THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[davedadude]

Day 2

 

Ugh, another horrible morning. Woke up at 7am, but kept drifting between my phone and sleep until 1pm. Had the same horrible anxious feelings in the morning, and when I finally got up I felt really short on breath and was struggling to talk to my family.

 

Didn't do much in the day, but thought about her the whole time. I miss her so much, and all I can think is she doesn't give a **** about me. I started to think about birthdays and Christmas and how I'd approach them now. I think I'll still send her a small gift, there's no reason to cut her out and be mean. I always want to be there for her. At Christmas I'll definitely send a gift for the family, just to say thanks for everything they ever did for me. I doubt she'll send me a gift though, probably just an awkward 'Happy Birthday on fb, ugh.

 

Walked the dog, went to work, all the normal stuff. Pretty much addicted to these forums whenever I have a minute, keeps my mind occupied. Weird things are making me feel sad and lonely, even the music from my 3DS for some reason. I started thinking more about moving forward while I was bored at work, I definitely would like to head back to Uni for a teaching degree. It'll also allow me to get social with a new group which I'd love, and who knows who I might find?

 

I very nearly sent her a drawn picture message on an app we used to use called Couple, just saying I miss you. I felt really, really close to doing it, what harm could it do? Like last night, I just started feeling so alone and sad. I went on her Tumblr, played the song she posted after her breakup and started scrolling back through her blog. It get's progressively happier as I get further back and that really hurt. I've made her sad and depressed by being the way I am and it's truly affected her life. I hate myself. I decided to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall tonight, I'll start it right after this is posted. As it was downloading though I stupidly decided to check her FB and of course, it hurt. She's not with any guys or anything, but she'd posted a bunch of pictures of her and a friend just messing in her room and she looked happy and so so gorgeous, which is great, but it makes me think she's not affected. She was even wearing the hat I bought her a few Christmases back, like it meant nothing. A boy who I think is interested in her friend in the pictures posted a comment on the album and my ex liked it. I know that means NOTHING, but for some reason it means everything. I checked him out and of course, he's like a better me. Similar basic stuff, skinny, dark long hair etc, but better looking and happy and more unique. Funnily enough my internet died right before I went to check FB, I should have taken that as a sign... I was seriously thinking about re-initiating contact again soon, maybe at the end of the week. Just friendly, non specific stuff. I can't stop thinking about how good friends we are and there's so much I want to constantly share. I just want to talk to her, to get that ball rolling. I read a getting back together story on here that sounded quite like mine, she thought her feelings had gone, thought of her bf as a friend, they split BUT stayed in contact and she later realised she did still love him. Gives me hope.

 

Tomorrow I'm going to write out our entire relationship in a journal to get it out of my system and truly analyse every aspect. If she comes back in a few weeks/months and says we are truly over, I'm burning it to wash away any connections. Something to look forward to, and now I feel kind of angry!

 

Night fellow sufferers, we can do this

[diesel85]

Day 16

 

Today is my birthday. I knew that I would not get a text or call from her wishing my happy birthday. The silence is cold and sobering, but I embrace it. It is for the best. It is what I need to continue to move forward. Hearing from her would have only given me a moment of gratification followed by much more pain. Writing this down has made me really appreciate those who actually did reach out to me today to wish me a happy birthday. I am not completely alone after all.

 

Unfortunately, I actually did get a happy birthday text from an ex I was with 2 years ago. It just annoyed me and made me uncomfortable, especially when she used the affectionate pet name she gave me when we were together. I didn't respond.....I don't want to open up that door.

[marshmallito]

Birthdays are weird like that. My ex of a few years ago and his sister still contact me every birthday. They probably think they are being gracious but feels so empty, I don't know why they do it.

 

Day 28 four weeks

He hasn't reached out to me once.

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

[IAmFCA]

still not sure I am going NC... another day 1 while I consider how to deal with his depression and selective honesty. I feel that he loves me, but not sure it matters. last night said I was trying to figure out how to accept that he wasn't doing anything about it, so that I would neither dump him nor yell at him. this is no longer a dating relationship, and is becoming an unknown, like an unresolved romance, then becoming a friendship that fails before it begins. I was enjoying the unknown, am now wanting to walk away without withdrawing my support. time will solve.

[rockette]

Day 1 again lol this is stupid

 

He did reach out, texted me that night when i was going bed about some item he has of mine, asking if i wanted it. I said no thanks and he said he would bin it then , i said ok..then he messaged some more crap and then the next morning again asking if i was sure i didnt want said item..again i said no thanks so back to day 1 today and so far nothing.

 

I think i can do the nc but not sure i can ignore him if he contacts me. This is so hard

[beaton]

Day...34

 

I'm ok. I think I've finally reached the point where, I don't miss him. It took about 6 months, with many failed attempts at the NC challenge, but I made it. I was on twitter the past few mornings and didn't feel an urge to check his because I honestly don't care what he's up to, or who he's with. I wish him well but I'm not emotionally invested. I haven't contacted, or heard from him in over a month and I'm thankful for that. The complete NC is what helped me move on. It hurt so much at first to not hear from him, but it really is for the best. I don't know if I woud have been able to resist had I heard from him, but now I feel confident that if he did text or email me, I wouldn't bother to respond.

It feels so good to not care.

 

Good luck to everyone struggling. You WILL get over your ex. It might seem impossible but you will move on.

[carolinemk]

Day...34

 

Congratulations! Sounds like you're in a good place

 

 

 

 

As for me:

Day 1

 

Made it through my first 24 hours (plus a few) since we agreed to go NC. I did catch myself checking my phone throughout the day, subconsciously checking for my usual messages from him I think. I had the urge to send him a picture of something I saw driving home, but that was my only moment of big weakness.

 

Of course I still miss speaking with him and sharing my day, but I feel good about my Day 1 being over!

 

Fantasia's songs, "Lose to Win" and "Without Me," as well as Sara Bareilles' song, "Brave," have been helping me get through this breakup!

[davedadude]

Day 3

 

Another weird day. After watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall last night I felt totally disconnected this morning. I didn't feel crushed, in pain. I didn't feel free or happy though either. Just a weird, numb state. I made a thread on it..

 

Got on with my day as usual after getting out of bed late, as usual. Need to change that. As the day passed my feelings came back, the pain returned. Last night I got in touch with a classmate from Uni who I know had a rough breakup/makeup during Uni and is now in a LDR with the same guy. I wanted a little friendly perspective on my story, as well as what happened to her, how she dealt with being apart etc. Despite not being the best of friends, we had a really good chat continuing at the moment about everything. Her story shares a weird amount of similarities to mine, especially with how our partners deal with LD compared to us. Eye opening stuff and good to know that this pain, this suffering is ok, and that even when you think they're over and done with you you are still in their minds almost all day. It's surprising the people you can reach out to who can offer really helpful support.

 

Worked a little later this evening which was super boring, however I barely even browsed around here, normally I'm addicted! So I guess that means I'm standing on my own two feet a little more. Had a good laugh with the new guy at work too, he seems super nice and might even have some (real) job opportunities for me. Watched some Giant Bomb stuff this evening, was thinking about settling down with Forgetting Sarah Marshall again just to enjoy relating to the lead characters emotions in the first half of the film, but not sure if I want that numbing effect again?

 

I haven't been as tempted to tell my ex I missed her today, though it was on my mind a lot and I did start to draft different ways to say it before scrapping them. Finalised my weekend off too, going to see my best Uni mate for a few days which will be a nice escape, I think I need it. Still really missing her, but feeling less negative at the moment overall. I did cave and check her Tumblr and FB again, she's so gorgeous...

[marshmallito]

Day 29

So depressed today. My date was nice but he has more baggage than I expected... Hard to say, but I hope for marriage and kids, and he has been there done that.

I think the mile stone for me was four weeks rather than 30 days. We had our breakup talk, I broke NC two weeks later, now I have almost made my 30 days. And where has it got me? I am not over it. He hasn't come back.

[Nightm4re]

20 days NC, 1 month BU

 

Getting there, I feel great actually! I've been doing a lot of fun things lately.

Been going out to meet new girls and going to the gym like every day now

Keep it up everyone, it wil get easier, I promise! Just don't drive yourself crazy by looking at your ex's social media pages.

Delete here/his number and ask your friends and family to not even mention her once.

Take care, Grtz

[figmentations]

Day 4? I can't remember, honestly. I know it's been 10 weeks since we broke up and had been a little over 2 months since my last NC. I'm getting to that phase that I can't even remember dates or keep track of them

 

Anyway, I feel good! My ex never replied to my text, just as expected and I really think she won't for a very long time, if ever. But that's okay. It's over and I'm slowly severing any emotional ties I had to her. Sometimes I think it'd be better if I never hear from her again.

[carolinemk]

Day 2

 

I was doing so well today. My ex came into my mind a few times, but I felt ok for the whole day...until I got home and started making dinner for myself and my roommates. I opened one of the cabinets and saw the beer glass he must have left here by accident. The beer glass I bought him as part of an anniversary gift the day before he walked out on me. I didn't know he left it, and one of my roommates must have put it in with our other glasses.

 

Seeing it felt like a punch to the stomach. Made me instantly sad and left me feeling a bit ill: small emotional setback. I wanted to text him almost instantly to ask him if he wanted it back. I'll probably take it home and give it to him if/when we meet up anyways. Trying to keep my brain positive now

 

Planning on having a phone call/catch up with one of my best guy friends from college tonight, reading through ENA, and watching Game of Thrones to keep my mind occupied.

 

Celebrating another day

[marshmallito]

Day 30

Well, I don't dream of him every night. I think I am grinding my teeth less often. I have been keeping busy working, socialising, dating... sadly this has meant I have gained a little weight. Would liked to say I have improved myself with exercise.

I am not sure I am on the right track here. I think I will aim for 60 days now. And I will block him on Facebook at the end of that. If he hasn't even contacted me to find out how I am after the breakup, there is no need to keep the pretense of friendship on Facebook!

[davedadude]

Day 4

 

Welp. Setback. Made contact (she initiated) but I replied. Does that count? More on that at the end..

 

Woke up in the same pain as every morning. Made sure I got up earlier today, but not before checking TimeHop, an app that shows you what you were doing on social networking sites on this day each year back. Oh man This time last year I posted a funny FB status about all of her fails that day, and the year prior I'd posted a nice picture of her sleeping saying 'mine

 

Felt the need to get out of my room a lot more today so I played with the dog a lot. I wish dogs could talk. Had work as usual which was boring. However, near the end my phone buzzed. She had sent me a FB message which I hadn't expected. She basically just replied to the final message I sent her before NC saying Sorrys and Thank Yous, very amicable. She explained herself a little more and said how she felt. My heart dropped when she said she still feels like she made the right choice. She was super, super nice about in the message though, comforting any fears I had and re-assuring me that she doesn't hate or resent me at all and is thankful for 2 amazing years, and that it just doesn't feel right for her anymore and she wishes she'd said something about my neglect a lot sooner.

 

I replied and kept it cool I think. I didn't beg or plead at all, just responded and tried to keep it as light as I could considering we were talking about our breakup. I told her how my week had been, what things I'd discovered, how I feel about her (not too soppy), that I was glad she feels a bit better now, what I'm up to this weekend and just reminding her that she'll always have a place in my heart and she can always come to me with anything. I did ask her about the loss of attraction as I'm interested in winning her back obviously, was it becoming lazy with my looks, was it just a natural thing or was it because I was emotionally distancing myself from her and she felt unwanted, unloved (most likely)? What I love about her is her honesty. She's not like a lot of dumpers on here that seem to play mind games and screw with your emotions, dragging you through the mud with no thought for your heart. She's not like that AT ALL. So real, so down to earth. It's why it hurts so much to lose her, she's ****ing perfect and I've ruined it all.

 

Of course as soon I sent the message I started thinking about reconciliation in the future. Is it possible to fall back in love with somebody, especially if there were no turbulent troubles in the relationship like cheating or abuse, just LDR issues causing neglect, loss of intimacy and an emotional disconnect? Sure, why not. As long as I let her live a happy life and continue to feel out the breakup (we're only 2 weeks in) and I genuinely go ahead now, live life for myself and improve who I am. And even if I don't reconcile with her, she'll still be my best friend and hopefully somebody else even more amazing will come along.

 

So I feel kind of at peace right now going to bed, though I'm suuuuure it'll all hit me really hard in the morning how truly over our relationship is. Glad I didn't send her that 'I really really miss you' picture an hour or so before she sent her message now, that would have made me feel a little stupid.

[pj7]

Hi, guys!

 

I just wanted to share with you the way I dealt with NC! I'm no relationship expert! But when you are going through NC for the first time, the first three days are always the hardest! For me, once i got through the first three days, I had no temptation to contact the ex after that. It was still hard as hell, but i knew that by the fourth day i would be a lot better. And I just keep telling my self to get through the 3 days and it will be okay, it was like convincing myself to believe and also looking forward to that 4th day where I will wake up and feel better!

I read somewhere that 3 days is how long the brain takes to adjust to something new. Don't remember where or even if its true, but it seemed true for me. It might take longer for some, it might be quicker for others.

 

I hope i made sense and was helpful

[rockette]

Day 1 again lol this is stupid

 

He did reach out, texted me that night when i was going bed about some item he has of mine, asking if i wanted it. I said no thanks and he said he would bin it then , i said ok..then he messaged some more crap and then the next morning again asking if i was sure i didnt want said item..again i said no thanks so back to day 1 today and so far nothing.

 

I think i can do the nc but not sure i can ignore him if he contacts me. This is so hard

 

Failed again

 

Guys i suck at nc, he keeps messaging me and i cannot ignore him, i can do nc i know i can but why cant i ignore his messages and also guys he has been driving through my road when he really doesnt need to, also he drives past places he knows i am on certain days, What the f..?

[marshmallito]

Not up to a new day, but I had to share that I just blocked him on Facebook. Waiting for the apocalypse...

[elsenyor]

Day 21 NC and 2 Months Post BU

 

I still don't understand why she doesn't reach out to me, she said she wanted to still be friends at the time of BU (and even though i disagree with the thought of it) there hasn't even been an effort put forth to even try and make that happen. Furthermore I've done nothing from what I can see to receive NC treatment from her behalf. We've interacted maybe 5 times since with many days in between, they were even short conversations, I was not an a$$ nor rude, didn't even bring up the relationship. She said she'd like to meet up after I finished exams (even though she doesn't know when I finish) and her her internship (which as far as I know from while we were dating) she is done, she hasn't reached out.

 

Each day that passes by I grow more and more accustomed to the idea of meeting another woman even though I still love her, and ultimately whether she reachs out or I do it probably doesn't matter. I still continue to work on myself and I'd like to see her reach out first, but if not I may contemplate breaking NC 3-4 weeks down the line from now, we'll see if I'm ready when the time comes.

[Nightm4re]

@ marshmallito

 

Good job for blocking him, this will definitely help you healing.

Take care, it will get better!

xoxo

[Paramore]

My boyfriend broke up with me on Tuesday, it hurt so much for the next 3 days I kept contacting him and trying to see him, he kept giving me false hope by telling me that he loved me and he missed me and wanted me back, but then he would tell me to get out his life, my mother then mentioned this site and told me that it would be use full, I found this forum and decided to give it a shot.

 

challenge accepted!

 

day one

Friday 7th June

19:49

 

I am sat in my living room watching the channel four news, currently my boyfriend has not contacted me since half 10 this morning when I went round to his house and he told me he never wished to see me again its now 20:08. Yesterday evening I got a text that said " I'll leave you alone now I just want you to be happy and I'm not the one to do it just want you to know that I am sorry for the things I've said and done but I wish I could make things up to you but I cant ill just leave you to live without me and I hope in the future when you have kids that they grow up to be as strong as you are, I wish this wouldn't have ended but it has and there is nothing I can do to resolve it, I wish there was something but there isn't, I will always love you and I will miss you so much! good bye my beautiful baby girl, you are so beautiful and any guy would be nuts to turn you down and I am nuts but I hope your happy without me

 

he says I play mind games with him when really its the other way around he tells me to get out his life, then messages me saying he loves me and I will always be his, then tells me not to speak to him again, then tells me he misses me and now currently he never wants to see me. I'm not sure what's going to happen if I should just try and move on, I don't want to I love him he means the world to me, I've gone of food I barely eat anything anymore and when I do I hardly eat much, I cant sleep, when I get a message on my phone my stomach tenses because I hope it's him and when it isn't my heart sinks, everywhere reminds me of him, I think about him all the time! my whole body is in a achy pain and I never have the energy to do anything, days just go so slow now a big chunk of my life has gone, are these all normal symptoms of being broken hearted and what should I do to deal with them?

[Paramore]

I had the exact same problem...temptation to see what he is up to, block his Facebook and delete his email. its hard it took me nearly half an hour to click the block button but in the long run you will feel 100 times better!

[Paramore]

Day 4

 

........trying hard to not open his fb and email.

I know i can do this, i have control of my own myself!

 

I had the exact same problem...temptation to see what he is up to, block his Facebook and delete his email. its hard it took me nearly half an hour to click the block button but in the long run you will feel 100 times better! and it will help you move on and get over him faster

[Paramore]

he has just sent me a message at 8:36 PM Friday the 7th June saying "Here we go the horrible one you are shows again" I haven't spoke to him all day so what this means I do not know, I've deleted the message though and ignored it so 1 up for me already although my stomach is feeling all tense and tight

[Paramore]

after not replying to his first text he then messaged me again asking if he could pick his tops up, this was at 8:52 I just replied yes they are washed and dried, and he just replied okay thank you, feeling pretty good

[Paramore]

he just came round to my house to collect his tops, my mum answered the door and got his tops he sounded sad from what I could hear and she said he would of wanted to see me but his mate was there, I was watching from the window and as he walked away he looked back, I tried to move back so he didn't see me but he did, I wonder what will happen next, he will probably contact me later on tonight with more sympathetic messages but by tomorrow it will be "get out of my life" messages again! I cant deal with all these mind games!!! URGGHH!