THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[JSP22]

Please help me figure this out..

 

After a day of NC, he texted and asked "how are you doing today?". (I was horrible actually, considering he said we could never be together due to our past and unhappiness with each other) I was busy and didn't see the text for a while and in the meantime he sent me a link to a video. It was about forgiveness. The context was not about a relationship, it was about a pastor forgiving a man who fell asleep at the wheel and killed his wife and unborn child. It was about God and forgiveness.

 

I texted back saying the following:

"That is a nice video. Forgiveness is big. And I have faith that God is carrying me through this hard time. I am better today, I prayed last night. He loves me, forgives me, and has big plans."

He responded, "I agree".

 

I left it at that. Now two days later he texted me "Hi", I responded "Hello" and haven't heard back yet. It has been a couple hours.

 

What does this all mean? Why did he send me that video? We both contributed greatly to the demise of our relationship. I told him a week ago that we needed to find forgiveness, work on our issues, and move forward. At that time he said no, was very cold, and told me to leave him alone. But what does this mean?!

[js0905]

It's Super Bowl Sunday and also Day number 8......

[PearlHarbor]

Day 11 and this sucks. I'm up and can't sleep thinking about you. I know you're thinking about me, but sadly you have her (and your kids) to not think about me like I do you. You made a big mistake. Are you ready to own up?

[JesseN]

We had no contact for two months. Then went to the same New Years party, talked a lot, he went back to college, we tried being friends for a little, I couldn't do it. So now it's been a little over two weeks no contact. And I have the strongest urge to just message him, I miss my best friend so much. What should I do.

[JSB]

I am glad I found this thread! I have felt so alone. Going through so much and lost my best friend/ex in the middle of it. We were together for only a year but we became like family. We broke up 2 months ago - - ended up sleeping together twice . He wanted to stay friends which I didn't think I could handle but missed him so much couldn't stop contacting him . .SEEMS that I lost self control (& my mind) I have tried the "NO CONTACT" but I always end up contacting him. Once I contacted him when I was drinking and he was not happy about it. I am hoping I can maintain the no contact rule. . Lets see. Starting today!!

[LilSprout]

Day 27

 

Been ok the last week or so though today thinking a lot about him. It's weird I'm slowly realising how we weren't good for each other, at least not right now as we are, but I would like someone in my life. I had a date with a guy the other day, he was very nice and we had loads to talk about but I wasn't attracted to him; I'm worried I really romanticize my ex sometimes.

 

I'm also feeling very lost in what to do next in my life. It's hard when you feel lost. My first move I guess is to find a job but during this time I feel it's a waste to not give something a try, but what.

[Kinderblut]

I survived today, and only caught glimpse of her once at college, which wasn't too distressing. She seemed upset about something, probably home-related.

 

But alas, I still seem to be fixated on blocking her out. Hopefully the upcoming holidays will be less strenuous on my mind.

[DreamySkies]

Seems crazy we've been broken up nearly 11 weeks. The first two month flew by in hindsight... the past few weeks have been super slow. Since Friday though, it hasn't hurt as much. Hoping the work week is as generous on me.

 

I feel as if my mind is trying to stop the insanity. It knows thinking about him, dwelling on our expired relationship, and wanting him back ultimately hurts me. Not stopping the hurt is insanity. It wants to desperately heal. Yet my heart is pushing back. Refusing to let go of the hope and everything else we once shared and what I wish to share with him once more.

 

I read experiences where people have hookups or even make out post breakup. I have only shared hugs with him over the first 9 weeks. Nothing more. I miss the intimacy. I miss him touching me. I miss his hand on the small of my back when we walk into a crowded room. Just enough reassurance that he was there with me, which he knew I always needed.

 

19 days and while I know it won't hurt as much later down the road. Infinity seems like a death sentence. I miss my best friend.

[js0905]

Day 9 of NC, now I just want him to to text me so I can ignore him....

He is such a piece of crap, as I write this I found out he is already looking for someone new.

Actually has a picture of himself with this new girl on FB and a friend of mine sent it to me.

I totally hate him now....ugh!!

[stillgrieving]

Day 38...

 

Haven't been doing so well the past few days. I've been crying a lot in my car and when I'm alone. I've even tried at my desk at work and in the bathroom. I'm not sure why its still so hard. Its been a month and a half since we broke up. I keep asking why he would say he hasn't been happy when I know he has. I remember how happy we were and I know he acknowledged that. Its like he said a bunch of stupid stuff during our breakup just to push me away, to justify it. Anyways, its been really hard the last few days. I thought that I would be much better after Day 30 and now I'm thinking about going into therapy or something. I keep writing emails to myself (directed towards him). Whats the point of sending something he probably won't respond anyways? Plus, I'm hoping that what they say is true, that in weeks 6-8 is when the dumper feels the lost the most and contemplates the relationship. I'm approaching that soon. Plus I'm still a mess so its not like I'm ready to break no contact and reach out to him.

[alr85]

I realize how old this thread is and yet I feel like it will do some serious healing We broke up last Wednesday after being together over a year (although we both sort of knew it was over a while ago) He moved out and left my 3 year old and I with not even a good bye. I've been pretty weak this past week but I'm letting myself off the hook because this is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced and I have still managed to hold myself together for my daughter. I called him last night to discuss him rehoming our dog and soon discovered that his pain is coming out as hatred and anger. Which triggered my feelings of abandonment and turned me into a needy messy pile of goo.. which is humiliating. If he truly loved me, like he has claimed, he would have wanted to work on the relationship and it would have been very difficult for him to sit and watch me take all the of the blame for the relationship when it took 2 people to screw it up. He is cold and heartless. It's only been a week but I feel pretty good about myself tonight. I'm going to take it 7 days at a time. Cheers to day 1 NC!

[DreamySkies]

Today has been rough... In my head I keep telling myself he isn't like everyone else and if I was to reach out, he would respond. Would he see me, of course he would. What was wrong with our relationship isn't something I can say to him. Or what he could say to me. It's something that I will have to show over a period of time. One thing I find comfort it and I will hold on to it, is he has never lied to me. He has never told me something for his own benefit or to make it easier on me. No matter what it was. So when I recall his remarks about us being successful in the future, we need some space. I find a lot of comfort. With NC, I'll get to the point that if that never happens it won't hurt. Or so I hope.

 

I've been practicing the guitar a lot. Since his hobby is being a musician we played a lot of music around the house. I never really applied myself, but I did enjoy it. Last week I ordered a guitar and since Friday I have been playing around with it. I've learned three of the five chords I need to know, to play a song I really like right now. I'm working on transition and will add in the next two chords and then the strumming pattern. My intent is to be able to play this for him when we see each other again. Some days I feel like I won't know it well enough to do it and he'll have reached out. Other days I am relieved to think of how much time this will take and that when I can play it, I won't care. I feel a bit bipolar. But playing it does make me happy regardless of what the outcome will be. After this song, I will learn another.

 

Wish so badly I could just text him good morning.

[alr85]

Today is day 2 of NC-- It's been a rough one. I have to keep reminding myself "He dumped you. He doesn't want you." I hate that it takes such a hurtful phrase to snap me out of it. I catch myself searching everything he's said in the past week for some indication that he plans on coming back. I keep twisting his words around. I keep asking friends (who have been so patient and understanding) if he misses me. I need to hear that he misses me.

[DreamySkies]

Today is day 2 of NC-- It's been a rough one. I have to keep reminding myself "He dumped you. He doesn't want you." I hate that it takes such a hurtful phrase to snap me out of it. I catch myself searching everything he's said in the past week for some indication that he plans on coming back. I keep twisting his words around. I keep asking friends (who have been so patient and understanding) if he misses me. I need to hear that he misses me.

 

((hugs)) I know the validation you're seeking, all too well. I know my ex is thinking about me. Probably not nearly as much as I have been thinking of him. . Which is why with every passing day, I have to remind myself that someone who would hurt me like this isn't the person who wants me. It is harsh to accept. However it's the truth. Your ex is thinking about you. It more than likely won't change their mind about you and the relationship but people can't just forget overnight either.

[alr85]

((hugs)) I know the validation you're seeking, all too well. I know my ex is thinking about me. Probably not nearly as much as I have been thinking of him. . Which is why with every passing day, I have to remind myself that someone who would hurt me like this isn't the person who wants me. It is harsh to accept. However it's the truth. Your ex is thinking about you. It more than likely won't change their mind about you and the relationship but people can't just forget overnight either.

 

Funny, that's what my friends keep telling me. I keep trying to idealize him and tell myself that what we had was real love when in reality, someone that truly loved me wouldn't have moved out without even giving me or my 3 year old a goodbye. In fact, the people that truly do love me are hurting because I am hurting. Thanks for the hugs! You sound like you're in a good frame of mind. Good job hanging in there so long Everyone is saying it gets better, so let's just believe them lol Blind faith.

[js0905]

Didn't post yesterday so today I'm posting for day 10 & 11.

Trying to keep busy, met a guy for lunch but there was "no chemistry". I hate dating in general, starting brand new... all of that crap.

I want to be back with him and be happy but he doesn't want me so that wont happen.

[Lovebug]

Day 37

 

I'm feeling a little better today. Been keeping very busy. Went out on what turned out to be a date 2 nights ago (I've been trying to make new friends as at the moment basically all the people I know in the city I am in are mutual friends of me and my ex, and this chap is a uni friend of a good schoolfriend who has just moved to my city and had looked at my spare room but ended up moving elsewhere, so he is new in, single and also looking to make friends and go out exploring and doing things) it was really good to chat to someone new and we had a lot in common, I think he may have been interested and I think we could definitely be friends, but I know I am not ready for anything.

 

I haven't cried yet today, though it is only lunchtime and I find first thing in the morning and last thing at night the worst. I am still at the point that I would definitely get back with my ex should he wish it although now I'd have to make sure he was serious as I don't want to ever go through this pain again. I gathered the rest of his possessions and put them in a box in the garage and I shall be moving out in 10 days, I know there will have to be some contact but I am delaying this as long as possible. I am scared of it, I both miss and want to see him more than anything, but I know it will hurt so I also don't want to at the same time, I definitely don't want to initiate anything, it is too early for me and I know I couldn't handle a planned meeting. I have bad dreams where we meet and I only see indifference in his eyes although these are just as difficult as the ones where we make up or are still going out and I have to wake up and realise they are not real.

[LilSprout]

So that's it, 30 days today.

 

I'm obviously going to continue and I do honestly feel sooooo much better for the space, it has definitely given me time to focus. There are some things I want to say to him, I feel really bad for my behaviour near the end but I feel I still need time and he is with this other girl so I think he would appreciate the continued space as well tbf.

[maccerz]

It's creeping up on the longest amount of time that we haven't spoken for! Him and his friends went away to Amsterdam for the weekend today, so I have those pictures to look forward to seeing on Facebook... I have him and all his friends hidden on fb but a really good friend of mine is going out with one of his friends so she's over there with them and will no doubt take millions of pictures... I just need to find the willpower NOT to look!!! Apart from that I'm doing pretty good I think..

[BrokenHearted8]

Day 8

 

I had to start again after breaking NC (lasted 10 days). I'm feeling super down today. I can't resist the urge to call him anymore. But the fact that he hasn't called or initiated any type of contact is giving me some strength. I am already thinking about Valentine's day, how sad it's going to be to spend it with out him. I am so tempted to text him on Valentine's day. It's a celebration of love, and I do truly love him. But then I think that it's just a stupid overrated holiday. I am sticking to this NC period. But I am really hoping he'll reach out to me. He said that he's going to give me space so that I can get over him. It's ironic because he was the one asking for space, NOT me. Anyway, just documenting the way I feel right now. I feel sad, lonely, I'd give anything to have him in my arms again, to see him smile, and hear his stories and jokes. Gosh I miss him soooo much. I really hope this gets better with time.

[alr85]

Day 3 NC-- Today I kept myself busy and I didn't find myself wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. While he entered my thoughts at least every 20 minutes, I'm able to function and do my job well and with a smile which is refreshing. I am trying to push out all of the thoughts I entertain about everything I miss about him and focus on some of the ways he hurt me. While I miss him, I am trying to remind myself that I miss the way he USED to be before he moved in with me and my 3 year old. Today I decided to let myself off the hook for my fault in the demise of the relationship. God's plan is bigger for me than I could ever wish for myself and if it is meant to be, it will happen down the road. I'm trying to remember what little interest he had in good conversations.. how we often sat at dinner in awkward silence.. what little effort he put into learning about me and my life and how difficult it was for him to compliment or do things that made me feel important, special and beautiful. Complimenting me seemed painful for him to do and I found myself having to ask him for validation-- which is something I've never needed before in a relationship. I'm trying to remember how I, a once very confident and lively woman, turned into a pile of needy mush. Here's hoping day 4 goes by as smoothly.

[pisces302]

Day 19

It gets easier, especially when they reach out to you and you don’t respond! Ha.

 

He messaged me last Friday, "hope your doing well. I know you said not to contact you but i hope your doing well." I got to laugh at his use of your vs you're and had nothing to say back. He also reached out to my best friends husband on that day too. We think he’s feeling nostalgic. We all ignored him. And thanks for respecting my boundaries.

 

Today's message was a bit harder to refrain from replying to.

 

I removed him as a friend on facebook. We were never friends and probably won’t be friends so it just seemed easier for me. I was also NOT posting things on Facebook as I didn’t want him to know what was going on in my life. So this morning he messages "so we're not friends anymore?" Um...there were 1000 things I wanted to say back but none of them were nice nor would they have led to a conversation that I would feel good about so i just ignored him.

 

Anyway, it does get easier! I wouldn’t have believed myself a month ago but it does.

 

I remind myself that he isn't the person i thought he was nor a person to build a life with.

[alr85]

This post makes me feel hopeful Thanks for sharing.

[guychris14]

Day 38-

 

Feeling a little crappy again today...feeling alone.....Hope this passes soon x

[sadbutrue]

Day 38-

 

Feeling a little crappy again today...feeling alone.....Hope this passes soon x

 

 

 

DAY 35 :s

 

He doesn't even care. lol