Challenging myself

[chewy21]

Sorry to hear that, guys. Just regain that resolve. Look at what happened today and how it made you feel. Was it worth it?

 

Either way, you guys were honest, which means you're committed to this challenge. If you weren't, then no one would have to know, but the fact that you both posted letting us know you caved means you're serious.

 

 

I've had an excuse, as I've been gone for most of the day. But I really hope I can maintain for the rest of today and tomorrow. I feel like I can, but then I know that when I'm just sitting here at night with nothing much to do, that's when I usually go check her YouTube channel.

 

Jump back on, guys! Day One! I'm rooting for you!

[chewy21]

Sorry to hear about your ex! Are you going to become friends again? Do you want her back?

 

We was together just over a year, its been about just over 1 month since the breakup. I have had past relationships which have lasted much longer but I feel like she could of been the one, cheesy, I know! The things I would give to have her back.

 

Thing is people say rebounds are usually short-lived which makes me hope and hang around even more for her and hope that day will come when she comes running back to me. At the sametime I have to tell myself I can't just hang on. I have not replied to her message yet I might not reply to it at all.

 

The thing with my ex is pretty complicated. If she gets serious about beating her depression and finally getting healthy, then I would love nothing more than to reconcile. If not, then I've done all I can do, given all I can give, and I hate to say it, but there's no chance of us getting back together if she doesn't fix her problems.

 

Well now, that doesn't sound so complicated after all.

 

Anyway, I'm moving on right now because I have to. Like you, I can't just sit around and wait. I want to do this without hating her, because if she does get serious about beating her depression, then she may call on me for support. I feel like I should be there to offer it, because she knows she can trust me, and I know her better than anyone else. But that's something I'll have to deal with when or if it happens. I can't put my life on hold waiting for it, or, quite literally, I will die. Probably by my own hand, if I made myself go through that.

 

I advised you that rebounds are short-lived so that you wouldn't start thinking your entire relationship was meaningless. It's one thing to move forward, it's another to charge forward, leaving your past in flames. That's not healthy, or fair to either of you. You were together for a reason, and you wouldn't be feeling the way you are right now if it wasn't a good reason, most likely several good reasons. See and feel that for what it is. And realize that the rebound guy is just a phase she's going through.

 

What about you? Any hope of a reunion? Any desire for one?

[COtuner]

The thing with my ex is pretty complicated. If she gets serious about beating her depression and finally getting healthy, then I would love nothing more than to reconcile. If not, then I've done all I can do, given all I can give, and I hate to say it, but there's no chance of us getting back together if she doesn't fix her problems.

 

Me too.... my guy needs to get help.... but I would gladly support him through it and love him forever on the other side, if he still wanted me after he was healed. I fear that he would not, though. That he needed me because of his problems and once healed would no longer see me as the love of his life.

[chewy21]

Me too.... my guy needs to get help.... but I would gladly support him through it and love him forever on the other side, if he still wanted me after he was healed. I fear that he would not, though. That he needed me because of his problems and once healed would no longer see me as the love of his life.

 

Exactly.

 

That's precisely why we have to move ourselves forward and get through this, because even if they do get help and get healthy, there's no guarantee that they'll look at us anywhere close to the same way afterward.

 

Part of this process includes small hurdles like the ones we've set out to do here. Like you said last night, CT... "baby steps"... We'll get there.

[COtuner]

Exactly.

 

That's precisely why we have to move ourselves forward and get through this, because even if they do get help and get healthy, there's no guarantee that they'll look at us anywhere close to the same way afterward.

 

Part of this process includes small hurdles like the ones we've set out to do here. Like you said last night, CT... "baby steps"... We'll get there.

 

Ever hear that song called "I Love You" by the Climax Blues Band? Check out the lyrics if you aren't familiar with it. But it will probably make you cry... it's about a dysfunctional relationship with a happy ending. It's 70s soft rock (I apologize in advance for my diverse musical tastes)

 

Here's a link:

 

 

[COtuner]

And then to counter it, maybe try All American Rejects "Gives You Hell".... which is like the polar opposite...

[chewy21]

Hmm...

 

Not bad. I can definitely relate. And yeah, it was a little sad, because deep down, I think the "thank you for being my friend" part is something I want to say to her.

 

But I never know with me. Maybe I just want to say it because it's such an understatement of what we really were, and she'll see it as this innocent and pure statement of gratitude, which will make her feel horrible and want to come back...

 

Wow... that just kinda came off my head. I was gonna delete it, but let's poke it with a stick instead.

[COtuner]

Hmm...

 

Not bad. I can definitely relate. And yeah, it was a little sad, because deep down, I think the "thank you for being my friend" part is something I want to say to her.

 

But I never know with me. Maybe I just want to say it because it's such an understatement of what we really were, and she'll see it as this innocent and pure statement of gratitude, which will make her feel horrible and want to come back...

 

Wow... that just kinda came off my head. I was gonna delete it, but let's poke it with a stick instead.

 

I was thinking it would be nice if they responded to our efforts to help the way the guy in the song did. Instead of loving us more for it, they pushed us away... which is ironic because I heard this song early on in our relationship and I felt like he was saving me, because I was in love with him and I never thought I would love anyone like that. Twisted over time...

[chewy21]

I actually made a CD with "Gives you Hell" on it yesterday. Since I work at home, I've been rockin that in the dvd player and restarting that song in particular several times when it plays.

[COtuner]

I actually made a CD with "Gives you Hell" on it yesterday. Since I work at home, I've been rockin that in the dvd player and restarting that song in particular several times when it plays.

 

Yep - it's on the hot list for me too. Not 100% heartfelt but it still feels good to put aside the sadness and feel some anger for a while.

[COtuner]

Wow, she sounds like she is just oozing pain...

[chewy21]

Wow, she sounds like she is just oozing pain...

 

Doesn't she, though? And to me, that's probably the saddest upbeat piano music I could imagine. It's just repetitive... and bleak. But still really beautiful at the same time.

 

Ugh. Enough of that.

[COtuner]

I feel a little better now, getting the sap out of my system. I'm kind of in this place where I'm just numb at the moment. No motivation to do anything whatsoever, but not crying, not angry, not anything much except maybe a dull pain somewhere in the vicinity of my heart and gut.

 

Thanks for hanging out and conversing. Wonder where the other "challengees" are? hopefully doing well in their own situations tonight.

[chewy21]

I dunno... can't expect everyone to be here at once, though, I suppose.

 

And no problem, CT. I appreciate you being here as well.

 

(Don't tell anyone, but I'm trolling* the forums to keep from trolling Jessica's YouTube channel.)

 

* - I use the term lightly.

[chewy21]

Getting bombarded with thoughts of her right now, as I'm getting ready for bed. Talked to "her" (myself) in the bathroom mirror a second ago. Tried telling her she was the one losing something special, that she had made her decision and I wasn't coming back.

 

Yeah, that didn't feel as empowering as it sounds. I'll probably need some support in the morning.

 

It's definitely a High Fidelity night tonight.

[Fan]

I know how you feel, trying to put your life on hold. Least deep down you can say you have tried everything you can, When was the last time you spoke to each other?

 

Theres not a single hope of reunion at the moment unless I become a close friend which she's asking for now I'm trying to do NC, hoping she will miss me, I haven't emailed her since Sunday after a month I'll may contact her.... I'm off traveling for a week for Saturday night but right now I'm not sure if I can hack it.

 

I'm not sure how she will act when she splits up with the rebound guy if she does, the funny thing is he split up with his ex 3 months before getting with her. Yes she told me this, like I really wanted to hear that.

 

 

right now I'm sitting here thinking about going on her facebook its very hard, Everytime I think of her I'm trying to think of her negatives.

[chewy21]

I think you're handling this in a good way. It's incredibly hard to just cut someone out of your life, but if she's trying to be friends with you and that's not what you want, then write her a short message telling her that. I know you're looking to keep her in your life, but it wouldn't be fair to either of you for you to accept that if you still want the romance to work. You just may not be capable of looking at her as anything less than a partner right now.

 

The last time my ex and I "spoke" was on the phone May 16th. We've kept contact through email because we've had to. I still have some of her things that she forgot to take out of the apartment we shared, and she has some of mine. Not to mention we had final expenses from the apartment that we need to split, but that's all the emails have been about, just business. Well, on her end, anyway. I've sent her a few that detailed how I feel about everything, but never got a response. I have to believe that she's too busy with her international internet "relationship" to think much about what's happened to us at the moment.

 

But stay tough, Fan. You're doing the right thing, and you're in good company if you need support. Have a good day today.

[Fan]

It must be hard to still be holding onto her things, she seems to be living in a fantasy world at the moment maybe things will change when/if she meets this international lover? Is she just filling the void with this guy?

 

I have started to reading a small ebook on how to get your ex back, I don't really want to play games but the amazing thing it tells me to go NC so it works for me! Least I know I'm doing this for myself by pushing her out of my life, and maybe just maybe we will get back together one day.

[COtuner]

Getting bombarded with thoughts of her right now, as I'm getting ready for bed. Talked to "her" (myself) in the bathroom mirror a second ago. Tried telling her she was the one losing something special, that she had made her decision and I wasn't coming back.

 

Yeah, that didn't feel as empowering as it sounds. I'll probably need some support in the morning.

 

It's definitely a High Fidelity night tonight.

 

HUG for you, chewy. I had trouble falling asleep, and then when I did, woke up at 2am thinking about work as well as relationships. No more sleep for me.

 

I look like hell.

[chewy21]

It must be hard to still be holding onto her things, she seems to be living in a fantasy world at the moment maybe things will change when/if she meets this international lover? Is she just filling the void with this guy?

 

I think that's exactly what she's doing. That, and a few other reasons for "seeing" him, I guess.

 

-He's suffered from depression, so he knows intricately what she's going through.

 

-He's still dealing with his depression, so he isn't pushing her to beat hers. I'm sure that's a relief to her after years of me urging her to get better. I'm sure it's like a break, like she feels she doesn't have to work anymore. But it's not healthy for her to accept and be content with what's going on in her head, and that's what scares me. She's obviously getting worse, and now I'm pretty sure she's doing nothing about that.

 

He's flying down to spend a week with her in October. It's obvious to me what they're going to do. Even if they hadn't playfully teased with the idea in their videos, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to figure out. That hurts really bad, but at the same time, it reinforces my notion that this is just a quick fix.

 

And yeah, it is hard holding on to her things. That's why I've been pushing so hard for her to find a time to meet up with me, so I don't have to see her again or be reminded of her by having to look at things that were once a part of our home. We're meeting this weekend, and directly after, my parents and I are going to Lake Charles to do some gambling. It will be a welcome distraction, because as much as I'm ready to get this over with, I'm sure I'll be distraught after having seen her for what could be the last time.

 

Least I know I'm doing this for myself by pushing her out of my life, and maybe just maybe we will get back together one day.

 

I don't think there's a better way to look at it than this. I'm happy for the peace you've found with your situation. It will still be hard at times, but just stay strong and keep those rational thoughts close to you. If that isn't enough, you still got us here on eNA.

[chewy21]

HUG for you, chewy. I had trouble falling asleep, and then when I did, woke up at 2am thinking about work as well as relationships. No more sleep for me.

 

I look like hell.

 

Ugh. I'm so sorry, CT. Thankfully, I haven't had that happen to me yet, as I usually fall asleep and stay asleep pretty well.

 

Remember, there's no shame in taking a sick day. In my opinion, this stuff is worse than any cold you could get. I hope your day improves, and a ((HUG)) back from me.

 

We'll make it.

[Fan]

When I found out my ex was sleeping with someone else 3 weeks after the break up it killed me, I wish I could hate her but I just can't. So I know how you must feel with her doing this via the internet, in some sense you must feel that you have a deadline to win her back?

She will notice that two depressed people don't match up as well as she thought, fair enough he will understand her but what about when they both need some supporting? Who will they look to then?

 

Well give us the update this weekend I hope it goes okay.

[chewy21]

So I know how you must feel with her doing this via the internet, in some sense you must feel that you have a deadline to win her back?

 

That thought crosses my mind sometimes, but for the most part I think I've just accepted that it's going to take some time. Even if we're not back together by October, it really won't mean anything to me. If she spends time with him in person and decides it doesn't compare to what she had with me, then maybe that will open her eyes a bit. If she does end up enjoying herself and finds spending time with him more enjoyable, then that's fine too. Either way, it's not something I have any control over.

 

I agree, she will find out that two depressed people don't work well together. Even though they might understand what each other are going through and want to be there for each other, they won't be able to. They have their own problems, and if they're not going to fix them alone then they have to be with someone who is willing and able to deal with their depression. I was both willing and able, and hopefully she will see that.

 

But, again, it's out of my hands. I can't make her do or see what I want. The best thing I can do is focus on moving forward. If she contacts me at some point, then hopefully I will be able to be there for her. Right now, I can't imagine ever not being there for her, but I know things change. Later on, I may be so over it that I can't help, or just don't want to deal with it anymore. That sounds bad, but I've got to keep my eyes open to the possibility of that happening.

 

I'll definitely give an update after this weekend. Thanks for talkin to me, Fan, it's really helped.

[chewy21]

Tonight at 11 will start Day 3. I can't believe I've lasted this long, honestly, but I'm proud of myself and I don't wanna lose that good feeling- one of the only good feelings I can hang on to right now.

 

How are you guys doing?

[COtuner]

No caving in and looking at email today. So far. Of course I've been distracted at work and now I'm home without a workout (resting an injury) so evening is going to be long tonight.