THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[TheaJames]

Day 34

Tuesday was okay. I thought about him a lot, even cried a little before going to sleep, but overall I’ve felt better than I have in weeks. Unfortunately, it only lasted until last night. Today is Father’s day and I can’t help but think back to last year when we were still together and happy and now we’re not, and in a few months he’s going to be a father because he didn’t use protection when sleeping with his new girlfriend (of two months at the time), believing her when she told him she wasn’t fertile at the moment. I try not to think about it too much, but the more I’m struggling to drag my mind away from it, the more the thoughts crop up. And they hurt, especially considering that I know he still cares about me and might give a relationship a second try – despite all the problems that led to the break-up and would need dealing with before we could ever get back together – if the situation was different.

And then I wonder why I keep torturing myself by allowing these thoughts. But it’s so hard to push them away.

I don’t want to be hurting anymore. It’s been 8 months since the break-up, 10 weeks since we last met and almost 5 weeks since we last spoke on the phone. And I still miss him so much. When will it get easier?

[Mellow1]

Day 1

BU : 1 month

Relationship : 3 yrs

 

Last time I tried this he came to me but doesn't want the relationship. So i'm trying again. I feel like crap today... I miss him alot ... Yesterday he told me a joke that literally destroyed my heart. We was listening to "everything is broken" by kid cudi and he was like is that how you feel like everything is broken. I just started to shed tears. he was like i'm sorry that was horrible to say I hope you can forgive me. He took me home and along the way I was telling him that I forgive him. I just wanted to have a good time with him and he was like he can't he felt bad. So I told him that he always giving up on me which made him angry. Its ****ing true though. He forgave me. I also got jumped yesterday because I live in a bad neighborhood and he was very supportive although he was mad at me. He was telling what I was doing late at night but I understand that He did that cause he cares. Today I woke up and he was making me laugh but went back to being a jerk so I'm back to sqaure one.

[diesel85]

Day 12

 

Still think about her way way too much. I was suffering from my usual morning anxiety attacks, but had a good talk with my dad today that elevated my mood a bit.

 

Had sex with a girl today for the first time since she left me. I have no interest in this girl, but hoped it would take my mind off of the ex, and it was somewhat effective. Helped me realize that I'm still alive and capable of going through the motions, and it was nice to get the physical release. Otherwise, found myself feeling a bit sad that the sex was nowhere near as good as sex with the ex and that this girl was not as attractive as her. I sense that talking with and being intimate with other women every so often is something I should continue doing. At the very least, my confidence will go up, and it'll all go more smoothly over time. I'm a little awkward and rusty as far as conversation with new women goes.

[marshmallito]

Day 2

I have a date lined up for tomorrow. Is it the right thing to do? As long as I don't rush into a relationship, it is good to get to know new people right?

 

Its been weeks of limbo. My "ex" won't give me the closure I need by saying the relationship is over, but he isnt calling or seeing me anymore. So that is the same thing as over. Maybe this will help me move on. I deserve someone who knows they want to be with me.

[marshmallito]

Day 12

Had sex with a girl today for the first time since she left me. I have no interest in this girl, but hoped it would take my mind off of the ex, and it was somewhat effective. Helped me realize that I'm still alive and capable of going through the motions, and it was nice to get the physical release. Otherwise, found myself feeling a bit sad that the sex was nowhere near as good as sex with the ex and that this girl was not as attractive as her. I sense that talking with and being intimate with other women every so often is something I should continue doing. At the very least, my confidence will go up, and it'll all go more smoothly over time. I'm a little awkward and rusty as far as conversation with new women goes.

 

I doubt these women would be happy to know they are being used for a release. Are you warning them you aren't interested before sleeping with them?

[diesel85]

marshmallito: Yeah, that did come off as insensitive. This one knows that I'm not interested in any kind of relationship or anything regular because of what i've been going through. I treated her with respect and was honest with her, but I will not be seeing her again because to be honest, it didn't feel right to sleep with a girl I wasn't particularly connected to. I also realized today that I really should only use my energy to pursue women I'm actually interested in. I won't be stringing anyone along or giving them false hope. SO while I do want to TRY and date women here and there, I will be going about it differently

[figmentations]

Day 40

 

I think I'm moving into acceptance phase that she's not coming back or will contact me in any shape or form. I'm depressed and it sucks since for so long, I had that glimmer of hope since I loved her but I can't do this forever. I need to live my life and I deserve better than what she offered.

[El3216]

Day 14 strict nc

 

19 days since she moved out

 

90 days since BU ( wow that seems like alot of days)

 

almost texted her a funny picture I saw that I knew she would have laughed at.. But I was honest with myself and knew it wasn't a good idea

[Alone Now]

Yay - day 30.

 

Time off has given me the opportunity to rethink my entire approach to dating, relationships and friendships. .

 

I wish you would reconsider it some more. You know who I am talking about. What an inspiration for all if he survives this! And how special for you being a part of it ITIC!

[Alone Now]

This isn't healthy for you or the girls! Not talking about STD's but you are replacing one woman for the memory of another. You will not be able to move on while continuing this type of behavior. It's an addiction it appears. And you are just using these girls.

[rockette]

DAY O

 

I need to join this challenge, long story cut short my now ex has left me to go back to his ex ( hope for you on here who's ex has a rebound) last night he said he loved me, this morning he loved me, half an hour later he sent me a text (gutless knob) saying he is going home to try again.

 

I fell in love with him, he perused me, i knew he was only recently out of a relationship and should of known better but my heart pulled me in and now i sit here humiliated and heart broken after begging him to please dont do this,

now silence.

[pandorasbox1]

Day 8

 

Im passing the longest period of no contact that we have ever had since meeting one another on the 6th of October 2011. It hurts to know that the day is looming where it will be 2 months since the BU to the day and a month since I last saw him. I have been feeling noticeably better lately but I still have so many questions. I still feel like I need closure, but Im not sure I will ever get it from him. I know I need to stick with NC for me now... I need to start letting him go.

 

I find myself shedding a few tears from time to time. When I go out with my parents or go out and do something I always wish he was there with me. I wonder constantly what he is doing, what he is thinking or if he, like me, cries from time to time or has days where he can barely function. Part of me thinks he is putting up this front about how well he is doing and Im waiting for the day for him to fall apart. I hate how resigned he is to all of this.... How not once has he called me... begged for me... fought for me... I think thats what hurts most... How expendable I was/am to him.

 

At this rate I dont want to go backwards... I dont want to break NC and I think I will be okay never hearing from him again. I dont want to speak to him and find out that he never shed a tear for me or how he met this great woman who is the world to him. I dont want to know anything, yet I want to know everything some days.

 

Yesterday was a weak moment and I wanted to drop by his work after Uni... I forced myself to drive straight home. Nothing has been harder. I realized that Im the one to always reach out and im sick of it. I feel like a puppy who is begging for the tiniest bit of affection and getting kicked instead. He knows how to reach me.

 

Ugh... just a low few days I guess

[diesel85]

This isn't healthy for you or the girls! Not talking about STD's but you are replacing one woman for the memory of another. You will not be able to move on while continuing this type of behavior. It's an addiction it appears. And you are just using these girls.

 

Thanks, i dont want to hurt anyone or make them feel used. I do realize i need to give up on casual sex and focus on building healthier relationships. Its an empty feeling

 

Day 13

God, i miss her. I cant get over my regret in losing something so beautiful. If only i had done more. She wouldnt have given up on me

[IAmFCA]

I wish you would reconsider it some more. You know who I am talking about. What an inspiration for all if he survives this! And how special for you being a part of it ITIC!

 

AN

 

thank you for caring enough to offer this opinion. I am not the slightest bit uncertain about how I am managing my friendships with any of the other people I have written to you about.

 

With B I knew the dynamic was too chaotic and taking up an unhealthy amount of my brain, and I needed to know why I chose to let that happen. with others, I have no questions whatsoever. you have asked me twice whether I have forgiven R-- but I never said I was angry at him and I am not. I forgave him immediately. there are no unresolved issues there.

 

whoever he is,I haven't met him yet and or its not the right time. I'm good with that.

[TheaJames]

Day 34 I think…

 

After talking to a friend last night and crying to my Mum on the phone, I’m feeling much better than I have all week. I miss him like crazy and still think about him a lot, but I don’t feel as desperate as before. I think the reason for that was that I didn’t have a real outlet, thinking my friends were getting tired of hearing about my ex or how I feel; they’ve been telling me to let him go and move on for weeks now. I know that myself, but I’m struggling and I’m angry at myself for being weak and pathetic and don’t need others telling me what to do… which is why I decided to keep my feelings to myself. aAnd a whole lot of good it did me.

I still keep waiting for him to contact me, although realistically I figure it’s not going to happen. I don’t want to reach out to him, at least not now, but as the urge is still there I’ve made a deal with myself: I’ve decided to text him the day I have my demonstration lesson because I know he’d want to hear about it. I know he still cares. That day is still three to five weeks away, so by the time it finally comes around I may not want to get in touch anymore (which I hope!). And if I still do, then I’ll have to re-assess the situation. This may be a stupid idea, but I figure that anything that gets me through the day and my mind off this mess is at least worth trying.

[Jimbly]

Day 0

 

I'd made it to day 45. I knew I was going to reach out eventually, but thought I could hold off for another few weeks. Our last dialogue 45 days ago involved me telling her off and wishing her a happy life. I've regretted not leaving the door open for any communication ever since. I originally planned to send a couple of lines by email.

 

But, I felt the reason for texting her today was reasonable. She works on Fridays at the VA hospital that is part of the campus I am on. They had a lockdown this afternoon because there was a gunman loose. I send a text to check she was safe and to take care. I was surprised she responded so quickly with a friendly text. She had finished her shift and left just minutes before the lockdown (her shift used to end 4 hours later, I guess she changed it). At least she didn't ask me any questions and just ended with "Hope you're well

 

They got the gunman pretty fast with no shooting

[beaton]

DAY 10

 

It's been easier this time around. Today I thought about him because he is leaving for his month journey..and i considered texting him but....whats the point? A lot of other changes are happening around me and I think I'm finally moving on.

[marshmallito]

Day 3

I want to tell him I am not going to wait, that I am moving on without him. But how is that his business if he isn't in my life. And I only want to tell him to force him to give me an answer, that it is over or his is coming back to me.

[kitkat77]

i was having a really good day today. i woke up without that sick feeling inside, i didn't think about him every minute of the day, i looked pretty and was upbeat. then i passed his street on the way home (which after nearly 4 weeks, i'm sick of taking a stupid long way on one-way streets just to avoid it. i can't do it forever) and thought i saw a different car backing out of his driveway. the adrenaline-fueled sick feeling came back in an instant, but then i realized it was the neighbor next door. that was all it took, and i was hit with the fact that i'm not on the upswing yet. THIS SUCKS. three weeks, three days since BU, 15 days NC.

[beaton]

Day 11

 

Someone on my vine feed posted a video and you were in it. It caught me by surprise. You look really happy and I miss your face but it's over. It has been over for a long time now. I will probably never hear from you again.

[TheaJames]

Day 35

 

I miss him. There’s so much I want to tell him, show him. Today was better though; there were a few times where I actually caught myself not thinking about him and that’s new. I’m still waiting though. For a call, a text, an email. Stupid, I know. It’s getting harder now to resist contacting him, even with the deal I made with myself. I want to know how he’s been, although I know hearing what’s been happening in his life will upset me. Stupid stupid stupid.

People tell me that I’ll find someone else, but right now I can’t bear the thought of being with, and opening up to, someone else the way I did with him.

I miss him.

[rockette]

DAY O

 

I need to join this challenge, long story cut short my now ex has left me to go back to his ex ( hope for you on here who's ex has a rebound) last night he said he loved me, this morning he loved me, half an hour later he sent me a text (gutless knob) saying he is going home to try again.

 

I fell in love with him, he perused me, i knew he was only recently out of a relationship and should of known better but my heart pulled me in and now i sit here humiliated and heart broken after begging him to please dont do this,

now silence.

 

Day 1

 

The silence is killing me, we havent spoken since just after 9am yesterday morning, i deleted his number and all his messages on my phone, luckily he doesnt have facebook but his family do and seeing as i have known them over 20 years im not going to delete them but have put every one of them on 'hide from timeline' or whatever it is, not a massive facebooker anyway which is a relief really. Ive deleted his sisters number too, just to stop myself from hassling her about him. Hope im doing the right thing.

 

Im feeling very upset and have cried and cried, i miss him so much it hurts, im a wreck

[pandorasbox1]

Day 10

 

I'm proud I made it so far and that this is the longest we have not spoken. I've been dreading today because today two months ago he left me.

I'm feeling better but weekends are always the hardest to get through. For some reason I have dreamt of you the past two nights. We always always reconcile. And it sucks to wake up and know that he's gone, most likely, for good.

 

Event though he said that he would like us to be friends again and that he would contact me eventually, my mom doubts he will. I still feel that he will though. But I'm not sure I will be interested in friendship at that time anymore. Maybe he lied and was trying to let me down easy... I don't know. He is so hard to read anymore.

 

I have moments where it feels like he is becoming this distant stranger to me. Even though I know that inherently he hasn't changed. There are moments when I think that we could never be the same around eachother again. It off putting. And I'm not sure that we could ever be together again. Bit him and I shared such a bond... Maybe that bond won't fade. But who really even knows.

 

I imagine this bout of nc has been so hard for him. I think maybe he may eventually be allowing himself to grieve. But I also know if this were true he would be calling me... seeking comfort of some kind. He hasn't. I'm not sure he even cares anymore or is allowing himself to.

 

I don't think about him so much but I stil think about him a lot. I still love him deep down and it sucks.

[pandorasbox1]

I just remembered something he said to me last we spoke, two weeks ago.

 

When I told him I was having a hard time and that this is all so hard he said something along the lines of "its only hard so long as you let it be hard" or "it takes as long as you give yourself to get over someone". I asked how long he had given himself and he said "I havent"

 

Part of me is so mad at him... I feel cheated. I feel like he had months to prepare himself for this... Worse, he had me by his side to prepare him for this and here I am suffering this alone. I feel so up and down. Some moments I feel indifferent, other I feel anger and resentment and sometimes deep love and longing. I hate this.

[todayisrough]

I just remembered something he said to me last we spoke, two weeks ago.

 

When I told him I was having a hard time and that this is all so hard he said something along the lines of "its only hard so long as you let it be hard" or "it takes as long as you give yourself to get over someone". I asked how long he had given himself and he said "I havent"

 

Part of me is so mad at him... I feel cheated. I feel like he had months to prepare himself for this... Worse, he had me by his side to prepare him for this and here I am suffering this alone. I feel so up and down. Some moments I feel indifferent, other I feel anger and resentment and sometimes deep love and longing. I hate this.

 

Very insensitive of him!! You are doing so well! Keep it up!