When is it OK to call?

[Daligal83]

I know everyone has different opinions on this, but I'm not the kind of girl who thinks that the guy should do all the work. I like to show my interest too and initiate contact.

 

I made a thread about this guy, but we went on a date on Saturday and really hit it off. I texted him on Sunday and he called me last night. We talked for about an hour and he texted me this morning apologizing for cutting the convo short, but his batteries were dying.

 

So should I be the one to make the next phone call since he called me yesterday? Is today too soon or should I wait until tomorrow? Or maybe send a text tonight?

 

It's that fine line between showing I'm interested and appearing too over eager. I'm really good at the relationship stuff...I'm just not as good at the beginning part.

[bronte]

I think a text would be fine, I'm another girl who doesn't believe in making the guy do all the work! If your first date was the one on Saturday, though, I wouldn't call yet. Guys can get a bit freaked out early on if they think you'll expect to talk to them every day right away. *rolls eyes at these guys* You should be okay calling tomorrow, though, if you want to.

[Zka0954]

Yeah I think you should. You obviously like this guy so call him once to give him a sign your interested in him for sure! When i'm interested in a girl and shenever contacts me it 'kinda gives me mixed signals. Just don't overdo it(if your intiate the convo i'd say more than 3 times in a row that's def. comes off as a bit desperate) and be the one to intiate every once and a while and everything should be fine!

[shikashika]

Send a text....I find phone calls too full on!

 

With a text it is casual yet not too forward. Personally I would rather receive texts from friends also.

[Daligal83]

Well I texted him the day after the date so he knew I was interested...I don't want to do too much. He seems like more of a phone call guy than a text guy. He only texted me this morning cause he was at work I think. So I don't know what he would think of a text instead of a phone call.

 

I hate all this. I wouldn't care so much if I hadn't had so many experiences that have gone wrong quickly.

[bronte]

Hmm, if you're not sure if he would like a text, I would just wait till tomorrow and give him a call. (I assume you did respond in some way to his text this morning?)

[Daligal83]

Oh yea I definitely did, but he couldn't text much cause he had to get back to work. I think I might wait until tomorrow. I'm being cautious.

 

I really hate this part in dating...I feel like every move carries so much weight.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Like you and don't feel the guy needs to do ALL the work. But I do like to see ALOT of interest from him. I hate dead ends, or guys who're just looking to hook up so I think it's a fairly ok way to weed them out (sometimes

 

I think a "hey, good morning tight!" text or something fun and friendly like that, to let him know you're thinking of him is good. Personally I feel a bit shy talking alot on the phone when first dating (and I agree with shikashika... a bit too "full on"). And if we do, SHORT convo's are best..

Reasons:

 

1. Leave most of the fun and talking for the date and also,

2. End things on a high note,

3. Build anticipation to meet up again for some great convo.

4. Less chance for akward pauses, even if we are talking about all kinds of convo's like childhood, etc. (-->Which may also lead to him getting bored? I dunno.)

 

Just my opinion. Good luck!

 

 

P.s. I think it's a really good sign you guys spoke a whole hour. I don't know many guys who'd do that so early on when getting to know a girl, if they weren't genuinely interested.

[Daligal83]

Yea and I really can't do that with many people. I'm so not a phone person. It's like my parents, my sister and my best friend...that's it. And time flies when I'm talking to him...I think that's a really good sign. Plus the person who set us up said he's usually pretty shy, so I think it's a good sign that he feels comfortable talking to me for that long. And it's not like I'm leading the conversation, he's really talkative.

 

The whole date thing is an issue since we don't live in the same city. I can't go home for like a month because I'm moving on June 6th so I need to pack the next couple weekends, then I move, then there's a big art festival here that I really don't want to miss. But I could go home for half the weekend and come back to the festival on Sunday. That's still far away though. And he has no reason to come here other than the fact that I'm here and it could be too soon for that. So right now, we kinda have to use the phone.

[JeckyllNHyde]

How far away are you both? By plane? Car? Train?

[Daligal83]

Haha i'm dramatic. It's not far at all. It's an hour drive. But we just met and I still feel weird asking him to drive here. Gas isn't cheap! It's easy for me to go home, my family is there. He's got nothing here.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I think meeting up twice a month or once a week isn't bad?

I think if he's interested he'll definitly offer.

And of course he has a reason to come to your town: YOUR there! Lol.

 

Has he hinted anything about the next meet up/date or have you guys just talked random stuff?

[Daligal83]

Just random talk, it hasn't come up. Both of us are kinda shy when it comes to that stuff I think. But I feel like he needs to initiate the idea of coming here...I don't feel right doing it. It's also early. We met on Saturday and talked on Monday. I just hope it comes up soon.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised when he does bring it up!

I just have a feeling. Even though you guys just met a few days ago.

[Puma]

I've always felt that adhering to silly guidelines kinda ruins the natural flow of things... with the newest guy I've dated (who is now my boyfriend), we contacted each other whenever we've felt like it. It eliminated the worry of keeping a scoreboard on who initiated what however many times.

 

I understand that it can be important not being too distant or overly eager in the beginning stages, but I think a guy who is truly interested wouldn't really care and would actually enjoy hearing from the girl (so long as she doesn't call him every hour on the dot or anything like that

[Daligal83]

Jeckyll-I hope you're right!

 

Puma-the logical side of me knows that. The rest of me questions everything. I've had a lot of situations go wrong so I overanalyze. Once I'm in the relationship I'm great haha. But you're right, if the guy has been interested he's never been annoyed to hear from me. I'll call tomorrow.

[Whoa]

Im 100% against women pursuing a guy in the beginning.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I've always felt that adhering to silly guidelines kinda ruins the natural flow of things... with the newest guy I've dated (who is now my boyfriend), we contacted each other whenever we've felt like it. It eliminated the worry of keeping a scoreboard on who initiated what however many times.

 

I understand that it can be important not being too distant or overly eager in the beginning stages, but I think a guy who is truly interested wouldn't really care and would actually enjoy hearing from the girl (so long as she doesn't call him every hour on the dot or anything like that

 

I fully agree! Couldn't have explained it better.

Like you DG, I also had bad experiences. I always seemed more into guys I dated.

 

But with my current bf, we kind of contacted each other whenever we felt like. I won't lie, it was him who began texting me, I just texted back. He was very sweet and would text me after each meet up how stunning I looked that night.

 

Slowly I began contacting/texting him more on my own. I watched his actions AND words. The whole time he was respectful and I could see he was doing his best to make a good impression.

 

I was a bit reserved at first b/c even though I liked speaking to him, I didn't want to get hurt or say something stupid to turn him off. I guess not laying out all my thoughts in words was one of the best moves, but I definitely showed interest with actions (texting, calling to say hi, going on dates, being there for him when he needed support).

 

Bottom-line: with a guy who's interested you really can't go wrong and make mistakes. And he'll make time to meet you/invite you places/see you.

 

He's contacted you so it's a good sign. Relax. And just do what feels right. Throw the rules out the window.

 

To be honest I'd even stay away from ENA when dating. ENA has too many ideas from other people, and it can be confusing since you're trying to remember all the "rules" and tips people are throwing at you (to be helpful).

[Puma]

Im 100% against women pursuing a guy in the beginning.

Just curious, but how come? I'm the kind of girl who goes after what I want rather than waiting and hoping it comes to me. If a guy isn't interested simply because I decided to make the first move(s) or whatever, then I drop it and move on. It worked in my favor this last time around.

 

 

To be honest I'd even stay away from ENA when dating. ENA has too many ideas from other people, and it can be confusing since you're trying to remember all the "rules" and tips people are throwing at you (to be helpful).

You're right.

 

A little off-topic, but occasionally I'll browse through threads in the Jealousy, Relationship Conflict, and Breaking Up forums and they tend to instill a slight twinge of worry in me. They're fun to read, but they make me somewhat scared of what the future would hold in my own current relationship.

[Daligal83]

That's probably a good idea. I've been on this forum for so long, that sometimes I think I'm too reliant on it. No more posts about the guy! Unless it's for happy updates It's all a matter of opinion anyway and his is the one that matters in this situation lol.

[Batya33]

I think until you have a date scheduled - even one two weeks in advance or more - let him do most of the contact - and I would treat texting him the same as calling because both are contact - meaning, for purposes of showing interest, it gives the same impression, the same level of interest shown - when a woman texts a man as when she calls him -

 

I think it's fine to call or text this one time, in a few days or so but definitely not where it looks like you are trying to be in contact daily or close to it.

[Diggidyd]

i think in the beginning, waiting a day or two is always best. it just shows that you're not too desperate. it's so damn cliche but i think you have to do this in the beginning

 

after the 2nd or so date, text / call whenever u feel comfy (obviously dont over do it) so just be patient.. only for now!

[MsG]

Im 100% against women pursuing a guy in the beginning.

 

There is one reason: your fear of rejection.

[Daligal83]

I called and we talked for an hour and twenty minutes He did ask what I was doing this weekend, but didn't offer to come in. His sister is coming in to visit though, so probably not the weekend he could do it. Maybe he'll offer for next weekend? I really want to see him again.

[lady00]

I think that contact only becomes a problem when one person is acting in a desperate manner by contacting the other person several times before getting a reply. I try to keep things balanced-one contact for one reply if possible. It also depends on the people involved. Some people prefer to be the ones doing more of the contact in the beginning while others want it to be more balanced. You can't really generalize, IMO. I've met guys with radically different approaches. None are wrong/right but just different and it really depends on the guy.