Day 1
me and my ex have gotten to the point where NC was needed... I tried for a while just being there for her and being attentive. She every now and then had her doubts and started doubting my love for her. I tried to be reassuring... It worked partially.
We had a few explosions in which she told me that seeing me makes her suffer, and that she feels so bad.
Yesterday i asked her to meet me. I told her that I don't want the source of her suffering, it is not a role i wish to take. From this moment on act as if I don't exist to you. Live what you want, and do what you want, no regrets... Until you can decide what is my role in your life, and what do you want from me, this interaction must end, at least for now.
She said that she loves me more than anything in the world, but she is so afraid. I told her that I understand. but I feel as if i have done everything i can, and if my presence in her life now is a negative one, it shouldn't exist. I left the door open behind me and now I am just waiting...
Today I woke up in the morning, and it feels too weird not being able to call her, I miss her so much.
I should get back to my life, but I just can't... It feels to me as if it's all a matter of time until it will work. But even knowing that does not mean that I can base my life on it.
So we wait, one minute, one hour, for now since our last interaction it has been maybe 15 hours. I slept really bad, maybe 2 hours, but I couldn't fall asleep.
So how does one pass the time?
One day.... hopefully it would take me less then a month to put my life back on track.