THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Dazla]

I accept..again lol. Day 1 She needed space 5 days ago so I went nc then. But I broke it to find out where I was as we were still together then, now she's still not said were over (she clearly still loves me, dhe also misses me shes just confused) but I've made it clear enough I'm out her life now.....and my god I've not actually felt like this as I've never had such a good relationship with her...I live in hope though it's the wrong thing I know that she will realise what she's lost. (think I've set a crying record where I was just short of being sick) ;(

[BrokenOverYou]

I didnt get on the computer yesterday so this post is for day 5 and day 6.

 

Yesterday i almost broke no contact because ive kept all my feelings inside and tried to walk around like it doesnt effect me but it does and i just cant get my head around what happened and how you act like youve forgotten who i am, but you know what? Life goes on, thats how im going to look at it now, it just wasnt ment to be and i know its going to hurt for a while but ill comes out of it learning a lesson.

Today im gonna spend my time working on a project which i hope turns out successful, day 6 down and many more to go.

[lovebre]

Day ?

Lost count of the days & I don't feel like doing the math right now...

 

Not sure if I'm in the acceptance stage after all. Ran into the girl he left me for and old feelings came back up. They aren't as extreme as they were but they're there. I have amger towards them both still. Mainly her. I wanted to kick her *** so badly but after today I will never see her or my ex again.

 

I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, and God must have something great in store for me since I've been through so much pain in the past 4 months. Seeking revenge isn't even worth it because at the end of the day their karma will be much worse than what I could inflict.

 

Writing this out has calmed me down and I'm glad I won't have to see their faces ever again.

[Tom1990]

Day 2 down. It was a wee bit better. I can bear to hear her voice talking and laughing a couple cubicles down. I still blast my headphones when it gets too much. When I came into work, I was maybe a little too cheerful and vocal. I think that's what made it more bearable for me. I hope she reaches out to me someday. Until then, moving on.

 

The weekend should be good.

[tothecoast]

adding myself to the NC challenge...i've been reading along for awhile but not posting, but today i decided i just really need the support.

 

i'm on day 8 since the breakup, day 2 of NC. my ex and i broke up because she is going through some intense personal struggles and decided that she can't take care of someone else's needs right now, and has to be alone in order to take care of herself. i think she's right, so it's somewhat mutual, but i'm still totally broken-hearted and in love with her and hoping that someday, when she's in a better place, we'll be able to try again. we were together for 2 years and our relationship was honest, loving, fun, connected, and strong, so i think we have a good foundation if we ever try again.

 

but for now, i need to try to take care of myself and move on, so i told her i can't talk to her for 60 days. she was really sad (she had been hoping we could stay close even if we're not together) and told me if i change my mind, she'll be right there. i'm not going to, though...i know from previous breakups that i need this...and i think the space will help her to take care of herself right now, too, which is ultimately better for me if i ever want us to be able to be together again. so here we go...

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 23 - feeling very low about the whole thing today and last night. I just don't want to be in this place any more. I feel so angry towards how he's hurt me and made me feel like I'm not good enough, I did so much in that relationship I felt I was the best person I could be but it just wasn't good enough for him. I'm in a dark place....

[martyfarty]

Day 6

i feel the same. i still have the addiction feeling in my chest. the black cloud is still hovering around my head. i'm trying to change up my days and i have been going to the gym, hanging out with people, working, organizing, doing me, etc... i have also been watching 500 days of summer every day for the past 4 days. seems like i can't get away from the 'break up' movies.

[chrisbuilder]

Hi guys,

For people who remembered my previous posts, I was in Germany for the last two weeks (I live in Spain) working, and I was feeling upset because my ex knew I was there yet didn't contact me at all. Well, four days ago she finally did contact me, and we exchanged some text messages. It was nice, but nothing too special. It was nice that she actually answered immediately, so we could have some sort of conversation. Which was a 1000% increase in communication compared to the last three months.

 

The last three days I was visiting friends in Munich, and by sheer coincidence she got a gig in the same city. So I suggested meeting for coffee. She suggested going for a quick lunch during her break, which happened today.

 

Well, the meeting I had mentally been practising and preparing for finally happened! Before that I went shopping with a good friend who is a model, and she sorted out a killer outfit for me. I think it made an impression, and the whole meeting (unfortunately it didn't last longer than 45 minutes) was really nice! It was like old times really, we had fun, I made her laugh, we were both relaxed. We didn't talk about the relationship at all (in any case there wasn't enough time) but we had fun, and I enjoyed seeing her again. It did however make me realize that my feelings for her haven't changed at all, although I've accepted the situation. There is no one by far that I rate as having the same qualities as my ex, no one who comes close on a purely objective level.

 

But she seemed to have enjoyed it as well, because just before my flight back to Spain, she sent me a message saying that she had found it really nice to see me, even though it was so short, and wished me a good trip back home.

 

So, progress? Let's see...

[spirit seeking]

Day 20

Try to keep busy, spend time with the kids, chores...she is still on my mind. Thought of wishing her a Happy Mother's day... decided not to. Even though, I really do think that "special occasions" are allowed in the NC Challenge, and if they aren't, they should be. Something different is happening to me though. We never fought. Sex was always amazing. We were always close. I just realized, that I was actually a very good guy. I always encouraged her. I buy her things. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I am healthy. I make enough money. I'm a nice guy. Extremely loyal. So, I think she's missing out. She is making a mistake. I think I'm ready to focus on myself now. Baby steps of course. Loose a few pounds since, I gained some weight since the BU. Move to the beach. Start drawing and painting again. I think I will have to live with this hole in my chest for the rest of my life. But, people can live long and happy lives with lost limbs. I'll just develop one of those phantom hearts. I think I'm in love, it still tickles, but my heart is gone. I think I can do this. Ahhhh Some pain is subsiding. Day 20

[litttlemisssun]

Staying strong.

Been hanging out with the "new guy" and it's been helping somewhat. I wish I could just stop thinking about him and hearing about him and the new girl. While I was at a party I heard that they were doing what we always used together. I hate them. They * * * * in disgust me . '

[euphoria24]

NO CONTACT GETS YOUR EX BACK

[patterned]

2 weeks. Havin trouble processing what happened. Still hard to believe and accept it's over. I'm learning a lot and growing, working on myself.

[HopefulNessie]

Day 31

 

Yesterday was a great day. Today hasn't been as good.

It's funny how this is like a roller coaster and I dont know why. If one day I'm fine, why am I not fine the next? A lot of people have said its like that but I wonder why (amongst the many, many other things I wonder about).

 

I'm looking forward to tomorrow though I have lots of great plans for tomorrow. Hopefully I will be too busy and enjoying myself to worry as much as I do on some days.

[the dude91]

Almost forgot to report in.

 

Day 18

Really great last few days, been spending a lot of time with family and having a lot of fun. My mom also mentioned me getting in better shape, more cut up which made me feel pretty good. Now that I've thought about it I've made tons of improvements to myself in such a short time. I actually started making the changes 2 weeks before she left me so it was sort of like a head start. Still think about the ex a few times but not as much as in the beginning which feels pretty good. I guess I'm really starting to get over her, may even start dating again soon. Still going to give it some time though to stay on the safe side. Still want her to come back but I won't take her back as soon as she comes back. She's going to have to work and earn my trust back, if she doesn't want to do it then it was never meant to be and I'm better off anyways. This is a great feeling!! NC IS FOR YOU!!!

[euphoria24]

If communication is key for successful relationships, how does no contact come into play there ?????

[saluk]

Communication has already broken down after a break up. (Or more likely a bit before the breakup) One side is neither talking nor listening. NC isn't about repairing the relationship, it's about getting space to separate yourself from needing the other person to make you happy, and not giving them any ammunition during the phase of not listening to you which pushes them away further. Getting yourself free of needing them gives you a stronger bargaining platform when the other side of communication opens up, and having not been annoying during the separation makes it more likely for them to listen to you when they are ready to.

 

Good communication, like good relationships, only happens when both parties are trying.

[saluk]

Day 8, 22 since BU

 

Seeing, by chance, that she was hanging out with her friends at the beach (some of whom while dating I considered my friends as well) sent me into a bit of a tailspin. I think it was almost as bad as the days following BU. Fortunately, after spending the day with my mom, listening to 2 lovely breakup songs my sister wrote for me, and then hanging out at the movies with some other friends and not talking about the relationship at all, I feel like the plane has recovered quite a bit. At this very moment, I am not sure if I would take her back if she changed her tune. We had some great times (some of the best of my life), but part of the reason it was so great was how innocent we both were. Anything now, even if I can forgive her for breaking my heart, will be colored by what she put me through. It's not even that I wouldn't be able to trust her, but more that I wont be assuming things are rosy and more likely to look for problems. Any doubts I have about my own feelings now I will pay more attention to. Not that I think reconciliation is that likely. I did at one point but now I'm not so sure.

 

It's strange. It seems as though in order to get over someone, you almost have to convince yourself that it wasn't as great as you thought it was. Once you do that, the whole affair loses a lot of its appeal.

[flatplane]

NIC day 19, NC day 4. Nothing else to really say. I'm flicking between anger and acceptance. Almost there.

[pippy longstocking]

good lad flat ...keep ploddiong on , good to hear your nearly there my darling

[Tom1990]

Day 3 down. I'm visiting my parents for the weekend. No chance of contact.

 

I had a dream about her that night, though. We were sitting in a cafe, and I mentioned a club we went to last year, and she said "Oh yeah, that was fun" ...except it really wasn't, it was an awkward night. Then I blurted out "I want to try again, oh **** why did I just say that." She smiled amusedly, mostly to herself, then started talking. I said "There's someone sitting next to you, but he's a random stranger so I don't care." He watched our conversation. Then my ex said some things I couldn't hear. I said "I can't hear a word you're saying." She started to speak up, but I still couldn't hear her. Then closed-captioning appeared below her. It was some random platitude that made no sense. Something about honey or trees. I can't even remember. Then I woke up.

[Streetbob]

I broke 2 months of NC last week. Got diverted by a mutual friend and mailed to say I was ok.

This is effectively day 1. Start again.

[the dude91]

Day 19

 

First off Happy Mother's day to all the mothers on here, stay strong.

 

Last night I ran accross a music video called Can't Be Friends by Trey Songz, amazing video and song that wasn't perfect for how I was feeling. Watched the video over and over last night, then I had a dream about her giving me a letter explaining why she left me... I wish I could remember what it said but oh well. I'm still feeling much better than I used to so I think I've really started the healing process which I'm pretty happy and excited for so I can just move on from her and let her be happy with her bf. But I keep having this feeling they're not getting along so well right now, I keep telling myself I'm wrong though and that they're perfect for each other and I just over analyze things. Makes me feel better strangely. Still love, still would like her to attempt to come back although I'd just deny her or make her work really hard to get me back.

[flatplane]

good lad flat ...keep ploddiong on , good to hear your nearly there my darling

 

Aha, very nearly there yes, ready to get myself back into the big wide dating world again. Did get another text from her last week, but it's not phasing me.

[danzman]

Day 35 - went away at the weekend to see friends and got absolutely hammered on Friday night - which I suffered for on Saturday So felt pretty low at the time and was generally not happy yesterday - especially as in my hungover state I managed to pull a muscle in my leg which is still hurting lol. I slept on the couch at my friend's house and had to pretend to be asleep whilst my friend and this girl got frisky. Felt disgusted by it especially as I know my friend's girlfriend, not that its any of my business and I would never mention it to her. At the time I was getting annoyed by the thought that why are sleazy cheaters in relationships and not me?

 

Thankfully today was much better as chilled out at home and played guitar. I also arranged to go out for a date with a cute girl later on this week which is exciting I still think about my ex but she doesn't seem entirely real anymore as does our relationship even though we were still going out practically two months ago.

[GetOverItPlz]

Today = Day 0. ... tomorrow = Day 1 lol.

 

I want to start on Monday and just ride it out... today is Mother's Day so I wished her a Happy Mother's Day... got a good, appreciative response and left it at that. From here on out, I am about to just leave it all the way alone. 30 days will actually work out pretty well.. but a mutual friend of ours graduates in June and so I'm sure I will see her at his graduation party....

 

How do I feel right now? Well... you can read my story here:

 

As far as how I feel... I know the ONLY thing that can possibly make this better is time. For myself and for her. We had a solid relationship that found its foundations built at the wrong time. Divorce and kids will do that. So I'm with an emotionally unavailable woman, and I knew it would be coming. I just have to be smart from here on out.

 

She was supposed to maybe have dinner with me tomorrow... but now with this challenge, *I* have to be the one to say no!

 

May 14-June 14... can I do it?!