THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[chrisbuilder]

Oh, how I wish to view things like this. But from the opposin perspective, the male fleeing... It's not a matter of whether he loves me and how much, and if he does why doesn't he show it... I trust our love and I trust his confusion. There are external factors that individuals need to work through. Maybe she didn't love you, but maybe she does and she's scared... I find it a cop out, but to my ex, fleeing was the most suitable option at the time, doesn't mean it was right or that it has become right...

 

Well, I guess I put it rather black and white, which makes things easier for me. But yes, she did tell me that there were personal issues she needed to deal with, and that probably starting a relationship with me after breaking up with her ex with whom she had been together for five years not too long before, wasn't the smartest thing she had done. And that it would have been better for her had she stayed alone for x amount of time. So yes, she might have genuinely loved me, but external issues might have stopped her for developing those feelings further.

 

In the end, what do we really know of what goes on inside the heads of our loved ones? And the bottom-line is still the same: here we are, alone, dealing with our end of the bargain by ourselves. Which is really the only important thing at the moment, as we cannot do anything really to save our relationship, except for try to cope, understand, and be ready and wiser for the next time round, be it with our ex or with someone else...

[potty46]

Thank you for that last paragraph. It would be so much easier if it was cut cleanly, that there were no alternatives and now there is regrets... But, it is my fault in regards to dwelling and letting his (empty) words get to me. Your response was probably spot on to what I needed to read at this point in time. Not coping so well, but will ponder through the days until he no longer holds me back.

[chrisbuilder]

Glad I could help. Paying it forward, so tomorrow when I'm on a low, you can drag me up again! In the beginning you don't need words to understand each other, and in the end it's just words, and no one understands..

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 5 - ate too many cookies yesterday...woops...loads of philosophy reading to do, I just keep making timetables for myself...had a message from an old love interest the other day but I don't think it will come to anything. It was an interesting distraction and gets me to think about how I really feel towards the ex instead of denying them. To be honest, I'm still figuring it out....

[HALE85]

DAY 11, Finding it a bit easier, just try not to think about her, i have moments when i get lost in thought but that only ends in sadness, so i avoid those roads from now on.

[lovebre]

Day 4/Day 5

Haven't heard from him all weekend. I feel pretty content. Still having urges to peek into his FB/Twitter page but I'm controlling them pretty well. I have not cried at all since Wednesday I still miss him a lot, especially on weekends because when we were together, the weekends were the only time we'd see each other with our schedules being the way that they are. Weekends are always the hardest, because I'm sitting here alone and he's probably spending quality time with the new girl. It's whatever though, I'm slowly getting over him and I'm happy.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 6-Well a guy from my past has recently started e-mailing me and it's good because I know it's distracting me a bit from the ex but at the same time I'm really very confused. I don't really know how I'm feeling right now about it all. It's weird how things happen when you don't really want them too because of inconvenient timing. I am supposed to be concentrating on exams and essays etc. I'm just going to go with it and see where it takes me...

[potty46]

I tried so hard to be strong today, knowing what should've been but not treating it as I doesn't exist... 9 months. Feels like forever. I sent him a smiley face in a text message. We always old each other to smile, or we make each other smile... For out six months I gave him a keyring that engraved "smile" and our date.

 

I can't even imagine what it's going to be like once that one year comes round and he's not here. Maybe I should take it as it is, and with the overuse of the word smile... And just do it.

 

Technically I'm day 0. I think I'll keep my personal count on day 9. There was no substance in my message, just a reminder. Oh, who knows. I'm glad I did, cements that no contact is the best thing for now. Both hurting way too much to do anything else.

[JLKLEE]

Day 11

 

Weird...I'm not even counting the days. I had to open the calendar to check. I feel confident today. My emotions were so up and down last week. I felt really nervous that I would never hear from him again but today, I feel like he is just stupid for breaking up with me. I have so much going for me and he really does not. So regardless if he is in my life, my life will still be awesome

[flatplane]

Day 3 for me. Feeling better today, and it's certainly been easier today than it was yesterday.

[chrisbuilder]

Day 17

Just checking in. No sign of life from her for the last three days - I haven't blocked her on skype, stay invisible myself, but she usually pops up a couple of times a day. Not so for the last three days, so wondering if she blocked me, or just hasn't been online. Well, not that it really matters either way. I'm not doing the whole blocking of facebook and skype thing, because frankly I think it's a bit immature, and if I'd do it I'd just be showing her that I care, and that's something she doesn't deserve. Anyhow, upwards and onwards.

[lovebre]

Day 6

I've been having recurring dreams of my ex for the past couple days. I've been missing him a lot; but I am sticking to NC. Still having urges to check his FB/Twitter lol that's my biggest problem. I could go forever without initiating contact with an ex but I like checking into their social networks to see what they're up to. So far I have been controlling them pretty well. Today I would probably describe as one of my down days. I've been thinking of him all the time, especially with the dreams I've begun having. Hoping I start feeling better as the day progresses!

[frkalex]

Day 4

I realized today that I chose not to be in the relationship (even though he is technically the latest dumper, I said stop first). I chose my own happiness over our relationship and rightfully so!

This evening I went to a bar with two study buddies and hooked up with one of them. It felt good, but I still thought about my ex.

[jeepman41]

I'm back here for my second time. Been 29 days so far. My story is we had a 5 month relationship back in 2010. We broke up in October of the year. I went NC util after Thanksgiving of 201 when she sent me a text. My short curt replies were construed as anger and we didn't talk again until Christmas Eve.

 

We continued to have an exchange through email and text until march of 2011. I was trying to get back together when she told me she had become interested in someone else. I was floored. Didn't see it coming. So I went hard core NC until December of 2011, exactly 270 days and I broke it by accidentally sending a text.

 

We began to talk again by email until the 19th day of February and nothing since. No email or any other kind of communication. I'm done with this. She just pulled a disappearing act. I really don't need this and it is time to put her in the rear view for good.

[chrisbuilder]

I do hope this isn't me in a year's time... But great that you're persevering this time! Time to cut the liabilities...and start finding a winner, someone who will make life more fun! Instead of less...

[jeepman41]

I do hope this isn't me in a year's time... But great that you're persevering this time! Time to cut the liabilities...and start finding a winner, someone who will make life more fun! Instead of less...

 

 

Thanks for the vote of support. Life and love is not a game and I'm tired of the game playing. I believe you should say what you mean and mean what you say. It should be easier this time as there is no emotional attachment.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 7 - Just got my exam timetable today and let's just say I am NOT pleased!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[potty46]

Day 10.. I guess.

 

Re-realising I can't control this situation! Whatever happens, happens... I hope you realise what path you've choosen, and either remember our good times and want them back, or be happy. All I want for you is to be happy. It kills that I might not be a part of that anymore. Time is the only key here. Time, patience and letting go of expectations, hurt and anger. Time will heal.

[chrisbuilder]

Thanks for the vote of support. Life and love is not a game and I'm tired of the game playing. I believe you should say what you mean and mean what you say. It should be easier this time as there is no emotional attachment.

 

Isn't it funny that everytime they say they don't want to play games, that is exactly what they're doing? That's my experience at least. Well, hope you'll do better soon.

 

Day 18. Just another day, slept bad, but started to work again and do stuff. Working out, eating healthier. Not going too bad at the moment. Let's see in some hours.

[quirky]

35 days of NC, 5 weeks today.

I still hate him. And also feel resigned. I have no yearning to contact him because it is pointless. I am surprised at his behaviour but it's best if he doesn't contact me either because I only have anger in me for him. Funny..whoever has asked me how I feel, if I want him back etc I actually don't love him any more, he's killed it in me. I have no love for him or faith for a relationship with him. I am just angry at the way he went about it considering how cool I was. And resentful that it is me picking up my pieces, fearing to trust when he can focus on himself and justify everything by saying 'I didn't do anything intenionally'.

[chrisbuilder]

Quirky, I just wish I could fast forward to 35 days! Good for you.

[lovebre]

Day 7

I'm reallyyyyy beginning to miss my ex again & I'm beginning not to trust myself, so I've gone the extra mile and I've downloaded a website blocker blocked his and his new girlfriend's social networking pages so I cannot view them if I try to. I think this is the right thing to do and I feel now, I can really begin healing from everything since that was my main setback. I cried over him last night. I hate how he just replaced me like that, she seems like such a downgrade from me. So rude and obnoxious. But he seems so happy with her and it makes me sick to my stomach Who the **** does he think he is? Ugh.

[and123]

Well.. I think I will do this NC anyway tho. Sometimes im laughing at my moods. Sometimes I look happy and then very miserable again.

So lets say its day nr 1 again. I wont be counting. I know when its the day and if something happens I will post.

And Im trying to insert the idea to let her go. I dont want to loose her tho but this is probably best thing to do. Lets see what happens.

[frkalex]

Day 5

Good day. I had fun in school (although not very productive!). I still miss my ex, but I look forward to meeting someone new and fall in love again, when the time is right...

[chrisbuilder]

Day 19

Miss her such a lot, it really does make me very sad and I'm thinking about her all the time. Still can't believe she broke up with me. I'm not having trouble with NC though, because I know that whatever I'll say will only make things worse, if that is possible - there's nothing I can do to get her back. She already knows I love her. She broke up which basically means she isn't interested in being with me or having contact with me, so I'm just giving her what she asked for. If miracles exist, maybe one day she'll pick up the phone and call me. Then again if she really doesn't care, she won't. Would that time would pass faster.