THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Springs]

Hope is the only thing keeping me from crawling into bed and sobbing.

[HoliPoli]

Day two = I find myself now using my ex as a procrastination tool...not helpful to myself at all. Had a really tiring day at work today but on the upside I did buy my first christmas present!!! It did make me wonder for a split second how nice it would be to buy a present for him because I know exactly what i would get him but I guess I can't allow myself to think that I find myself wondering if he will say happy christmas, can I please just STOP THINKING!!!

 

I debated over sending my ex a birthday gift and decided that he doesn't deserve a gift. He broke things off so why the heck would I do something nice for him? Because he would think of me? I'd rather he wonder why I never acknowledged his birthday just like he knew I would and expected me to do. I think it would make him think of me more. For you to be on his mind he has to 1) Still care/love you and 2) Wonder where you are and what you're up to and if you've moved on. And enough time has to have passed for you both to be in a better place mentally.

 

Guys don't think in terms of "Oh she gave me a gift. Maybe I should take her back."

 

Once he starts to worry about you being with someone else (afterall it must be why you've gotten so quiet on him) he may contact you. Be aloof. Don't give him every detail (ie. Hard to get.)

[Melting]

Day 3

 

Feeling ok, kinda...

[chrissyoh]

well i kinda broke it on day 8... whoops! do feel all the worse for it to be honest but also kinda glad i did it. I kinda called out on why she thinks breaking up by text is ok... she kinda apologised. It then went into the break up talk, was just getting non-generic replies... i don't want a relationship with anyone at this point in my life cos there is plans i got and i dont think it will help, i ask what plans and all i get was she is looking for a new job.. dont get what that has to do with me really! she was also being quite cold to me for some reason, still talking but just cold which was weird cos we had what most would term a good break up, no arguements or badness between us (the last break up text was amazing to be fair, saying how perfect i am, how no-one can make her laugh like me etc etc and it's the hardest decision of her life blah blah blah). So yeah now i feel kinda * * * * , sent her a last text saying a few things (nothing nasty) just saying about her weird reasons really and thats it! Done and dusted! I've decided not to do this counting thing now, i'm just gonna get on with it! not looking forward to the pain and stuff i'm gonna feel, i have no switches i can just turn off so gotta feel it all. Good luck to everyone on here going through the same or similar things though..

[dobbin]

Day 9 already?

Feeling really down tonight. Guys giving me attention boosts my self-esteem but at the end of the day I still love my ex, always have, always will.

Maybe when he starts dating other girls and they toss him aside and treat him like crap...maybe he needs to go through that (again) to appreciate me.

I will not contact him. I have too much dignity and self-respect. If he truly loves me he will come back to me.

[quirky]

4 weeks today. I'm fairly ok. This time around my feelings are very different, mostly resignation and emptiness. As if I am observing it all.

[AnnaN]

22 Days

 

It was the first good day today. When I was sad, I didn't want to contact him, but now that I see some light I want! I feel I need to talk to him to let it go completely and for ever.

[brandnewday47]

Day 2.

 

Had to leave work today as I couldn't focus on anything and was completely non productive. I guess that happens when you get two hours of sleep and aren't eating.

[ihatedrama]

Day 2

 

The day just started and sadly you were the first one appeared to be in my mind when I open my eyes this morning. I can't even believe why I am still in love with you when you lied to me the whole time about you having a fiance and treated me like * * * * at the end. Love is certainly blind. I had those huge urge to let her know that you cheated on her again. But I stayed strong and kicked the ideas out of my head. I know she is the love of your life and I don't want to hurt you by * * * * ing up your relationship. Stupid me. Gladly you are heading back for the christmas soon..I guess after one month away from here with her...things will be easier for me. I am living day by day and I know I will get over this.

[BitterSweet12]

Day 4

 

Today was hard...I didn't have energy to go to school so I stayed home all day. I didn't have an appetite to eat nor was I in the mood to do anything. I kept thinking about him all day! The worst part is, that I added a friend from fb that I knew awhile back and exchanged phone numbers. He text me throughout the day which was nice, but he has the same name as my ex bf. It made it difficult to flirt back or even try to. Every time I see a text come through and the name pull up my heart goes crazy.....thinking that its my ex. I'm not sure what/or if anything is going to happen with this friend that I just be-friended on fb... I'm just going with the flow. I need to start meeting new people and getting out of the habit of just wanting to stay home.

[lemonhaze]

Yesterday was my birthday, and she couldn't even send me a happy birthday message. I was kind of expecting it since she hasn't made any contact whatsoever since the BU, but I still got angry about it. A setback in healing for me.

[playstheblues]

Yesterday was my birthday, and she couldn't even send me a happy birthday message. I was kind of expecting it since she hasn't made any contact whatsoever since the BU, but I still got angry about it. A setback in healing for me.

 

That's tough. I will be in the same position soon. So sorry. It really is a setback.

[Swift]

I can relate to it.

[Swift]

But however heart-wrenching and upsetting those early days were, and as the fog cleared I certainly see our relationship differently, our communication was at times rubbish, there was absolutely no mistaking that special and amazing bond we had / have. No question at all. I still believe that now. And maybe it was never meant to last forever, I really don't know. And at times I still question myself, I barely fought for anything after it ended, maybe I should have. But no, I will not beg or plead. He surely knows how I feel. I will retain my strength and if he wants me in his life, he'll have to man up and contact me. I'm moving on regardless, and it will be his loss

 

Ahhhhh...turned out longer than I thought!

 

 

 

I think everyone on here, Northpickle - be them male or female, cam identify with this part. I know I do.

[Swift]

Day 18

 

Reading what so many of you are going through helps I'm sure not only me but everyone else on here. Two of which I've highlighted above resonate to me like I could have written them. A couple of things spring to mind and I need to share them with you plus so I can come back here and re-check exactly what I was feeling and thinking on this cold December morning. I'm sure many of you on here have had people around you say something to you akin to "it's been ** days since you broke up with ***** - get over it !" I personally haven't with this relationship although I've heard those words in the past. The simple fact is YOU and only YOU know what that other person meant to you and the memories you shared are locked in your brain because you witnessed all those moments with your own eyes and processed them with your mind. So don't let anyone tell you what or how you should be feeling because quite simply, we're all different and we react to a whole multitude of situations in our own time and with our own personality. I recently watched a documentary on a guy from a band that I've never been that into - Richey Edwards from the Manic Street Preachers, who has been missing since 1st February 1995. Some of you may be thinking that this is a strange deviation but please bear with me. Richey is widely believed to have become obsessed with the 'perfect disappearance'. Completely vanishing from public life and the modern world. Now, Richey was troubled and had been self-harming but there is something to be said for those of us who constantly check our ex's Facebook, Myspace etc. I've done it, for months and the major slap in the face was seeing the relationship status change and the picture of the new guy appearing. Talk about rock-bottom but maybe that's what I needed, maybe you can truly begin to heal then and know there is ZERO chance of return. For me I don't think I even wanted a reconciliation. I think in a weird way like a shoot-out in an old Western I wanted to see who drew first blood, who inflicted the wound. I knew it wouldn't be me and I knew it couldn't be me 'cos I'm not ready. So I needed to see it, I needed to feel it. When your ex moves on ( and mines did after 5 or 6 months which is fair I suppose ) it's easy to feel that you are still in the relationship emotionally and that sense of despondency that you gave more than her/him hits home and you wonder how they can be so cruel. It really just is their journey and you played a part in it and they a role in yours and if you truly touched them then one day they will realise it, if they really are the person you wanted them to be. Wanting someone to want you can lead to hurt more often than not but that statement in itself should be the lesson. You deserve better, even if you look back on the relationship and realise that you weren't always perfect and there are things you could have done better. You can't have that guilt, it can grind you down. Let go and believe and if you need to work on stuff within yourself, now is the time to do it. That's what I'm doing. Richey didn't work on things because he thought that no-one ever really 'got him' and that he didn't belong so it was pointless. Like Jesus, Elvis and Bigfoot there have been numerous sightings of Richey, since 1995, though he is now officially presumed dead since 2008, so we I suppose will never actually know for sure.

 

I came away from Facebook. Having my life splashed accross an internet page started by someone who allegedly stole the idea in the first place was never my cup of tea and most of the people I had on it and who matter to me I'm in regular contact with. However, it was part of the process and it was liberating I can tell you. That might not be to your suiting and I can understand in this high-tech, skype and social networking age it may seem extreme but trust me, looking inwardly to look outwardly can be your salvation. Again, it may not be your journey. Recently, a friend of mine told me that she loved me. We got close and I realised that I really missed the companionship of being with someone but that I, despite having that galling feeling of having an ex in the arms of another, still needed that time - that space, a solitary existence while I grew to be the person I know I want and need to be...still putting myself back together after losing myself within a two-year bond where I stopped evolving so I could be what my partner felt I needed to be for her. I had to put the shutters up and I hurt my friend, although she says I was just being honest and I know deep down I don't look at her in the same fashion. Who would that be fair to ? No-one, is the answer. Hearing someone tell you they love you no matter who it is is beautiful and I felt guilty that I couldn't say it back and we all have that inner-voice that tells us we could be making a mistake but I know what I need to do and to be fair my friend, despite her hurt, understands... and for that I am lucky and more than that, grateful. Some of you will have to see your ex, maybe at work or you have kids - I don't know. No matter what, be the best actor/actress in the world. Be Al Pacino or Meryl Streep, or whoever floats your boat. Be cordial and polite, straight down the middle - if you can. Be weak in your private moments but be strong when temptation hits and know that you can always heal in other ways and in your own time. For those of us who want to start crunching away on a text or an email - don't. Like electric-shock treatment I know that if I go back down that road there is hurt and only hurt and I don't need that anymore. Rock-bottom was gotten and passed through. Richey didn't speak to anyone. His bandmates feel a certain responsibility that they didn't pay enough attention to what he was going through. Pain is real and if we bottle it up it scoffs away at us. On here we're already one step ahead taking comfort, sharing.

 

Richey admitted he was 'weak but could take the pain'. He is believed by the authorities to have thrown himself from the Severn Bridge though fans and family members dispute this. You can be like Richey but without the symbolic and possible tragic end. You don't have to throw yourself anywhere like that. You can be weak and take yourself away from the hurt through NC. Unlike or like ( whatever you believe ) Richey you can come back when you want to, how you want to. Whatever salvation you have be it religion, basket-weaving, friends, hobbies or a creative pursuit that you've long put-off do it and know that you are self-improving. If you must 'throw' yourself, throw yourself there. Richey was living his dream, his utopia - so people believed - but was so utterly sad. We're all on here because we've been hurt and we all want to know how to heal, whether it was us or our ex who broke things off. Things weren't right regardless. We're the ones who are struggling to move-on because we wonder how they can be so utterly callous and show such contempt for our feelings. It may be intentional on their part, it may not be.

 

How am I feeling right now ? It's a weak day but that's okay. None of us whatever the circumstance can be strong everyday. Tomorrow I might be weak again and that'll be okay too because I know I'll find the light again and crawl, by my fingernails if necessary, out of this hole.

 

Maybe Richey's reading this right now.

 

 

[ryan2600]

Day 10

 

It was a tough morning. I woke up with a little more anger about the situation than normal. Not sure if this is a sign for the better or not. I'd rather be angry than depressed and non functional. I was angry that over all the time I loved her and she said she loved me, buy how could you abruptly leave someone you love deeply?

 

I am still unfortunately dreaming or reconciliation at the same time, it sucks. I need to find a way to let my hopes completely collapse if getting back together is not possible. Been really thinking about changing my cell phone number and switching to my secondary email. Drastic steps for a severely drastic situation. At least that way it will force me to drop any hope of her calling to come back. I am sure that will be hell in itself. The rest would be on me to never contact her, Gonna give it more time to think about it

[lonelyheart2]

Day three - I find I always have reconciliation dreams for a couple of days after he contacts me. I'm not sure if I want to hear from him or not. I mean I do but...only for what I want to hear so I guess in reality that would be a no I don't want to hear from him.................it was this day exactly last year that we got together and I was going through the same things of stressing about an essay and getting to campus on time etc do not want to re-live those happy memories! I'm pretty sure they are my best I wonder if he thinks of them at this time too...

[Springs]

I'm so so sad today. I miss him so much. I am really struggling. I am in such a sorry state. So sad and lonely

[somethngwrng]

Day 17.

 

I still hope for her to contact me. I don't know why. I don't expect her to. I don't check my phone anymore. Sometimes I am hopeful when I open my email and see "Inbox (1)", hoping she's realised her mistake. But she won't, I need to remove those thoughts. Only time can do that.

 

I hope in a few months I don't even think of her. She is still on my mind for half the day. Sometimes I still fantasise about her, she is definitely still my strongest sexual fantasy. I hope with time, I would truly reject her, because I know if she wanted to get back together now I would only be cautious. It would end the same way, but worse. I have come a long way from the days of extreme loneliness, the begging, the "what ifs", crying when I saw our old gestures of love. But I'm not finished on this dark chapter of my life.

[dobbin]

Day 10 :sentimental:

I am a wreck. It doesn't show on the outside because I hide it so well.

I miss him so bad. I feel lost without him. What happened to my lover and my best friend? How did we get here?

I cry but it doesn't ease the pain and heartache I feel inside. I love him so much.

I wonder if he misses me at all.

Praying this pain goes away.

[quirky]

Yesterday was my birthday, and she couldn't even send me a happy birthday message. I was kind of expecting it since she hasn't made any contact whatsoever since the BU, but I still got angry about it. A setback in healing for me.

 

 

That's really sad...I am sorry to hear that. You're not alone.

[HoliPoli]

Still no contact.

 

I miss him.

 

Even during out worst fight I was never this miserable. It makes you wonder.

[brandnewday47]

Somewhat ambushed tonight... but it was out of my control so doesn't count against me. Day three. Handled myself pretty well, and when I felt things get a little out of whack I left the scene without much fanfare.

[BitterSweet12]

Day 5

 

I thought about him a few times today... not sure what's going on. I have a feeling that my feelings for him wants to fade away but then a part of me is trying to hold on to it. I don't think emotionally my heart is really ready to accept the fact that we're no longer going to be together. On the other hand, I've been keeping busy..trying to not get so distracted.

 

My head is forcing me to let go but in my heart ......your still there.

[ryan2600]

Day 11

 

I still awake each morning with an empty feeling in my chest. I hope she knew how much I loved her, maybe she is feeling the same? On a brighter note I am thinking of ways to stop these back and forth feelings. My life is such a mess right now. Although I feel better towards the nighttime, each day is still a pain.