Daligal83 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Or maybe she's on the phone with him!! Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Just ask him. - Have you absored any of the advice from your previous posts in regards to P? ditto. Don't you think Ren that it is time for you to do something about this? Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 On a different note, even if P agrees to play WoW at Ren's home why would it matter? They have been hanging out for months together now. Isn't there a possibility that he may just view this as a friendly invite? I have no idea why Ren thinks that this is such a scary move Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 The old HP tried and tested manoeuvre - have drinks (but you only drink 1/2 a glass of wine! absolutely no more), kiss him. If he responds, good. If he doesn't, the next time say airily "I was a bit tipsy, I'm so sorry if I did anything silly, I can't remember anything" and smile. The key is to be stone cold sober when you do this Used to work like a charm on shy guys. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 Hey guys, sorry to let you guys down. I still HAVEN'T emailed him yet. I had to go abruptly because I was using my brother's laptop and he needed it. I'm gonna email him in a bit and let you know. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 no - not email, CALL!!!!! ditto! ............. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 I emailed. I'm too chicken to call him. This is what I emailed. Hope it sounds ok. Mutual friend is going to help me tomorrow, after practice, take on a WoW dungeon, over at his house. I want to know if you want to come down and quest with us. It would help us get the dungeon done quicker. I do hope he emails me back and says yes. Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 I emailed. I'm too chicken to call him. This is what I emailed. Hope it sounds ok. Mutual friend is going to help me tomorrow, after practice, take on a WoW dungeon, over at his house. I want to know if you want to come down and quest with us. It would help us get the dungeon done quicker. I do hope he emails me back and says yes. If a girl sends out an invite like this to me I would see it nothing more than a friendly gesture. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Hey guys, sorry to let you guys down. Ren, you shouldn't be sorry that you are letting us down, you should be sorry that you are letting yourself down. Please don't misunderstand me, I don't want to be harsh to you, but I don't believe that any of us can ever give you enough reassurance for you to feel secure enough to ask P out. We cannot look into P's head any more than you (though you should know him better than any of us). No matter how many new threads you are posting about this, you will get a lot of sympathy and understanding from the whole ENA community. However, I don't think it's helping you because it gives you (IMHO) a false sense of safety. ENA people will not get tired of supporting you through this, but in real life people have not unlimited patience. I have no idea if things with P could work out or not (I have given you my opinion on the situation already, repeating it won't convince you any more, if you are not allowing it), but if you don't take the chance, for whatever excuse you come up with, please be at least honest to yourself that you have nobody else to blame. Dating is tough. Everyone has their issues. Even if we do all the things right there is no guarantee of success, nevertheless as long as we haven't done everything in our power to put ourselves out there and to present ourselves in our best possible light we have no right to complain really. We cannot control others, we can only control our own behavior. Maybe it's not fair that we have to be always the once to do all the work and to be the ones to overcome our fears. But if we are not willing to do so, how can we expect it from others. It seems every time that a poster (especially the ones who do not know the whole story) suggests that P hasn't done enough or that you are right to have doubts and to hesitate, you feel a sense of relief that someone is validating your fears. So in some sense it seems to be justifying your inactivity. On the other side, when someone suggests a different approach you seem to more or less ignore it or shrugg it off. I would suggest for you to print out all the advice and encouragement that you have received in big bold letters and hang it up all over your appartment, so that you are constantly reminded of it. Maybe this will finally give you the strength to take some action in regards to P Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I would have loved the opportunity to invite someone I was interested in to participate in an activity similar to your situation - meaning, it is so low risk since you know he likes the activity, you know he knows at least some of the other people involved, and I would never assume that the guy would see it as anything more than friendship, so that if he was not interested in more than friendship, it wouldn't turn into an awkward "oh, she asked me out". Very often, when a woman is interested in a man the only way she can spend time with him other than if she runs into him (or in a class, or the office) is by asking him out, which can be intimidating (wasn't for me, but of course it can be). But you have the perfect opportunity here to gently test the waters. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Well I emailed him but he hasn't replied yet. I'm not worried because it's still early and he probably hasn't checked his email. Will update later if he replies. If not, oh well. Batya33, you're right. This is a low-risk way of asking him to hang out since it is not such an awkward thing. And his assistance is always a good thing. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Penelope, thanks for your support and advice. I know, at the end, I will have no one to blame but myself if this doesn't go right, but I am taking the safe way (of NOT directly asking him out) because the risks are too high. I also am a very shy person. And sometimes I do see the benefits of the guy making the first move. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Ren, you seem to conveniently forget that he DID make the first move, but you shot him down. Going the way that you call 'safe' (the not asking him directly), is never going to tell him that you are interested in him and will not be sufficient for him to disregard your remark of you not being interested in him. If he would be posting here on ENA and would say: she told me that she in not interested in me in this way, yet she gives me mixed signals - what do you think people would advice him to do? Link to comment
agatha Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 if you guys openly flirt with each other when hanging out, you could have thrown some more flitatiousness to that e-mail. something like 'hi P! S and I are gathering a party after practice tomorrow to help me on a dungeon quest. since you are such a great palladin/mage/elf/troll/rogue/whatever, I'd love to have you with us. can I count on your support?' just a little bit flirtier X d.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I would have loved the opportunity to invite someone I was interested in to participate in an activity similar to your situation - meaning, it is so low risk since you know he likes the activity, you know he knows at least some of the other people involved, and I would never assume that the guy would see it as anything more than friendship, so that if he was not interested in more than friendship, it wouldn't turn into an awkward "oh, she asked me out". Very often, when a woman is interested in a man the only way she can spend time with him other than if she runs into him (or in a class, or the office) is by asking him out, which can be intimidating (wasn't for me, but of course it can be). But you have the perfect opportunity here to gently test the waters. yes, i agree with batya. and has he contacted you back yet? i think calling is better, because what if he doesn't check his email until monday? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 yes, i agree with batya. and has he contacted you back yet? i think calling is better, because what if he doesn't check his email until monday? No, he hasn't got back to me yet. He probably didn't read his email. He's not type to ignore people. He's always polite. I didn't want to call him because he never officially gave me his number. I only have it because it's on our group fencing roster. I got his email off his Facebook profile since we are friends. I dunno Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Penelope, thanks for your support and advice. I know, at the end, I will have no one to blame but myself if this doesn't go right, but I am taking the safe way (of NOT directly asking him out) because the risks are too high. I also am a very shy person. And sometimes I do see the benefits of the guy making the first move. Wow Ren! Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Ren, that statement says a lot that if it doesn't work out you know you can only blame yourself. Is it possible that you're intentionally making it work out that way? So if it doesn't work out, it's a lot easier to say it's because you didn't do anything rather than to say he just wasn't interested? It's easier to handle that way, so you don't have to handle the possible rejection. But again, if you don't take the risk of rejection, you won't get the possible reward of NOT getting rejected. It's not easy to do, I have a hard time with it myself...but sometimes you just have to create your own opportunities, especially since you've rejected this guy yourself already. As someone who is so afraid of rejection, can't you understand why he'd be hesitant to make a move again? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I totally agree with Penelope. And i want to reinforce what she said about he DID make a move that you shot down somewhat. Now he is likely the kind of guy way too shy for me. If this were my life i am more take charge kind of person and likely wouldn't be very content with toying around with the flirting stage this long wtihout some moves being made. But I am not you and you ARE shy and you KNOW he is shy, and thus far you have been ok with that. Knowing this, and being okay with his shyness, that means that you should know that he tried to make a flirtatious move with you that you shot down by saying 'no i don't feel that way' or whatever it was that you said after he said people would start talking about all the flirting. A shy man would really be confused by what you said and start second guessing the whole thing. How can you find that so hard to believe when you have analyzed and second guessed his every move? That is what i don't understand. you of all people should understand how what you said might have confused him. To a man who isn't shy who liked a girl that wouldn't have bothered him, but by your own words he is VERY shy and you have seemed ok with that ... The best thing i can tell you is that the most successful daters are those who don't shy away from rejection. They know that rejection is going to happen sometimes but they keep playing their hand to increase their odds. You can continue to have ENA hand hold you thru this and cushion your emotions or you can just go forward and figure the WORST case scenario is you find out he isnt interested. If that were to happen, ask yourself 'so what'? At least you will finally know vs all the analysis. And the best case scenario is he is interested. But ask yourself NOW before you put this man thru anything if he is really the guy you want to date. I ask this because of your former posts saying maybe he isn't 'in your class' and doesn't like upper crust activities like you do. Those statements from you confused the heck out of me since you always have yearned so much for acceptance and when you found a group who seemed to like 'you for you' you were waffling as to whether you 'liked them for them'. think about that one Ren. I have to admit you sounded a bit snobby when you said those things, but if you really believe them that is going to affect the outcome here if he asks you out. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 New thread and update (not so good): Link to comment
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