Why do people let themselves get out of shape in a relationship?

[diabolik]

You might wish to read, or at least skim, the entire thread before you jump in here with irrelevant arguments. But ok, I'm bored, so I'll respond.

 

But it seems you value the outside MORE than the inside.

You would be mistaken. I am not attracted (other than physically) to hot airheads. This is a thread about physical appearance, not about intelligence, humor, compassion, etc., so it should not come as a surprise to you that the focus is on . . . physical appearance. Duh.

 

Very dangerous we could start making compairsons about we do not like either. Like I said, men over 40 you better keep your hair or we might trade you in. What you can not find time to use Rogain? You do not have the money to go to a hair clinic and get hair replacement?? Well dang what good are ya?? Us women are attracted to the outside too.

Sure, I expect that women are attracted to the outside too.

 

I think you will find that most, if not all, of the men that have posted in this thread are guys who take care of their physical appearance. I do not begrudge a woman who likes her man to be fit; frankly, I'd be worried if she didn't care about her man being fit.

[StrawberryYogurt]

I just hope that you're able to find someone who meets your fitness requirements and is accepting of your attitude/approach.

 

Not sure why you're attacking me. I have high standards and I meet those same high standards myself so what is wrong? I'm befuddled.

[StrawberryYogurt]

You might wish to read, or at least skim, the entire thread before you jump in here with irrelevant arguments. But ok, I'm bored, so I'll respond.

 

+1. I don't know why the women here are so defensive. If I was a woman, I'd be saying the exact same things about guys letting themselves go. Nobody even said anything remotely about valuing the outside more than the inside, geez.

[WhatThe]

So, you are staying because you value money more?

 

I value the ability to choose what I do, when I want to do it. I value my freedom. Once you have an onerous alimony obligation, you are in indentured servitude. You are LEGALLY OBLIGATED to continue making alimony payments, FOR LIFE. If you quit your job, you will be 'imputed' income equal to your old income, and even if you drain every asset and have nothing but the shirt on your back, you will be ordered to pay alimony, or go to jail. You will be ordered to pay 100% of your income and live in a homeless shelter if the judge feels like it. You are entirely at the mercy of the judge. There are NO guidelines, and no way to appeal. No other country in the world will impose this obligation. So much for "freedom".

[Seraphim]

You might wish to read, or at least skim, the entire thread before you jump in here with irrelevant arguments. But ok, I'm bored, so I'll respond.

 

 

You would be mistaken. I am not attracted (other than physically) to hot airheads. This is a thread about physical appearance, not about intelligence, humor, compassion, etc., so it should not come as a surprise to you that the focus is on . . . physical appearance. Duh.

 

 

Sure, I expect that women are attracted to the outside too.

 

I think you will find that most, if not all, of the men that have posted in this thread are guys who take care of their physical appearance. I do not begrudge a woman who likes her man to be fit; frankly, I'd be worried if she didn't care about her man being fit.

 

Yes, I did read your thread so nice try. Anyway, and yeah hm amazing I do realise it is about physical appearance, I am positive I am not that dim, in fact I am sure I am not. You can have your standards sure, I could care less, but do not apply them to other people who do not share them and then call them lazy,stupid or fat or whatever. Are you going out with them?? What does it matter to you???

[diabolik]

Yes, I did read your thread so nice try. Anyway, and yeah hm amazing I do realise it is about physical appearance, I am positive I am not that dim, in fact I am sure I am not. You can have your standards sure, I could care less, but do not apply them to other people who do not share them and then call them lazy,stupid or fat or whatever. Are you going out with them?? What does it matter to you???

Then your reading comprehension skills could use some work. Where do I call fat people lazy or stupid? And where do I insist that everyone should be healthy/fit?

[Seraphim]

The last time I checked too this was a public forum and people can post on any thread they like. Just because I do not agree with you does not mean I can not post.

[Seraphim]

Then your reading comprehension skills could use some work. Where do I call fat people lazy or stupid? And where do I insist that everyone should be healthy/fit?

 

Oh yes....you termed it lack of motivation.

[StrawberryYogurt]

Yes, I did read your thread so nice try. Anyway, and yeah hm amazing I do realise it is about physical appearance, I am positive I am not that dim, in fact I am sure I am not. You can have your standards sure, I could care less, but do not apply them to other people who do not share them and then call them lazy,stupid or fat or whatever. Are you going out with them?? What does it matter to you???

 

So we should never care about things that don't directly affect us? So I shouldn't care about homeless or poor people, eg.

 

I stated it once and I'll state it again. The more women that have the attitude of "it's ok to let myself go in a marriage", the fewer marriageable options there are for single guys who put a priority on not letting themselves go. When you're a good catch and there aren't a lot of good catches on the other end, well, you can do the math.

[diabolik]

Res, Amber, Firiel, etc., I miss you gals. Even though we disagree, at least I could have a discussion with you.

 

The last time I checked too this was a public forum and people can post on any thread they like. Just because I do not agree with you does not mean I can not post.

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[rocio]

Hey don't bring me into this. I'm with Victoria.

[Seraphim]

Hey don't bring me into this. I'm with Victoria.

 

I think it was the hair comment. After all it IS a physical appearance issue.

[diabolik]

Hey don't bring me into this. I'm with Victoria.

Oh, I get that you're with her in terms of position. That's not what's making me bang my head against the wall.

[Seraphim]

What that I am not strictly adhering to the physical??

[rocio]

Oh, I get that you're with her in terms of position. That's not what's making me bang my head against the wall.

 

Is it your overly muscular neck having spasms?

 

Ok, I'll quit now before someone takes me too seriously.

[EQD]

personally both me and my SO have gained fat since we've been dating eachother. most of this is a result of scheduling. when you add a major activity into your life the schedule gets pushed and less important things get cut.

before he dated me he spent around 4-5 hours a day at the gym, everyday. now i take up most his evenings he only goes once and for two hours or so.

he's also stopped taking jui-jitsu. because of scheduling.

with a mate its easy to become less motivated about those things because there is a new 'favorite hobby' so to speak.

 

Also there is a tendency to eat out, or to cook larger meals at home. Increasing caloric intake... its no wonder why we get plumper. We indulge more and share that with our partner.

[FarthestEdge]

I don't know why you think anything I said was aimed at you. Why do you carry such a chip on your shoulder? Could it be that you don't like the way you are?

 

It wasn't aimed at me. It was aimed at everybody LIKE me, which includes me. So I choose to speak up and try to convey "our side".

 

Do I LIKE being overweight? What a ridiculous comment. Of course I don't LIKE it. Do I LIKE who I am? Absolutely. And despite the fact that I am fat, I have a great marriage and a happy home for my children- which you seem to think people like me don't deserve. That is the point of my frustration. The comments being made by yourself, Diabolik and Strawberry Yogurt are offensive to me and everyone out there like me. BECAUSE they make the same gross generalizations:

 

1) If you are fat, you are lazy

2) If you are fat, you are DISRESPECTING your spouse, and obviously don't care about them

3) If you are fat, you are not worthy of love or respect.

4) If you are fat- there is NO excuse. You should ALWAYS be perfectly thin and fit.

5) Being thin is the ONLY WAY your spouse can be attracted to you

6) NOTHING else in your life, including your children, should take a backseat you you being a PERFECT weight.

 

You judge people based on where they are right now, without knowing where they have been or where they are going. You preach an intolerance. If there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's intolerance.

 

You know, I have a friend whose wife got breast cancer the other year. She lost both breasts. She used to be fit, now she's heavier than I have ever known her to be. I don't know if it's related to the cancer or not, thank God I haven't had to face that struggle. They still go for their walks etc. And you know what? He doesn't mind at all. Because she's still a beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit. And because the woman he loves, for ALL that she is, is still there to share his life. THAT is 'for better or for worse".

 

But to listen to you three, he should've dumped her fat butt by now....because there's NO excuse, right?

[Tethys]

The OP asks a complicated question - people let themselves "go" for all sorts of reason. From the responses, and I admit I have not read them all, this seems to be primarily about weight, especially in women.

 

Does the OP assume that marriages end because of looks and weight? I think not.

[Seraphim]

So we should never care about things that don't directly affect us? So I shouldn't care about homeless or poor people, eg.

 

I stated it once and I'll state it again. The more women that have the attitude of "it's ok to let myself go in a marriage", the fewer marriageable options there are for single guys who put a priority on not letting themselves go. When you're a good catch and there aren't a lot of good catches on the other end, well, you can do the math.

 

Oh ok so by badgering women you do not know about their weight NOT for THEIR sake, but because YOU are a good catch and want more marriage options hm.............I guess I could try and see that as humanitarian and philanthropic, the same as caring for the homeless.

[Tethys]

Okay, homeless people have nothing to do with this. I am catching up on the thread but sheesh. Leave them out.

[EQD]

women also generally have much slower metabolisms. if we tried to eat like some guys we would probably gain twice as much as they did lol

[diabolik]

For the second time, I would ask that you read post #74, in which I replied to an earlier post of yours.

 

You are judging me without even bothering to understand my position.

[Seraphim]

Agree with you a 1000%.

 

If you don't know where someone has been in their life and where they are going and what THEIR priorieties are, their medical struggles why are you making comment. I worry much more about attitude than a few extra pounds.

[StrawberryYogurt]

1) If you are fat, you are lazy

2) If you are fat, you are DISRESPECTING your spouse, and obviously don't care about them

3) If you are fat, you are not worthy of love or respect.

4) If you are fat- there is NO excuse. You should ALWAYS be perfectly thin and fit.

5) Being thin is the ONLY WAY your spouse can be attracted to you

6) NOTHING else in your life, including your children, should take a backseat you you being a PERFECT weight.

 

I dare you show where we said anything of the sort in your points 3-6. Talk about putting words in people's mouths, damn.

[Tethys]

women also generally have much slower metabolisms. if we tried to eat like some guys we would probably gain twice as much as they did lol

 

Truth. When I had a leg injury, my partner provided. He LOST weight, while I gained weight, on the same diet. IT'S NOT FAIR. But that's the way it is.

 

PS and same amount of exercise.