THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[rlhuk]

Day 20:

 

Hmmmm.

[coldmoon]

29 days, 4 weeks

 

Oh well, i have lots of distraction.

[bluekb]

Day 1

I work with my ex so I have requested all communication go through a project management system. He was texting and calling me every day and I have asked this to stop. I am taking this challenge because every time I have contact with him I come out feeling lower then low. He dumped me. It's over. I have to accept this and move on with my life. I plan on filling my life up rather then dwelling on everything. I don't think I could have saved our relationship even if I knew we were in trouble to this extent. I just want to scream at him though - i hate you i hate you i hate you i love you. you jerk. but instead I will keep quiet and begin healing.

[saluk]

So Monday would have been day 1 again. I hung out with a group she was in on Sunday and it was cool. I talked to her a little bit about the football game. I think I may have accidentally offended her with a joke aimed at the group. It wasn't meant to put her down, but I being sensitive it may have affected her. She left the group shortly after that. I was going to talk to her about it, but it seemed silly. She still seems uncomfortable around me, after all this time, after so many times of telling me things are OK now and we can be friends again. Accepting invitations to meet for lunch, laughing at my jokes, asking me how I'm doing, but then going back to this awkwardness. It's not going to change. I have to start not only backing off from contact, but backing off from noticing when she acts weird. Because it doesn't mean anything. I'm looking for a future not a past, and she's the past. Long past really.

 

I thought I would see her again Wednesday. I even had thoughts about asking her what was up. But before I went I had decided I was going to be as no contact as possible, not talk to her directly at all, and just act like she's not a part of my world. I was ready for that. She ended up not showing, so I didn't get a chance to test myself. Why do I keep wanting to test myself? But in any case, I won't see her again for at least 2 weeks. So there will be another 16 days of no contact with a vacation smack dab in the middle. Should be really good for me. We'll see how things are when I return.

[bluekb]

Day 2

The social media thing is hard, if anything makes me fail it's going to be that. I'm angry that I had to force the no contact when I was the one who got dumped. In general I feel less stress because I don't have to worry about texts popping up on my computer - we will see how the day goes.

[alldaisies]

This is the end of my NC journal.

[rlhuk]

saluk, that's tough. It's so hard that you have to see her all the time. I wouldnt be able to cope.

 

Day 22:

 

This is getting too easy. Not sure if I trust what I'm feeling (aka - good).

[saluk]

Yeah it's been hard, but there have been a lot of packets of time where everything is cool. I just have to be a little stronger and not let myself get sucked in to the drama anymore.

 

Just go with it rlhuk! Don't test it When it gets easy is when you can get vulnerable.

[bluekb]

Back to day 1 - my NC went down in a flaming heap yesterday when he left me a message saying he was feeling really sad and just wanted to talk to someone, had been thinking of all the times we had. I stupidly called back, he didn't answer, he never called back. I texted and he replied that he was fine now. Well gee thanks - YOU DUMPED ME - leave me alone. This time it's NC for real. I feel like more crap after getting his answer and that's how it's always going to be.

[coldmoon]

Somewhere in week 5

 

Gonna start my language course soon, excited. I also gonna eat healthier and start walking more.

Ex hasn't contact me, too bad...

[Guymandude97]

18 days......

 

There's times I'm ok, I feel like the right choices have been made and we're going to be ok. Today it's hard.... I miss her terribly, and all I can think about are the good times. I think about everything I could have done, should have done to save our relationship. I'm the one who ended it because the stress of the long distance was killing both of us, and I told her I wanted no contact when she told me she met someone else.

 

There's a part of me that hopes, deeply, that there's still a chance. I love her more than anything, I know everything about her, her inner beauty, her heart, her flaws, and I know I caved in when things got tough. Long distance, money issues, day to day living. I've been reading "the meaning of marriage" by Timothy Keller.... this experience has led me to turn to God. I'm strong, she's strong.... but there's some situations that can only be overcome with God's help. I understand that now.... I want to tell her so much, to pour my heart out and let her know that yes I was weak and I let us down... and not for the first time... but I gave everything I could, and that she's in my prayers every day, every minute.

 

I'm not using NC as a game.... I truly want us to heal and find the way back to our hearts and to love each other first as soul friends. And if she's truly going to be happier with someone else then that's what I want for her.

 

I'm not looking to "get over her".... I'm looking to become a better man and for the first time in my life, love unselfishly.

 

I also know that if we were to start contacting each other now and try to reconcile, I wouldn't be ready.

 

So what I'm battling with is whether to contact her, or wait for the full 60 days. Yes, I've committed to 60 days.

 

It's SO hard not to contact her right now, even just to know she's ok.

[bluekb]

Day 2 - The no contact is messing with me. There is no happy ending here. He doesn't want me back. Even if he did I could never trust him again. Everything has changed. Talk to him and it crushes me. Don't talk to him and it crushes me. I'll continue on the NC path. No point to anything else.

[Guymandude97]

Day 2 - The no contact is messing with me. There is no happy ending here. He doesn't want me back. Even if he did I could never trust him again. Everything has changed. Talk to him and it crushes me. Don't talk to him and it crushes me. I'll continue on the NC path. No point to anything else.

 

The first few days are the hardest... I'm at day 18 and it's in waves now...... I miss my woman and my best friend. But the overwhelming feelings aren't as mind blowing.... moments of peace and clarity come in and I realise everything's going to be ok.

 

Hang in there, it really is the most loving and kind way through this for yourself (most important) and your ex.

[rlhuk]

Day 25:

 

Had to take a sleeping pill last night. My head was full of thoughts about him and I was getting all tearful.

 

Very depressed today but I think that's more due to the fact I've had a very heavy weekend and spent all day yesterday feeling sorry for myself and wishing there was someone there to cuddle me.

 

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh

[bluekb]

Back to day 1 again. I checked out his facebook page - couldn't stop myself. Luckily nothing new on it but I need to get a handle.

[coldmoon]

day 1

 

I texted ex and said hello, now i'm blocked everywhere. Back to square 1.

[bluekb]

coldmoon - joining you - I didn't even make a few hours. He called and I picked up without even thinking about it - bad bad move, pointless conversation. Starting again.

[bluekb]

coldmoon - joining you - I didn't even make a few hours. He called and I picked up without even thinking about it - bad bad move, pointless conversation. Starting again.

 

This is not my fault - I responded to a text. Help me stop contact!!!!! I am failing miserably.

[bluekb]

OK - I had to turn off my messenger - he keeps texting (not about relationship stuff) and I keep responding. I just can't see the texts anymore. Hopefully tomorrow will truly be day 1

[coldmoon]

Day 2, it feels so unreal that he blocked me. I keep starring at my phone.

[BrokenPetal]

girl trust me.... it took months but in the end.. i stood infront of my friend and i pulled up every single conversation, email, facebook, whatspp etc etc and she pressed delete and block on them all....

 

it was hard but the relief that i could no longer contact him felt powerful... it really helps!

[misunderstd19]

Hey guys, I am joining NC now AGAIN because I tried this for a month straight. Although I didnt contact him I was stalking him on fb and he was "liking" all my pics on social media... ugh why, idiot. (he wanted to stay friends after breaking up but i said all or nothing then)

 

After a month, he still hadnt contacted *shock* so I sent a friendly message to agree with the breakup and say we could be friends after some space maybe in the future.

 

He said he had WANTED to send me some messages but resisted because he didnt want to hurt me (I am the dumpee).

 

We were talking on and off again but it wasnt like before. He called me and texted to meet up but I dissed it because I was busy with exams.

 

I want a good chance with this guy again IF there is something special, or maybe I just miss the physical - I have NO idea.

 

Im just waiting for him to want to see me again.. its been almost 3 months, but we were countries apart. I tried maintaining contact as I was afraid of losing him but no I have to be strong and do NC, otherwise in out contact I was making more effort than him.

 

Im going back to uni now where we will be in the same country but 2,5hours away from each other. So meeting up wont be easy or soon, so I need to NC to be emotionally stable.

 

Love you guys, so supportive! Best wishes with finding peace.. keep me posted

 

xoxox

[Guymandude97]

23 days tomorrow..... I'm glad I'm doing 60 days and not 30 because 30 would be nowhere near enough. The thing is.... I think we may be able to be friends.... and I'll know that to say to her if I want that after this period.

 

The shock and the traumatic thoughts are still very painful.....

 

The last few years of my life have been incredibly chaotic and she's been there with me through all of it...... we also nearly had a child together (she miscarried). That sort of connection you have with someone doesn't just go away.

 

But after having no contact for awhile some of the deeper lessons and clarity about what happened and the bigger picture is starting to come in....

 

Damn I miss her though. How will ANYONE, ever, ever understand me or know me like she does, or I her?

 

My security, my shelter, my love and my heart has been with her for the past three years.... I'm in agony. But the pain is not as bad as when we were trying to work things out, going around in circles and tearing shreds off each other and hurting each other..... and getting nowhere

[rlhuk]

Day 27:

 

After my weekend wobble I'm back to feeling pretty good about things. I guess doing 85 days before made me stronger than I thought. And I have a date on Friday which is a great distraction.

[papalazarou]

Been a long time since I was on here. Good to see Superdave still on here after all these years. His advice works. I even use his expression now when they say I need space call me NASA.