Am I being ridiculous? I don't think so!

[WTHUWY]

I'm getting married. We decided to go to a resort in the Bahamas to get married. Its a Sandals resort, so its couples only. We told our parents before we made this decision to make sure they weren't completely opposed to us going away. They said they were all ok with it (his parents and my mother-widow) and so we booked it. We're going down on a Sat, have to wait 48 hrs to get married so the ceremony is on a Tuesday, and we leave to come back home on that friday. So its our wedding and honeymoon all in one.

 

Suddenly his parents think they may want to go. Then his sister....then a few random friends of his that I've never even met invite themselves!! My response to these people is 'well its a public place so I guess if you want to pay you can go if you want'. In other words with out being hateful....'we don't want you to go but we can't stop you'. The wedding pkg we bought only allows me and him and two witnesses. Thats all, and we're not upgrading b/c we have to pay for it and we can't afford a larger guest pkg.

 

So I just told him today that he could put it off on me if he wants but to tell his family and friends we would rather it just be me and him. That its not fair that my mother can't go b/c she's not a 'couple' so we'd just rather no one go...that when we get back we'll have a reception.

He said I'm being selfish....I don't think so! Its our HONEYMOON! I'm sorry but I refuse to spend my HONEYMOON with friends and family! I refuse.

[SapphireNoir10]

You have to think, that they are his family. And its the most important day of his life and they want to be part of it.

 

But I understand if you already agreed how it was going to happen and they accepted it its rude to suddenly change their minds.

 

And friends and family on honeymoon? No way.

 

Is there any way to compromise?

[WTHUWY]

You have to think, that they are his family. And its the most important day of his life and they want to be part of it.

 

But I understand if you already agreed how it was going to happen and they accepted it its rude to suddenly change their minds.

 

And friends and family on honeymoon? No way.

 

Is there any way to compromise?

 

the thing is only two people can even watch the ceremony...and if they're going then my mom has to go.... so only his mom and my mom could even watch us get married. Which means we'd be forced to hang out with eveyone else after wards, I'm sorry but that's not how I want to spend my honeymoon. He acts like he doesn't want to either but won't tell them!

[SapphireNoir10]

I agree I can see it sprialling out of control as in 'If shes coming...' The best idea would to go get married, enjoy yourselves, your not being selfish its your wedding day and honeymoon

 

Then have a nice meal or get together with the family when you get back.

[WTHUWY]

If there is ever a time for "just the two of us" it's your honeymoon!!!!!! Stick to your guns on this one I say.

 

Personally I'm not a huge fan of (I think it's called) "location" weddings for this very reason.

 

I agree..my girlfriends would NEVER invite themselves. I can't even believe the balls that some people have! Its just tacky! Almost everyone of his friends have in some way invited themselves. I'm almost ready to cancel the whole trip.

[SapphireNoir10]

Just say no, tell your boyfriend (Fiance sorry!) That its not ok, and that its your special day.

[annie24]

what about having a small reception back home and telling them you'd love to see them there? put together something so that the people who want to wish you well can.

[WTHUWY]

what about having a small reception back home and telling them you'd love to see them there? put together something so that the people who want to wish you well can.

 

yes, we're having a reception after we get back. They know this. I'm just ticked that he won't just stand up to his family and tell them, NO. My mother would never try to intrude on our honeymoon. But if his parents are going then there's no way i'm leaving her out. But it will be hard to get her there, b/c its a couples only thing. Then his freaking sister who's single and is basically taking this as an opportunity to go on vacation, told her friend about it and now her friend and her friends husband are going I don't even know them! I'm so pissed.

[SapphireNoir10]

Its hard to stand up to family cos you dont want to hurt them, but in this instance, yes he should.

[annie24]

yes, we're having a reception after we get back. They know this. I'm just ticked that he won't just stand up to his family and tell them, NO. My mother would never try to intrude on our honeymoon. But if his parents are going then there's no way i'm leaving her out. But it will be hard to get her there, b/c its a couples only thing. Then his freaking sister who's single and is basically taking this as an opportunity to go on vacation, told her friend about it and now her friend and her friends husband are going I don't even know them! I'm so pissed.

 

then tell them that you would love to see them at the ceremony, but you hope that they understand that you probably won't do too many things with them as a group at the resort, because you two are on your romantic honeymoon together and need 'couple time.'

[WTHUWY]

then tell them that you would love to see them at the ceremony, but you hope that they understand that you probably won't do too many things with them as a group at the resort, because you two are on your romantic honeymoon together and need 'couple time.'

 

You think it'd be bad if I offered to do it? I mean me be the one to tell his family since he obviously can't them 'em drop long enough to tell them? Or would that cause problems btwn me and them?

[mrmellow]

tell him to grow some balls and tell his family that they can't go because

A. there's literally no room for them at the ceremony

and

B. you want your honeymoon to be private

 

tell him that he can blame it on you if he feels more comfortable doing that.

 

I love my family but I have no problems letting them know where the line is, even if my fiancee has stronger feelings about where the line should be than I do.

 

There has been more than one occasion where I've had to sit down or call a family member and say "look you need to stop doing X because it bothers her and that means it bothers me too". or "No you can't come with us, we've talked it over and decided that we really want this to be something private between the two of us with no friends and family".

[Circe]

Hi Shuttlefish - first of all congratulations!!

 

To be honest, I think you are being a bit unfair. Selfish is probably not the word I would use but there are a lot of things getting mixed up here.

 

First, I think it's totally fine if you want to elope just the two of you and get married with just you and two witnesses. However, it's only fine if you and he are both truly ok with that. Was he always happy with that or was he going along with it because you wanted it? If the later, then it's not fair because it's his wedding too and it's totally reasonable that you would want your family and loved ones at your wedding.

 

IF he initially wanted it but now, he can see how excited those he loves are about it and now really wants to share the occasion with him - that makes it hard because you'd already gotten your hopes set on a just-the-two-of-you elopement and now things are being changed at the last minute because he has changed his mind. You'll have to talk about this and work out a compromise. How important is it to you to get married in the Bahamas rather than getting married in your home town (with family and friends) and just honeymooning in the Bahamas alone with your guy?

 

IN ANY EVENT.. I think the way you handled the additionally people wanting to come is what's causing his reaction at the moment. It's not fair to say "sure.. come if you want" (even though you really didnt want them to - instead of just being assertive about that, even though its hard and uncomfortable to be assertive at times) and then change your mind and get him to do the dirty work in explaining why they can no longer come. Especially now that these people might have started to make plans, get all excited, possibly even book flights.

 

Of course you don't want to share your honeymoon but I thought the obvious compromise was to get married at home and then fly to the Bahamas?

[mrmellow]

Maybe I'm bias because I'm planning a destination wedding myself but I don't really see that as a problem in an of itself.... but I do agree that just going to elope should be something that you're BOTH in agreement on.

 

I suppose it's possible that it's not what he really wants and that's why he's hesitant to tell his family NO. However if you're both in agreement that it's what you want to do then there shouldn't be any problems with either of you telling your family that the two of you (as a couple) don't want any outside guests.

[alli]

I have a couple ideas. How much would an upgrade be? You could explain to his parents that you have budgeted your wedding & do not have remaing funds to extend the number of witnesses, however if they wish to be there they will need to contribute X dollars because that is how much you would have to pay for them to be there. Or you could split the cost so you two personally pay a smaller amount for them to join.

 

As for the friends you have never met deciding to crash your wedding? No way. If they see nothing wrong with inviting themselves to a wedding, they are not going to have the etiquette to respect your boundaries once you are down there. Besides, if you have never met them how close could they possibly be? It sounds like they just want an excuse for a vacation, and they can plan their own some other time.

 

As for your relatives coming, you both need to make it clear to them that after the wedding, you are on your honeymoon and you will NOT all be hanging out together. Maybe a dinner celebration, but after that they are on their own. And they will be staying in a separate hotel as far away from your hotel as possible. Perhaps they can book the plane tickets to leave a few days before you & your new hubby so you KNOW you will at minimum have 3 uninterrupted days if they can't help themselves but to try to contact you after the ceremony.

 

And congratulations!! Whatever happens, it will be a good time!