THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[figmentations]

Thanks for writing after 60 days Figmentations. Sometimes I feel a break from the boards would do me good, but I think I still need to be here, to remind myself not to reach out to him.

 

Believe me, after 30 days you will feel better. You're almost there! After 1 month of NC, I felt better. I still have my off days but they're more nostalgic and melancholic than outright sadness. I feel much more in control of my life than ever. I wish you all the best.

[diesel85]

Day 12?

 

I still feel a lot of guilt and resentment. I am constantly reminded of my own inadequacies and failures. I know that these are habits of mind that I must gradually change. I accept where I am now but in time i know that I will rise again

[beaton]

Day 31.

I didn't even notice day 30.

 

I'm putting in my 2 weeks at my current job tomorrow and starting training at new, less stressful one next week. I'm taking a pay cut and it's not a glamorous job, but the one I had was crushing my sanity. I'm taking control and making changes.

I still wonder how he's doing, and sometimes I find things that I want to send him, but that habit is more or less broken.

[IAmFCA]

don't know if I want to do another round, what will I achieve? but, I might.

[Alone Now]

Another sleepless night and what little sleep I did achieve I woke up and my mind went straight to you. I am now desperately lying in bed praying to God that He will help me get over you. I've never done this before and I am at my wit's end.

 

Why did I go into the relationship with you so blindly? Why did I allow myself to fall in love with someone who would never be available to me. You told me that it was a bad idea from the start and yet I did. I did fall in love with you and the mental and physical pain is sometimes overwhelming!

 

In some ways I wish I had never met you. It would be so easy to function day-to-day if I hadn't. I would be able to take care of my son and do all the mommy things that are expected of me. I would still enjoy the company of J. I wonder how he is doing when my mind allows my to not be consumed with thoughts of you.

 

I cried last night over a song about being able to set someone free and I am afraid that I will never be able to do that with you. It is as if my life is at a standstill. I have a date with NG this afternoon and I look forward to it, but I know my mind will eventually circle back to you.

 

I can't tell you how many times I've checked my phone to see if you called or sent me a text message. Of course you haven't. I can't tell you how many times I've checked my email to see if you wrote me the briefest of notes just to say hi. Of course you haven't. You are becoming my worst nightmare where once I thought I was the woman of your dreams.

 

I am beyond sad.

[Alone Now]

don't know if I want to do another round, what will I achieve? but, I might.

 

Time to focus on ITIC, not B and not MM! I wish you the best in those attempts as inviting as they are~

[rockette]

Day 0 again

 

I knew id be back, after weeks of on-off he finally grew some balls and ended it with me this morning. Its funny to think only a few nights ago we were making love, he held me tight and told me he loved me so much, he told me i am his one and we will get through this. Liar!!!

 

Anyway time to get off this crazy ride and put myself first, you want me gone, im gone!

[gotexans12]

This is day 5. Suppose to be at least a month by now. I succumb and broke and try to call her.

[Alone Now]

don't know if I want to do another round, what will I achieve? but, I might.

 

Peace of mind? Self respect? Remind yourself that you are a strong and powerful female?

[rockette]

Day 0 again

 

I knew id be back, after weeks of on-off he finally grew some balls and ended it with me this morning. Its funny to think only a few nights ago we were making love, he held me tight and told me he loved me so much, he told me i am his one and we will get through this. Liar!!!

 

Anyway time to get off this crazy ride and put myself first, you want me gone, im gone!

 

Day 1 again

 

Feeling sad and very alone without him, my mind is going over and over the last few days and what he has said to me, cried myself to sleep last night and woke up quite a few times, woke early too and within second my mind was on him and i couldnt get back to sleep. Logic tells me that time heals, i know this from past experiances, just hurts, i miss him

[davedadude]

Day 0

 

Today was the last day I'll talk to her for a long time I hope. We broke up one week ago and I took the week to discuss everything I could, share everything I could get and give the answers needed. Did I beg her to stay? Yes. Rookie mistake. She broke up with me because 'she just doesn't feel it anymore'. I hope time apart will remind her of what we were, what we can be. I skyped her for an hour literally just now, and read out a final list of things I'm sorry for, and things I'm thankful for. I wanted everything to be out on the table before NC begins. I took in her reactions (of which there were very few), she still feels very confused and doesn't know what to do and/or say to me. That's ok, as long as I've said all I can. I told her that I loved her, that I'll always have hope, but I know that we need to be apart now, to grow, to discover, to change. I ended the call, I wanted that power.

 

I've blocked her activity on FB, I've unfollowed her on Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram. I haven't deleted her number, I feel confident that I won't use it. I'm ready to start this. Right now I feel kind of at peace actually, though when on the call I was a mess. Couldn't help it, said more than I should have too, but what's done is done. I've told her that if she ever wants to talk to me, she can. I'll welcome it. But I'm not going to contact her without good reason. She's a very rational, sane and intelligent girl, she won't be calling me every 2 days acting like nothing happened, we have a very mature relationship in that way despite being early 20's. There will be no running back into each others arms, now is the time to just feel our feelings. So yeah, here's to the challenge! It's going to be hard no doubt, especially as we were so engrained in each others lives, constantly texting about even the smallest things. I'm listening to a song she posted on her Tumblr now, and then I'm done. Here are the lyrics. Gamble by Lucy Rose, really beautil song and shows that she feels more to blame about this when she shouldn't be.

[marshmallito]

Day 26

Started out feeling good and strong, but I am starting to feel needy... too bad there is no one I can leach off. It is weird how you can have all these amazing friendships, attention from the opposite sex... but nothing replaces a partner.

[IAmFCA]

yup. unless he reveals something telling about himself, it's back to nc for me. tomorrow I will check in.

[Alone Now]

yup. unless he reveals something telling about himself, it's back to nc for me. tomorrow I will check in.

 

I wish you luck with it! But remember that if he catches on that you have a NG, B will turn up the heat again and again.

[IAmFCA]

I wish you luck with it! But remember that if he catches on that you have a NG, B will turn up the heat again and again.

 

hi AN

 

B asked me directly about NG... this is why I am going NC. All cards are on the table now. I am dumping him now or later, may as well be now.

[IAmFCA]

for my own record keeping. Day 1, unless d the unforeseen occurs.

 

logic? you said you are status quo with A, you have been watching my web traffic I guess or somehow monitoring me and MM, you asked me what's up. I said He is not a diversion for me. If I choose do to something with him, it will matter.

 

You know, now, that I am preparing to cut ties to you. you thought I was going to say that MM was nothing, but I actually said he may be significant. you are jealous now. I will not hear from you until you decide what angle to take with me.

 

I do not apologize for how you feel. we have already told each other we get jealous. I know my words hurt. but there it is. you are still involved with your tx woman, and still wanting to keep me available to you in case the timing changes for you. in case you decide to cut tx out and move on with your life. well, it doesn't work like that, and you know it. you have been warned, and I am getting gone.

 

so how does NC work for me? it helps me get it right with my potential new guy, who I am starting to really like.

[IAmFCA]

two messages from him by 9 this morning. not responding.

[IAmFCA]

message #3

not responding

[rockette]

Day 1 again

 

Feeling sad and very alone without him, my mind is going over and over the last few days and what he has said to me, cried myself to sleep last night and woke up quite a few times, woke early too and within second my mind was on him and i couldnt get back to sleep. Logic tells me that time heals, i know this from past experiances, just hurts, i miss him

 

Day 2

 

I woke this morning feeling incredibly anxious, like i had dentist or something scary like that, was proper intense anxiety, i was having panicky thoughts run through my mind like ''what if i never see him again? has he forgotten me? ( its been 2 days for gawds sake as if anyone would forget someone that fast right?) is he relieved i am gone? and a million other crappy thoughts, all racing around and around urgh!

 

Somehow i have got through the day, im not eating as i should be and i need to address that soon, hopefully i will pick up my appetite soon, sleep or lack of is doing me right in, i seem to be semi ok ish when i am with people or busy but alone time is hell and bed time is the worst for me

 

I wish he would come back, reach out somehow, i miss him so much

[davedadude]

Day 1

 

So the first proper day is over. I woke up feeling very anxious and worried like every morning since the BU. I know the best thing to do is get up and start doing stuff, but I wallowed in bed for 3-4 hours, reading hopeful stories on here to raise my mood. I haven't done much all day, it's my day off. I've kind of felt indifferent today, the anxiousness passed and I just feel numb and somewhat confident still that we can reconciliate, despite how unlikely that is. Saying that brings me crashing down again I walked my dog as I've been doing every day (typically my Mum does it) and that helps me get out and about, although I still think about her the entire time. Something happened that made me want to contact her too. I saw a 'face' on something ordinary, and whenever we'd see these we always texted each other. I just posted it to Instagram in the hope she'd see it that way, she is still following me I found it, though didn't interact with the photo, no like or comment. To be expected. My dog did a poo and the poo started rolling down the hill, I had to chase it to get it! Such a 'me' thing to happen and it'd make her so happy if I told her about it, but I can't! ARGH!

 

I knew I needed to get out so I joined my mates again after a few weeks away to play some 6 a side football. Initially I felt good to be out, but something horrible quickly took over. I just felt like ****, and worthless. Surrounded by so many athletic, fun and happy guys made me so depressed. It made me feel **** about how I look, I'm not a man compared to these guys. All I could think of was any one of these idiots could be my GFs next BF, and that killed me. I felt incredibly alone, I ended up not even playing football. I just wanted it to be over so I could go home the entire time, despite knowing home just makes me sad as well. I felt very, very close to calling her and just telling her I missed her. That was all, I just want her to know I miss her. I need her back in my life so bad, I love her so much and her not understanding her own feelings is so frustrating and confusing for me, there are no answers. I can't bare to think of when I'll talk to her next.

 

I called a friend who reached a hand out this evening and we talked for over 2 hours about breakups. I found out a lot about his, and there seem to be a lot of similarities in the way guys feel post break up. Full of regrets, and endless list of regrets. Knowing we never meant to hurt her, but with our stupid actions we do. This friend was one me and the ex would after talk about too, he's quite a character. After a while he made it really obvious (without saying) how much he wants to move here with me, he even got kinda desperate. Talk about out of the blue! It freaked me out and it's just another thing me and my ex would have laughed about together.

 

Going to bed now I feel kind of numb again. I haven't eaten properly today as usual, I hope that will pass soon. I miss her so, so, so much. How much harm would it do to just tell her that? I'm terrified she's forgetting about me, or worse, deciding we definitely made the right decision and not missing me at all. I know I can't think about these things, but they just appear in my head. Teeth brushy brushy time, night!

[figmentations]

Day 1

 

Well, I broke NC yesterday after 2 months of it to text my ex. She didn't reply just as I anticipated but I'm feeling okay and more liberated than ever. I know it's truly over and she's part of my past and I need to move on.

[marshmallito]

I am glad it hasn't damaged you figmentations.

Day 27

so close, I am not seeing the benefit in NC anymore. Maybe I am just overtired, emotional.

[Insomnium]

1st day

I have gone NC for almost 2 weeks but I still saw her at college. So i'm starting this to remind me of disappearing completely. I thought I was ok until I see her going with this 2 years younger boy. Well I know I have done some serious damage to her heart, let time heal it.

[figmentations]

I am glad it hasn't damaged you figmentations.

Day 27

so close, I am not seeing the benefit in NC anymore. Maybe I am just overtired, emotional.

 

Thanks.

Marshmallito, I think you need to stick to NC for awhile longer. I did 2 months of it before breaking and I'm back in the game

[carolinemk]

Day 0

 

The starting point. I told him today, on the phone (which is more respect than he gave me, considering he left me through a note), that I needed to heal properly, and for me that meant no contact. He agreed to it.

 

One stipulation is that he and I were supposed to attend a wedding together in two weeks. I still have to go back home to New England because my tickets are non-refundable; although, now I am just going to celebrate Father's day weekend with my parents. He wanted us to meet up and talk on that weekend, so I told him I would text him and say whether or not I felt ready to do so, and that would be it. So I guess it is more of a NC/VerrrryLC challenge for me. Either way, I feel good about my decision to do this. He had been string

 

Hoping I can stay strong after nearly two years of every day contact!