THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[acceptance]

Today should've been a special day. Our 4y anniversary. Now it's just another ordinary day for me, so this day doesn't exist anymore.

 

I'm not crying, but I do feel sad about it. It's a sign for me that I'm healing properly... Though I wonder how you're also experiencing this day?

[trying2bestrng]

Got the news last night that my best friends Cancer is back. It has spred in various parts of her neck.

 

I cried for hours. I wanted to call my ex and tell him since He loves her too. He was so supportive when she had her surgery this last time. He lifted our spirits with his funny sense of humor...It was nice to see her laugh when she was so sick.

 

She is getting married for the 1st time in July. Im her maid of honor. She doesn't have time for Cancer treatments.

 

I just feel like I need him right now but I will fight that urge..

 

Why does everything have to suck all at once...

[overthemoon86]

I am not even sure what day it is....we haven't talked since he broke up with me...which was Jan 23rd. He ends our 5.5 year relationship with a 10 minute phone call...which sucked, but there is nothing I can do. I can't force someone to be with me when they don't want to. And to be honest, a lot of it was my doing, I was never happy, always complaining and I know I made him feel that he was not good enough. He was done with my behaviour.

 

However, I ran into him Monday night at the bar. You can read my latest thread for all the details.

 

Back to NC and back to me. Hopefully that doesn't reset it, we didn't exchange any words.

[CovertCactus]

Day 20. At this point it's not really much of a challenge anymore. Sometimes I get an urge to text her but I get over it quickly. It has definitely gotten easier to stay out of contact as time goes on. The urges have gotten a lot weaker. I'm sure in a few weeks the urges will be few and far between if not gone completely. I'm still bouncing between hating her and missing her though. Recently I have been having dreams about her too. I usually don't remember them but I know they were bad.

 

To those of you just starting your no contact challenge just stay tough and hang in there. It does get better over time. Some days will be harder than others but you will make it. I can promise you that talking to your ex will make you feel much worse than resisting the urge. I spent a month chasing after her and the pain and heartbreak of that month is a lot worse than 20 days of no contact. Honestly I feel a lot better now than I did 20 days ago. There is still more healing to be done but I know it's going to get better in time. It's never too late to start no contact because it's never too late to start healing.

[CovertCactus]

Day 4

 

Well, managed to break my previous record of 3 days NC but it feels like a win and also a defeat. I didn't break NC which is helping me recover but from the other end, she hasn't made an attempt either.. Whilst I would have not responded (unless to get back together) it would have been nice to know she wants to hear from me

 

4 days isn't long. She is probably still feeling relieved that you haven't bothered her. I can assure you she wants to be left alone and she will make contact when she is ready. If she does want you back it will be in a few weeks or longer. It will take time for her to start missing you again but for now she is probably happy you are leaving her alone.

[Hi Its Me]

Day 5

 

I need today to be a turning point. I need to stop focusing on her and what she could be doing on focus on myself. I don't deserve what I am going through and I guess I realize now that it is down to me to turn things around for the better.

[windingwings]

Just went into LC, just basic 'How are you?' 'Have a good weekend' type stuff. I've accepted that he's moving on with his new BF and even though people tell me its a rebound since it happened a week after BU, I'm just going to accept it and hope this guy doesn't hurt him. It's better than constantly checking his stuff, at least I know he's some sort of entity on my phone.

[littlebird]

Just went into LC, just basic 'How are you?' 'Have a good weekend' type stuff. I've accepted that he's moving on with his new BF and even though people tell me its a rebound since it happened a week after BU, I'm just going to accept it and hope this guy doesn't hurt him. It's better than constantly checking his stuff, at least I know he's some sort of entity on my phone.

 

It is really too early for LC for you Alex. If you message and he doesn't reply, it will only reinforce the feeling of rejection. Let him live a life without you, and give him an opportunity to realise what he is missing.

 

If you have to do LC, then "How are you" is not going to achieve anything. I'd suggest go NC for a few weeks, and then try to reach out if you still want to - but come up with something interesting. Either something that shows that you not sitting around moping but instead leading an interesting life (e.g. a picture of a nice landscape coz you're traveled somewhere beautiful, or a funny sign you saw somewhere - if it's funny it will make him laugh regardless, and provoke a positive emotion towards you), you get my gist.

 

But you have to feel more confident and happy first My thoughts are with you my friend, you can do it!!

[CovertCactus]

Day 21. Had another dream about her last night. I just wish this would stop. It's bad enough I spend a lot of my day thinking about her. Being asleep used to be the only time I would be able to not think about her and now my nights are ruined too. This too shall pass. I've got more important things to worry about than her. In due time my life will be great again and she is going realize she made a huge mistake.

 

Day 5

 

I need today to be a turning point. I need to stop focusing on her and what she could be doing on focus on myself. I don't deserve what I am going through and I guess I realize now that it is down to me to turn things around for the better.

 

In the end it's going to be up to you to turn your life around. What has been helping me is realizing that I can still live my life without my ex. I support myself, cook my own food, clean my own apartment, and still have fun without her. When I thought about that it helped me realize that life isn't over and that I will move on. I still think about her a lot but I know that I can still live my life without her. Realizing that you don't need her will boost your self esteem and improve your outlook on life. I'm still the same driven, strong, smart, independent man that I was before I met her. You are too. Start noticing your little accomplishments more and you will realize she won't bring you down forever. You will be back on your feet soon and she won't be holding you back. Your ex and other women are going to see this and will find you desirable. Knowing that there are other great women out there that are interested in me really helped me feel good again.

 

Just went into LC, just basic 'How are you?' 'Have a good weekend' type stuff. I've accepted that he's moving on with his new BF and even though people tell me its a rebound since it happened a week after BU, I'm just going to accept it and hope this guy doesn't hurt him. It's better than constantly checking his stuff, at least I know he's some sort of entity on my phone.

 

It's not a good idea to cling to the false hope of rebound relationships failing. My ex moved in with a guy the night she left me and she married him after being with him for a month. They have been married about 2 weeks now. I was so sure it was just a rebound relationship and that it was going to fail. I'm still pretty sure their marriage will fail for several reasons one of them being that her husband is a dead beat loser with no money and still lives with his parents. I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to call and tell me prince charming is actually a toad. I'm going to work on my life and date other women.

 

Anyways I would probably just go back to no contact if I were you. Talking to him isn't going to accomplish anything except remind you that he is happy with someone else. Talking to exes only brings back pain in my experience. If you keep talking to him you're only holding yourself back. Honestly I would probably unfriend him from facebook too. It's a lot easier to let go of someone when you don't have things around that remind you of them.

[windingwings]

Thank you little bird, he responded but yeah I think I'll just leave it for a few weeks, I am going to Hawaii next weekend and I have left all my stuff open and not private. So maybe instead of talking you know, I'll just let the pictures and stuff do the words. I look much than I did during this whole thing, I'm a little slimmer, my face looks good, got a new haircut, all that stuff. So yeah I'm taking your advice lol, thanks!

[DreamySkies]

I really don’t feel like I belong in this thread anymore. So I’m going to continue to update a previous thread of mine for those who are curious or care to offer continued support/advice. The weekend was rough and I don’t know, still what to think of it all.

 

Thread 472259&page=5&p=6005897#post6005897"] Latest and "Greatest" [/url]

 

I'll still keep posting encouragement and following up here, I just won't be posting my current status.

[jr22]

Challenge accepted. Today is day 1 of NC... Man, I messed things up pretty badly. She wouldn't talk to me for about 3 weeks. Little text messages here and there but nothing that amounted to much. She was and is really mad at me. For 3 weeks, I pulled every desperate move a guy could make. I was on her like 'white on rice' with texts. Trying to call her, sending letters and doing the whole gift thing. I look back at that and hate the pathetic and needy guy I was. I finally got her on the phone yesterday. I'm the sort of guy that needs to hear things and struggle with communicating via text, which is all she would do albeit, very brief over that 3 week stint. Last night, after I thought about our 'breakup' situation I sent her a message on Skype where we communicate quite a bit and explained to her that after I thought about it, I agreed with her decision and that I need 'personal' time as well. She explained that she needed 'space' which I understood, I just didn't get why we couldn't talk about things right away. I suppose people react differently.

 

Today, I feel good. I'm installing NC for a period of anywhere between 30-60 Days and I will re-evaluate the decision to see if I will even contact her again. To tell you the truth, without getting too much in to this, it's completely my fault and I really messed things up. I begged for another chance and it was sad now that I look back at it. I do ache over this, I ache over the bad moves I made and wish we were still together. Right now, I want her back but I need to figure out if it's out of pride and being rejected or if I truly want this girl back. On top of that, there is absolutely no guarantee this girl will ever want to talk to me. I even said that in the message I wrote her yesterday, I told her 'I'm not certain you and I will ever talk again after today.' That's the truth. So my period of NC could last longer and possibly forever. Today, I want her back but who knows how I will feel in a month or so. I misused this girls trust. I don't want to get in to it too much today. It wasn't cheating, but it was messed up that's for sure.

 

Today, I devised a 'checklist' of things I need to do before I even consider contacting her again. I definitely need some support as I'm going through this. I don't have much for family at all. I'm in my late 20's and majority of my friends live in different states. I moved to a new area and don't really have much. But I plan on changing that as well as it's on my checklist. Anyways, whether or not anyone reads this, comments on it or whatever, it's really nice to have somewhere to go and post how I'm feeling today because I know this first week or so is going to be very difficult. Thanks all.

[AlienQueen]

Day 10

 

Thinking of him less, don't feel attached or obsessive. Met someone I really like so my thoughts have moved on to him, I realise its only been a month and half since the BU, so to early for anyone else. I wonder how I will feel on the 30 day mark!

[trying2bestrng]

I think a lot of people start emotionally detaching before the actual BU happens. Especially when the problems between the couple have continued for some time.

 

It's breaking the habit/addiction of having that person in our lives that can be the most difficult..

[Beduldac]

We broke up 5 weeks ago on Saturday. The last contact was 3 weeks ago today. I am doing amazingly well. I still miss and care for her, but I am almost back to normal

[Moon711]

Back to day 1 I broke NC yesterday with the lamest excuse ever I feel like such an idiot, I really do. I'm thinking about deleting whatsapp from my phone, this is the way we usually talk. Right now I feel soo sad, and I go from wanting to let him go for good to wanting to go tell him I love him and miss him. I feel so anxious all the time, thinking if is going to text me or no, looking at my phone like crazy. I'm so tired of this.

[Geekinthepinkx]

4months NC, 6 months BU and 4 years together.

 

I haven't broken NC for the past couple of months and i observed that my ex is till asking about me even though he already has a gf in just 3 days of the break up, and girl, that woman isn't good for him lol she snoops around my ex private stuff like facebook, even the one who is replying to text messages. And controlling him not to resign to pursue his dreams. (For the love of God, give him space) lol

 

 

After we broke up instead of being mad at him i made him a video of 100 reasons why i love him and then i suddenly drop off from the face of the earth.

 

Im am friends with his mom i love her like my own mom and she treats me like hers. During the 1week or months that i was on No contact, her mom told me that my exbfriend kept on asking about me like "do you and sabrina still talk to eachother?" " does she still come often." "What do you guys talk about?" "Does she talk about me" "why isn't she asking about me mom?" He even compared me to his gf in a good way (yay for the upperhand!)

 

I know that sounds flattering, i tell everything to his mom, she is so intrigued about dating scene, i told her that there was this guy who is courting me but he was possessive and i didn't like it and she would say to me, dont talk him i dont like him for you etc, and everytime we get coffee she always bringing up if the guy is still pestering me lol

 

I have a little experience from getting in touch with mutual friends with an ex.. I asked a guy (mutual friend, he is one of my Ex Bf friends) to hang out get some coffee and play console games, he replied “see you at 5 and i will text you”. 5PM came and i got no message from him or an explanation until now lol . I assumed that he told my Ex about it. We are still talking but i never brought up of him stood me up.

 

2nd is when my Ex Bf best friend hook me on a date with a stranger (i declined the offer) i told my Ex bf’s mom about it and 1 week later, there’s a picture of my Ex bf with the guy that i was supposed to have a date with! And the guy looked pissed in the photo lol

 

3rd is when i tagged our college friend on my status in Facebook on March 13, 10 days later my exbf message our college friend and asked if him and I go out on march 13. My ex hasn’t talk to him for 2 years! Lol It is impossible for my ex to see my status because it is private and were not friends only his little brother and some of his friends are my mutual.

 

All of these experience that i had 2 and 3 i told to my exbf mom, so i guess she is telling everything to my ex.

[Hi Its Me]

Day 6

 

Feeling a bit better but yesterday was tough as I decided to not let myself drown in sorrow. It's weird knowing I have to fight my own mind and heart in order to heal but hopefully, it worked. I still think of her constantly, but suppressed the urges to break down or to see what she was up to, etc (even though I haven't sneaked through any social media pages, etc). Today is a Friday so at least busy day at work. Looking forward to tomorrow but I am a bit scared.

 

In the morning, I will go to the gym then visit my cousin as it is his birthday at his shop (hopefully I do not see/ bump into my ex) then I go fishing in the afternoon that in the evening I booked a seat at the cinema and then maybe visit a club nearby for a drink or two (on my own).. Hope everyone here is doing better than the previous day! Good luck folks

[jr22]

This is now Day 2 of NC... A week ago I went 4 days and went in to a controlled attempt to talk to her and get closure. As I stated in my previous message yesterday, we did indeed speak and things ended in an adult manner. As I said, I could sense in her voice how upset she was at me and she blocked all of my attempts to get her back in my life in the immediate future. That's likely for the best because if she had taken me back in a position where she can't trust me, it just wouldn't have worked anyways.

 

She said that she needed space. I told her I want to give her the space that she needs. I'm feeling restless and unsure that I can do what I know I need to do. If that makes sense. When we broke up, I did go a bit nuts with letters, texts, phone calls and gifts. Incredibly fearful that I'd simply be deleted from her life and forgotten. It's funny, but that's actually the very best thing. We had some truly incredible times and she admitted so. Everything is right there for us, except trust. I hurt this girl very badly and I told her I understand and respect her decision. I'm not sure if she has blocked me or deleted my cell phone number but I'd doubt that very much. We both have snapchat and I know she hasn't blocked me from that. I deleted my facebook page a year ago and I'm glad that I did. It's one avenue in which I simply cannot look her up or anything like that. To remind myself not to talk to this girl, I've labeled her in my cell phone as 'DONT CALL'. It sounds funny, but damn this is hard.

 

I caught wind from a buddy of mine that she has been hanging out with this dude she works with. I know the guy and he's a bit of a loser. There's absolutely nothing I can or will do about this. A small part of me actually hopes that she does date him because I'm pretty certain they won't work out and she's just filling a void. But who knows. This forum is helping me realize that I can do this. I see people that have gone 20+ days of NC and I envy that and look forward to feeling better personally. I look forward to hitting the goals I've set for myself and forgiving myself for what I've done.

 

I'm not sure her and I will ever speak again, I said that to her and I mean it. I feel rather certain with her personality that she isn't going to reach out to me. If after the 30-60 Day NC period I've put in place, I decide I still want to win this girl back, I already understand that this is going to be big uphill climb that could resort in her not even returning my contact. Today, I don't care and I'm going to try. I don't care if she dates another guy for a short period of time. I mean, I do and I don't... I plan on going out on a date or 2 myself anyways. I put a higher value on myself than the person I showed during a ridiculous 3 week period where I pulled every desperation trick in the book. I definitely was respectful though. I didn't resort to name calling or being mean. I was logical, but when a girl is very mad at you... Throw everything out the window. At this point, I just need to better myself and continue NC. Until tomorrow, see you guys later.

[windingwings]

LC is actually helping me to be honest, I haven't checked his social media and I've been using small answers to his questions, very vague. He seems interested and he said sorry about everything in a big long text. I said, "It's all good, I'm happy, you're happy." now he's asking about my trip and I just said I'm going.

[CovertCactus]

Day 22. I had yet another dream about her last night. However this one was good. I dreamed that I got her pregnant. I didn't wake up feeling like crap for having that dream either. After we broke up I told her I always thought about getting her pregnant and she said she wanted a child with me too. I don't know why that dream made me feel good but it did. I'm a little sad that I can't get her pregnant now but I can't help but think that she had the same dream too. Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I was tempted a few times to tell her about the dream but I didn't. I do miss her though

[Penguinkv]

I have found this thread at just the right time. Commenced NC yesterday after 6.5 years together, 4.5 month BU but seeing each other as friends. Although initially he was calling our outings dates and talked about us moving back in together until yesterday when he said we would never get back together because he is scared it will be like it was before.

 

I suggested that we have a month of NC as I cannot be his friend whilst I want more. I also suggested it so that he can see what it is like not to have me in his life but did not say this to him.

 

So day 1 nearly complete!

[windingwings]

So NC day 1, NC is official today between the both of us. I asked him to go on Skype and we talked, mostly me, basically told him that what we had is history and we have no history, told him that we can't ever talk ever again because it brings back memories. He told me, "I do think of you even if you don't believe me." said maybe that isn't a good idea and that we should just end it here, we will never talk ever again. He said "The ring is just something you don't throw away." told him that I'm leaving mine at the airport. He then said, "What would have happened if we did get back together, would things have been better." I said, "Don't worry about it, it's all happened and it's over." he said, "What if I need to talk to you one day?" I said, "You won't need to."

That's it, basically just said I'm done and we can never talk again.

I saw he's already following some other guy from his town on his Instagram, so it looks strange considering he's with another guy. I don't want any part of that and I'm officially just done with it.

 

So I won't be talking to him at all and sure, I'll have some days but I'm not expecting him to bother because there is now no way, I'm stronger on my own and I'm now in control. We said goodbye.

[Moon711]

Day 2

 

Today I felt better. The day started kind of low, by noon I heard a song and cried a little. I was busy at work so this helped to stop staring at my phone. After work I met with some friends and I felt happy, almost did not think of him. In the group I hang out with today was a guy I dated briefly 6 years ago. He is married, has a great job and I still find him very attractive. I compared him to my ex (at 33 he does not know what to do with his life, does not want to settled down), so it make me think I can do wayyy better. I want someone who gives me stability, instead of making me doubt all the time.

 

So yes, it was a good day.

[alr85]

I am basically hating myself right now. I can't wrap my head around how I was so strong and feeling so over him on Monday and then this huge shift in perspective came mid week and I ended up texting him. I had a second date with a guy on Wednesday. I thought I was ready and I just wasn't. The guy was super sweet but I was nowhere close to being as attracted to him as I am my ex. In the middle of the date, I had a weak moment and I texted my ex telling him that I was watching a movie at the house with this dude and I'm so pissed that I have to be starting this dating process over and more than anything I just want my life to go back to normal. He of course didn't respond which led to me crying in the middle of my date. The guy was really super understanding and ended up just holding me and letting me cry. Pathetic.

 

I texted the ex the next morning basically saying that I typed the usual apology text for contacting him but ended up erasing because I wasn't sorry. I am frustrated and confused.. and the thought of another man filling his spot is overwhelming. I then asked him how he was able to get over it and be so strong. He of course didn't respond again. You would think my pathetic self would get the point. When I got home, I realized he deleted and untagged every picture of himself on FB that day-- even the ones my friends and family tagged him in that I wasn't even in. He also deleted every profile picture and cover photo that had me in it. I texted him and said that I'm sure he was interpreting my behavior as crazy and that I maybe I really was crazy but mostly I was just sad and I would try really hard not to text him anymore but it just seems like he got over me super fast and it kills me. To that he responded, "No, I just need time and space to get over everything and BTW you telling me about the guys you have over doesn't help so please no more." I said that I was sorry (I really was..he's the one who told me to date so I didn't know it would bother him) and I didn't do it to hurt him and that I didn't think it would bother him considering he told me he hoped I found a good guy. He said "Ya but you wouldn't like it if I was dating and told you about it" I said Yeah that's true. Then I asked him a question and he didn't answer. So I ended it by saying I'm doing the best I can do and it will get easier someday and that sometimes I just wish I could have the comfort of his voice and his hug and the reassurance that he doesn't hate me. He just texted back and said I don't hate you. and that was it.... for the day. I wish I could've just dropped it but I just had to keep digging in and making it worse. Tonight, I went out with some friends and had a few drinks. When I got home, I checked his FB for the first time in a few days and say that he friended a girl that he has no mutual friends with. I panicked and I called... at midnight. He didn't answer.... thank god because I had no idea what I was going to say.

 

Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I keeping myself in this sick sad place? Being this sad is a choice, so why am I choosing it? My best friend was just cheated on by her fiance of 3 years and she's functioning so much better than I am right now. I don't get it. I just want to feel better. I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to keep feeling the high I was feeling at the beginning of the week. I want to be able to go on dates without being on the verge of tears. I want peace in my heart.

 

Back to square one.. not that it matters.