overweight & dating

[ghost69]

Well what she is not attracted to him because he is overweight , or he to her if she is overweight. Then having compatible lifestyles is moot at that point.

 

one can be in shape and one can be overweight and still have compatible lifestyles.

[madmarten]

one can be in shape and one can be overweight and still have compatible lifestyles.

 

Sure, but unless they are both attracted, then it doesn't matter.

[ghost69]

Sure, but unless they are both attracted, then it doesn't matter.

 

well of course.

[rocio]

Sure, I'd like my guy to be fit enough to come for a leisurely bike ride with me on weekends, or come boating, or whatever. But I'm more than happy to participate in most sports on my own or with other friends, or on community teams.

 

In fact, I wouldn't be attracted to a guy who counts calories or who goes to the gym 5 times each week. Major turn off for me. I like a man who enjoys his steak and carries around a little bit of a belly.

[StrawberryYogurt]

In fact, I wouldn't be attracted to a guy who counts calories or who goes to the gym 5 times each week. Major turn off for me. I like a man who enjoys his steak and carries around a little bit of a belly.

 

Man, no love for guys like me

 

On a serious note, overweight will limit your choices in dating, but not to the degreee it would if you were obese. But most women would rather have a toned, fit dude than a 30lb overweight one.

[rocio]

I don't think it will limit your choices drastically. As others mentioned, it does depend on your body type and how you carry that weight. But also remember that you don't need to date EVERY hot woman out there. Just one is enough, right? So even if 1 in 5 wouldn't consider you because of those extra pounds, there are still another 4 to choose from.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sure, I'd like my guy to be fit enough to come for a leisurely bike ride with me on weekends, or come boating, or whatever. But I'm more than happy to participate in most sports on my own or with other friends, or on community teams.

 

In fact, I wouldn't be attracted to a guy who counts calories or who goes to the gym 5 times each week. Major turn off for me. I like a man who enjoys his steak and carries around a little bit of a belly.

 

I agree...the counting calories and gym fly(kind of like a bar fly LOL) types don't appeal to me. I don't want someone who is obese, routinely overeats, doesn't eat much healthy food and gets no physical activity whatsoever. I want someone who is well-balanced, eats healthy but also doesn't feel guilty for indulging in "naughty" foods and is not a couch potato.

[NightLily]

Being slightly overweight doesn't bother me or make me even think twice.

 

However, I try to eat pretty healthy and like to be outdoors and active. If he only eats junk food, doesn't like hardly any healthy foods, and just lays on the couch all day I would get bored.. FAST

 

Not trying to say bf's are like dogs, but it is similar to how I prefer having a border collie because they are high energy and like long walks or running vs. a small dog that can't keep up.

[Ariel85]

So people who are 30 pound overweight do not value their health and do not take care of themself?

 

That's pretty much what it means! You don't end up being that big by eating right and exercising. 30 pounds of extra fat is a HUGE amount of weight, and depending on someone's height or bone structure, they could be classified as either obese, not just "overweight".

 

Being fit means BEING FIT. That doesn't mean you are walking around with 30extra pounds of FAT.

 

I find that people that ARE overweight like to rationalize their own reality. Spin it any way you need to to get through your day, but overweight, is overweight. And this doesn't classify you as FIT. It classifies you as FAT.

[StrawberryYogurt]

That's pretty much what it means! You don't end up being that big by eating right and exercising. 30 pounds of extra fat is a HUGE amount of weight, and depending on someone's height or bone structure, they could be classified as either obese, not just "overweight".

 

Being fit means BEING FIT. That doesn't mean you are walking around with 30extra pounds of FAT.

 

I find that people that ARE overweight like to rationalize their own reality. Spin it any way you need to to get through your day, but overweight, is overweight. And this doesn't classify you as FIT. It classifies you as FAT.

 

+1. 30 lbs overweight is most likely going to look bad. Some people like curvier women and some guys with more muscle, like athletes, can look good that way, but c'mon, most people don't look good 30lbs overweight. Too much PC talk up in here. Let's get real, most women are going to prefer the fit guy and why shouldn't they, all else equal?

[NightLily]

That's pretty much what it means! You don't end up being that big by eating right and exercising. 30 pounds of extra fat is a HUGE amount of weight, and depending on someone's height or bone structure, they could be classified as either obese, not just "overweight".

 

Being fit means BEING FIT. That doesn't mean you are walking around with 30extra pounds of FAT.

 

I find that people that ARE overweight like to rationalize their own reality. Spin it any way you need to to get through your day, but overweight, is overweight. And this doesn't classify you as FIT. It classifies you as FAT.

 

 

Hmm.. this might be true for most people but I really can't say. However, I do know one girl in particular who suffers from hypothyroidism. She has consistently been on weight watchers or even stricter diets since she was about 12 and works out 5 times a week. She is still probably obese. But she isn't gaining weight and I think may have lost a little.

 

 

I guess I just try to have mercy on people who struggle with their weight. And if they don't care.. well, that is their choice to make.

[LAYAAN]

If you already know that you should lose 30lb, why don't you start taking steps toward that? little by little?

If you want to date overweight girl or not is your choice. But by losing weight you will increase no. of women wanting to go out with you. Its all about increasing sample size dear.

Start somewhere, stay consistent, n when you conquer one area (like sweets, fatty foods, etc.) don't go back to it. Thats the key to lose weight.

I had a roommate, great person, very bright, jovial girl. She was overweight. stayed with the man that asked her out, didn't get along with him, wasn't happy with him. She would say to me "well, I can't do any better than him. B'coz I'm overweight, not many men are willing to go out with me." See, thats not the right attitude. Also, don't lose weight so that you can attract a chick. Lose weight for yourself, love yourself 1st. All you have for the rest of your life is YOU, your heart, body, soul, your strength to fall back on. So, take care of yourself 1st. Rest will follow.

[JadedStar]

Well what if she is not attracted to him because he is overweight , or he to her if she is overweight. Then having compatible lifestyles is moot at that point.

 

I think it should have gone w/out saying that there had to be mutual attraction. Of course it is moot if not. I am saying that if a thin woman were to date him the weight disparity isn't the issue if she likes him, the issue would be if she is far more active than he is.

 

We usually are happiest with partners who share our level of activity. It could be she is naturally thin and a real couch potato. Or she might be thin because she is running five days a week and at the gym all the time. That kind of person might not be a good match for a couch potato.

 

As for 30 lbs being unhealthy or not, i think most doctors would agree it isn't going to be the healthiest. That is a lot of extra weight, especially if the person is not very tall. My sister is 30 lbs overweight and it really affects her appearance as she is only 5 foot tall. Yes, she is unhealthy even tho to look at her you woudln't think she is obese or anything, but she suffers some health consequences to that extra poundage. This isn't an insult to anyone 30+ lbs overweight it is just a simple and valid point that NOT being overweight is going to be healthier to that individual than if they are overweight. If a person 30+ lbs over is healthy, they are going to likely feel even better and healthier if they shed the extra lbs.

 

no one is saying a person is headed to an early grave for having an extra 30 lbs but to a person who values fitness and health they might shy away from a person with that much extra weight.

 

I also agree with Tinu. IF a person is saying they know they are 30 lbs overweight, wouldn't a better exercise be trying to lose it and get healthy vs hoping to find women 9or men) who will tolerate it?

[JadedStar]

Age also comes into play often....a 45 year old man is MUCH more likely to be overweight by 30 lbs than a 25 year old man, and i think most women are more forgiving on this in their 40s then they were in their 20s. If i was single i would be ok with a man a tad overweight IF it didn't affect his overall appearance, such as maybe he has a middle aged paunch in the abdomen but the rest of the body is pretty much normal size. It is all about realism.

[itsallgrand]

I am 30 lbs overweight. Do you think overweight guys should only date overweight women? Would it be a very safe assumption that non-overweight women are above my league?

 

30 pounds wouldn't bother me. What bothers me as far as weight is yo-yoing; I'd prefer someone who has a handle on weight issues when considering entering a relationship with them. Staying in a healthy zone is what is important to me: some room but steadiness through the years. Also like the others have mentioned, someone compatible as far as activity levels and what they enjoy doing.

 

The attitude that would even ask or think this question would bother me. I'd be thinking "hmm, how will this translate to having even a casual relationship with this person?". Honestly, I've got no room anymore to worry about a man judging me or placing me on a scale based on fitness or weight - so just don't do it, never mind actually limiting yourself in that way and believing it! "Out of your league" is a way of saying that those women who are overweight like yourself are "less than" on a scale, and that's just a crappy thing to bring to the table when choosing who to date.

 

Date someone who you think is fabulous, great - but putting people in leagues is for suckers.

 

I've worked hard for my body and am proud of it. But bodies change - sometimes people may gain a bit or lose a bit, or something will happen that will change their appearance in some way and that is perfectly normal. I like a guy who understands that: it goes both ways. A guy who is 30 pounds overweight might change or might not; either way, it's acceptable to me.

 

I'd like to know I'd been seen as the same person regardless of whether I'm in my "fittest self" mode or in my "extra 10 pounds" mode. Hell, even body builders have off-seasons! lol.

[sunspot1982]

Because I'm not looking to lose the weight. I've learned to accept myself just the way I am. I'm not the one who has a problem with my weight.

 

I would be satisfied if my options were limited to overweight women. It's got nothing to do with not respecting myself. It has to do with putting myself with those women whom I'd be compatible with.

 

I am happy with where I am. My extra weight is not hurting anyone else.

 

I think people should choose a lifestyle that makes them happy as long as it's not illegal and it's not hurting others in the process.

 

Based on the responses I have much better idea about whether or not to ask this girl out that I've had a crush on & have been friends with for awhile. I think she's above my league and I'm ok with that. I'm going to do my best to forget about her & not entertain anymore thoughts of going out with her.

 

I'm not a very active person since my job is mostly office work. I don't do much lifting or running around. Anyway I have to do what's comfortable for me. My goal is not to increase my options with women as I only need one who would have no problem with me being overweight.

[Ariel85]

This is my point. It's your attitude I find unattractive. I could never respect nor love a man who is content to be a couch potato and is happy with an unhealthy lifestyle.

 

The weight is only secondary, really, because as I mentioned earlier, not having rock hard abs is not a dealbreaker, but not having an interest in living a fit and healthy lifestyle sure is.

 

I have to assume you are still a relatively young man, and if you won't take care of your health now when you can make improvements and changes, then I wouldn't want to sign on to take care of you as you fall apart at 50 from a lifetime of being sedentary and all the ensuing associated health problems that will come from your weight gain. 30 will become 50, and 75 before you know it.

 

If nothing else, start moving for your HEART health, and not to lose weight.

 

[rocio]

Based on the responses I have much better idea about whether or not to ask this girl out that I've had a crush on & have been friends with for awhile. I think she's above my league and I'm ok with that. I'm going to do my best to forget about her & not entertain anymore thoughts of going out with her.

 

How is that fair to her? Most of the women on here stated that they would date a guy with a bit of weight. You're going to deny her the opportunity to be with you just in case she's part of the minority that wouldn't dig your belly?

[sunspot1982]

It just means we wouldn't be compatible. It doesn't make either one of us right or wrong. It just means we wouldn't be right for each other because we have different lifestyle preferences. That doesn't bother me. The whole point of my post was to get a much better idea of who is above my league. I have enough confirmation now.

 

Really the whole purpose of dating is figuring out who I would be compatible with. I ask these kind of questions early on in the dating process about her hobbies, line of work, other things that give me a better idea if she prefers a sendentary life or a physically active life.

[NightLily]

Here is a question on the topic, Ariel85.. you might be able to answer this one..

 

What do you do if you have fallen for a guy, and then you slowly realize he is a couch potato, only eats junk, hates healthy food.. and you are the opposite?

 

(this does apply to me.. he used to run marathons but now? no .. )

 

ex) He thinks potatoes, starches, carbs are flavorful and fruits and veggies are BLAND ?!????

[sunspot1982]

How is that fair to her? Most of the women on here stated that they would date a guy with a bit of weight. You're going to deny her the opportunity to be with you just in case she's part of the minority that wouldn't dig your belly?

 

I don't see it as denying her the opportunity for anything. I have not led her on and who says she is even interested in me in the first place? I'm the one who has had a crush on her all this time. I can't deny her of anything if she hasn't made it obvious that she would be interested in me.

 

The other poster made a good point about how losing weight is more important as far as a health issue but that's for another thread.

[NightLily]

sunspot- something to consider (not that it is going to change your mind or anything), but many people being overweight or obese is hurting others. The overweight are statistically more likely to have a whole slew of medical problems that will result in insurance premiums rising for those who are trying to live a healthy life style.

[Lamour detruit]

Here is a question on the topic, Ariel85.. you might be able to answer this one..

 

What do you do if you have fallen for a guy, and then you slowly realize he is a couch potato, only eats junk, hates healthy food.. and you are the opposite?

 

(this does apply to me.. he used to run marathons but now? no .. )

 

ex) He thinks potatoes, starches, carbs are flavorful and fruits and veggies are BLAND ?!????

 

Depends. There are incompatibilities that can be overcome. You just have to ask yourself if in the long run, you will be happy when you have quite the opposite ways of life. If he doesn't eat the foods you do,nor participate in things you love, it can get tough...but not impossible,so it is all up to you.

 

I eat very healthily,and go outside quite a lot...however I have to agree theres a lot of veggies that are bland. (carrots,cucumbers and paprikas are the best ones).

[NightLily]

Depends. There are incompatibilities that can be overcome. You just have to ask yourself if in the long run, you will be happy when you have quite the opposite ways of life. If he doesn't eat the foods you do,nor participate in things you love, it can get tough...but not impossible,so it is all up to you.

 

I eat very healthily,and go outside quite a lot...however I have to agree theres a lot of veggies that are bland. (carrots,cucumbers and paprikas are the best ones).

 

But compared to potatoes and like.. popcorn and pasta?

 

He has never even tastes most fruits or veggies. I made blueberry muffins for his soccer team and it was the first time he had tasted a blueberry

 

My ex was really upset with me when I decided to start eating meat again and I thought it was crazy. So do I have any right to let these things get in the way? Oh hell.. I don't know.

[Lamour detruit]

But compared to potatoes and like.. popcorn and pasta?

 

He has never even tastes most fruits or veggies. I made blueberry muffins for his soccer team and it was the first time he had tasted a blueberry

 

My ex was really upset with me when I decided to start eating meat again and I thought it was crazy. So do I have any right to let these things get in the way? Oh hell.. I don't know.

 

Wow, thats pretty insane. how can you not know blueberries ?...especially when they are the best kind of fruits, and the blueberry muffins are the greatest a long with corn muffins. lucky to have you introduce it to him.

 

And it seems you went from one side,to the completely opposite one when it comes to your ex and this guy...to answer your question;you do have a right,because its your feelings regarding the relationship, and clearly you do attach value to this kind of stuff. The only question is how much it bothers you,and just how much value you put into not having the same habits in that regard.