lje1994 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Yea I stupidly fell for it 2 weeks ago when she was planning our future together (even though we had broken up) yet then went cold. Step Sister is good at letting me know. I saw ex yesterday to exchange rest of stuff, we had tea together and had a laugh but I can't keep having illusions of getting back together no matter how much I want it that's why I guess I owe it to myself to give this a go Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Thanks beanpot! The last couple of days have been alright. Mornings are kind of hard, but the day gets easier as it goes along. Last night ended a bit sour for me though, not because of any relationship issues, but more of my fundamental personality. I've joined a large running group recently and meeting people there has been great! It has taken me a bit out of my element, as I am somewhat reserved until you get to know me. Well, last night I was just not clicking with people. I kind of felt that conversations were going on all around me, but not with me. I felt almost invisible. This happens a lot when I'm in a large group situation, but I don't know any of the people well enough yet to just have one on one discussions. Plus... I'm going to a Halloween party Saturday with this group. It was great to be invited, and I'm both looking forward to it and quite nervous about it. Oh, S sent a followup message the day after our last 'conversation' saying "Thank you, btw, for your encouragement through (mutual friend) the weekend of the run. That made me smile. Hope you are doing well." So know I know that (mutual friend) will pass things along. I didn't reply, nothing in the message required a response. I am going to break NC again tomorrow by sending S a birthday card. It's a simple card, and I'm going to write in it "Hope 43 is a prime year for you (math joke). M" (Yes, I am very dorky, but that's one of my charms.) So, day 3/-1 NC I guess. The end of the year is dangerous because of all of the darned holidays that make us think about our exes... I basically wrote her and said "Happy Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years" so that I could get that out of the way... so I would not be tempted to be break NC again. Breaking NC is really tough, really tough. Think about getting all those well wishes out there in one go and letting it be Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I've been there for a while. Don't worry, another 60 days, or maybe another 60 after that, and I bet it starts to come in there. Not that you should date again that soon. My problem is there is a difference from wanting to date and actually having a willingness to open my heart to someone. That second one I'm still struggling with big time. I'm pretty sure everyone I've dated so far hasn't been right for me. But the intensity of my strong desire to NEVER date them again after 1 or 2 times feels disproportionate with the actual suitability of the women involved. So when I see my ex with her boyfriend holding hands, it's frustrating because I feel very far away from being able to hold someones hand even. Part of the problem is... with every ex, there is a new bar. That new individual has seemingly impossible odds to overcome. And I have seemingly impossible standards. Don't know if you have these same thoughts/issues. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Thanks beanpot! The last couple of days have been alright. Mornings are kind of hard, but the day gets easier as it goes along. Last night ended a bit sour for me though, not because of any relationship issues, but more of my fundamental personality. I've joined a large running group recently and meeting people there has been great! It has taken me a bit out of my element, as I am somewhat reserved until you get to know me. Well, last night I was just not clicking with people. I kind of felt that conversations were going on all around me, but not with me. I felt almost invisible. This happens a lot when I'm in a large group situation, but I don't know any of the people well enough yet to just have one on one discussions. Plus... I'm going to a Halloween party Saturday with this group. It was great to be invited, and I'm both looking forward to it and quite nervous about it. Oh, S sent a followup message the day after our last 'conversation' saying "Thank you, btw, for your encouragement through (mutual friend) the weekend of the run. That made me smile. Hope you are doing well." So know I know that (mutual friend) will pass things along. I didn't reply, nothing in the message required a response. I am going to break NC again tomorrow by sending S a birthday card. It's a simple card, and I'm going to write in it "Hope 43 is a prime year for you (math joke). M" (Yes, I am very dorky, but that's one of my charms.) So, day 3/-1 NC I guess. Oh and good on you for joining a running club! And for being able to spend Halloween with them I am actually going running tonight for the first time with the new running club I joined so I am pretty excited about it. Just to get out and run makes me happy... and doing it with others seems quite nice. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Yea I stupidly fell for it 2 weeks ago when she was planning our future together (even though we had broken up) yet then went cold. Step Sister is good at letting me know. I saw ex yesterday to exchange rest of stuff, we had tea together and had a laugh but I can't keep having illusions of getting back together no matter how much I want it that's why I guess I owe it to myself to give this a go Welcome It'll be tough especially if you have chances to see her. I'd go out of my way to avoid contact and seeing her to make it easier on yourself Link to comment
saluk Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Yea I stupidly fell for it 2 weeks ago when she was planning our future together (even though we had broken up) yet then went cold. Step Sister is good at letting me know. I saw ex yesterday to exchange rest of stuff, we had tea together and had a laugh but I can't keep having illusions of getting back together no matter how much I want it that's why I guess I owe it to myself to give this a go Those kinds of interactions are literally the worst. You know that saying "if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck"? Dealing with your ex you get this a lot. She drinks tea like she did when she loved me, she laughs at things like she did when she loved me, she compliments me like she did when she loved me... she loves me! Except she doesn't. It kind of feels the same... and then you realize it's not the same and it's very disconcerting. Don't worry about being childish, do what you need to to avoid this. Part of the problem is... with every ex, there is a new bar. That new individual has seemingly impossible odds to overcome. And I have seemingly impossible standards. Don't know if you have these same thoughts/issues. Yes, it's something I think about a lot. As much as I want to date and have been dating, they've all sucked as matches if I compare them to her. But then, some of the things I liked about her (impulsive, young, adaptable) I believe contributed in some way to the thing not lasting. I WAS one of her impulses. She adapted TOO well to the relationship and lost herself, etc. So as time has gone on I've seen it as less of a bar to reach. I want someone a little more dependable, which may mean she's not quite as exciting to be around. I want someone who actually understands me instead of pretending to understand me - which means someone who I have more arguments with until we reach that understanding. Ultimately, she didn't want me. A lot of people don't want me - so that's actually a pretty low bar lol. I love your well wishing all of the holidays together to get them out of the way. Stealing that if I ever get my heart broken again lol. Thanks for everything and merry christmas for the next 4 years! Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I love your well wishing all of the holidays together to get them out of the way. Stealing that if I ever get my heart broken again lol. Thanks for everything and merry christmas for the next 4 years! HAHAHA awesome Link to comment
ntAgainPetunia Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Well, I sent S's birthday card this morning. Depending on when the post office sorts it, it will either get to her house Saturday or Monday (her bday). When I got the idea to send her a card with a dorky message in it, it was more of a "oh hey, remember me?" type of thing. No expectations. But, since I'm trying to be honest with myself, it is a tiny little piece of a wedge back into her life. I do have expectations, and that would be to get a thank you back. If I don't get that, I will be disappointed. If I do, well, I deal with how I feel about it then. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Well, I sent S's birthday card this morning. Depending on when the post office sorts it, it will either get to her house Saturday or Monday (her bday). When I got the idea to send her a card with a dorky message in it, it was more of a "oh hey, remember me?" type of thing. No expectations. But, since I'm trying to be honest with myself, it is a tiny little piece of a wedge back into her life. I do have expectations, and that would be to get a thank you back. If I don't get that, I will be disappointed. If I do, well, I deal with how I feel about it then. It's a slippery path my friend but I totally understand the desire. Regardless of the outcome, you can fall back here. There are small things... small things... that I still cling onto as hope despite losing hope... Link to comment
saluk Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Year 1: Tickets to her favorite musical for her and her dad to go to Year 2: Card with her favorite animal Year 3: Edited film of a play she was in that I had filmed and had been working on putting together while we were dating Year 4: Nothing. Not even a FB happy birthday My advice: get to year 4 in faster than 4 years Day 51: Dido's white flag came on the radio. Stupid song. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Year 1: Tickets to her favorite musical for her and her dad to go to Year 2: Card with her favorite animal Year 3: Edited film of a play she was in that I had filmed and had been working on putting together while we were dating Year 4: Nothing. Not even a FB happy birthday My advice: get to year 4 in faster than 4 years Day 51: Dido's white flag came on the radio. Stupid song. That's a tough path that you've been on my friend. Thank you for sharing your experience so that we may learn from it. And I totally hear you about songs... any music... goodness I can make ANY song about her haha... it's horrible. Link to comment
lje1994 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I know the feeling everything seems like reminders! NC day 3. Been generally okay. Deleted her off Facebook and her number so I'm not tempted to cave as I know it's gnna do more harm then good. Weekends are the worst all friends all loved up so not about the majority of weekends. Alone with my thought's, cant wait to get to 60 days and hopefully my feelings will have changed from missing her to just being bored! Link to comment
lje1994 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Day 4 and back to square one. So angry at myself. My ex sent me a picture of to show this discount I had given her (this was after breakup but still casually texting) had gone through. Initially I ignored it and deleted the message straight away so I wasn't tempted to text back as normally I'd try make some sort of conversation even though it was a pretty closed message she sent me. Sounds daft but was pretty proud that I'd revisited initially. However as it was on what's app she could she the message was read (dam you whatsapp) half hour later I got a text saying why are you ignoring me followed 5 minutes later by oi. I don't understand why she'd give two s if I was ignoring her or not and mor importantly I don't understand why I have to be such a wet lettuce and respond by saying I'm not ignoring you I'm just in a rubbish signal area. I don't get why I still care about her feelings when she sure as don't care about mine. Fresh start for next week! Link to comment
saluk Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I don't use whatsapp. Is there a way to block her on it? That's very cruel of her to complain about you ignoring her after all that she's put you through. Don't be mad at yourself. Link to comment
Snix0805 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Day 1 The day has just began for me. It's been two weeks since the breakup and while we haven't talked at all, I kept finding out tidbits of information about him from mutual friends and stalked him like there was no tomorrow. Because of my stalking, I found out the hard and painful way that he was happier without me (like a breath of fresh air according to him) and not missing me at all. OUCH. I saw pictures of him tagged by his officemates and he genuinely looks happy while here I am feeling awful. Today is supposed to be our 49th month together and I barely slept thinking if I didn't find out he cheated on me, he would still be greeting me. God, I feel like crying. I thought the pain would lessen by now but everyday I still miss him whereas he's so happy without me Link to comment
lje1994 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I've tried but I think the only way is by blocking the number through network provider but not overally sure if that effects the app. Sorry to hear what your going through snix, one day at a time. Maybe delete him off social media and give yourself space to think of yourself instead of what he's doing. Trust me I know it's easier said then done but it will get easier as the days pass Link to comment
rlhuk Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Day 68: Feeling absolutely awful, don't know where this has come from. I had a dream about him last night and woke up crying. I've been crying at my desk at work today. Link to comment
Snix0805 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Day 2 I finally managed to get over day 1 and today is another day. I woke up and realized, ahain for the nth time, I want him back and cried again. I keep checking my phone to see if there are any new messages from him and I even wonder why I keep my hopes up. I have deactivated my fb just so I won't be tempted to stalk his mutual friends again and again just to check up on him. Link to comment
beanpot Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Day 68: Feeling absolutely awful, don't know where this has come from. I had a dream about him last night and woke up crying. I've been crying at my desk at work today. Keep at it friend... I have those days too. It feels bad to have them despite being NC for so long which is the worst part But at least it's not every single darned day anymore! Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Day 74. Still angry, still hurt. At least I haven't broken no contact. In fact, I feel a little stronger. I'll keep going. At least my fingers aren't hovering over my phone. He doesn't deserve to hear my voice. Link to comment
aprilv476 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Nov. 4, 2015 12:05am. I can't eat, I can't sleep, so I'm reading and snuggled with my pup. I can/will do this. He's actually making it pretty easy Link to comment
aprilv476 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Woke up at 4am with a crushing desire to try to reason with him. I won't. .I can't. Link to comment
ntAgainPetunia Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Yesterday was three months post-BU and also ex's birthday. I sent my ex a bday card last week and wished her a happy bday yesterday on Facebook (I made a joke, nothing mushy). She replied with a "lol" and a saying we both used to use with each other. I'll assume she got the card yesterday also. In the evening, she sent the following FB message: "Thank you. For the well wishes, and for the card. I wrote a lot more here, and then I deleted it all. I'll leave it at thank you. For now." Of course, now I really want to know what she deleted I have no plans to contact her anytime soon, but I suspect I'm getting to the place where NIC or even LC will happen. I'm ok with that, at least for now. I think it helps that I've been on a couple of low-key dates recently, so my confidence is coming back. For those of you still struggling, it's a rollercoaster, but all rollercoasters end eventually. I know I have a while before the ride is over, but I'm enjoying the good times while they are here. (oh, obligatory NC day 1) Link to comment
rlhuk Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I BROKE NO CONTACT. IDIOT. Day 1.................................. Link to comment
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