. ](*,) Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Yep, haven't played in a while, though. My tag is Eazy123. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 LBP makes me want to cry. It was the last game my ex and I played together. We had so much fun that day. God, I'm such a downer today, I should really go stick my head in the sand. I'm so sorry everyone. Link to comment
orchidbloom Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Duly noted Eff. Sorry about that. Don't feel bad about feeling the way you do... Don't know about you but the weather where I am is sucking. Gloooomy. A song that's really helped is "Heal Over" by KT Tunstall. ...And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself That these feelings are in the past You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf Because pain's built to last Everybody sails alone But we can travel side by side Even if you fail You know that not no one really minds Come over here lady Don't hold on but don't let go I know it's so hard You've got to try to trust yourself I know it's so hard, so hard... Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 LBP makes me want to cry. It was the last game my ex and I played together. We had so much fun that day. God, I'm such a downer today, I should really go stick my head in the sand. I'm so sorry everyone. Not downing me. In fact, I was with my ex at the time that I bought it. First thing I did in LBP when I got it Was make two figures, one with my head and one with her head. The goal was to get the two figures together, and when you did, hearts would rain down from the sky. Ok, I'm a little down. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Oh dear. I am so sorry Seymore! It's all my fault. God, the saddness is contagious isn't it? Try not to think about your ex. That's what I'm trying to do. Focus on what is in store for the future. For me, I'm looking forward to looking hot again, after all the exercise I've been doing. Find something positive to look forward to, even if it's something as small as a nice dinner out! I'm so sorry! I'll take my negative butt somewhere I can't harm anyone else! ](*,) Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 no apologies necessary Eff. Use the forum as you need to.... I'm burying myself in work and the gym and chores right now to keep an even keel for a while. The first half of the week just wrecked me. I've noticed there's just a couple songs that will come on which I simply cannot take right now for some reason. So I think my mind is doing a blockade for me to help protect me from sinking again until I've physically recovered from the first wave of emotion. Either that or maybe I'm bouncing back a whole lot faster than I expected?? Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Oh dear. I am so sorry Seymore! It's all my fault. God, the saddness is contagious isn't it? Try not to think about your ex. That's what I'm trying to do. Focus on what is in store for the future. For me, I'm looking forward to looking hot again, after all the exercise I've been doing. Find something positive to look forward to, even if it's something as small as a nice dinner out! I'm so sorry! I'll take my negative butt somewhere I can't harm anyone else! ](*,) Oh, STOP!! It's fine. It's not YOUR fault. I'd have thought of it myself anyway once I saw the game on my shelf. Stop being so hard on yourself! Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 You know a thought just struck me . . . we're so much better than our exes. Yes, our relationships probably had their share of problems, but we're the ones that were STRONG enough, DEDICATED enough, LOVING enough to try to stick it through, while our exes just threw in the towel. We shouldn't feel bad about ourselves. We should be PROUD that we were great people, who believed in love enough to work hard for it. Our exes took the easy, cowardly way out. We shouldn't get pitied for being dumped, we should PITY the dumpers for being WEAK. We are so much better than them and we shouldn't forget that! Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Don't know about better than them, maybe healthier than them (which is a little scary, knowing how I see myself Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.