14 year old son caught with internet porn

[mommydearest]

I have a 14 y.o. son that I found out last night has been visiting porn websites. The thing that bums me out most is the trust issue. He is a great kid, our only child, plays travel baseball, freshman in H.S. A+ student in advance classes and plays a lot of video games and World of Warcraft online. He doesn't like to leave the house much with his friends, he would prefer to be playing games and W.O.W.

 

I check the history on his computer on a regular basis to make sure all is what it seems and this is the first sign of curiosity.

 

When my husband spoke to him he didn't tell my son what we found he asked my son if there was something going on and he readily confessed that he had been viewing "inappropriate websites" needless to say he has been banned from the computer for a while. My husband said to him that he knows he's at an age where he would be curious, but if he wants to view this stuff he can do it when he is 18 and not living in our house. I wish some other things were said, relationships, what sex is really like, what he saw was over the top and not what sex is about.

 

My son does not know that I know (maybe suspects) should I jump in and let him know my thoughts? or just wait and see what happens next.

 

Any suggestions are appreciated.

[EQD]

um... why didnt you have internet parental controls set up to block those sites??

you can do that you know.

its a very good way to ensure they cant look it up.

 

i wouldnt bring it up. there is no need. the dad already confronted him and he has been punished. dont keep tagging him out on it. drop it.

[metrogirl]

He's at that age where curiosity really gets the better of them. I understand your not being happy about it but what's done is done.

 

Perhaps now, you can put a blocker or whatever that thing is called so they can't visit such sites?

[Lionel Hutz]

Just put the block up, he'll be a bit embarrassed since that will confirm you both know. Chances are you are gonna find more porn/girls/ hints hes having sex over the next few years. Lucky him, I was actually caught in the act when I was 14.

[Mun]

I wish some other things were said, relationships, what sex is really like, what he saw was over the top and not what sex is about.

I think you should definitely talk to him about this and especially because you are a woman I would dare to say he will remember what you tell him. You are right on target. He needs to know that what he saw was physical and not what the whole experience of sex is like -with all it's ups and downs, risks and such. Don't wait and don't worry about being embarrassed or him being em. that is such a small issue when you consider the consequences of so many things related to sex.

 

you might be sorry later on if you don't say something now.

 

best wishes.

[Himynamesbob]

i think every 14 year old looks at porn these days

[Timebandit]

My son does not know that I know (maybe suspects) should I jump in and let him know my thoughts? or just wait and see what happens next.

 

What would you hope to achieve with such a conversation?

 

And as a sidenote.... I think it is perfectly fine that you don't want him at porn websites. But you can only control what happens when he is at home, using a computer under your control. He will undoubtly be exposed to porn elsewhere.

 

You cannot control yourself out of this problem.

 

So I hope you teach him great values regarding sexuality and relationships. In part by being good rolemodels, and in part by teaching him healthy values (which requires that your are able to talk to him about such subjects in a relaxed and open atmosphere).

 

But all in all - your sons seems to be doing fine. Good job so far!

[curious11]

comon lets be serious here. he is a freshman in highschool. He plays W.O.W. and sits on the computer all day and doesnt go out with his friends.

 

If i were him id be looking at porn online every hour of the day.

 

I think if this kid had more freedom and was able to go out and enjoy life outside of the house then he wouldnt be looking at porn. hed be out chasing girls instead. I mean you cant tell him its wrong to look at naked chics, hes a young man going through puberty.

 

I hope you dont get offended by this but I would tell him he isnt allowed to play WOW. And i would let him do his thing. Give the kid space, you dont need to be stalking what websites hes been on. I think thats a little too strict.

[EQD]

next to walking in on parents having sex there is nothing more awkward and psychologically damaging than a mom having a frank sex talk with her 14 year old son.

thats what fathers are for. lol

[Timebandit]

I think if this kid had more freedom and was able to go out and enjoy life outside of the house then he wouldnt be looking at porn.

 

You are making some rather sweeping assumptions and accusations here. A little more respect for OP would be appreciated.

[darknoon]

ok i'm no parent but u can't close yours son mind hes growing up if he can't see at home he going to it somewhere else n do it. he's 14 not 7 yrs old better yet he might experience sum new things wit a girl ... cuz he can't experience the things he want at home . this may go more than what u expect n time just watch. yall can't stop a growin 14 yr old boy their r more computer out there 2 u no . ( i meant no disrespect by say this IT REAL TALK )

[ScubaDiva]

It sounds pretty normal for a 14 year old boy to be curious about these things. I think the worst thing would be to make him feel bad for what he has done - it's natural curiosity. Just maybe subtly arrange some sex education talk so that he can take the necessary precautions once he gets sexually active (unless he is already). Try and keep an open mind and then he will always turn to you with any issues he may have as he grows.

[agent1607307371]

 

My son does not know that I know (maybe suspects) should I jump in and let him know my thoughts? or just wait and see what happens next.

 

Any suggestions are appreciated.

 

I would leave it. No need to humiliate him. Maybe his Dad could have that (relationship and real women) talk with him.

 

And yeah, blockers.

[Catdancer]

I'm probably going to get blasted for this but here goes. Buy him a Playboy and talk to him about sex. I'd also ban the internet sites as there is some SICK, crazy porn that he really doesnt need to see at his age. But I would tell him WHY you put the blocks up. Explain that you know he is interested in the female body and sex in general and that you'd like him to be able to ask you or his dad about any questions that he has. He may embarassed that you give him a Playboy, but I guarantee that he will be glued to it, and he will know that you trust him and consider him an adult who can handle the responsibility of sex.

[hers]

i have a bigger concern that he's spending most of his time playing video games and being in a fantasy land. That is probably not good for his social development and grasp on reality. I would limit the amount of time he has with his video games and try to get his interest peaked in something else, like sports or animals or something.

 

That said, it is normal for a kid his age to look at porn. I was having sex at 14 and was looking at internet porn at 11 (thanks to a mom who had no idea how to work a computer). Put internet blocks up but mostly, you need to limit the amount of itme he spends in front of a computer. But it's also a good idea to talk to him about the consequences of sex, about birth control/condom use, and being responsible. You can't shelter him from sex 100% so it's best to put him out into the world with some preparation.

[rocio]

I'm sickened by the comments that it is normal or acceptable that a child of 14 is viewing porn. Sometimes I am simply disgusted by the world I live in.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It sounds pretty normal for a 14 year old boy to be curious about these things. I think the worst thing would be to make him feel bad for what he has done - it's natural curiosity. Just maybe subtly arrange some sex education talk so that he can take the necessary precautions once he gets sexually active (unless he is already). Try and keep an open mind and then he will always turn to you with any issues he may have as he grows.

 

I would leave it. No need to humiliate him. Maybe his Dad could have that (relationship and real women) talk with him.

 

And yeah, blockers.

 

 

i have a bigger concern that he's spending most of his time playing video games and being in a fantasy land. That is probably not good for his social development and grasp on reality. I would limit the amount of time he has with his video games and try to get his interest peaked in something else, like sports or animals or something.

 

That said, it is normal for a kid his age to look at porn. I was having sex at 14 and was looking at internet porn at 11 (thanks to a mom who had no idea how to work a computer). Put internet blocks up but mostly, you need to limit the amount of itme he spends in front of a computer. But it's also a good idea to talk to him about the consequences of sex, about birth control/condom use, and being responsible. You can't shelter him from sex 100% so it's best to put him out into the world with some preparation.

I have to say I agree. It's the healthy thing for a kid his age to be into.

 

The LAST thing you should do is make him feel guilty or bad. Obviously he is not a bad kid. The fact that you say that he broke your trust is rather alarming to tell you the truth. Trust that he won't act on sexual feelings? I hope you mean trust that he won't use the computer incorrectly.

 

I'd block the sites to keep him from seeing the more hardcore stuff. But, as for sex, it's completely natural and he's in no way a bad kid for viewing porn.

[greywolf]

I'm sickened by the comments that it is normal or acceptable that a child of 14 is viewing porn. Sometimes I am simply disgusted by the world I live in.

 

Kids are naturally curious. There's also nothing wrong with sex.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm sickened by the comments that it is normal or acceptable that a child of 14 is viewing porn. Sometimes I am simply disgusted by the world I live in.

 

And I'm pretty sickened that some poor kids completely repress their sexual feelings and live in unhealthy mindsets because they are nothing more than dirty sinners for having sexual thoughts.

 

It's natural. All it needs is balance.

[EQD]

sexually repressing a child does massive amounts of harm to them psychologically.

its part of normal human development, he has horomones now, he isnt 8 years old.

[LoveHate1607307844]

When I was 14 my best friend was 16 and his brother was 18. We were friends with some of his friends as well. We didn't have the internet back then, however we did have access to alot of porn. I was also very lucky to have men in my life that I could talk to about anything. They talked to me about my curiosities about women and sex. More importantly though, they talked to me more about respecting the girls and women in my life. I was told that I shouldn't bring the subject up around them, and they would be there if I ever needed someone to talk to. My mother was and still is someone in my life that I can talk to about anything too. I do have to say though, at 14 it was something that I just didn't feel comfortable talking to her about. Even then though, I knew she knew about it and would have talked to me about it if I wanted her to. At 14 I knew alot about things that I'm sure my mother wished I didn't. Now I'm 37 and my mom and I talk alot about life. There is just about nothing I'm uncomfortable talking to her about now. I think things changed somewhere between 17 to 19. I would wait to talk to him. He'll come to you soon enough. I do agree though that maybe your husband should talk to him more about sex and relationships. Hopefully he feels as comfortable talking to him as I did with my father and uncles.

[confusedmama]

Guess as a mom of a 15 year old boy, who went through this same issue last year, I look at it differently. Curiosity is normal, wanting to know and not feel like an idiot with his friends is normal, the computer is where he feels most comfortable getting his information.

 

That said-when I talked with my son about it, and yes I did it, I reminded him that not everything on the internet is reliable information. I then told him that porn is fantasy, that most is not real and that the girls he meets in REAL life are not likely to do the things he sees on the computer. I told him that I, as a woman, thought the sites were degrading.

 

Did it embarrass him? Yes. Did I put MORE blocks on the computer? Yes. Would I do it again? absolutely. I think instead of just saying it is wrong and bad, at that age they need to know WHY it isnt appropriate.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Good post. Great balance.

 

I wish I had a parent or someone I could talk to when I was younger about this. My school was abstinence only teaching and I was very lucky that I had an intelligent, responsible group of friends to teach me. Other wise, who knows what kind of trouble I would have gotten into with my ignorance about sex.

[darknoon]

I'm sickened by the comments that it is normal or acceptable that a child of 14 is viewing porn. Sometimes I am simply disgusted by the world I live in.

 

please do not act like u were over 18 wen u started watchin porn .

[greywolf]

Really great post.