THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[IAmFCA]

Day 13. Still know this is the right thing to do.

[Dee011]

Day 14

 

Had a dream about him last night, the first I've had since we broke up. Felt ok today, though. He wasn't on my mind too much.

[LostSoulTrain]

Day 12

 

I feel as if I am slowly moving on. Today I woke up and did not think of her as much as I did over past few days. Still no word from her and I have no desire to contact her. Guess she is happy with him as otherwise she would contact me long time ago.

[brooke2012]

Day 2 of NC I am thinking about the way you treated me and how you don't deserve a minute more of my tears or my energy. I am thinking about how long I have actually gone without seeing or talking to you. Was I that insignificant? I realize that I gave you everything to easy, much more then you worked for and a hell of a lot more than you deserved. I am looking forward to 30 days, because your ego is so huge where you think I was so hooked on you that I would continue to disrespect myself and treat you better than you have treated me. Everytime you look at something I bought you, wrote you, or sent you, I hope I cross your mind and you realize how much I actually meant to you. The first time in my life where I actually wish the days would just speed up. You will not be hearing from me today. Sorry

[Ammieg]

Day 2

 

Feel numb today, it doesn't really feel real yet. I think I need another few days to process it. I keep thinking he's going to come back like he's done countless times before. Trying to keep telling myself its forever this time.

 

I'm not upset, I'm really glad he's out of my life now so I can move on and actually find someone who genuinely cares about my happiness. Feel quite excited about reaching day 30, it cant come soon enough.

[IAmFCA]

Day 14. I admit I wish I met him now and not then, but then I wouldn't be me now. I am better every day and each day a better self-advocate than I was the day before. I am burning through meet and greets like crazy. Tossing out all by the 3rd, 4th or 5th date it seems. Still hope I will hear from eventually but its good it hasn't happened yet.

[pixel clouds]

Day 4

I've been trying to fill my days by hanging out with people but when I'm on my own I get panicky and miserable. I'm talking about the breakup less, which I think is a step in the right direction.

Started reading "The Journey From Abandonment to Healing" and I think it is helping. Tomorrow I'm supposed to be getting my stuff back from him (trying to do this via my sister but I know it's gonna go wrong). I REALLY don't want to see him. Not sure just yet if I mean tomorrow, or even again

[Snow93]

Day 10. Too tired to write. Not good. I'm tired of feeling so terrible all the time.

[Srednap]

Day 6:

I feel okey and still miss him.

[Dee011]

Day 15

 

Not a bad day at all. He's crossed my mind a few times though.

[LostSoulTrain]

Day 13

 

Last night was tough. I could not stop thinking of her. It seems those first days when I felt relieved that it was over were just initial phase. Now all feelings are coming back. The funny thing is that I am angry and sad at the same time. I also wonder if she thinks of me at all or is she just enjoying her new/old life. I still cannot believe that she had given up on us just like that. It hurts even more as I cant talk to anyone about it.

[ergo]

Day 1

me and my ex have gotten to the point where NC was needed... I tried for a while just being there for her and being attentive. She every now and then had her doubts and started doubting my love for her. I tried to be reassuring... It worked partially.

We had a few explosions in which she told me that seeing me makes her suffer, and that she feels so bad.

Yesterday i asked her to meet me. I told her that I don't want the source of her suffering, it is not a role i wish to take. From this moment on act as if I don't exist to you. Live what you want, and do what you want, no regrets... Until you can decide what is my role in your life, and what do you want from me, this interaction must end, at least for now.

She said that she loves me more than anything in the world, but she is so afraid. I told her that I understand. but I feel as if i have done everything i can, and if my presence in her life now is a negative one, it shouldn't exist. I left the door open behind me and now I am just waiting...

 

Today I woke up in the morning, and it feels too weird not being able to call her, I miss her so much.

I should get back to my life, but I just can't... It feels to me as if it's all a matter of time until it will work. But even knowing that does not mean that I can base my life on it.

So we wait, one minute, one hour, for now since our last interaction it has been maybe 15 hours. I slept really bad, maybe 2 hours, but I couldn't fall asleep.

So how does one pass the time?

One day.... hopefully it would take me less then a month to put my life back on track.

[IAmFCA]

Day 15. I feel good and am feeling more open to the world and to others. I know, inside, that I want him back and fully committed. That is a doubtful outcome and one that can not happen for months if ever. I am okay, so okay, with that.

[WalkingGrace]

Great thread and it has really cheered me up!

 

For me, it is Day 1.

 

We broke up 6 months ago and the longest time we had no contact was straight after, for 20 days. Alas, we work for the same corporate (but thankfully, in different counties) so work contact is sometimes necessary. He contacted me at 20 days with a work issue and asked if I was ok. I responded to say that I was fine, and then since then, things have picked up. He will email me something about work, but nearly always add something personal - to which I nearly always respond.

 

Just before Christmas, he sent me a jokey email on a private (non work) email and later, he texted me, wanting to get into conversation. He has told me he regrets our breakup and he misses me (he dumped me!) but he has made no moves at getting back together or showing he is serious about me, in any way. I have seen every sign of contact as 'hope' and foolishly believed if I kept responding, his attachment to me would grow. We had 6 days NC over Christmas, till he texted me on NYE. He then sent me a work email the next day, and also asked how my Christmas was. He recently started following me on Twitter again too and foolishly, I followed him back.

 

The point is, all of these things felt like 'hope' but realistically, he has not made a single move toward me, other than admitting he misses me. This communication is holding me back and making me so frustrated. He dumped me and so therefore if he wants me, he is going to have to man up and come and get me. But he has never done this.

 

Yesterday was a low point, I was off work sick and feeling really miserable and missing him. I looked through an old journal and realised it was also one year to the day that he had an accident. He struggled a lot with his health initially (though after 3 months, he was fine) So, I emailed him to cheer him up and say, 'Did you know it's been a year...look how far you've come'. I don't know why I did it, blame the flu drugs! He replied but it sounded so distant, he just said 'Many thanks for the boost - even I can't believe how much has happened in one year. And oh, happy birthday for next week'.

 

I replied (wanting to take it further....naturally) and said, 'Well, it's also 6 months since you and I parted company - that's bolted by. Thanks for remembering my birthday.'

 

No reply.

 

I guess I was hoping to dig a deeper response from him, to see if he would/could admit again that he missed me or wanted me back. But as we all know, digging rarely gets us what we want!

 

All of my friends have made me it really clear. By keeping in contact, you are allowing him to keep you on the back burner and string you along. If there is ANY hope, however small, NC is the only way to go. How hard is that? The thing is, in our heads we just basically believe that if we let go, we are giving them the message that we no longer want them, and that we will lose them for good. But truth is, if they really, really loved us, that would not be an obstacle at all!

 

NC is the way forward - it helps you/me to heal and it also has the side benefit of weeding out whether this was a real love relationship or not. If it was, they will be back. If it wasn't...they won't. Either way, you win...right?

 

So here I am, Day 1!

[Snow93]

Day 11. I'm okay today. Feeling a little better I guess. Taking it one step at a time and trying not to think about her.

[brooke2012]

1 hour and 40 min to the end of day 3. Yes I count down the hours until I get past 1 week I will start on the days. I have managed NC no drive by, no text, no calls or emails, no sad movies, or songs. I was reading the stages of grief,

link removed

I realize that I am at 1-2-and 3 except I am not bargaining for anything and I realize that I was the real gift to him. The shock I should have never took him around my ex-bf, it was my fault. The denial is he will realize I am the best person for him and commit or realize that he misses me (I keep telling myself that he will be back.) I know that I am trying to do better because contacting him is not even an option to me, I am actually looking forward to my 30 days. 3. Isolation, I only give myself a short time per day to grieve if at work lunch time and at home before I go to sleep. 4. Anger, this comes and goes but in the past I would act on it some type of way but now I just try to calm myself by posting on here, reading a book or watching a movie. 5. Bargaining, I am going to skip 5 there will be no bargaining from me I left him because he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated and didn't value me enough to respect me and my body, the bargaining should be coming from him. 6. Depression, I feel like I am living in an emotional prison that I put myself in and I blame myself for being in this situation. I feel like its some kind of game or lesson he is trying to teach me, and like he is waiting for me to break. If I am broken he will never get the opportunity to see it. 7. Acceptance- I realize that in 30 days that's where I am going to be because that's where I want to be. Not as strong as I seem right now but I am working through it the best way I know how.

I take short naps, deep breaths, and focus my energy on everyday activities. I know he misses me, but obviously not enough. 5 days and I haven't seen him. In 5 months we have never gone more than 2 days without seeing each other only 24 hours without calling.

[LostSoulTrain]

Day 14

 

It is getting harder every day. Last night I had a dream of her. Today I miss her even more. When does this pain eventually go away?

[ergo]

Day 2,

It feels weird, but maybe it really is the best thing to do at the moment.

I don't know what would other interactions could bring at this point. I am reading the last messages exchanged and thinking about the last conversations that we had... It feels as if I acted in an attentive and understanding way during this last month.

I don't think I could have done things in a better way (probably i could have, but the way that i have acted was more than respectful and loving).

It seems to me as if i played my hand, and now just trying to accept the fact that if she sees a future with me she will contact me and if not, it's ok because I love her. And I don't need to be with her in order to love her.

I really should separate my emotions from these definitions.

 

Bottom line, whatever will happen, this is the point where I have to start thinking about myself. Because if she comes back, she needs to see a stable and strong person infront of her. And with or without her that is the kind of person I would like to be.

[Srednap]

Day 7:

I miss him still.. But it's okey.

Not contacting him is really not hard at all, but when he contacts me and asks to see me, it will be difficult.. Mmmm

[IAmFCA]

Day 16! Lost count. This is so good for me. I am discovering how incredibly not over him I am. Very helpful to see how many layers of me still speak his name, if only I would hear them. NC is helping me see that. Also holding me back from others and that's good too. I need to just shop for awhile and not get involved.I have lots of work to do on me for me. Need to see myself do that.

[Ammieg]

Day 4.

 

Been missing him this weekend. I've been thinking about him a lot. I have to go to a work party and he'll be there so ive been preparing myself. i feel like I starting to accept the reality now a bit more now and wouldn't necessarily want him back if he came. Sadly I feel less attached to him, and it really does feel like the end.

[Snow93]

Day 12. Not bad. There's an underlying sadness always with me but I can ignore it for extended periods while I'm with people. In trying to live with it, I hope it's temporary.

[brooke2012]

Day 4

At the end of day 4, I haven't had the opportunity to cry. Every time I want to take my 30 min to grieve, I have been around too many people. All sort of thoughts keep going through my head, maybe I should have changed my hair like he asked or changed my make up like he asked. Maybe I wasn't young enough or pretty enough. Was feeling very weak today had urges just to text and say I miss him, hoping he would say it back and then what? Is driving past his house considered NC broken? Tomorrow it will be one week of not seeing each other, and 5 full days of NC. I feel like breaking down because the weekend has no distractions and the winter keeps us in. I know he thinks about me but its not going to stop him from moving on just like it didn't cause him to want to commit to me. I wasn't asking him to marry me, I was asking to be the only one he sleeps with in a committed relationship. It doesn't seem like much to ask for from a 56 year old man, but apparently I was wrong. Prior to the break up he was never able to go 3 days without seeing me or really one day without talking to me. Where did this all come from? It hurts so bad. When is it going to stop?

[pixel clouds]

It's Day 6 of no contact for me. it's also exactly a month since the breakup, which I'll probably make a post about as I feel like I've come a long way. Ex was supposed to give me my things back yesterday (via my sister) but never showed up. Think he was expecting me to call and be mad but I'm just ignoring it. Feeling pretty positive.

[LostSoulTrain]

Day 15

 

I made it half way. I still think about her a lot and miss her. No sign of her. Guess it is really over.