THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Tanzi]

Did I really write this post. Perhaps I should delete it. That doesn't sound like me and I am certainly not feeling that way today.

 

Day 5

 

I am not doing at all well today. Perhaps it is because it is the weekend and I feel that I have nothing to get up for. Perhaps its just another day, another emotion.

 

Our relationship was a long distance one so we had lots of contact over the phone, via text and MSN. Although we had become "friends" after certain issues plagued the relationship we still kept up a certain amount of contact (every 4 days or so) and, well, behaved as if we were still in a relationship.

 

I can't do this though. I have been hanging on hoping that things will get back to the way they were before. He on the other hand probably sees it as more of an "arrangement" till one of us does move on. And the way I'm feeling - its more likely to be him. I can't hang around for that. I had to end the relationship.

 

Although its only day 5 - its really been 2 weeks since we had "normal" contact. I miss him terribly, I want to hate him but I love him. I don't want Brad Pitt (lol). I want him. I'm rambling. Its helping!!

 

The first thing I did this morning was to sign into ENA. These forums help. I take heart in knowing that I am not the only lost soul out there and I take inspiration from those who have stuck with NC and are moving on.

 

It is a beautiful day again outside and I know he will be lapping up the sun, playing golf, enjoying life, as he has always done. Me, I will probably hide away and do nothing! Perhaps I will mow my lawn!!!! I'm rambling again.

[Tanzi]

It's good to get out and about and by the beach!!! Even better

 

Hang in there

 

Thank you. I have no choice this time. I think our "friendship" was beginning to wain, the contact was slowing down. I think he is back on dating sites and probably in contact with someone. Of course, I don't know this for sure, its just a hunch. If I go back then I will hurt even more. I can only go forwards now. But it isn't easy.

 

He turned my life around after my husband left me at a time when I felt like I was sinking. He was like my lifejacket. I guess I've got to learn to swim on my own now. Silly analogy but it explains how I feel!!

[Cat76]

Thank you. I have no choice this time. I think our "friendship" was beginning to wain, the contact was slowing down. I think he is back on dating sites and probably in contact with someone. Of course, I don't know this for sure, its just a hunch. If I go back then I will hurt even more. I can only go forwards now. But it isn't easy.

 

He turned my life around after my husband left me at a time when I felt like I was sinking. He was like my lifejacket. I guess I've got to learn to swim on my own now. Silly analogy but it explains how I feel!!

 

I was on here all the time when I first split with the ex, and read every post looking for answers or suggestions. But as time has gone on I've not been on as much and when I have, it is to genuinely try and help other people or just be encouraging. Everybody says it, but it just takes time. There is no magic button that can be pressed.

 

I felt like you at first..one day I was fine and then the next I was in the depths of despair. I get through by thinking everyday that I don't have any contact, specifically him not contacting me, that if he can't be bothered then neither can I and it makes me more determind to make a success of my life.

 

Believe me, if I can get to this stage, so can you And if you need to talk, rant, vent, there will be always someone to listen.

[philove]

Day 38

 

I'm trying hard to regain my lost self esteem and confidence. So I have been doing some clothes shopping in preparation for the summer.

 

I have been analysing myself and I have realised I have so many good qualities, I just need to work on some personal issues I have. I'm really determined to use this breakup as a way of turning my life around. There are lots of things I am unhappy about in my life that I know I can change with a little bit of determination.

 

This time next year, I want to be living in a different place, I want to have new circle of friends and most importantly I want to be happy.

 

I know I can do it and I will use my breakup as the driving force.

[canBshy]

Oh wow! I really like this. I should listen to what you have to say. It's been almsot a year and yet, I can't stop talking to him. We talk everyday. And yet, I still feel pain and feel like I can't get away from him. We tried it for a week. And it only lasted about 4 or 5 days. So almost, but neither one of us could take it. I almost feel as if we are supposed to be together and he's just "playing the feild". Which is kinda true.

[canBshy]

I would very much like to play this "game thing" you have going on. But I'm not sure if I can. I worry too much about how he will feel if I just up and leave for a whole month. He freaks out if I don't talk to him for a whole day, let alone a month. Maybe I care too much about how he feels??? But I can't help it!

[Tanzi]

Believe me, if I can get to this stage, so can you And if you need to talk, rant, vent, there will be always someone to listen.

 

Thanks again Cat, I know I can do it.

 

 

Philove: Same here, this time next year I want to have a new career and a new circile of friends and a new life!!

[philove]

Thanks again Cat, I know I can do it.

 

 

Philove: Same here, this time next year I want to have a new career and a new circile of friends and a new life!!

 

 

You can do it if you really want it

 

I sometimes believe breakups can be blessings in disguise.

[Tanzi]

I sometimes believe breakups can be blessings in disguise.

 

I agree. It was me that had major misgivings in the beginning of our relationship. It was me that messed things up because of this and it was me who then wanted things back the way they were when it all finally went wrong!! Whats done is done and there is no going back and when I finally manage to move on I will thank God that he had the strength to do what I didn't!!

[Ixtapa]

Day 26 (2)

I think not checking if he changed his FB pic and added more friends will definitely help. We do have a couple friends in common on FB but he is not the type to post on their profiles or commenting on anything....so as long as I dont check, it is as if he doesnt exist anymore. Starting a new job on Monday...need to concentrate on that...

[philove]

I agree. It was me that had major misgivings in the beginning of our relationship. It was me that messed things up because of this and it was me who then wanted things back the way they were when it all finally went wrong!! Whats done is done and there is no going back and when I finally manage to move on I will thank God that he had the strength to do what I didn't!!

 

That's a really good attitude to have

[Tanzi]

Day 25

We are not friends on FB anymore but I keep checking if he changed his profile pic or if he has added new friends. I guess NC should now include NOT checking this, it makes absolutely no sense.

 

Rule No 2!!

 

Difficult I know, but we gain nothing from it other than maybe to hurt ourselves.

[hesnotworthit]

lol I have done this many times before. I keep his number in my knicker drawer!! I do, however, always end up putting the phone number back on my phone when we end up being friends again as I get fed up of having to type out his number every time. This time however I haven't made such a "statement" by deleting his number. I wonder if this is significant in anyway?

 

really, well good on you, i think its all about changing the habbits you had with them, that helps you to truly let go...so by you no longer deleteing his number anymore your making a stance to moving on, in the same way i am by deleteing his number. What ever helps you sleep at night

 

yea, the day after we broke up I deleted her number, stopped going on facebook or myspace, took all my pictures of her and us, presents she gave me, things that belonged to her and put them in a box in the cellar. I dont want to be reminded or her in any way, I already still think abou ther time to time, just imagine how much more intense it would be if I saw all this stuff. Glad you are optomistic, there are day where I feel on top of the world and then days I go through identity crisis crap, all in all this is normal though, you are going through withdrawls from the relationship.

 

I have been reading on diffrent threads people saying they believe when you actually move on and feel super good about life its like she or he can sense it through some weird connection and really then fears losing you for good, just curious to what other peoples takes are on this? Voodoo mumbo jumbo or any truth in this.

 

wow that took courage to let go of all her reminders the day you broke up! High five! I think i just hate change, but i know that in order for me to let go, i have to change and let go of every last reminder of him. And its intresting about what you said with connections...i think thats a true in a way, for me, for some reason i always think about him just before i acidently run into him, or anyone else talks about him... Maybe because we were so close to them during the relationship, we stil maintain a connection however small? Have you had any experiences with this?

[Tanzi]

That's a really good attitude to have

 

I'm trying to make myself feel better. Its working Thanks for helping me see that!!

[philove]

I'm trying to make myself feel better. Its working Thanks for helping me see that!!

 

No problem, we are all here to help each other

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 33

today was crap. broke down and cried last night, looked at a picture of us together. i think i just have a lot of crap going on in my life at the moment, and everythings just coming together into one explosion, and trying to let go of him once and for all is just the icing on the cake.

I thought about him a lot today, which is gay, seeming i was beginning to think about him a lot less everyday! Obsessed that this guy was him, while out, and it wasnt.

 

Argh. A friend whos out just texted me about just seeing him in one of the clubs...it doesnt help to know he's out having fun while im home exhursted, hurt and annoyed. But they did tell me he's died his hair and looks ugly from it, and he's "just staring into space". Good. If only they'd told me he just got run over by a car.

Oh the possibilities.

[hesnotworthit]

Day 38

 

I'm trying hard to regain my lost self esteem and confidence. So I have been doing some clothes shopping in preparation for the summer.

 

I have been analysing myself and I have realised I have so many good qualities, I just need to work on some personal issues I have. I'm really determined to use this breakup as a way of turning my life around. There are lots of things I am unhappy about in my life that I know I can change with a little bit of determination.

 

This time next year, I want to be living in a different place, I want to have new circle of friends and most importantly I want to be happy.

 

I know I can do it and I will use my breakup as the driving force.

 

Thats the spirit! As they say, the things that hurt you, but dont kill you, only make you stronger. Its hard, but we will all make it

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 29

 

Tomorrow is the big day. Although I don't even know why I'm counting anymore, its not like I plan to break NC once I reach 30.

 

If anything its just proving to me that she never did want to be with me, and she's doing fine without hearing from me.

[LostSolace]

Day 9 of NC - 14 days until 4 month mark since break up.

 

I miss her. I miss her like crazy. I think about the good times we had together and how she used to always make me smile..

 

She was so reassuring, comforting, caring. She didn't dream big but she had a big heart..God she was amazing..

 

NC is getting really tough; as I've had the urge to look at her myspace and livejournal. I'm refusing to, though..I can't let myself down.

 

Would anyone have any inspiration to keep me going?

[Tanzi]

No problem, we are all here to help each other

 

That we are. And that is what everyone is doing. I am so glad I found ENA. These forums and those on them certainly have helped.

[philove]

Thats the spirit! As they say, the things that hurt you, but dont kill you, only make you stronger. Its hard, but we will all make it

 

That is so true, we don't realise it now but when we are healed we will all be new people

[philove]

That we are. And that is what everyone is doing. I am so glad I found ENA. These forums and those on them certainly have helped.

 

I would hate to think what state I would be in now if it wasn't for ENA

[Tanzi]

I would hate to think what state I would be in now if it wasn't for ENA

 

Probably the state I'm in now lol ](*,)

 

I didn't mean that. I'm staying sane. I have to for the sake of my 3 children!

[philove]

Probably the state I'm in now lol ](*,)

 

I didn't mean that. I'm staying sane. I have to for the sake of my 3 children!

 

I know how tough it can be at first but stick at it and reap the benefits

 

You will definitely feel better after 30 days of NC and your kids are probably the perfect distraction!

[Tanzi]

This thread is brilliant ... and funny. Certainly helps vent feeling!!