THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Kirstya59]

Day 19 - went to my works do last nighr, was so goood!!! Really enjoyed myself! And i got a guys number who is gorgeous!!!! Still things remind me of my ex but after this weekend i feel better and more confident. He can do all the moping around now

[The Bozz]

Day 4:

 

I am torn between feeling angry at her for being so inconsiderate, and feeling sad and missing her so much, just wanting her to realize how little is needed for things to work between us again. I desperately need her, but the NC is strong in me. I learned my lesson this week. She can't be trusted because she doesn't know how to say things without screwing up. Nothing would be gained. Besides, I pushed her away for good. I told her to stop saying stuff like "I miss you" or "I care about you" if she has no love to back it up. I told her to leave me alone unless she wants a reconciliation. I pushed her away and made my terms clear. My pride and my heart want her to come back. My brain says she won't and that I should be glad she doesn't. She wasn't good enough for me, but I want her to want to be good enough (dunno if that make sense).

 

Anyway, my NC won't falter. It didn't before, it won't now. I just need to convince myself it's for the best.

[ghost1ee]

Day 19

 

Best couple days I've ever had since BU. Went on a double-date with this girl that I've been texting for a couple days now. We met at a party, and yesterday, we ate at a Mexican restaurant, then met up at the mall. I ended up buying five shirts for med school. It's wonderful. We walked around the mall, then later that night, we watched The Hobbit. Afterwards, we got hungry and ate at Denny's. We talked there until around 3am. It was phenomenal. Then today, they came to another Christmas party. We talked there for a while. It was awesome. Tomorrow, she's going to LA, but we're planning to do some bike riding on Monday and going to a coffee shop. And then later tonight, I watched a movie called The Watch with three guy friends. We chilled and just played NBA 2k13 beforehand, then ate ramen and tortillas. Fun night. I'm back home now. Damn life is good! I haven't texted the girl since this afternoon though. Might text her tomorrow and check up on how she's doing in LA.

[rachellsa]

Well I did it, 30 days NC! Wow. I don't feel a thing. Me and my friend saw him driving around yesterday and just noticed how pathetic it. He drove straight for his brothers road to his friends house to pick up his friend, we saw him again on the way back. It's pathetic because he can never just be on his own. He hates his own company. I feel like I'm winning because my life is completely balanced right now, I get to enjoy the company of friends and family and I enjoy my own company too! All good.

[pixel clouds]

Hi all, I'm joining the no contact challenge.

Brief overview: I was with my ex for nearly 6 years, the last 5 months of which was long distance and just caused one problem after another. He eventually dumped me via email a week ago. We've emailed a bit since and he said he wants to meet and talk about it eventually but suggested a milestone that is at least 6 months in the future. After I replied saying that I'd rather talk sooner he didn't respond. It reminded me how much I used to hate when he just didn't reply rather than say 'no'. I'm done chasing.

 

Day 1

Today was hard because I was on my own. I still can't eat or sleep and I have major anxiety, I feel totally lost about where my future is going now that our shared plans are gone. I'm petrified of the thought of him meeting someone else and I can't shake the hope that this is all a misunderstanding and we'll reconcile

 

I forced myself to go out and do Christmas shopping, and just interacting with staff and thinking about how much I love living in Tokyo helped. I am dreading going back to the UK next week because it will all seem too real and I have to start my life anew which feels really daunting.

 

I feel better for not having looked at our old emails for two days now, but I have to admit that I still keep checking my email and hoping to see something from him. Part of me is glad that I don't because it would just start the cycle again.

 

I'm grateful for my friends, and for my sister.

[rippedinsides]

Day 3

 

Today seems little easier. It's like I'm slowly starting to accept the breakup. I felt like calling him but managed to hold myself in check. Glad I succeeded.

 

I worked out a bit, got a new hairdo and a couple of new clothes. I feel a bit nice to see my new stuff. I'm keeping aside a bit of shopping for next weekend. Maybe keeping busy will help.

[Kirstya59]

Day 20 - still texting the new guy i met at my christmas party, makes me feel so much better!

[Chinafish]

Day 22. It's so liberating now that I no longer have to check my phone constantly/ time how long he's taken to reply/ decide how long I'm going to leave it to reply etc. he's out of my life at long, long last. I can't believe I've given him seven months of ego strokes and booty shags. I hear he got back with the psycho he was dating in the summer ( while still getting some from me ) they're perfect for each other and I've had a lucky escape.

 

See!! Now when I type it i actually believe it

[ghost1ee]

Day 20

 

Slept in today. Woke up, opened my new laptop fresh out of the box. I love it. Got a haircut later in the day. Helped my mom with groceries. Listened to upbeat music. Good day.

[pixel clouds]

Well I did it, 30 days NC! Wow. I don't feel a thing. Me and my friend saw him driving around yesterday and just noticed how pathetic it. He drove straight for his brothers road to his friends house to pick up his friend, we saw him again on the way back. It's pathetic because he can never just be on his own. He hates his own company. I feel like I'm winning because my life is completely balanced right now, I get to enjoy the company of friends and family and I enjoy my own company too! All good.

 

 

Congrats!

It's so good to know that you saw him and weren't affected by it too

You are totally winning!

[XkatieX]

Pixel Clouds: I can so relate when you say "It reminded me how much I used to hate when he just didn't reply rather than say 'no'. I'm done chasing."

He ignored me since Friday night and then called me up (my house is about a 30 second walk away) and ended our three year relationship over the phone in a conversation that lasted about three minutes.. says a lot really doesn't it?

 

I went round to his after about an hour later.. waiting thinking he would at least come to mine. I had promised myself I would keep it together.. but I failed. Im sure you all know how hard it is.

 

So anyway. I'm now on day one no contact. Lets see how this goes.

[The Bozz]

Day 5:

 

I'm starting to feel the negative effects of the breach of NC from last week. Hell, I've been feeling them since yesterday now that I think about it. I really didn't need that. I hope it won't bother me too much at work.

[rippedinsides]

Day 4

 

Day went ok. Managed to stick to NC. This is the most I've gotten so far without regressing. Hope I can stick to it.

[rachellsa]

Congrats!

It's so good to know that you saw him and weren't affected by it too

You are totally winning!

 

Haha thanks! I feel like Charlie Sheen!

Well...maybe not QUITE like Charlie Sheen...

Got an email today....bit of an NC crisis...he has my beloved vintage tea set Reallllllllllllllllly don't want to have to respond! But i have to to get it back...unless I send my Mum..haha

 

I feel for you at the moment pixel clouds..I felt the same way you did, just know it DOES get better with NC. Also probably don't agree to the 6 months thing if you wanna heal, you'll just be waiting for that day.

[IAmFCA]

All, Am writing to give an update.

 

This fall I initiated NC because I was all twisted up about a man who had treated me poorly. Along the way, we fell in love with each other, but NC needed to happen anyway. I told him "I am unhealthy" and went NC in an effort to recenter myself. I permitted contact after the presidential elections, a big topic for him and after a time of about 2 or 2 and a half weeks of NC. I used NC to deeply study myself. I learned A TON during that short time. Then with him I permitted contact first only by email. His emails revealed a deeper connection and a mountain of regret.

 

We are now dating, slowly. We do not have a gf/bf agreement and maintain certain boundaries. IMPORTANT: Because of NC, I am stronger and I am centered, and I am able to better pursue my dating relationships. I don't know what will come of this particular budding relationship, and I am happy to be able to explore it without losing my footing.

 

NC was an essential tool to finding my inner core. I could not have pursued any deep connection without it.

[XkatieX]

I used NC to deeply study myself. I learned A TON during that short time. Then with him I permitted contact first only by email. His emails revealed a deeper connection and a mountain of regret.

 

How long did you go NC for? Did he try to contact you at all in that time?

[The Bozz]

This is an old post, but I managed to miss this reply until today (I reread what I write often). That's exactly why I made so clear to her I need strict NC, no "I miss you"s, no "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"s, nothing. Either she loves me definitely and comes back or she stays away. To her credit, she agreed it was the best thing to do and has left me alone. It's tough, I still feel this pressure in my chest whenever I think about it.

[Kirstya59]

Day 21 - i deleted the pictures of us both off facebook today. Not too sure how i feel

[IAmFCA]

How long did you go NC for? Did he try to contact you at all in that time?

 

XK I only went for 2 to 3 weeks, I cant remember exactly. Not as long as people recommend. I worked really hard on myself, found a hole I was trying to fill, sorted it out. He did not try to contact me during that time. He expected never to talk to me again. He felt that would have been just and he would not violate my boundary. I began to spin a tale in my head, that maybe all of it was manipulation, that maybe he didn't hold me in high esteem at all. When I opened up communication, I did not ask any of that directly. He spilled it. Still, any time I feel myself losing control, losing my footing, I stop. I stop communicating altogether. I have had to go only a day and a half without hearing from him, and I am glad I held my tongue/thumbs until I did.

[Mistykitty]

Day 17

Wow here I am again, cuz a really stupid thing happened. That guy I dated on Friday and I went on another date and, well...I really, really like him (or at least, I thought I did), the sparks were flying and everything. And then we started cuddling and NOPE. Way too soon, apparently. Its frustrating because you'd think 3 months would be enough time =/ I'm attracted to himm, love talking to him, but I don't feel anything when we do anything physical. In fact, what happened tonight kinda makes me not want to talk to him again

 

Is this normal? I know everyone has different healing times, but it makes me feel like I'll never get over my ex. Also, not having someone to "distract" me means I'm thinking about him again, which sucks.

[jmb86]

Day 7

 

Day 7 of NC. She sent me a text last night trying to bait me in a response/argument but ignored her. Sucks because my things and mail are still at a home we once shared together. Not sure how much longer I can go before having to contact her to tie up the remaining loose ends. I find NC to be the most therapeutic thing to do during a breakup.

[sharky988]

@ MistyKitty 17 Days is very soon to be expecting to be over your ex enough to be happy dating other guys. Give it more time!

 

@ jmb86 Congratulations on ignoring that text!!! Keep up the good work! Stick to NC as long as possible before you have to collect your things or contact her. Also, you can arrange to have your mail forwarded from now on!

 

Week 7 NC.

 

I didn't expect to hear from him before now because he's with someone else. In my mind I imagined I'd probably hear from him around the 3-4 month mark.... maybe 6 months at the most. I thought I would just focus on myself and my work and if he came back, he came back and if not, not. What I DIDN'T expect is that I'd start to not want him back. That's what's happening now. I might still love him and have that attachment, but I don't really like him anymore as a person.... and that's just crushiing.

 

I just don't see any way I could forgive him for all the pain he caused me. And I don't think I ever DO need to forgive that. I never treated a person that way and I never would.

[pixel clouds]

@rachellsa

Thanks, I appreciate it

 

@XkatieX

It's so nice to know that someone can relate, we totally deserve better than that! Hang in there, we can do this

 

it's nice to read that a lot of people are treating themselves to hairdos and nice new things ♪

[pixel clouds]

Day 3

 

So... yesterday I had a leaving party, which I really didn't want to go to. I was almost crying during the first half, but then I started to enjoy myself and feel better.

 

Today, I was feeling good. I didn't cry this morning, I had a lovely day out with my friend and only talked about the break up a tiny bit. I felt a bit sad when I heard Christmas songs. And then, he goes and emails me saying that we can meet between Xmas and New Year if I want to talk things through. I still think it's final because he's asked me not to go to his workplace party (He won't be there, and I used to work there).

 

I'm scared if I don't break contact then I will never get closure, although I'm sure meeting him is gonna set me back I haven't replied yet, but it's really sent me into a panic.

[Kirstya59]

Day 22 - songs about love keep making me think of him