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Apprentice (3/14)

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  1. Day 2 The day just started and sadly you were the first one appeared to be in my mind when I open my eyes this morning. I can't even believe why I am still in love with you when you lied to me the whole time about you having a fiance and treated me like * * * * at the end. Love is certainly blind. I had those huge urge to let her know that you cheated on her again. But I stayed strong and kicked the ideas out of my head. I know she is the love of your life and I don't want to hurt you by * * * * ing up your relationship. Stupid me. Gladly you are heading back for the christmas soon..I guess after one month away from here with her...things will be easier for me. I am living day by day and I know I will get over this.
  2. Day 1 I had my final closure that i haven been wanting for the last two weeks since the day i found out he actually has a fiance. now its about time to move on for good. i know it will be really tough but i have to be strong and i know i can do it.
  3. I feel exactly the same way. The only thing has been in my mind is to run to somewhere and start over. i has been a bit more than two weeks and i broke the NC two days ago..Now i am in a situation i cant decide whehter i want to see him again to get hurt all over or i just go back to NC..feeling hurt..indeed
  4. Day 13 I didn't really count for the last couple days. I tried to spend most of time with my friends and I felt ok. Once in a while I really wanted to contact him but I managed not to. I will head out of town for 5 days starts from 31st. So I guess it is a good thing. Well..my birthday will come soon..I bet that day I won't feel ok..let us see. Just kinda of live day by day now.
  5. Day 11 I attent one of my best friends' wedding last night and I broke down during the half of it. I just rushed outside and started to crying. I so wanted to contact him but I stopped myself since I knew I would only get his cold words. Or worst he wouldnt even bother to answer my call since he has a new girl now. It hurts like hell just the simple fact that I am suffering so much here while he is already having his new life. I am doing my best to keep my chin up each day. But at some point I just collapse...It makes me scared to think about it..I am just so terrified whether I will get better again!
  6. I so want to just give you a call and tell you how much I miss you. But I know I can't..I am scared to get those cold words from you. I am so scared to even think about hearing your voice again...sigh...
  7. Day 8 Had another nightmare last night. Missing him crazily still..really hope this can be over asap!
  8. Day 7 Not too good again. Still freaking out everytime I think I will never be able to see him again. The I do realize I have no interest to contact him since I don't want to make myself upset. I think at this point I am too weak to see him with his new gf.
  9. Have I ever crossed your mind?Even just for a second? Have you ever thought about me when you are so happy with her? I am going through so much pain that I will never want to go through again in my life. I don't want to hate you even after so many horrible things you did to me. I know you will never come back and I hate myself so much for still wishing you will be back...
  10. Day 6 Well..good to feel today is almost over for me. And tomorrow need basically work the whole day..So I guess it will be easier a bit. I still constantly think about him and it makes me sad everytime I picture him with his girlfriend. I cant stop wondering whether I actually cross him mind sometimes..sigh..it hurts as hell to think we will never speak or see each again...
  11. Day 5 It is quite hard today as it is Sunday. I can't help but keep thinking now he is spending his happy weekend with his new girl while I am trying my best to heal. Sigh..life..
  12. Day 4 It is really difficult since I think about him all the time throughout the day. It was a messy break up (Together for 8 months and lived together for like half a year, at the end I caught him with another girl. Went throw abortion alone and dramatic break up). I told him on the phone on Tuesday that i need stop talking with him for a while to get better. I told him not to call,text me for a month then let us see what will happen. Honestly my gut feeling tells me he won't contact me even after a month since he is so happy with the new girl now. I am trying to force myself to move on even it is really difficult. Time seems go so freaking slow..and i am counting on day by day, hopefully it will get better...
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