Why do people let themselves get out of shape in a relationship?

[Tethys]

You can start exercising 6 weeks after the birth, with a normal delivery. C-sections and other complications will mean it takes longer before you can get back to the gym.

 

You can exercise while nursing but your body will try to hold on to some extra weight and you shouldn't try to fight that by cutting calories too much.

 

I really have to go back to the gym?

[Seraphim]

I only go out with those who eat healthy and exercise regularly, yes. My point is I don't want the prevailing attitude among single girls who are fit now to be "well, I can let myself go after marriage since I have him hooked already". I don't want to be tricked, that's all and the best way to do that is see how they eat and exercise now and their motivations for doing so (is it self motivation or motivated by external factors?) . It's the same as any other issue (ambition, financial responsiblity, morals), people don't want a bait and switch.

 

Ok but are women so weak minded that they are going to be influenced by someone's looks or opinions?

[WhatThe]

Yeah, I usually check to see what the mother looks like. How about her father's sisters?

 

What about her attitude toward diet, fitness? Did she make staying in shape a priority early on in the relationship? Did she have episodes of binging, followed by lots of dieting/exercise - i.e., did her weight fluctuate a lot before you married her?

 

I honestly can't say what her father's sisters looked like 25 years ago.

 

She was in great shape when we married. She went to the gym, we did some amazing physical things together, both outdoors and indoors, if you get my drift.

 

I continued taking care of myself all along. I have made staying healthy a priority, in all ways. She started letting herself go when she was moving up the corporate ladder. Once the kids came, it was all over. She didn't care about herself anymore.

[Tethys]

Hm, I eat healthy; I don't eat junk food. And I never will - but I can't see the future. My body will get older, and softer, sorry.

[Tethys]

Oh -- I lied -- sometimes I eat Del Taco. Remnant from my childhood, but no meat.

[Tethys]

Ok but are women so weak minded that they are going to be influenced by someone's looks or opinions?

 

Well, yes.

[rocio]

I really have to go back to the gym?

 

Sorry, I misread your other post.

 

Nope, you don't have to go to the gym, my friend. I strongly suggest you don't, as they smell bad.

[Seraphim]

Well, yes.

 

OK, well not this one........lol

[diabolik]

You don't lost that much weight on walks though, nor develop muscle. So yeah, back to the gym...

Actually, I expect you will gain a fair bit of muscle. Just handling a baby all the time is a workout, and as the baby grows and gets heavier, you will get stronger. After all, how much time did you spend walking around with 10-20 lbs in your arms before having a child?

 

So I would say don't focus on the weight - focus on body composition. It is unrealistic to expect to not gain some semi-permanent weight because of the muscle gain.

 

If you put on muscle and fat in proportion to what you have now, I think you will still like your figure.

 

And as others have said, post pregnancy fat loss (and I think all fat loss) should be a gradual process.

[Tethys]

Sorry, I misread your other post.

 

Nope, you don't have to go to the gym, my friend. I strongly suggest you don't, as they smell bad.

 

I hate the gym. I quit doing it a few years ago. There are other ways to stay in shape!

[Seraphim]

Actually, I expect you will gain a fair bit of muscle. Just handling a baby all the time is a workout, and as the baby grows and gets heavier, you will get stronger. After all, how much time did you spend walking around with 10-20 lbs in your arms before having a child?

 

So I would say don't focus on the weight - focus on body composition. It is unrealistic to expect to not gain some semi-permanent weight because of the muscle gain.

 

If you put on muscle and fat in proportion to what you have now, I think you will still like your figure.

 

And as others have said, post pregnancy fat loss (and I think all fat loss) should be a gradual process.

 

Exactly, anything lost quickly can be gained back quickly and then some.

[laisla]

i don't think men are in the position to say anything about lifestyle or weight after physically having kids. only women who have experienced it are. and that excludes me, since i have not had any kids. men saying this and that about what a woman should do after pregnancy makes absolutely no sense to me. they are not in the woman's shoes and can never be.

[Tethys]

Actually, I expect you will gain a fair bit of muscle. Just handling a baby all the time is a workout, and as the baby grows and gets heavier, you will get stronger. After all, how much time did you spend walking around with 10-20 lbs in your arms before having a child?

 

So I would say don't focus on the weight - focus on body composition. It is unrealistic to expect to not gain some semi-permanent weight because of the muscle gain.

 

If you put on muscle and fat in proportion to what you have now, I think you will still like your figure.

 

And as others have said, post pregnancy fat loss (and I think all fat loss) should be a gradual process.

 

 

Just wondered. Thanks for answering the question.

[Tethys]

I dont know -- I still feel like it's some tragedy if a woman gains 10, nay, 20 pounds! And we don't get any slack... sigh.

[diabolik]

I honestly can't say what her father's sisters looked like 25 years ago.

 

She was in great shape when we married. She went to the gym, we did some amazing physical things together, both outdoors and indoors, if you get my drift.

 

I continued taking care of myself all along. I have made staying healthy a priority, in all ways. She started letting herself go when she was moving up the corporate ladder. Once the kids came, it was all over. She didn't care about herself anymore.

Wow. I had hoped that I could avoid this fate by finding a woman who took care of herself. How depressing.

[Seraphim]

i don't think men are in the position to say anything about lifestyle or weight after physically having kids. only women who have experienced it are. and that excludes me' date=' since i have not had any kids. men saying this and that about what a woman should do after pregnancy makes absolutely no sense to me. they are not in the woman's shoes and can never be.[/quote']

 

This is true. Men will never know that.A fact of biology not making a gender statement. It is a TREMDOUS strain on the female body to produce, carry and raise a child. Even life threatening for some as it is for me.

[Tethys]

Okay, can we define "taking care of" or "in shape"? I understand a complaint if your SO went from 150 to 250 in a short amount of time (and by short, I mean years).

[diabolik]

i don't think men are in the position to say anything about lifestyle or weight after physically having kids. only women who have experienced it are. and that excludes me' date=' since i have not had any kids. men saying this and that about what a woman should do after pregnancy makes absolutely no sense to me. they are not in the woman's shoes and can never be.[/quote']

So your doctor should never treat you for diseases he/she has never suffered from?

[laisla]

So your doctor should never treat you for diseases he/she has never suffered from?

 

you're bringing up a different topic and making it parallel to what i said, which it is not. for disorders and illnesses there may be specific therapies to cure or help the problem. that's why doctors have the knowledge and authority to treat some diseases.

 

post-pregnancy is an experience. men will never have that experience. they will never know exactly how it feels for a woman's body, no matter how much they read or hear about it. they'll never know what it does to a woman's mind or their hearts, because they aren't that person whose given birth. it's not an illness that a doctor can just prescribe medication for. so much changes after pregnancy. women are not trying to TRICK you.

[Seraphim]

Anywhooooooo we could go round in circles all day. Is being healthy important? Sure! For ME am I going to make physical appearance a deal breaker for a relationship, no. My love when I give it is unconditional.

[diabolik]

you're bringing up a different topic and making it parallel to what i said, which it is not. for disorders and illnesses there may be specific therapies to cure or help the problem. that's why doctors have the knowledge and authority to treat some diseases.

 

post-pregnancy is an experience. men will never have that experience. they will never know exactly how it feels for a woman's body, no matter how much they read or hear about it. they'll never know what it does to a woman's mind or their hearts, because they aren't that person whose given birth. it's not an illness that a doctor can just prescribe medication for. so much changes after pregnancy. women are not trying to TRICK you.

So what's your point? Because I cannot understand exactly what my prospective wife feels during/after pregnancy, I should be attracted to her if she gains 50 pounds of fat and keeps it 3 years later?

 

What I do understand is that women who really want to stay healthy/fit after having children manage to do so.

[ResonanceTheory]

Ok, can we establish here that we are not expecting our partners to be lean, mean workout machines, with tight abs, running around looking like teenagers? I think it's absolutely reasonable not to want your partner to be extremely overweight, and by this, I mean 20 pounds or so over what is considered medically "normal" (I make this distinction from social norms, because I know that the societal norm is often heavier than what is ideal for health purposes). I have told my boyfriend in the past that I wouldn't be happy if he got a big ol' beer gut. If something like that DID happen, I would exercise with him, try to help him with his diet. I don't expect him to be perfectly muscular or lift weights if that's not his choice. But it is important for him to maintain a healthy body. Does this mean that I expect an ideal or model body? No. Because mine is not perfect. It certainly has its fair share of jiggles. But am I obese or plus-size? No. And I don't want to be, because I prefer my body as it is, even though it doesn't meet the media's standards of "perfection".

 

Diabolik, SY, you guys have to understand that these women are getting so defensive because media has stigmatized obesity and, particularly, the fat woman to the point where someone even mentioning weight makes the person think that they are personally being accused of being "Fat". Being fat is like being a leper. And everyone just thinks of it in terms of what size they can fit into . "Oh, I can fit into a size 4! That's better than fitting into a size 8!" When, in fact, the person may have been healthier when they were a size 8 or 6. I guess what gets some people is the insinuation that, although they're trying, unless they've got perfectly toned, thin bodies, they are simply not working hard enough. I am a size 7-9, and when I'm back down to a size 5-7, like I was when I was working out constantly before, I'll be happy, because I know my body, and that's where it likes to settle when I'm leading an active lifestyle and eating sufficient calories. Working out should be about health and sustainability, not how skinny you can get. I don't feel the NEED to be a size 0 or 1 just because the media or a certain group or type of guy believes so. And I sure hope that no other woman does either.

[laisla]

So what's your point? Because I cannot understand exactly what my prospective wife feels during/after pregnancy, I should be attracted to her if she gains 50 pounds of fat and keeps it 3 years later?

 

What I do understand is that women who really want to stay healthy/fit after having children manage to do so.

 

no, i am not telling you what you should be attracted to. i am saying that women aren't trying to catch men by marrying them and then let themselves go on purpose to trick you guys. there is a lot in life that changes and people should exercise a little forgiveness.

[Seraphim]

So what's your point? Because I cannot understand exactly what my prospective wife feels during/after pregnancy, I should be attracted to her if she gains 50 pounds of fat and keeps it 3 years later?

 

What I do understand is that women who really want to stay healthy/fit after having children manage to do so.

 

Then get a different wife? I do not know, if you are not happy WHY stay? I do not get that part. Then people say well........it is the money, you know.....I will be screwed. THAT is an excuse too. If men are not happy bite the money bullet and find a woman that pleases them.

[Seraphim]

no' date=' i am not telling you what you should be attracted to. i am saying that women aren't trying to catch men by marrying them and then let themselves go on purpose to trick you guys. there is a lot in life that changes and people should exercise a little forgiveness.[/quote']

 

Exactly!! No one INTENTIONALLY tricks someone by gaining some weight.