THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[dandan78]

Day 3

 

And I'm a mess! Can't stop crying. Every time I read support or inspiration I break down.

Really wanted to contact her last night but didn't. That desire isn't anywhere near as strong today (yet!).

 

Wondering if I should cancel my date for tonight? I had really been looking forward to it but can't go if I'm gonna keep bursting into tears.

 

Oh and I didn't get my tattoo last night after my friend couldn't make it =0(

[matador1972]

Day 3, yesterday was hard, she contacted me about the kids in the morning but i didnt respond, not heard anything since.

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 18 (Day 2 of strict NC)

 

Well, today I woke up feeling like crap. It seems I forgot I had been dumped while I was sleeping and then woke up to the harsh reality. Last night I felt the best I have felt in a LONG time when I started to go through the forum and read back everything that I wrote when we were broken up 2+ years ago. There was some funny stuff and somehow it lifted my mood and made me consider doing what I did last time, which was brainwashing myself into thinking life was wonderful and that everything was great and to just "fake until you make it". I suppose I should watch The Secret again, to see if it still has any effect on me.

 

Today is also the second day I haven't tried to see what he's up to online. This had been really hard, I keep imagining the worst and want to see if it's true, but according to my own posts from the first break up, after a while this feeling fades and you just feel great not knowing what's going on. I hope it works this time as well.

[feelingitnow]

WOW. What a way to put things into perspective; there could certainly be some allegorical meaning to come away with here, as well, and it seems that you are channeling into that. Finding a new car, picking up these pieces, could also all be a part of the new you if it's truly over, or at least what the two of you had before is definitely over. Anything that develops would have to be something new...just like your new car... And at least YOU'RE OK...that looks like a really serious crash, can't tell if airbags deployed or not but it's really good that you're alright and thanks for taking the time to post about this horrible experience including uploading pictures, on this forum. Glad you're alright!!!

[JoeK_19]

Day 14, it's rough. Her b-day is in a few days, gonna be even rougher. Before I joined here and learned about NC, I told myself I'd give her 2 weeks (that would be today). Changed my mind & decided I'd text her on her b-day. Changed my mind again and decided I'd wait until after her b-day. Found out she's seeing someone new, can't imagine how she could be ready for that after two-and-a-half months out of what was a near amazing 2 year relationship. Gotta keep on keepin' on.

[Nappyloxs]

Day 9

 

Feelingitnow:

 

I was thinking about your last post. I am not a hateful person. I don't hate people. I guess despite her two months of NC and the things she's done during it (rejecting flowers, having someone I really don't care for call me, sharing emails with that same person, not even responding when I let her know about great things that happened to me, turning her head away from me, etc...), I don't want to hate her. I should hate her for those things. They should be motivation to move forward. I know that she is a good girl and I don't want to lose that image of her. Part of me wants to believe she is doing this because she loved (past tense) so much. It really does not matter why.

 

I am just too nice. I am friends with my previous ex. and she cheated on me and left. With her, I understood that she cheated and used the new guy as an excuse. She just wasn't strong enough to leave on her own. She need someone else as the crutch.

 

My mother was saying that the only reason she should be acting like this is if there was abuse involved. But there wasn't.

 

So many things get to me, but one in particular is her ex. He abused her, kidnapped, cheating, and stole $10,000 from her. He still calls her. He called her throughout the whole relationship. She occasionally answered his calls. She would usually tell me she did not recognize the number,etc... But she still would speak to him after abuse, kidnapping and theft. She always believe that he would pay her back the money.

 

I also think that her roommate told her that if she ever spoke to me again, she wouldn't be friends with her. That is the type of person her roommate is.

 

But the fact is she has chosen to not communicate with me. Love lost. Its as simple as that. Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd.

[lonesomeloser]

Day 1

 

I blew it. Had 5 days of NC. She texted me Thursday, I let it go. She sent an email Friday morning asking where I was. I let it go.

 

Then Friday night, I'm drinking, having fun, uploading a video to facebook, thought I was invisible but I guess not - she pops open an IM asking what I'm doing. I hesitate, but I figured ignoring her wouldn't be right. So I responded. And I explained how I felt. -- now, I do think this was important, because she truly was oblivious to why I went NC.

 

So I told her. I told her that our time together was more special to me than it was for her. That it hurts to hear her using the same word-for-word conversations with my friend that she had with me. That I thought those were OUR moments.

 

She said "I am who I am, sorry". -- Fine, cool. No problem. Be who you are. But just know that I am hurt. She says I'm being unfair and she never talked to him the way she talked to me, whatever... he's not going to lie to me, he has no reason to; she does.

Even got her to say "f*ck you, I don't have to answer to you".

 

Then somehow (alcohol prob) we ended with I love you's and we'll always be in each other's lives, blah blah blah... Actually, she said "I don;t need anymore drama in my life, I'm leaving now, later". So I said "Goodbye".

 

Then she gave me the "I do love you. You made me very sad, thanks for that".

I said that was not my goal but may be the only way to explain a broken heart.

 

Then she says "Just so you know this doesn't change ANYTHING bt us I am not like that just makes me learn more about myself and relationships".

 

She wants to digest this and then connect with a phone call. Didn't say when. So, until then I'm back to NC. I REFUSE to initiate ANY contact with this woman anymore. That is what has caused me the most heartache. So, althought I broke my 5 days of NC, I think the conversation was important so that we could both either move on, or re-evaluate what we had/have.

 

Oh, I did see her online this morning, but went invisible right away. Not sure if she saw me or not; doesn't matter. I did NOT contact her.

[Hobbes]

 

As soon as I realized it was the last thing I had that still kind of connected me to her, All the feelings came back. Could just be the trauma/shock, but man this is especially hard... I feel like I was just set back months...

 

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Ouch that's a big hit, I feel your pain, sorry you lost the car.

[Nappyloxs]

Day 9:

 

I feel like I am finding some peace today. Don't know how long it will last.

 

Posting on ENA either my problems or giving advice to others has really tremendously. By posting advice, I remember my past breakups, my ex's flaws, etc... It really helps bring back my rationale and helps me listen to my mind, instead of my heart.

 

Still have a long way to go to become myself again, whether its the old me or a new me.

[HeavyD]

Thanks guys. It's definitely been tough. The airbags did go off. I felt like I was punched in the nose, and now have a black eye from it. But other than stiffness/soreness I'm ok. Which of course, is most important.

 

I actually texted her after it happened and said "today's not going to work". She found out a little while later I guess from word of mouth, and texted "are you ok" etc, etc. I guess being nice.

 

Later that night her mom texted me saying sorry, and thankful I was ok. Before I went to bed I popped on facebook, and her brother also sent me a message saying sorry for the accident, and hope all is well...

 

At the very least I know that I'm not forgotten and HAVE actually had a significant impact on not only her, but her family as well...

 

Day 2

[Reilly2856]

Day 1: A really hard day today. So many times I felt like texting him but held strong. Just been feeling so down lately....hurt and angry. Hope tomorrow is a bit better

[Nickk]

DAY 1

Wish me luck!!!

[kt_belle]

Day 4: I have broken NC and have talked to my ex. We saw each other by accident today and he texted me later to say that it was nice to see me. I have started talking to him online and we are talking like we used to.

 

I have asked him if we can talk in person probably tomorrow. I need close. I am going to clarify with him what is going on and give him the choice. If he wants to talk to me then it needs to be about reconcilliation.. Otherwise if he is still definate in his choice then we cannot talk and he cannot contact me until i feel like i am able to cope and have healed.

 

Lets see how it goes. I fully expect that he won't consider giving it a second chance. At least now i'll be able to ask him for some peace.

[Nickk]

So its been 27 days since I have talked to my ex.

 

Just so happens, I am watching some television right now. So the movie "Where the Boys are" comes on. Just so happens it takes place in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Just so happens we were there a few months back. Just so happens we were on a boat tour that went down the same waterway we were on a few months ago. Talk about a kick in the balls!!!!!

man that sucks hey!

[CrapAtNC]

Wow! I passed the month mark about three days ago and didn't even realise.

 

That's good, of course, but I'm wondering if that means it's completely fizzled.

[dandan78]

Day 4

 

I really wanted to text her last night whilst I was on my date. I was worried that she'd found out and I wanted to say "letting go and getting on with my life doesn't mean I've given up on us"

 

Not sure if I'm ready to date if that's how I'm thinking, but it got me out the house.

 

Had the opportunity to get laid but turned it down. Am quite proud of myself for that. Not sure the old me would have been so strong.

 

Hopefully, I'll get my tattoo today after a couple of problems.

[lonesomeloser]

Day 2

 

Kinda left the door open after breaking NC on Friday - ending the conversation with I love you's and I'll always be there for you, blah blah blah... and she wants to connect and discuss further with a phone call.

 

She was out with mutual friends last night and one of them posted on FB how she is corrupting everyone at the bar (you know, just being funny)... then around midnight mutual friend posted that she is home safe and sound but my ex is "still out".

 

What the hell? She's 40!! And she's hitting the bar scene now? I don't know, just seems a little old to me for that - and maybe a little desperate. Why do I even care?

[feelingitnow]

Day 9:

 

I feel like I am finding some peace today. Don't know how long it will last.

 

Posting on ENA either my problems or giving advice to others has really tremendously. By posting advice, I remember my past breakups, my ex's flaws, etc... It really helps bring back my rationale and helps me listen to my mind, instead of my heart.

 

Still have a long way to go to become myself again, whether its the old me or a new me.

 

Sounds like you're feeling better and being optimistic about the future. Try to stay busy while also focusing on getting closure in the back of your mind, because she hasn't given any signs at all that she plans to reconcile. You already have the answers that you need...and it sounds like you're sorting through all of that stuff right now. Keep it up!

[feelingitnow]

Day 0 (new Day 1 will be tomorrow)

 

OK so today is the 11 month anniversary since I first contacted my ex so I texted and wished Happy 11 month anniversary LOL. Then I said that I didn't mean to be pressing the issue of if we could have a date night again after we reunited in December, as mutually agreed (in an earlier text sent a few days ago when I asked the same question the ex responded "I don't know, let's talk about it then okay?") -- but I said if the ex was in a serious relationship with someone new it would be best that we not meet in December at all. Then I said I knew that they would not be so cruel as to want to wait all this time for no real reason, since I have made it clear I cannot just be friends. Finally, I thanked the ex for recommending a book I have been reading -- his favorite book ever -- and said that reading it it makes me feel closer to him.

 

So now there is really just 30 days left til Dec 15th...I am going to try and seriously stop texting now (at least for the time being), and see how it goes. But there were just those few things I had to make clear. I am scared about what will happen in December but am trying to focus on myself and stuff. When we texted a few days ago and said we forgave each other for everything, it felt really good though and positive -- I realize that from now on it has to be all positive stuff and looking ahead for anything to work, which is why I find reading the book also to be a useful tool to connect and also have stuff to talk about when we do (hopefully) meet again.

 

I have had opportunities to meet new people and go on dates, but it doesn't feel right and I am trying to not get emotionally involved with anyone else because once I move on, I move on forever and there's no turning back.

 

Waiting to see what the outcome is here and not going to give up on this yet...

[Nappyloxs]

Day 10

 

I doing much better. Watching football helps!

 

I still can't shake the thoughts of a reconciliation conversation. I keep thinking she is going to call saying that she misses me or what we had (two different things). And the things I would say.

 

I don't thinks these thoughts will go away for some time. Its either going to take time or another woman to get these thoughts out of my head.

 

I kind of compare these thoughts to winning the lottery. I think about winning the lottery and what I would do. I know the odds of me winning are less than 1%. Same with her ever coming back. But I still think of both of them.

 

I don't get sad or depressed over the thoughts anymore which is a good sign. I just keep replaying the conversation in my mind.

[frangimond]

ok so big problems. no contact resumed after a hellish three months which included a "reconciliation visit" aka five days of being back in the rel followed by my ex going back to the man she cheated with.

 

big problem is now i am stalking her on gmail, fb, skype etc as i know her passwords! it is hellllll! but i cannot stop!

 

what do i do????

[Mustachio]

ok so big problems. no contact resumed after a hellish three months which included a "reconciliation visit" aka five days of being back in the rel followed by my ex going back to the man she cheated with.

 

big problem is now i am stalking her on gmail, fb, skype etc as i know her passwords! it is hellllll! but i cannot stop!

 

what do i do????

 

You stop. Plain and simple, not only is that only going to push her farther away, but its a big invasion of privacy.

 

Go focus on something else, is there anything you have wanted to do for a while, occupy your time as much as possible with things for you and you alone. Spend time with friends or family, or just anyone who wont tie you to her in some way. Best advice I can give.

[frangimond]

thank you for that. easier said than done....i will try...

 

its so hard being out of her life....... she is the one for me......argh!

[DenverBachelor]

thank you for that. easier said than done....i will try...

 

its so hard being out of her life....... she is the one for me......argh!

 

The one thing I could never understand is the compulsion of some dumpees to stoon in the dumper's e-mail, facebook, skype, myspace, etc.

 

I mean its like purposely setting fire to yourself. There is absolutely no possible good that could come from it -- and the stuff you might see could very well send you into a tailspin.

 

I don't know whether to admire their courage or laugh at their stupidity, but it seems like such an absolutely horrible idea in the first place.

 

Geesh. I couldn't imagine coming accross an e-mail from her current bf. Jesus.

[frangimond]

yeah it is totally setting fire to myself. i come accross everything - they joke and joke about all kinds of * * * * . it is hard! but i just cant help it. i think i need to ban it ban it ban it! argh! and i suppose if i am checking up on her how is that no contact?

 

man i am such a loser...