THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Dee011]

Day 17

 

Getting there. Had a good cry last night. First time in more than a week. More of self pity than thinking of him.

[ergo]

Day 3

I can't say that things are going better... I miss her a lot, but it's coming in waves.

I try to occupy myself as much as I can, and trying to maintain an optimistic approach for life and for the future.

But still during the day I find myself procrastinating and trying to avoid doing things just so I could sink a little bit more in my misery.

It seems about right doing so... after all, when something is so important, suffering for it is only natural. No? but that's just me trying to justify my feelings and the way that I am acting.

So 3 days now... still hopeful, still missing, still loving... but what you do about it?!

[Ammieg]

Day 5

 

Feel so much better today. This is really the space that I want and need. I feel so much better without him in my life and know I deserve so much better than what he gave me. I'm looking forward to making it to the week mark.

[brooke2012]

Congrats Ammieg,

I wish I could say the same thing as I am approaching Day 6 and I have a throbbing headache, internal exhaustion, and mild panic attack. This is the worse day of them all so far. I am awaiting the week mark on Wednesday. This has not been easy... I hope it gets better. I do feel it is the space I want and need, but I am still trying to convince myself that he is not coming back so I can fully recover.

[Snow93]

Day 13. I've been studying all day due to the fact I have an exam tomorrow and I just can't afford to think about her. I got a rush of anger towards her earlier but thanks to the "post her instead of contacting your ex" thread I was able to vent and move on. I haven't had time to think about her so I suppose today was good. Productive.

[IAmFCA]

Day 17. Broke a heart today. He is much worthier than you. Putting his heart on your tab.

[Srednap]

Day 8:

I dreamt of him (again), well, it's okey.

I'm flying back to Sydney today. Back to work! That should keep me more occupied, which is good! =]

[LostSoulTrain]

Day 16

 

Thinking of her less than previous days. Guess I survived first storm. I read somewhere that people reach peak of loneliness after 3-4 weeks. Last time she did contact me just about 4 weeks since we broke up. I wonder if she will try to reach to me this time?

[brooke2012]

How can I miss something I never had? How can I expect someone to love me who doesn't respect me or think I deserve love? I am starting to realize what real love, respect, and caring looks like and although I saw signs both ways. I have to move on from those feelings and emotions.

[IAmFCA]

Day 18

 

Am doing okay but keep discovering how sad I am and how incredibly thorough my coping skills have been. Must fix.

[ergo]

Day 4,

Everything just seems weird... I am really trying not to think about her, trying to concentrarte on my life at the moment. But it just keeps haunting me.

I feel as if I can't even talk about it anymore seeing that people are already tired of listening.

The truth of the matter is that I don't want to talk about, I just want some reassurance...A little hope that will hold and help me pass another day.

This is not the way to get over things... I know that.

I am really trying, and today I am actually doing things and not just sitting here obsessing about it.

 

My heart hurts so much, and I miss her so much... But I know that for the moment calling her, texting her, seeing her just won't be effective, not only that, it will go against me.

 

So I wait, another day... Why does love have to hurt so much? It almost does not make any sense....

[Ammieg]

Congrats Ammieg,

I wish I could say the same thing as I am approaching Day 6 and I have a throbbing headache, internal exhaustion, and mild panic attack. This is the worse day of them all so far. I am awaiting the week mark on Wednesday. This has not been easy... I hope it gets better. I do feel it is the space I want and need, but I am still trying to convince myself that he is not coming back so I can fully recover.

 

Thanks Brooke. You're doing well, don't give up! Like you I'm still trying to convince myself hes not coming back. But I'm starting to realise that its not his choice - he's not in control, I am.

 

Day 6 today. Not as good as yesterday. Loneliness is starting to kick in now in the evenings. Have some underlying anxiety these last few days that I just cant get rid of.

[brooke2012]

Day 6

My life is scattered and I don't recognize myself. I woke up in a sweat and had to change shirts. I had to put myself on bed rest for a day so I could mentally recover. It feels like a drug that I am getting out of my system and I never even used drugs before. I am sleeping way too much and replaying things he said in the past and signs that I knew he was not going to commit to me but I chose to ignore. I am starting to question my looks and it's playing with my self esteem. I keep shaking my head in disbelief of the things I allowed him to get away with. Is love really that blind or is good sex really so powerful to have you blinded to reality? I Am starting to feel real stupid and ashamed of myself because I have common sense and book knowledge and I completely threw it all out the window for him. I am mad at myself, I don't even want to be mad at him anymore because I am tired of giving him anymore of my energy. I wanted to drive by his house at least these last two days, but I convinced myself that it was part of No Contact to and I didn't want a set back because I am sticking to it this time. I had one moment where I wanted to contact him to see how he was doing and then I imagined that he is doing just fine. I am sure he has managed to replace me. At the end of the day, he received the best deal out of being with me and its definitely his loss. I now realized that I really didn't like him personally, however he was a great distraction from the other issues I had going on in my life. My life is good and I have many things to be thankful for. I am looking forward to the acceptance phase so I can get back to my good life and start focusing on repairing important relationships with people in my life who wants to be here. Waiting for my week tomorrow... 8 days I haven't seen him

[Snow93]

Day 14. Two weeks now. Well today was pretty good, I haven't had the chance again to dwell on her due to my exam and subsequent frantic studying for my next one tomorrow. As much as I hate studying and as sore as my head is from tossing around all these data analysis figures I'm grateful for the opportunity for my mind to be forced to go elsewhere. Keeping busy really is key.

[Srednap]

Day 9:

Now I am back in Sydney, the first thing I saw was a christmas postcard from his parents.

I cried.

Not a word from him.

I feel so sad today, so so sad.

[pixel clouds]

Today is Day 8 for me.

Had a few pangs of sadness today, but maybe this is the start of acceptance...

[IAmFCA]

Its the start of day 19. I am angry. Angry that i didnt take upper hand, angry that he rejected me, angry that I let myself receive him. Day 19 and I am angry.

[LostSoulTrain]

Day 17

 

Woke up again thinking of her. As days go by I feel as if I am regressing. I miss her more and more.

[Ammieg]

Day 7.

 

Is this supposed to be getting easier? It's getting harder every day. Feeling really upset today. Got no sleep, and still anxious. It seems to be getting worse. Sat at work today wanting to burst into tears.

 

The worst thing is knowing he's sat a floor above me at work, so close to me moving on with his life. The worst thing of all is knowing that eventually he will come back. He always does. And when he does, he will try to charm me back into bed. And instead I am going to have to be strong and walk away. All he'll ever want is to be FWB. He wont ever want to be commited to me. I have to get on with my life now, and make the best of this situation because the alternative is just going backwards.

 

This really hurts. This is the lowest i've been yet

[ergo]

Broke NC,

She called me now.... I answered.

She asked how I was, I said good. Then I asked her how she was, she said good.

I asked her why did she call, she said just to see how you are doing...

I told her, listen... I want to hear from you always, but I don't want to inhibit myself when I am talking to you. I want to feel free when I am talking to you.

She said that it's hard for her. I said it's also hard for me but maybe you need to be in a point where my absence will help you realize what you want.

I knew she was at work, so I told her that knowing she is working now I will stop the conversation here.

We said our goodbyes... Now I feel even worse... Not sure what to think anymore.

[pixel clouds]

Broke NC,

She called me now.... I answered.

She asked how I was, I said good. Then I asked her how she was, she said good.

I asked her why did she call, she said just to see how you are doing...

I told her, listen... I want to hear from you always, but I don't want to inhibit myself when I am talking to you. I want to feel free when I am talking to you.

She said that it's hard for her. I said it's also hard for me but maybe you need to be in a point where my absence will help you realize what you want.

I knew she was at work, so I told her that knowing she is working now I will stop the conversation here.

We said our goodbyes... Now I feel even worse... Not sure what to think anymore.

 

Hey Ergo,

How was the NC working for you until she called? was it starting to help? If so, don't beat yourself up about it. Most of us have lapses, just pick yourself up and start NC again... remember how you felt worse following the phonecall to help you stay stronger next time

[fxluhe]

well done, Keep going!

[fxluhe]

DAY 1 SINCE SKYPE TALK YESTERDAY. SHE IS expecting me to call her at weekends. but i decided to go NC now, without she know.

[Snow93]

Day 15. Today was OK. I still wish I was in Oz with her and wonder how different things could have been if we had lived in close proximity but I know when it comes down to it, if she was commited to me as I was to her, distance wouldn't have mattered and she would have fought this with me. So I guess I'm on my way to another "up" period in my healing.

 

This cyclical healing pattern is really doing me in.

[WalkingGrace]

Day 5.

 

I have been off work sick for a few days and when I logged onto work email, saw an email from him last week. It didn't really require a response, but I broke NC by sending a response anyway. I think he was reaching out.

 

So, back to Day 1, tomorrow!