THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[icantsay]

That was very brave and a big step forward. And wow, I feel the same way! Every time I see a message on my phone, I go crazy inside. I can barely do anything and I just have to respond before my life can go on. The more I look at my phone, the more depressed I get. That's why I started putting my phone away when I go out so that I won't constantly look at it.

Day 2 for me too. Stay strong! You are doing the right thing and you are not alone.

[Moonchill]

Here I am again, old friend.

I'm quite amazed what has happened this past few weeks..

I've been dating this really awesome guy ( or so I thought)..

When my ex was in the picture again and said he was sorry about breaking up with me, I started to doubt my feelings for the guy I was dating..

So I took a step back, to figure out what I feel. I didn't need much time to realize that I had strong feelings for the guy I was dating, much stronger than the feelings for my ex.

What also confused me was the fact that the guy I was dating didn't want me to meet his friends and was strange about all kinds of little things.

So I returned to him. And even though he seemed cool with the fact I took a step back to figure out my feelings.. he actually wasn't at all. But he didn't tell me that until later on..

 

Before my ex was in the picture, I tried and tried to let him see we could be a good couple. But it was something in between a friendship and a relationship..

I kept that nagging feeling bottled up. You know.. the feeling that you get when you are uncertain about where you stand with a guy. After quite a few months and patience..

And a pause because of my ex.. and returning back to him and really choosing for him..

He still didn't really wanted to commit to me 100%. On a certain point I just snapped and became very angry and emotional. I just wanted honesty, I wanted things to be clear for myself.

So I started asking if he only wanted to date me or if he wanted to date other girls.. He said he didn't know, because maybe some girl would conquer his heart.

 

That just really shocked me because I thought I was that girl! After all the sweettalk ( which now seems like a lot of empty words without meaning).. after this whole "Oh look at me I'm such a nice good guy" act..

This made me more emotional.. After being confronted with my emotions.. He deceided to dump me.

Via whatsapp. When I asked him if we could talk about it in person, or via a telephone conversation.. he refused. He said he didn't want to wake up his mother..

So I said, ok I understand that but I really want to talk to you about it.. not via whatsapp.. He said he only had time for a talk a week later because he was busy.

Is it just me or is that just.. disrespectfull and cowardly. Because in my opinion.. when you think someone is important to you and her feelings matter to you.. you máke the time. You make it happen.

And not postpone it a week later. When I tried to call him a few days after that he just didn't pick up or would click me away.

 

That really made me angry and I couldn't believe he was acting this way. I never would have guessed him to act like that. I really misjudged this guy.

But I was also faced with a side of me I didn't like.. Like a psycho ex.. I left him lots of long very angry whatsapps..

I felt so.. disrespected. I mean sure if he wants to dump me he should. But it really makes me angry and very hurt that I didn't even got the chance to talk to him about it.

All I really wanted was 1 good conversation to express what it did to me.. and he denied me that.

For that I think he is a bastard. Can't say it in any other words..

 

And no I didn't have the patience to wait a week while feeling very hurt.. to talk to him.

I said he wasn't worth the wait.. and wasn't worth to be feeling so unstable about.

I have no regret about that. He can go to hell.

I just wished I would have seen this coming..

Because of how unexpected this behaviour is.. My trust is broken. And it wasn't very good to begin with so I really don't need this.

Not that I am an angel. I'm not proud of all the whatsapps full of hurtfull things I left. I tried to handle it well but it was just tóo much feelings.

I really didn't know I was thát emotional evolved with .. guess this triggers a lot with me

 

I really thought I was finally able to fall for a decent guy.. Now it seems he wasn't worth to get such a big place in my heart after all.

[Moonchill]

But I don't want to hold a grudge. I don't want to get stuck in this resentment. This anger. I wish I knew how I could lose that? The only one that's influenced by that is myself.

Now I'm doing the No Contact thing so I hope he will regret his actions.. He will contact me and I can be the one denying him the contact.

But deep down I know that's not really the right motivation.

[IAmFCA]

55 days -- but really its a new day 1

 

After yesterday's outing, I thought I had better use this website to keep myself honest. I feel like I don't need it anymore. Maybe that's like an addict not needing to go to meeting, or a bipolar not needing meds once the meds start working. (And I am looking forward to my own therapist meeting soon! Yay!)

 

So, I am using ENA to make sure I am not lying to myself. I might drop off the NC thread soon, given the potential shift to LC. For now, recording that this morning, I saw a news item that would be perfect fodder for us. I wanted to text him in indignation, for fun. But I did not. It was not that hard to resist and I haven't much thought of him since.

 

I think ENA did its job and held me while I got stronger.

 

Thank you ENA!

[Vinny85]

Day 6 ended. Hard day, but still going strong.

[Maria Kabute]

day 14..wow..I cant believe it. i've made it this far. When i read the posts of other ENA members about getting half way through, I just, how the hell can they survive that far?!!.. but now, I'm nearly there too.

 

There are still times that I feel lonely and miss him, specially before I go to sleep or the time I wake up since I'm still expecting a text from him. But I've made it this far, there's no way i'm turning back to hurt myself again.

 

My first boyfriend ask me to hang out after 4 years since our BU. I agreed. Well, talking to a friend will do no harm..

[Moonchill]

And now suddenly two other exes of mine contact me.. what the...

I still have a weak spot for one of them.

And now hope is running through my veins.

Just go away, hope. Please just.. go.. kkssshht.. get lost!

I want to stay single, I should focus on myself.

I should not get hope after one tiny breadcrumb from some ghost of the past.

[Moonchill]

I'm still going strong on the NC thing. Since... oh apparently 15 days! Not counting everyday helps, people. It really does.

Most of my anger and hurt I've already expressed to him or found another way to express.

Now I'm trying to get a bigger social life. My friends haven't really been available lately.

[icantsay]

Day 3 and I actually feel great! Going strong and I am accepting and embracing the no contact. If he contacts, I will not answer. Why? Not because I am trying to get him back. But because I am ready to move on.

 

I feel a shift has happened! I did not think like this before I used to think that NC would get him back. Now I think that NC will get ME back.

[rippedinsides]

Day 3 for me too. It's getting harder each day but I'm still going. Maybe "this too shall pass".

[Maria Kabute]

Day 15..

 

a great achievement. though i'm half way through the challenge, he still invades my life. I Realize that when someone texted me and the number is not registered on my phone. And this brain of mine, automatically thinks its him, only to disappoint myself. and just like that, I cried. yes, I'm still hoping he will contact me during this NC period, which is i know is impossible.

[vesper]

He shoved meoff That will teach meto contact him

[icantsay]

Day 4 - not having a good day I'm drowning in memories today, and I can't believe how well I felt yesterday?! Why is this journey so difficult? I wish I could move on faster. Oh well, I guess a bad day had to come eventually. This too shall pass

[Chelsea1987]

Hi I really need your help Please. I was with my fiancée for 5years (engaged for 2 and a half) We're each others first love she was 17 I was 20 when we first met. We never had any big arguments and always happy with each other. We were planning on moving out at the end of the year and a wedding next year. Then she dropped this bombshell on me. we didn't see each other for a week due to work. Then she tells me she wants to break up because she doesn't feel the same anymore and doesn't feel anything for me. I haven't seen her for 4 weeks now we have spoke on the phone but only talking about why we broke up that was 1 week ago I was thinking leave it another 2weeks now then give her a call ask how she is and maybe ask to meet up? I wanna get myself together before I speak to her again then see if there's any hope left at all

[Chelsea1987]

I'm the same I'm on day 7 of no contact it does get easier slowly but ur gonna have up and down days. Just try and keep busy

[Vinny85]

Day 8 for me. She has contacted me a couple of times. Twice to ask me how I am, once to comment on something I posted on my FB and some more times just stating things that happened in her daily life and I guess she just wanted to share. I do respond to these things, but just shortly (and not right away) to show her I am not childishly igonoring her. I am certainly avoiding further conversation. My guess she will get annoyed by this and either stop contacting me at all of will finally put out with her feelings.

 

In either case, I am healing more each day, which is my goal! I am planning to keep NC until I realise I am not fighting the urge to contact her anymore. For now that is out of the question lol, but it gets better!

 

Everyone, keep your heads up! You can do it!

[Mistykitty]

I get pretty tired of hearing from him sometimes =I Right now its at the point where he texts me every 3 days or so. Its because we're working on a project together, so its not "breadcrumbs", but still. It's impeding my ability to move forward 100%

[icantsay]

Day 5

I survived yesterday!

 

Stay strong everybody.

[Maria Kabute]

Day 17..

I just want to share a link for you guys,

link removed

 

It really helps me to relax and be calm about my situation or whenever i had relapse..

I hope it can help you too..

 

I still think of him but more on the way i acted when after the break up. I regreted it. I was not able to give the space that he needed because of my constant texting about getting back together.

Well, anyway, I need to move on now...

[icantsay]

Day 7:

 

Tough day, but I find myself more peaceful I am applying to two jobs today so crossing my fingers!

 

I've been reading this thread from the beginning, and it is really cool to see how people slowly started to find themselves as the days went by. It gives me hope that I am not alone and everything will be alright.

 

I read somewhere that it's not healthy to count the days - but it strengthens me to see how far I am. I know that 30 days is almost no time to heal - and that it will be a painful journey for a very long time. If I ever meet him again, it will happen way in the future. Probably years ahead. Honestly, I am starting to accept that.

 

So 7 days - and I will keep posting - so that the future victims of breakups can see that, like me, it is also possible for them to move on

 

Have a nice day everyone!

[marlie13]

Day 3 of NC. I am finding it extremely difficult. He typically initiates contact after we have had minor setbacks/breaks yet I really miss him and feeling the urge contact, but I won't. This time I told him I need to move on and want to stick to NC to gain some clarity.

[surfjon]

Icant say......

 

Being here helps, read all you can as you are doing......post all you want, it beats texting or calling them and just making things worse.

 

I am always happy to see that the same threads and ena members that helped me back in 2007, are still helping people today.

It is indeed timeless knowledge which can be applied to many situations.

 

You are right, as you read the threads, you see how people hurt, accept, heal and eventually move on.

I was lucky enough to not need the support of ena for a few recent years, but here I am, back and coping with loss, but in a much better place than I was in 2007.

 

It's an unavoidable dance, we all change partners, but with a bit of wisdom we can avoid the real pain of a breakup by looking within our own buddha-nature.

 

Peace to all who suffer.....

[Ne Moe]

Day 2 - The evenings are so hard. I was very conscious of the time yesterday as he always contacts me at a similar time in the evenings. I knew he wouldn't last night as we had only talked the day before. I told him I need to just let him get on with things. I meant it. Later today will be hard. I will have to leave my phone somewhere so I won't contact him. I'm worried he will contact me though. And I'm also worried that he won't.

[VicLLuc]

My record, so far, after nearly a month since breakup is 2 days, yay! Just broke 1 day NC. Hard to keep it, since ex-signficant other will cave in after so little NC and initiate contact with ''hey, thought of you in class yesterday, blablabla''.

[icantsay]

Day 2 - The evenings are so hard. I was very conscious of the time yesterday as he always contacts me at a similar time in the evenings. I knew he wouldn't last night as we had only talked the day before. I told him I need to just let him get on with things. I meant it. Later today will be hard. I will have to leave my phone somewhere so I won't contact him. I'm worried he will contact me though. And I'm also worried that he won't.

 

Great idea with leaving the phone behind! That's what I did too at first, and it really helped me to relax and not worry about him. Keep it up! It gets better day by day