THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[zep]

NC Day 4. Today was actually a really easy day. I went to work, and then out with work colleagues afterwards. I just got home and its almost 11 so I'm going straight to bed. I didn't have time to miss him today.

 

Whats really helped me was changing my number, deleting him off skype, and auto-deleting his emails. So I don't know if he's trying to contact me or not. The first time I went NC I would check my phone everyday for his missed calls, check for his emails... now there is nothing to look/wait for.

 

A week from today I am going on a week long vacation in Egypt by myself. (Red Sea scuba diving part). I think this will be hard because he and I went to egypt together 2 years ago and it was the best trip ever. Part of the reason I'm going alone is that I want to reclaim this place and this memory for MYSELF, not as an "us" thing. However, I think I will have a lot of down time and therefore time to think and miss him. I'm just going to be super friendly and make friends with all my fellow travelors and I hope that will keep my mind off him.

 

I really think I will be okay. I feel like I'm discovering this city for the first time now that he's gone and I'm going out with friends almost every night rather than just hanging out at home with him. I know I won't be completely over it until I have a solid crush on someone else (thats always how it goes with me) but I feel pretty good. I wouldn't say I miss him today. In fact, no, I don't miss him.

[zep]

John, I don't think you should reply at all unless your ex texts and tells you she wants u back. Your replies of 'thanks' regardless of you waiting one hour or two days still obv shows she has certain power over you. NC should be straight up silence mode anyway.

 

 

Anyway Day 12

 

Hitting two weeks soon and I'm quite proud. Last night I had to be strong as the urges were intense.

 

Great job!! Two weeks is a big deal! I know from experience that the second week is harder than the first. I'm dreading it.

 

Also I agree, you guys should not respond to the ex's contact attempts. Even planning on how you will respond will only leave you at best, waiting for it (hope- the enemy of moving on) or massively disappointed if they don't contact you. Whats the point of the small responses? Eventually, you will end up never speaking to this person again. So why not start now and get it over with?

[superdupa]

Hey guys.

First posting here, though I've been lurking for about a month or so and this site has certainly helped me out.

I'm not gonna post my whole story because I don't I don't reaply feel like it right now.

Anyway, basically my girlfriend of almost two years and I broke up probably about a month ago, she slept with a guy shortly after but that's not really what bothered me (I've slept with two girls since we broke up, we're single and we don't have to care about what each other thinks) what bothered me is that after it happened she basically begged for me back so I compromised with her but like the day after she went back to the other guy without telling she thought it wouldn't be a good idea for us to get back together. So really I was just mad that she gave me hope although I do realize that it would have been a bad idea for us to get back together so quickly.

She was the dumper, btw. And we also lived together but she found a place and has pretty much moved out by now.

I told her when she was still living with me that I think we should not see each other or talk to each other for at least a month but I told her that I would not be the one to contact, if she wanted to talk to me she would have to be the one initiating contact and even then I may not reply.

She was really kinda pushing being friends but I told her that I'm just not ready and I don't know when/if I will be.

She blocked me on facebook so as to comply with my wishes but the problem with that is that I have no control over when she unblocks me but whatever.

I also deleted her number so I couldn't text or call her but she still has my number and her area code is different from most in our area so I'd know it's her but the point is that I can't contact her if I want to.

Also, our break-up wasn't messy or anything.

There was only one time when we got into a yelling match (well it was mostly me) but that's basically because I had to yell and it actually made me feel significantly better.

Our relationship was also great, hardly any problems (or so I thought) so it's still kind of a mystery as to why we broke up but I've accepted that I'll never have all the answers and it is what it is.

On our two year anniversary (which would be on the 11th) I would have asked her to marry me so that sucks but I realize that we're young (both 22) so it's kind of better that it didn't happen.

 

So basically this is day 1 because she still has some stuff at the house and was moving things out yesterday and ask for my help with a couple things.

She's been respectful though and tries only to come by when I'm working.

I'm actually not feeling too bad right now and haven't been for the past couple days.

I thought the 5th (the day she moved) would suck a whole lot but I felt alright.

I think the 11th might suck though but the fact that I'm working from 8am-10pm with a two hour break might soften the blow (also paper Mario).

I feel like I'm thinking fairly rationally now and, quite honestly I feel as if there's a probability she'll want to try to reconcile in the future (I'm a good dude and lots of girls would like to be with a guy like me) though if she were to ask me now I wouldn't think twice about saying no.

Anyway, that's more of my story than I expected to tell so here's to hoping I continue to feel fine (aside from this flaming hot cheeto induced stomach ache).

Thanks for helping me get through this.

[zep]

Day 5!! This finally feels like a reasonably high number. However, its Friday and the weekends have always been a problem for me. I get bored, I am alone, I think and I want to contact. Bad bad bad!! I could just make plans for the whole weekend but I'm so busy during the week I really need to just spend Sunday napping and watching movies. I have a lot of work to catch up on before i go on vacation Thursday so I think I am going to go into the office both days.

 

I actually feel really good. How I feel Sunday will be the real test. I definitely think blocking all his potential contact and NO stalking at ALL has made an enormous difference. I really encourage everyone to do this. The key is there is nothing to rock the boat. NC really means NO FACEBOOK, no twitter, no signing onto skype to see if he'll message you... its the total absence of CHANGE in the situation that makes NC work. Theres no new fb picture to analyze, no breadcrumbs, nothing. It's like I live in a world where he doesn't and never exisited, and its amazing!!

[Nvme]

I've been on Day 1 again but can't stop checking her twitter. She met her gaming idol this past weekend and just talks about him nonstop. He gave her his skype and phone number so they seem to be talking often. Its just cause she's a fan, right?

 

Zep, if you want to keep each other busy, let me know. I'm in the same boat.

[JohnGalt]

Day 3 -

 

Today is my 2.5 year anniversary had I been with my ex. It was the day I was to propose. I'm feeling weird, but determined not to contact her. Still, I am desperately hoping that she reaches out to me. If she's going to reflect on our relationship in a positive way, this would be the day she does it. Though I have hope for today, I know that she's going to crush me. That's why, I'm going to work and coming home and going to sleep. I just want today to pass.

[rocko123]

Day 25

 

5 days to go. Had a strong urge to email her yesterday after passing her in the hall at work. Even had the email drafted out. Challenge accepted and defeated! I will make my goal and she will become a player in my past. Leaning heavily on friends right now to get through the tail end of this.

[JohnGalt]

what happens at the end of 30 days Rocko?

[NCForeverGirl]

Day 7.

 

A full week of NC! Things are going well... I've just started watching Game of Thrones and I've completely fallen in love with it so that's helping to take my mind off my ex. In fact, I'm thinking of ending this 30 Day NC Challenge now as I don't think I'll be able to heal properly until I stop obsessing over how many days I've done NC for. Onwards and upwards.

[Aspie Mom]

Day 25

 

5 days to go. Had a strong urge to email her yesterday after passing her in the hall at work. Even had the email drafted out. Challenge accepted and defeated! I will make my goal and she will become a player in my past. Leaning heavily on friends right now to get through the tail end of this.

 

Good for you that you didn't do it. Did you feel accomplished once the urge passed? That's how I feel when I can overcome the 'itch' to contact.

[sublimek2]

Day 15

I still look at my phone a lot too see if there's a message waiting. I hate when my phone does go off for an incoming text, it's just someone else now. I get that feeling of excitement for just a second before reality sets in again. She is deleted from my phone, facebook, and all items around the house that just serve to remind are gone.

 

I work nights, by myself, so sometimes all I have are my thoughts. It's so easy to get sucked in: memories, what I should've done or said, what's she's doing. I've taken up meditation, that seems to help. It calms my mind. I also keep my mind occupied with my studies.

 

...5 am, she wakes up now, usually I'd have a text. 6 am she showers and gets ready for work. 730 am she leaves... I send my usual "drive safe " text. She always said that made her smile

[rocko123]

Good for you that you didn't do it. Did you feel accomplished once the urge passed? That's how I feel when I can overcome the 'itch' to contact.

 

I did feel accomplished. I had rationalized in my head that the purpose of my email was work only, to say something like "Okay, can we work together or not?" But I realized that the purpose was anything but that, it was to reestablish contact on any level. What hit me is that the work thing will work itself out and that all I can do is control me and my actions. If she wants to be professional, she will. If she doesn't, she gets to deal with the consequences.

 

And either way, the response or non-response from her would have made me miserable. So... go me!

[Bella Donna]

So how are you doing today John Galt? It must be a tough day for you...

[lalalollipops]

Day 13

 

Meh. Feel languid and empty as always.

[JohnGalt]

So how are you doing today John Galt? It must be a tough day for you...

 

unbelievablely tough. And the law firm I work for asks us to mentor law students in the area. The person I'm matched up with not only goes to my ex's law school...not only is in my ex's section...but is in her study group. found out this morning. FML.

[Mistykitty]

Day 1 again, I guess?

I did a really bad thing and called him last night asking if he wanted to talk about things. He said no, because every time we talk it "ends badly" and I said that wouldn't happen this time. He then got mad and said "Wow, so this is your definition of not clingy?"

It feels like I'm really losing him, though maybe that's why it was so much easier today...

I woke up missing him more than I had in a while, cried a little, then went on my merry way. I'm keeping my phone completely off and I guess that really helps. I'm going to try and keep this up until Monday when we HAVE to see each other, and asses the situation from there.

[lalalollipops]

^ John, aww don't worry, I've had much creepier coincidences than that.

You just have to laugh it off really.

[Cope and Hope]

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

 

In the midst of summer, I finally learned that there would be an eternal winter. Because winter is coming.

[lalalollipops]

Lol you are quite the little ball of sunshine aren't you?

I've had a pretty hard life, but I haven't turned bitter or negative, it's much more productive to look upwards instead of focusing on the crap things that happen.

[Cope and Hope]

Lol you are quite the little ball of sunshine aren't you?

I've had a pretty hard life, but I haven't turned bitter or negative, it's much more productive to look upwards instead of focusing on the crap things that happen.

 

Good for you! It's always good to be happy, upbeat, and productive. As for me though, I'll remain the cold dark soul that I've shriveled into over time and be bitter for life.

 

Just kidding, I was referencing A Game of Thrones with "Winter is coming"

[superdupa]

Day 2

 

Feeling about the same.

Not the best, but certainly not bad.

She still hasn't gotten all her stuff from my house.

I'm hoping she won't get it when I'm at home, though I can't imagine it'd be too much of a problem.

Also, "broke up" with my fling today because she wanted more and I wasn't gonna keep leading her on.

[rachellsa]

Day 4 of Nc, tomorrow will be broken up for 3 weeks, it seems to have gone really quickly since that fateful morning when he ripped my heart out. I just feel resentful towards him, but I'm doing a lot better. Haven't cried since Wednesday, that's quite an achievement. Finding it hard to not check his facebook really. Oh well, its the weekend and fun times are beckoning. can't wait til Monday when it's been a week of no contact.

 

Does anyone else get that fantasy where their ex is pining over them? Its so hard to try to do this NC thing and not think of them and how they're reacting to it. When in fact theyre not reacting at all....probably enjoying it.

[zep]

In the midst of summer, I finally learned that there would be an eternal winter. Because winter is coming.

 

This is a game of thrones reference! Amazing books, amazing show. I think he is just teasing/great opportunity to quote the books.

 

Certainly though, if we had the lives of the characters in those books we wouldn't be complaining about these breakups, thats for damn sure!!

[zep]

This is a game of thrones reference! Amazing books, amazing show. I think he is just teasing/great opportunity to quote the books.

 

Certainly though, if we had the lives of the characters in those books we wouldn't be complaining about these breakups, thats for damn sure!!

 

unless... where do w*h*o*r*e*s go?

[zep]

Day 5 complete! Another easy day, as I was at work, and then out with friends.

 

There was a conversation tonight where we talked about the beginnings of our last relationships, and I was reminded of how my ex was sooo in love with me 3 years ago. It made me want to call him. And then I remembered, thankfully instantly, he's not in love with me anymore. He is a ghost of that person from 3 years ago. There's no getting that version of the ex back. And then I got to day dream a bit about how my next boyfriend will love me, and I felt better

 

Day 6 tomorrow... I think this is where it's going to get tough.