THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[hopeparis]

rhulk, that doesn't mean you have to talk to him. Be polite and say hi, but then proceed to doing your own thing and hanging out with your friends so you don't have to reset NC all over again. I know what it feels like, I've been in the same weird situation. Just be yourself.

[SeanCages]

Well, day 2 is coming to an end here.

I did schoolwork, that was pretty insane. Now I still need to get some jobstuff out of the way.

 

Anyhow, went out partying last night, it was good, loads of fun, I feel like I'm very capable of enjoying myself around people I know. It's still a little hard to get to know new people, I'm not in the right groove or mojo yet, but I've been out of the scene for more than 2 years, so that's that.

 

The only thing I need to work on is waking up. I'm still a student, but I barely have classes this semester. I was awake and feeling very awake at like 8 in the morning, but I stayed in bed till 1 pm. Because I don't feel like I have anything to wake up to yet. Most of my friends are graduated, the city sleeps that early, no classes. But I could be looking out for a job, I could be studying, I could be going to the gym in the morning, could go for my run (I won't be able to do my run today because of how short my day was...), so yeah, c'mon brah !

 

But like hopeparis, it's just a wave of sadness every morning. It's not easy. I thought I was getting over her, but now that she's with another guy, that's not just a fling or sex to be with someone, I have done that in the past few weeks, but that's actually emotional stuff, and fast, it feels strange. It makes you wonder what impression you made on her during it all. But I know not to look too much into it. I know he's a . And so is she I'll be fine.

[saluk]

I don't know what day it even is. It doesn't matter though because he will be in the same place as me on Saturday night so I might as well just call this limbo and start from day 1 on Sunday.

 

 

 

You don't even have to say hello. Me and my ex cross paths all the time, sometimes within inches, without so much as a sideways glance.

 

It's the worst.

[ntAgainPetunia]

Sean, the waking up issue is one of the classic signs of depression. That's not necessarily a bad thing now, it's one of the stages of grief. Just realize that it will go away eventually and don't beat yourself up about it now.

 

The whole process is difficult, but one day you'll wake up and realize you slowly left that stage. Don't be alarmed if it comes back, it will be shorter if it does.

[killah]

DAY 7 (failed).

 

I broke no-contact with this silly cake talk. My ex was supposed to save me a piece of cake but when I came to work there was no cake. And it hurt so much because I was sure he'd forgotten all about it. So I went ahead and broke the thin wall I've built over the past 7 days. I wrote:

Me: "I hope the chocolate cake was delicious

Him: "That’s so sad. Did they eat your cake? It is the 4th floor fridge."

Me: "Oh, I thought it’s on the 8th. I’ll check later then. Thank you!"

Him: "You’re welcome. I heard it was very good too. I hope you did not think I forgot about you or purposely didn't save you any cakes. I promised."

Me: No, I'm just glad you did. I will save you a piece of cake on my birthday.

Him. Okay. I do want a piece.

 

So, polite, normal. I don't feel significantly worse or any more hopeful. Such a childish move though.

 

I guess I have to start from Day 1 tomorrow

[ntAgainPetunia]

Don't beat yourself up over it. You just showed you can have a polite, civil conversation with him. That's not a bad thing.

[hopeparis]

Yeah, I agree. I think it shows maturity more than anything else on your case. Don't worry about it.

[killah]

Thank you, guys! I'll go have my cake then with a clear conscience.

[youngman23]

Coming up to day 2 of no contact, i have been ok today been out with mates so kept myself busy, although im missing her like made

[SeanCages]

Sean, the waking up issue is one of the classic signs of depression. That's not necessarily a bad thing now, it's one of the stages of grief. Just realize that it will go away eventually and don't beat yourself up about it now.

 

The whole process is difficult, but one day you'll wake up and realize you slowly left that stage. Don't be alarmed if it comes back, it will be shorter if it does.

 

I am fully aware of that, but thank you for pointing it out again.

Yeah, the frustrating thing is always knowing perfectly well what is going on and what you should do and were you should be heading, but the inability to actually do that. This morning, when waking up, I decided to not feel agry towards myself for it, and it helped me with my day. Tomorrow I have to wake up, got to do lots of things before going on weekend holiday. Not sure yet what to expect from the holiday, but I expect it to be tons of fun, so yeah, that's a great way to get into day 6-7 of No Contact next week without being home.

[rlhuk]

Thanks for your advice guys. It's not so much the seeing him, it's knowing how completely awful I'm going to feel for weeks afterwards as every time we have ANY kind of contact it breaks my heart again and I have restart the healing process.

 

Baaah.

[youngman23]

Really struggling today, made the mistake of going on badoo again and she constantly seems to be online!

 

I reread the messages she sent me on there telling me how she cant let go of me and all this , propa head f**k

[Tind]

Today is day 16..yesterday was a trying day ..i feel much better today.. I am making a positive affirmation.. I will make alot of money today and we all will have a WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

[beanpot]

Day 79: Rare instances of sadness and sorrow. Always, inevitably, due to music.

[blabla]

After a month and so of NC, I really fully realised that we shouldn´t be together. But still, deep in my mind, I still envisioned us being together in the future. I even had conversations with him in my mind. I fantasized about our trips, holidays etc. Since that was what we were doing the most, planning our trips, since we were long-distance. But less and less which each day. For a while I have no crying days, days when I´m sad and down, but the opposite.

 

And then we had really nice contact for a couple of days, since it was his birthday, being funny and joking around. He said that I made him smile with my msg. He then continued sending me some totally random msgs and pics on his own, like before. He even offered to order some stuff for me from USA (since he lives in another country than me in EU), and bring it when it arrives, after what he said that he´ll be coming in two days to my country (so he came in last night), but to his hometown of course (where I don´t live and which is 3hrs away, he´s always just passing through), so I ended up asking him just to buy me some hat I can´t find anywhere, that he could even send by mail at some point. And NC after that.

 

And it will stay that way from my side. I would really like to see him, and catch up, but since we´re not in the same town, only he could ask that, since the only way would be on his way back. But anyway, I´m sure he wont ask, like I knew he would not break the NC. And was feeling fine, like no feeling whatsoever. And today I started thinking, and then overthinking, and from being really totally fine, started feeling really down. I started thinking how I´m never ever going to meet someone I like that much, how I´m alone again, I´m feeling my confidence getting low since I´m once again one of the only singles wherever I go.

 

I guess being in touch for these few days, with normal conversation, kinda just brought back that nice familiar feeling. And probably deep down I did hope for a miracle, him realising what he´s lost and him wanting to change and try again. And now I´m crying again, Jesus Christ. I never lied and said, when asked, that I wouldn´t get back with him, given the chance. I always said I would never go back to the relationship we had. If thing would be different, and he would act differently (like he said that he can), I would go back to him in a minute. I just have to stop wishing for a happy ending, and erase him as any kind of possible love interest.

[SeanCages]

Really struggling today, made the mistake of going on badoo again and she constantly seems to be online!

 

I reread the messages she sent me on there telling me how she cant let go of me and all this , propa head f**k

 

Delete those. I deleted all my exs text messages few weeks back after decided to reread them all once. And only once. Our fights were in there, our good times. But all in all, it's past. The only way to go is future.

[hopeparis]

19 day post break up

15 day NC

 

Today was so hard.. I held back my tears all day long. He's in my class and there's nothing I can do to avoid him. It's like I fall back in love with him each time I see him. The pain will never stop.

[saluk]

After a month and so of NC, I really fully realised that we shouldn´t be together. But still, deep in my mind, I still envisioned us being together in the future. I even had conversations with him in my mind. I fantasized about our trips, holidays etc. Since that was what we were doing the most, planning our trips, since we were long-distance. But less and less which each day. For a while I have no crying days, days when I´m sad and down, but the opposite.

 

And then we had really nice contact for a couple of days, since it was his birthday, being funny and joking around. He said that I made him smile with my msg. He then continued sending me some totally random msgs and pics on his own, like before. He even offered to order some stuff for me from USA (since he lives in another country than me in EU), and bring it when it arrives, after what he said that he´ll be coming in two days to my country (so he came in last night), but to his hometown of course (where I don´t live and which is 3hrs away, he´s always just passing through), so I ended up asking him just to buy me some hat I can´t find anywhere, that he could even send by mail at some point. And NC after that.

 

And it will stay that way from my side. I would really like to see him, and catch up, but since we´re not in the same town, only he could ask that, since the only way would be on his way back. But anyway, I´m sure he wont ask, like I knew he would not break the NC. And was feeling fine, like no feeling whatsoever. And today I started thinking, and then overthinking, and from being really totally fine, started feeling really down. I started thinking how I´m never ever going to meet someone I like that much, how I´m alone again, I´m feeling my confidence getting low since I´m once again one of the only singles wherever I go.

 

I guess being in touch for these few days, with normal conversation, kinda just brought back that nice familiar feeling. And probably deep down I did hope for a miracle, him realising what he´s lost and him wanting to change and try again. And now I´m crying again, Jesus Christ. I never lied and said, when asked, that I wouldn´t get back with him, given the chance. I always said I would never go back to the relationship we had. If thing would be different, and he would act differently (like he said that he can), I would go back to him in a minute. I just have to stop wishing for a happy ending, and erase him as any kind of possible love interest.

 

If you know you would go back to him if he let you, you need to be even more militant no contact and stay away, since you believe that you aren't good for each other (the first thing you said). Like an alcoholic: "I KNOW I'll get drunk again if I go to the bar" - so why are you hanging around in bars?

[saluk]

19 day post break up

15 day NC

 

Today was so hard.. I held back my tears all day long. He's in my class and there's nothing I can do to avoid him. It's like I fall back in love with him each time I see him. The pain will never stop.

 

Yes it will. 15 more days! Pretty soon it will be the holidays. That can be hard too, but at least you won't have to see him for a while.

[blabla]

If you know you would go back to him if he let you, you need to be even more militant no contact and stay away, since you believe that you aren't good for each other (the first thing you said). Like an alcoholic: "I KNOW I'll get drunk again if I go to the bar" - so why are you hanging around in bars?

 

It´s not that he isn´t letting me, I´m not letting it happen myself. If I asked him, I´m 99% sure he would want to get back together. But I don´t want it like that. I just always have hope that things will magicaly change. I just have to move on completely. At least now I don´t have to go from the very beginning.

[Tind]

I' ve been a baaaaad puddy cat!

[killah]

DAY 2?

 

I don't know how to proceed with the no-contact day counting and I'm not sure I'm gonna post my thoughts here because I feel like I need to stay away from forums for a while...

It really helps to disconnect and live a life. We haven't talked after the "cake talk" except yesterday he texted to ask for our ex-mutual landlord's number. I'm not sure if it was just an excuse or whether he really needed the number.. I decided to stop overanalyzing until today I opened my FB and saw that he added new photos, which I took, and changed his background pic to the sea picture from our "glorious" trip to Poland, again which I took. I don't know what to make of it but I'm sure it doesn't mean anything special. Probably just a guy sorting through old pictures, deleting a bunch of our selfies and posting the good ones on FB.

I've decided to stick to no-contact but if he texts me or anything I will be replying and be polite and civil keeping in mind that I'm on the path of moving on.

[hopeparis]

Break up 20

NC 16

 

I really was about to break NC yesterday because of the attacks in Paris (we live there). Thing is we have a FB conversation with all of our friends, so I sent a message to the whole group to know everyone was ok. It would have appeared needy to text him individually. It's just the type of moments when you still care about the person and you miss them more than anything.

Today was OK because he wasn't around. We don't have class until Tuesday so it's kind of a break for me.

[hopeparis]

Don't over analyse... Try to stay off FB as much as you can, or you'll get stuck in that obsession. Good luck, you're gonna make it !

[brokensobad]

I've been no contact for almost 4 months now and guess what? My ex broke it up 2 days ago lol! That surprises me. I am dating a coworker now.