chewy21 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 No caving in and looking at email today. So far. Of course I've been distracted at work and now I'm home without a workout (resting an injury) so evening is going to be long tonight. Good night to rent a few movies then! I think I'm going to attempt to get my head into a game this evening. I just want to be able to escape for a while like I used to. I knew it was a bad idea to put my books in storage. But I'll be around if you need some support, CT. Glad work was able to keep you distracted today. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 With no sleep in three days I'm a zombie at this point. I can't keep my eyes open but I can't sleep either.... I'm praying I simply fall asleep and I don't care if it's the couch, bed, floor, anywhere Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yikes. After three days, I don't care where you fall out either, you just need to sleep. Take tomorrow off, down a few sleeping pills, and retreat for about 15 hours. Here's hoping the bed is under you when you finally fall out. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 LOL wish I could take tomorrow off but it wouldn't be a politically astute move to make. And sleeping pills are not an option, unfortunately. Just hope my body crashes. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I've been pushing myself to the limit both emotionally and physically the last few days. I think I'm crashing today. I've been trying to get fit, so I've been running a mile a day after my 8-hour work days. Everything would be fine, however, I can't sleep at night, and I eat very little, so I've been sick the last few days. Being a stubborn mule and driven by my emotional state, I've still been pushing myself to do more. I did hot yoga yesterday and when I got up this morning, I could barely stand up. My lungs hurt and my head was spinning. Again, I was an idiot. Instead of taking the day off, I decided to not let the breakup get the best of me and went off to work. Big mistake. Spent the entire day annoying my office by coughing. Then, on the drive home I started bawling, because I was angry at myself for screwing up my relationship. I'm a complete wreck right now. I don't want to do anything, but sit down and cry. I miss my ex so much. I hate this! I hate all of this so much. Why does love have to be so hard? Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 That's how I injured myself - I was pushing really hard at the gym to get my mind off this and without good food and sleep I overdid it. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Hey again, Eff. Love isn't hard. It's relationships that are hard, sometimes needlessly so. Love is simple. It's just there. It doesn't need anything; not even reciprocation. It's the relationship that's causing the pain. It's wondering how someone who felt (or feels) the same love that you do can just change so suddenly. It doesn't change your love, and probably doesn't change theirs. I miss Jessica, too. I miss having my friend there to talk to, to make me laugh, and to hold close to make me feel needed as I make her feel secure. I miss that bond, that trust. Nothing good comes of this longing, though. Our exes will realize soon enough that what they lost was something worth saving. But for now, we need to leave them to deal with the consequences of their actions, while we go about picking ourselves up. We need to be as strong for ourselves as we once were for them. If we could go back in time and talk to them while we were still together, they would want us to be happy no matter what. I'm reluctant to say it, but they probably still do want that. Let's move forward. Let's do it for ourselves. They made their mistakes. They will have to pay the price for their choice. If not now, then they will surely deal with it later. They will feel the same pain that we feel now, though we might never hear about it. Be strong, Eff. You've got many people here who support you. We really do understand, and we really do care. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Awww, thanks guys. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without everyone here. I should pay you guys for the therapy! Too bad you guys don't live near me. I want to have a breakup party! lol Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Man, a party would be so welcome right now. A breakup party with people from eNA would be awesome, because nobody would have any reason to feel awkward. That's a happy thought. I'll hang on to that. Thanks, Eff. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Haha, we should all get together and play poker online! Honestly, I've been feeling down, because my ex made it seem like I treated him horribly during our relationship. Due to my emotional state, I believed him. I started feeling guilty for all the wrong things I did in the relationship. I was an inconsolable mess today. Then his best friend msged me on MSN and I took the opportunity to ask his best friend, if I was horrible to my ex. He thought I was crazy for suggesting that. He said that I was really nice to my ex and I took care of my ex a lot. He also said my ex has changed, not just to me. That made me feel so much better. I won't ever doubt again that I treated my ex as nicely as I could at the time. I was suffering from depression and PTSD, yet I delt with those issues on my own and I still took care of him as well. I should not forget that. I hope that my ex will one day realize what kind of gem he let go of. I loved him dearly. He knows that he'll never find someone who loves him as much as I did, but he said he was ok with that, because he'd rather have his "ideal" girl- whatever that means. I will be ok! Back to the treadmill I go!!!! Even though our exes don't love us, it doesn't mean we can't love each other. I know it's not the same, but I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 I'm game! I play on PokerStars. It might be a little difficult for us to sit at the same table, but even trying will be a blast! Man, that's what Jess does anytime she's at home- hits that treadmill like there's no tomorrow. I never understood it, because she's already very slim. But then again, there was a lot that I didn't understand, and it's not her fault. Ok, who else wants to play poker? I'm like... jonezin' now. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Guess no one wants to play poker... Sad day... Ah, I'm probably heading to bed soon anyway. Link to comment
Fan Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Guess no one wants to play poker... Sad day... Ah, I'm probably heading to bed soon anyway. I failed today, I looked at her facebook! Slap me Chewy! Still NC four days! I'm away from Saturday for a week so I wont be able to contact her then so lets hope that works out in my favour! I'm trying to hate her but still can't, only miss her cute ways. Saying about meeting up and party imagine the rebounds going on in that party and the crying! Link to comment
Marton04 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I failed today, I looked at her facebook! Slap me Chewy! Still NC four days! I'm away from Saturday for a week so I wont be able to contact her then so lets hope that works out in my favour! I'm trying to hate her but still can't, only miss her cute ways. Saying about meeting up and party imagine the rebounds going on in that party and the crying! Delete her from facebook straightaway Fan!! The best thing you could ever do for yourself. When my ex deleted me as a friend, it devastated me for a second but he probably did me a favour as I would always be tempted to look on his page, to see if there were any msgs from girls or what his status was. Otherwise you're going to keep checking it and you're always going to keep going back in your recovery. Link to comment
Fan Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Delete her from facebook straightaway Fan!! The best thing you could ever do for yourself. When my ex deleted me as a friend, it devastated me for a second but he probably did me a favour as I would always be tempted to look on his page, to see if there were any msgs from girls or what his status was. Otherwise you're going to keep checking it and you're always going to keep going back in your recovery. Well I have deleted her but profile is part limited so I only look at her main picture and her relationship status, I keep re-reading the messages we sent to each other in the last few days I know I need to delete them but I can't bring myself to do it. This is the break up message I keep re-reading over and over again. I just can't stop myself! "I told you I just want to be friends with you.. I did love you so much but I don't anymore because of everything that has happened its to much for us to be able to get back together now. I do really like the guy I'm with and I never wanted you to be anything other than what you are, I always told you you were perfect to me but that was never enough for you." She always needed attention, she is being a boxing ring beauty in September which I wernt really impressed about and one point during our relationship she wanted to move to lanzarote and work behind a bar in a bikini. Link to comment
Marton04 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Yeah.. delete those messages Fan. They're doing you more harm than ever and by the tone of it, it sounds like she means it. Even though her profile is part limited, make it your goal, just like Chewy and Youtube not to look at her page. You can perhaps go on FB for your other friends but try your absolute hardest not to look at hers. It's hard I know and that's why I am thankful he deleted me. What does she mean by "I always told you you were perfect to me but that was never enough for you"? Link to comment
Fan Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Yeah.. delete those messages Fan. They're doing you more harm than ever and by the tone of it, it sounds like she means it. Even though her profile is part limited, make it your goal, just like Chewy and Youtube not to look at her page. You can perhaps go on FB for your other friends but try your absolute hardest not to look at hers. It's hard I know and that's why I am thankful he deleted me. What does she mean by "I always told you you were perfect to me but that was never enough for you"? I'm going to try to delete them, I can't bring myself to do it right now. I'm not sure to be honest, its a really strange situation, I really don't have a clue where that came from?! Maybe because I was always going to the gym trying to look good for her? Link to comment
Marton04 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I'm going to try to delete them, I can't bring myself to do it right now. I'm not sure to be honest, its a really strange situation, I really don't have a clue where that came from?! Maybe because I was always going to the gym trying to look good for her? I'm giving you advice to delete these messages but I haven't done it myself either. I did it the first time he broke up with me and I have still yet to do it now. Why? I'm still in denial and shock over everything.. maybe.. maybe you are too. I think we'll know when it's time to delete them. Were you going to the gym for yourself too though? Link to comment
Marton04 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I just realized we're bombarding Chewy's posts!! maybe pm me if you want to chat more Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Morning update. No checking email!! I think I'm still not grasping reality yet, however - in something of denial about the whole situation. I did fall asleep on the sofa for a while and finally made it into my bed, although I woke up a couple times during the night. Still, at least it's some sleep. I also ate a large dinner last night, so hopefully the combination will give me a little boost today. Link to comment
Fan Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I just realized we're bombarding Chewy's posts!! maybe pm me if you want to chat more Pm'ed you Morning update. No checking email!! I think I'm still not grasping reality yet, however - in something of denial about the whole situation. I did fall asleep on the sofa for a while and finally made it into my bed, although I woke up a couple times during the night. Still, at least it's some sleep. I also ate a large dinner last night, so hopefully the combination will give me a little boost today. Glad to hear it! Have you thought about going away for awhile? Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Going away is not an option for me for a lot of different reasons. I just have to keep moving through my days as best I can. I am, however, considering relocation for the millionth time. (meaning I've done it a million times already) Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 I'm glad you got some sleep, CT. I know you said you can't take off work (or at least that it would be a bad idea), but please try and find yourself some time to rest. It might mean a nap as soon as you get home and get "unwound" from work, but since you're having trouble sleeping at night, any sleep would be better than none. Fan and Marton, you guys don't have to PM. This thread is here so we can support each other and talk each other down. Take a look back a few pages, I think COtuner and I used about 2 pages trading YouTube links to songs... so post whatever you want here. Who knows, what you say might help someone else who reads over this thread looking for some words of wisdom. Sorry to hear you checked her Facebook, Fan. And, since you asked for it... > Now don't stay down on yourself about it for long. Just jump right back into it, note the time, and at that time tomorrow say "DAY 2!" and be proud of yourself. You can do it! We're all here to support you. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Did get a laugh at least - a bird just smacked into the window outside my cubicle. Good that I can still laugh - I've been joking and smiling with people today so maybe it's only being alone in the evenings that's killing me. Which means maybe I'm bouncing back a bit? Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I had an amazing revelation earlier today . . . then I forgot it. I feel like I should buy a tape recorder and just talk to myself, whenever I come up with something brilliant. I think I'm doing a lot better though. The crying has become less and less. I do go quite a long time without thinking about the ex. It's helpful to keep in mind that I miss the person he USE to be, not the person he is now- not the person that coldly walked away from me. It also helps to keep in mind that even if we had kept on going, the relationship would've ended either way, because I really don't like the person he has become. I think it's just hard for me to get use to the fact that a person that I use to care so much about won't be in my life anymore. That's never happened to me before, so I'm trying to wrap my head around it. I think I was just clinging to my relationship, because it was safe. It's hard to admit it, but I think I'm afraid of change and the uncertainty that the future holds. Goodness . . . I'm rambling on. I will stop! Hope everyone else is doing well. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.