THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[miss bear]

Day 6 and 7:

missed a post.

 

I spent the past two days with a guy I have dated on and off for 8 years. He is a friend and I ended up having sex with him.

I felt bad at first, like I was cheating or something, then I started thinking about how my ex has been dating and may possibly be getting together with someone I thought was just a friend of his, and I thought I have nothing to feel bad about.

 

He broke up with me! I am just doing what I can to get over him.

 

This guy is so different from my ex...he is much cuter, younger, has a strong sense of himself and has his own identity and isn't afraid to say what is on his mind. He has really good communication skills. Pretty much the opposite of my ex.

I spent the night at his house last night and it was hard to fall asleep next to someone who wasn't my ex. He feels different and smells different. he was sweet and literally held me all night and I guess I had a bad dream when I did finally fall asleep and he woke me up and he kissed my head and rocked me back to sleep.

 

I wish I wasn't so angry at my ex, I wish I could be happy for him but I am not there yet,I just want him to realize what an imbecile he is and realize he was wrong and I want him to regret giving up on the best thing he has ever had and I want him to feel as terrible as I have felt and I want him to swim in that feeling for a longtime.

[msDazed_N_Confused]

Ok...the first 24 hrs of NC have passed...and i am doing fine!!

No not really....Everyday i wake up thinking "i can do this" and everyday when i get further on into the day i think "i miss you soooo much"

I can't believe i feel this heartbroken...i just want him to tell me we are ok...hell i just want him to talk to me.

Oh well...i am keeping my head held high to the outside world, and cry on my own if i have the chance.

[Seif]

Day 2 and no contact. She's taken the news I never want to hear from her again badly, accusing me of sucking up to her mates. Oddly enough, that was done so I could give her stuff back. I wanted to reply back but getting into a fight does nothing.

 

Still hard.

[Yostina]

Day 4

 

Today I feel like breaking NC. I'm at a point where I feel weaker because hell I miss him more than ever. But what would be the point if I tell him I miss him? He probably would just ignore it and re-set me back on fire. I'm afraid of taking any step now that I'm on my way to healing. I'm not healed yet though, I'm in a confusion state. sigh

[Bobbadoo]

Day 2:

I don't have the urge to call her but I still want to talk. Just talk about whats happening and such. I still miss her so much. Wish the time can go faster.

[perio]

Day 16 ( I believe)

 

Hanging in there. I would love to talk with her and see how things are going but there is no chance that I will break BC.

[Yostina]

Day 5

 

I miss you so bad today. I should at least complete 2 weeks of NC before I try taking any step. I'm hanging in as much as I could, but every time I see you I realize how much I want you in my life, and my strength just starts fading away...

[perio]

Day 17

I am feeling very good today. I catch myself being more critical of her in my thoughts.

[Kevo]

Day 6 My first post on this thread...

 

I requested NC because I felt I was being strung along. After 2 years and being engaged she broke up and moved away on a spur of the moment decision. Stress and low self esteem got the better of her. She didn't like herself and I was angry from all the stress in our lives.

 

Since the break, I have done an amazing job healing and getting myself together. Working out, new clothes, calm attitude, etc. She's seen all this too and has said how amazed she is. She kept telling me that she wanted to be with me and she loved me and missed being engaged.. all kinds of things like that. It made me feel great. But still, she wouldn't ask me to join her. It was all words. So finally being fed up, I sent her the following last week:

 

Me: I don't think we should talk anymore. I've been thinking and I'm doing really well. Working on myself and healing has worked wonders and I'm happy. Honestly, I don't want to lose that. I don't like hearing about how you miss me or your ring or any of that. It's leading me on which doesn't help me move on. I started out hoping that you'd take this time to work on yourself and realize that you wanted to be in a committed relationship but I don't think that has been the case. That's fine, it's your life. But to help both of us just move on I think it's best that we not speak anymore.

 

Her: Are you kidding? You really don't want me in your life ever?

 

Her: I'm horrified what do you want me to do? Do you want to move out here??

 

Me: Look. It's not that I don't love you. It's that I know I'm being strung along and that isn't helping me move on. I've been through this before (ENA: feel free to look up my past posts for my previous ex that moved to OZ). Last time it messed me up bad. This time I've been doing great. That isn't because I cared about you less (completely the opposite), it's because I know how to deal with this better. If you want to be in a committed relationship then feel free to contact me. Until then I just need to keep working on myself. I really do wish you well out there. That is the truth.

 

Her: Did you meet someone?

 

Me: No

 

Her: Glad to hear that because I want you. I always will.

 

Her: I don't want to lose you. I'm panicking baby.

 

Her: I'm not stringing you along by any means. I'm working on myself and am crazy busy here with work. I don't have time to eat. I miss you like crazy and know that I don't ever want anyone else you're my ham always and forever. I just don't know what you want me to do right now. I really am so busy but I don't ever stop thinking about you.

 

Her: I love you with all my heart and I do have all intentions of having you come here if you are willing to. I have a growing list in my head of all the things I want us to do together here. I miss you more than you know and I'm so happy you are doing well. Once I get work down I'll have time to work on myself but I'm still not doing very well just keeping myself distracted from crying through the day. My stomach is always in knots. I miss home and most being in your arms lying in bed. I love you with all my heart and I will always be yours.

 

She's tried to contact me twice since then. Last Thursday was the last attempt. I haven't responded to either since they weren't asking to talk about us but rather were just giving me an update on what she's up to.

 

I wonder if I made a mistake going NC. I want to get back together so much it kills me. She is the only thing I have thought about since the break up 1.5 months ago. She tells her friends that we're just taking time apart. I wonder if she really is just taking some time for herself and she'll get back when she feels she is better. I guess I'll have to wait and see. She knows how I feel.

[Dlee80]

Its getting really hard to reason myself out of sending a text He thinks so much... moves so slow...

[Bobbadoo]

Day 3:

 

Feel pretty good. Just gotta keep reminding myself why I'm doing this. I'm doing this for myself.

[Yostina]

Day 6

 

I'll see you in college today. I wish I could break off the chains and run to you. I wish I could hug you so tight and never let go of you. Sigh

[GotMyLifeBack]

Day 6. Good day, good weekend. I have grown so much in the last few weeks. I really understand the evolution of our relationship. And as a thinking person, that's a relief.

[Starrgrl]

Day 74 Tears have basically ceased. Aching sadness still remains. Am improving day by day.

[msDazed_N_Confused]

Day 3

I noticed he didn't block me from his IM...cause i could see he was online.

But i controlled myself and didn't contact.

Why is this soooo hard?

[howinvoluntary]

Well, that's deceptive. I have had stretches of three and five weeks. We've been broken up for just over two months.

 

Long story short, I have met someone else. She's a good friend, and I don't think it is a wise idea for me to get into something, but she clearly likes me and it feels pretty awesome. She's super cute and smart and has given me attention that I cannot imagine my ex ever giving me again. Maybe with some time it could progress into something, but I'm inclined to want the stability of the friendship instead.

 

We went to a concert together last weekend. It was an amazing night. To my astonishment I got home and had a message from my ex. She is clearly unsure of what she wants. There was little point to her phone call, she will be traveling for the next few months. She was just unfairly keeping me in check. I'm not fully healed, and it hurt like hell. I have bounced back nicely. I now realize that I care less and less about what actually comes of all of this.

 

If we do reconcile, it will be because she proves to me that she is as capable of providing for our relationship as I am. I would be astonished if that came to be the case, but then again I've been astonished before.

[UserName00]

Oct. 12th, I am taking the power back

[GotMyLifeBack]

Day 7.

 

Back at work. Some anxiety that I'll cross paths with her. But I'll handle it. It's my dignity and my self-respect - and her loss.

[perio]

Day 18

 

I hope that I hear from her. I hope that her sister is feeling ok.

[perio]

Howinvolutary

 

Does your friend know aboout your ex and what you are processing?

[GotMyLifeBack]

Day 8.

 

Doing ok. The ex is probably struggling. She instituted NC on me and she didn't actually want to cut contact - she was just mad at me. My, what a conundrum she's in.

[perio]

Day 19

 

I'm feeling very good about no contact. I hope SOP much that she reaches out. I guess that's not such a health thought if I'm going NC .

I don't "need" her nut I sure do love her. So, if this is what she wants then I am strangely at peace. I just don't understand. I wish I did nut accept that I may never know true truth.

[Starrgrl]

It's early morning (4:38am) and I'm still up (I still haven't been sleeping well. Need to get to sleep soon. =/)

 

Day 76

 

Dramatic improvement from the first month and half.

But still in a semi depressed state- no more crying... But still in some pain.

[howinvoluntary]

Howinvolutary

 

Does your friend know aboout your ex and what you are processing?

 

Perio,

 

She does... Actually, this girl got to know me during the throws of my break up during the summer, and asked me about my ex this last weekend. I'm not leading her on, but I do think she likes me quite a bit, and if the situation escalates I will have to put it down. But I'm confident that while she might be developing feelings, she is in a similar place.

 

And just so you know, a couple weeks ago I thought I wanted nothing more than for my ex to reach out to me... You might be surprised, it felt pretty lame after it happened, and she was going out on a limb in ways.

[miss bear]

Day 8,9,and 10:

 

I am feeling so up and down lately. I miss him so much these past few days, so much I haven't been able to post because I didn't want to cry. Well now I am crying.

I hate waking up and thinking about him. Wondering what he is doing, if he ever wakes up and thinks of me, does he miss me, he is waking up with someone else next to him.

 

I just want to stop feeling so out of control emotionally. One minute I hate him, the next I miss him so much I just want to go to his house and beg him to try again.

I just can't understand how he could just stop loving me. How do you just switch it off?

 

I had lunch with a friend yesterday, she had been in a relationship for a 1 1/2 years with a guy who was very similar to David. She understood everything I was saying, I would be telling her something that happened and she could finish the story for me.

 

We talked about how in the beginning David was so into me it was somewhat overwhelming, all the gifts, all the time he wanted to spend with me, how he thought I was so wonderful and perfect (even when I would warn him I am not perfect).

 

She had the same thing happen, she called it "new puppy syndrome". The puppy's so cute, I love the puppy so much....... but then the puppy gets bigger and pees on the carpet because no one trained it, so it goes to the shelter.

 

This is how I feel. Like I was this new drug for him. I feel lie he was addicted to the newness,to the feeling of being in love, but I don't think it was love for him, I think he just did not want to deal with why his marriage fell apart and wanted to feel better so he found me and I was his rebound.

 

I just want to feel better, I want to stop thinking about him. I want to be able to sit in my house alone for an evening and not feel anxious and lonely. I never was this type of girl before.