Why do people let themselves get out of shape in a relationship?

[diabolik]

Why be shy? Are you not proud of what YOU have achieved? I find your coyness intriguing. As you have been so very specific abotu what women should weigh before and after childbirth.

 

 

HP, if you want to ask me out, please do so over PM.

 

Getting back on topic . . .

[Honey Pumpkin]

B/c I thought it was irrelevant.

 

No one is obliged to post their height/weight stats, and no one is being asked to do so. I'm not even sure what you're driving at?

 

As I said, I wondered what your own height/weight stats were, because you started a thread - a long thread - about ideal weight stats. I wondered where you were on the spectrum, as you are being pretty judgemental about what is 'right'. I am curious about your reticence to share, when you have been so very forthright about how others should look. I am even more curious now about your coyness. How can you be offended in your own thread about how women should not put on weight?

 

Ho hum. Bah humbug some might say

 

Biter bitten, I feel.

[Portage]

I have a personal craving for a boston cream donut at the moment..

[Seraphim]

I have a personal craving for a boston cream donut at the moment..

 

Hahahah Portage you kill me You have to bring me one too then.

[rocio]

I'll take a honey cruller please.

[Seraphim]

I'll take a honey cruller please.

 

I like those better!! Yum.......but I only have one maybe 3 times a year. Not too fond of donuts. It does sound dang good with this cup of tea though.

[Alezia]

I'll take a honey cruller please.

 

Oh oh, one here too =D

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

You unattractive, fat, lazy goons. HOW DARE YOU want a donut.

 

*shakes head in infinite disappointment at your carelessness*

 

 

[WhatThe]

You obviously haven't read all of my posts. Let me recap.

 

1) I used to give her every opportunity to exercise. I used to offer constantly. Since she blew her knee out, she is UNABLE to exercise. This was my fear: that someday she would come down with a disease or physical problem that would prevent her from ever exercising again. Now it has happened.

 

2) She won't have blood work done. I believe she is diabetic. I have made three doctor appointments in the past three months for her, and she has broken all of them. She blew out her knee and may need surgery. She refused to ask the GP to do blood woork while she was in having the knee looked at. They won't perform surgery until she has blood work. That alone will keep her from having surgery.

 

3) My children have talked to her repeatedly. They don't like the situation, either. By the way, my children are in excellent shape.

 

4) She HAS a gym membership. After I "talked" to her the last time seven weeks ago, she went to the gym. Three times. Now, of course, she can't go.

 

5) I DO ALL OF THE GROCERY SHOPPING. The entire family cooks. That is why the kids and I are in good shape. She buys junk food and eats it in the car. Cookies, chips, Big Gulps, Twinkies. You name it. Every single day, as far as I can tell.

 

6) We had a whole basket of hobbies that we USED to do together, before she ate her way out of being able to do them. Hiking, bike riding, camping, fishing, hunting. We used to do centuries (100 mile bike rides) together on a regular basis. I still do these things. So I guess now I should take up reality shows and knitting? Maybe I should take up eating, too, so that we have something in common?

 

 

I'll say it again. If you marry someone, and they start having unhealthy habits, get on the problem IMMEDIATELY. Give them a reasonable amount of time to get back to reality, and if they refuse, DIVORCE THEM. What I am stuck with is not worth it for anyone.

[Seraphim]

You unattractive, fat, lazy goons. HOW DARE YOU want a donut.

 

*shakes head in infinite disappointment at your carelessness*

 

 

 

 

[Honey Pumpkin]

I'll say it again. If you marry someone, and they start having unhealthy habits, get on the problem IMMEDIATELY. Give them a reasonable amount of time to get back to reality, and if they refuse, DIVORCE THEM. What I am stuck with is not worth it for anyone.

 

Divorce her then. This is torture for you both. I don't buy the alimony reason, to be honest. If you're that unhappy, it's worth it. And to be honest, she must be unhappy to be in a marriage where her partner would post such posts about her online.

 

Or go to marriage counselling.

 

It's not about the weight, your marriage break-up; it's about a lot of other things, lack of communication, lack of common goals, a passive/aggressive streak a mile-wide. You despise her, she won't lose weight, you won't walk away, she won't help you. It's unbelievably toxic for both of you.

[Seraphim]

Divorce her then. This is torture for you both. I don't buy the alimony reason, to be honest. If you're that unhappy, it's worth it. And to be honest, she must be unhappy to be in a marriage where her partner would post such posts about her online.

 

Or go to marriage counselling.

 

It's not about the weight, your marriage break-up; it's about a lot of other things, lack of communication, lack of common goals, a passive/aggressive streak a mile-wide. You despise her, she won't lose weight, you won't walk away, she won't help you. It's unbelievably toxic for both of you.

 

I really have to agree with you. ( I would rep you HoneyP but I have to spread the love)WhatThe you are just with her cause you want the lifestyle more money provides you, in this way you are disrespecting yourself by making money worth more than happiness. You are making the excuse of you will be broke if you leave, so you would rather live in hell and complain about it.

[WhatThe]

Divorce her then. This is torture for you both. I don't buy the alimony reason, to be honest. If you're that unhappy, it's worth it. And to be honest, she must be unhappy to be in a marriage where her partner would post such posts about her online.

 

Or go to marriage counselling.

 

It's not about the weight, your marriage break-up; it's about a lot of other things, lack of communication, lack of common goals, a passive/aggressive streak a mile-wide. You despise her, she won't lose weight, you won't walk away, she won't help you. It's unbelievably toxic for both of you.

 

If she would accept reasonable alimony with a concrete end date, I would divorce her. 30% of my income for the rest of my life is not reasonable.

[Honey Pumpkin]

If she would accept reasonable alimony with a concrete end date, I would divorce her. 30% of my income for the rest of my life is not reasonable.

 

Have you been to marriage counselling? What was the outcome of that? Or family mediation? How did that work out for both of you?

 

I just sense that you're very negative (and unhappy), but reluctant to do anything about it because you want money more. Presumably this is for the children, the money? Talk to a lawyer about alimony - I'm unsure I believe you that it's 30% for the rest of your life, to be honest. Usually it would be until the children are of age, which is fair and reasonable. Which state are you in?

[Seraphim]

I have not heard of too many cases where the man has to pay for life. It is usually only where the wife has never worked a day in her life outside the home and has no outside the home skills. I do not know ANY woman like that these days.

 

My uncle pays for life but it is maintenance for his disabled son who will never work and he is cared for by his mother. It is NOT for his ex-wife.

[grymoire]

I did not read the whole thread but I can see lot of women sounding angry at the OP. I do not understand why though. People here jump up and down about the right to have personal preferences in Dating and Relationship but yet when some one posts about his expectations in his mate he is being criticized. Why the double standards? Wasn't it established here that it was ok to have personal preferences? and also we are free to Date and be in a Relationship only with people that we are attracted to?

 

HP I seriously don't understand why you ask the height and weight of the OP. Why does it matter? There were many many posts where people said they would only date a person with blond hair or blue eyes or whatever. Did you ask that person whether they had blond hair or blue eyes?

[Seraphim]

I did not read the whole thread but I can see lot of women sounding angry at the OP. I do not understand why though. People here jump up and down about the right to have personal preferences in Dating and Relationship but yet when some one posts about his expectations in his mate he is being criticized. Why the double standards? Wasn't it established here that it was ok to have personal preferences? and also we are free to Date and be in a Relationship only with people that we are attracted to?

 

HP I seriously don't understand why you ask the height and weight of the OP. Why does it matter? There were many many posts where people said they would only date a person with blond hair or blue eyes or whatever. Did you ask that person whether they had blond hair or blue eyes?

 

Because he is telling us how we should look or expect to have our butts divorced. I am not disputing his preference but to say........"hey how is it most married women end up being a fat a$$?", that is something else. That is not a preference,THAT is an insult. I would argue that whether I was a blimp or a rake. Yes, then add insult to injury by saying I am disprespectful to my family because I am not excersing in a gym 5 times a week. If you have a preference cool, I could care less, but do not tell me how to live MY life with MY family AND call me a fat a$$ albiet indirectly when you know nothing about me. When a whole group of people on a thread are outraged it is usually for a reason. I think it is cause we recognize passive aggressive arguing and veiled insults when we see them.

[Honey Pumpkin]

 

HP I seriously don't understand why you ask the height and weight of the OP. Why does it matter? There were many many posts where people said they would only date a person with blond hair or blue eyes or whatever. Did you ask that person whether they had blond hair or blue eyes?

 

I made an observation that a LOT of women were making a point of emphasising their thinness on this thread, because they do not want to be associated with 'fat'. I noted that none of the men who are demanding toned, fit women have shared their vital stats. This struck me as very entertaining.

 

It then tickled me that when I asked the OP outright what his stats were, he got very very coy and denied it was relevant. After twenty plus PAGES of talking about what a woman should weigh, how it's easy to lose weight etc etc. I am curious about this, and I have my own private thoughts about what's the reason.

 

I DO think it relevant to ask a question in such a very judgemental thread, to be honest. Of course he doesn't have to answer! However, I do draw my own conclusions from such modesty in a man who is pretty demanding on what ALL women should aspire to, regardless of their marital status.

 

Please also note that I haven't addressed the question to anyone else, just to the OP, who is very hyper-focused on weight issues for women, and what he considers to be 'acceptable'.

 

It's also not a dating preference. He is criticising married women for some reason, who are NOT available to him in any case. So it's not quite the same thing. Of course it's his choice to marry a woman as thin as he wants, and to divorce her if she balloons up after marriage. Good luck to him!

 

 

[grymoire]

I understand that it was addressed only to the OP but it just puzzles me to see why so many people have problem with his preferences? He prefers a woman that is fit and is going to stay fit even after marriage. What is the problem there?

[Honey Pumpkin]

I understand that it was addressed only to the OP but it just puzzles me to see why so many people have problem with his preferences? He prefers a woman that is fit and is going to stay fit even after marriage. What is the problem there?

 

See above (I edited). He is criticising married women, who are not on the market for his advances in any case. So it seems very judgemental to me.

 

As I said, he can marry whoever her likes.

 

I do remain curious about his stats, given his stated preference for a toned, fit woman, and thinking there is no excuse for being anything less than 'perfect'.

[Seraphim]

I understand that it was addressed only to the OP but it just puzzles me to see why so many people have problem with his preferences? He prefers a woman that is fit and is going to stay fit even after marriage. What is the problem there?

 

We TOLD you, he is telling US we HAVE to be this way or we are disrespecting fat bags, THAT is not an opinion on how he wants to live HIS life, it is an opinion on how he wants us to life OUR life.

[grymoire]

Well just like how a woman loses her attraction to a man that becomes lazy and sits at home without having a job I guess a guy has every right to lose his attraction to a woman that blows out of shape with time... Seriously don't understand why people seem to have a problem with this. Again it boils down to individual preferences. It is his preference. Who are we to question it?

 

Just 2 days back my friend informed me that a mutual friend of ours got dumped by his long term girlfriend. Interestingly this coincides with the fact that he was out of job for a while now and has taken up a job at Target. Talk about being judgemental

[Seraphim]

Well just like how a woman loses her attraction to a man that becomes lazy and sits at home without having a job I guess a guy has every right to lose his attraction to a woman that blows out of shape with time... Seriously don't understand why people seem to have a problem with this. Again it boils down to individual preferences. It is his preference. Who are we to question it?

 

Just 2 days back my friend informed me that a mutual friend of ours got dumped by his long term girlfriend. Interestingly this coincides with the fact that he was out of job for a while now and has taken up a job at Target.

 

Good then he can keep opinions to his OWN wife.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well just like how a woman loses her attraction to a man that becomes lazy and sits at home without having a job I guess a guy has every right to lose his attraction to a woman that blows out of shape with time... Seriously don't understand why people seem to have a problem with this. Again it boils down to individual preferences. It is his preference. Who are we to question it?

Just 2 days back my friend informed me that a mutual friend of ours got dumped by his long term girlfriend. Interestingly this coincides with the fact that he was out of job for a while now and has taken up a job at Target.

 

Well, he's not really talking abotu women he might date - so again, not a personal preference.

 

It's nice of you to defend the OP, but I do have my own thoughts about this. I don't think I've been disrespectful, but I was irritated by the depressing nature of the thread - it seemed so judgemental. Again, it's NOT about women he might date, of course he can date who he likes. I don't care at all who he goes out with

[grymoire]

Well, he's not really talking abotu women he might date - so again, not a personal preference.

 

It's nice of you to defend the OP, but I do have my own thoughts about this. I don't think I've been disrespectful, but I was irritated by the depressing nature of the thread - it seemed so judgemental. Again, it's NOT about women he might date, of course he can date who he likes. I don't care at all who he goes out with

 

I am not defending the OP. I don't know him.

 

I am just surprised how in one thread personal preference is totally fine and in another thread it is very bad.

 

You say you don't care at all who he goes out with but your posts do not sound like it. It looks like you are concerned.