THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[madine]

if my ex tried that i would grab a mp3 player and turn up the vol all the way.

It is obvious that this girl who once supposedly loved me is now out to make me feel as bad as possible. So I am determined to make her believe I don't give a sh*t about her anymore, about anything she does. That nothing she says affects me in any way. That there are no feelings what so ever anymore, neither positive or negative. I want to treat her like I hardly know her, like I don't want to get to know her, like she is the most uninteresting person in the room completely unworthy my attention.

 

And all that is a complete lie. I love her, I hate her. I cry about her. I get mad at her. But I will not give her the satisfaction of knowing that.

 

4 weeks of NC

[somethngwrng]

Day 3, nearly lunch time.

 

Though it would probably be the worst thing that could happen, it hurts that she hasn't contacted me. Even for something small to say that she loves me or misses me. She has said neither of those things since we broke up. I wonder if she does still love or miss me. Why does it matter? We are not together anymore. Every time I think of our relationship I remember how horrible it was and all the abuse.

 

I removed every single memory I have of her from my computer, so I won't be tempted to go through our photos or the sexy stuff. I still have a photo frame of her in my drawer at home, I haven't had the heart to throw it yet. I also still have a pair of her favourite panties that I'll throw away with the frame when I'm ready.

 

The girl I went on a date with last night checked out my dating profile again this morning at 7am.. nice to think she thought of me when she woke up this morning, haha.

[bdbmwer]

DAY 6

 

I feel pretty good. Dont need her but still get a little affected when she is brought up in conversation and I feel guilty for ignoring her texts. Cant help but thinking how shes comparing me to her new guy.Lifes becoming pretty busy and making things easier.

 

 

My ex keeps contacting me with small things.Are we supposed to ignore silly emails from them asking our professors email and such? or atleast remain curteous replying with just the email?

And does NC mean ignoring texts from her friends asking to hang out too?

[madine]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! It makes me mad to see her being invited - or worse - rsvp to an event on Facebook I am attending. I.. don't.. want.. to see.. your.. face!!!

[Lostlove26]

It's been 1 month since I last contacted my ex and 3 months since he broke up with me. The first week we broke up he txted me he missed me and that he has to do this for us. so I believed him and thought we need time so I gave it to him and we were together for 2 years.

 

Well after about 3 weeks I asked him are we going to make this work out all he just kept saying was I want my space so I let it go and numerous times I asked if it was another woman and to just tell me he said no

 

After two months of silence I txted him I miss him and that he doesn't miss me and I hate that. He never responded. I went through his fb because I had his password and found out he is in a relationship with his step cousin I was in complete shock and still can't believe it til this day. After txting him I missed him that day I hated myself and txted him back saying I never meant it and that he never deserved me after everything he put me through.

 

Now here I am 1 month after that txt and I want to txt him or call him to confront him and tell him I know he is with his step cousin because i didn't tell him that I just don't know is it the right thing to do??? It hurts me soo bad and I can't understand why I want to call him and txt him sorry like I never meant that he never deserved me I am just so messed up and I don't know what to do and I don't think contact is a good idea even though I wish he knew that I know he lied to me and that I am hurting in a million ways and that for some reason I miss him and wonder why he hasn't even asked how I have been

.....

[Hastyhand]

BU: September 3rd

NC: Day 9

 

I had a really hard morning today. His birthday was yesterday and he is having a party this Saturday at a bar that we both frequent. .

 

Hehe. My ex had a birthday yesterday aswell. I do know that she is going to have party, but when and where - dont care : )

Dont want to know.. I just hope she is happy with that new guy.

Just lit a candle..didn`t have time at daytime..so..I`ll do it now.

[unkown1921]

well today makes it a month of being without her, but it doesnt hurt nearly as bad as when we first broke up. i still miss her and would do anything for her ,but i wont let her know that, just gotta stay strong and keep up the NC.

[Personal]

Day 1 08:00 Nervous my first aim is to get to 10 days. She updated her twitter today with "getting them out of your head is 1 thing, getting them out of your heart is a different story"

[somethngwrng]

NC 3 full days... tonight was daunting since it was friday and I didn't have any plans. We always used to drink together on Fridays and play video games. Well - first sober Friday in a while! Watched some movies alone and going to play Guitar Hero until I'm tired enough to goto sleep. Tomorrow (saturday) will be easy.. will be out the whole weekend so I'll be on day 6 before I can even think about it. This is easier than I thought and well worth it in healing value. Occasionally having negative thoughts and getting desperate to send her a message but I am dealing with it.

[thekoreandream]

Hey guys,

 

My first post on eNA as I have followed a couple threads carefully to help out with my own situation, but I think its time for me to reach out to this community. So my story goes pretty much like this. My ex-girlfriend and I were dating in a pretty serious relationship for about 3 and half years until she decided 2 months ago to break up with me. Prior to that, we had been having some issues considering she now was just starting graduate school for her masters degree and I was trying to find work and a direction to go in. To give background, the last 3-6 months have been rough for me. I have always dealt with an anxiety issue ever since grade school and retrospectively attribute that to why I didn't take a 30,000 job with Verizon. Well that was really the start of a downward spiral as I knew she was wanting me to take it deep down so I could start financially supporting us both and move ahead with our lives. Fast forward, to the summer when I crashed my vehicle and it ended up being considered totalled. Not only was I out of a car now but my confidence I once had when we first dated now became shaken up and was decreasing. We seemed to work through that mess but she kept asking how we could fix things as they weren't the way they were before (as in she missed some of the emotional connection I guess). Granted we still had fun and I was slowly trying to get myself back in that I created an internship opportunity for myself, finally got a car from my aunt, and was actively searching for a job to accompany my internship.

 

Fast forward to the week before the breakup on Friday. I was going to come over after my first or second meeting with my new boss and I was panicking when in the car because I didn't know how to get to her place using backroads and was scared of a new situation. Well we got into a fight about the directions, but I eventually got to her place so we could hang out. Well when I get there she tells me I look cute and to come in. So I did and we go upstairs and she sits on my lap in the chair. We talked a bit about random stuff and then she asked me again how can we fix things. I didn't have much of answer because I wasn't sure how to fix things at that point. Well basically I start freaking out because I thought this was going to be the end and start crying. She consoled me and told me that she thinks it would be best if we could just have a break (not a break-up) for about a month so we could sort out our issues as individuals. I agreed because I knew deep down that it made sense for where we were at that point. So we spent the next couple hours go getting a bite to eat, holding hands walking the streets, and sitting talking on a park bench like nothing was wrong. We eventually left and came back to her place where we said our goodbyes for now and she gave me a consoling leave. She came over and we made out for a good portion in the car before I left for home. She texted me when I got home to update me about one of her friends and that was it until the following week.

 

So I had been handling the break we took fairly well trying to resist from texting, calling, etc. I was doing stuff with friends, catching up, etc. Well Wednesday after I stupidly put up on FB how I was applying to get jobs, she messaged me and said "we need to talk". I asked what about and she said she rather tell me in person. I asked was it a bad thing. She said depending on how I looked at it, yes. I kind of knew right then and there was this all meant. I started to beg a little as I was panicking and she said "please stop" so I did. So she had to go do something with her mother that day and I was left panicking until Thursday. I started looking up all the things not to do during a breakup so I wouldn't make all the common mistakes men make. Well I had a horrible day that day and only got worse on Thursday.

 

Thursday rolls around and she said she would come over after her dentist appointment in the morning. She arrived and I could tell right away something was obviously not right. Bracing myself for the eventual realization, she took me downstairs and proceeded to talk to me heart to heart. She started talking about the entire week that happened in between. She said over the weekend (I think) she went out to the club with her friends and had all her feelings went away. Eventually, this guy who I knew as he was mutual friends with the group for a long time decided to pull a couple moves on her and somehow she ended up at his place. She told me they were just laying there and he asked her "would you slap me if I try to kiss you". She responded with "I really don't think that is such a great idea right now given the circumstances" as this guy was fully aware of me and such. Well the guy decided to do it anyway because I guess he liked her for a long time and she just stood there speechless to the whole thing. She said he only kissed her on the bed, they watched tv, and that was it. Well the next came and she said her feelings came back and I would assume she felt guilty and was mega-confused. Well she was talking about whether I guess to break it off with me for those days with her friends. Well she decided to pull the trigger on it as you already know.

 

I listened intently while trying to hold back my emotions. She said she felt as though recently she was feeling like my mom and not my girlfriend and that she regretted not pushing me enough. I said it wasn't your fault but it was all mine even though she mentioned it was both our faults. I tried not to cry and break down but that was near impossible. She was crying, hugging my bear throughout this entire breakup as I could tell she was visibly upset with this. I put my arm around her shoulder as she was crying like we always did for each other. I told her at the end that I understand her decision and I think right now that she right it is best as I have my own issues to sort out and she does too. I said I felt like I have to let her go in order to have a chance in the future (even though I didn't want to) and said if somewhere down the road we can work things out I would be more than willing to do that.

 

She asked me if I needed to speak to my brother (as we were all close) and I was like I just want to hold you right now. So she came on top of me and hugged me as I was lying down on the sofa. It just felt so right to have her in my arms, a very warm and consoling type feeling. We did that for a couple of minutes until we went upstairs. So she took her things but interestingly didn't take everything even though she asked me whether I had anything to return to her. She knew what she could have taken but she didn't. We made our way out to my driveway where she proceeded to tell me to "be strong". We told each other our "I love you" and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I then proceeded to hug her one final time and we kissed on the lips as we said those things. She got in our car and I stood there as we waved goodbye.

 

Well I was a distraught mess as many of us on here were and continued like that for pretty much the next couple of weeks. My dad told me that he checked her FB for me because it was driving me nuts and that it looked like she lost her motivation for doing stuff for school for the first couple of days and looked to be upset (even though its hard to tell). Anyway, I proceeded to do myself and use no contact for the first month like every book said to. So I was working hard in my internship, decided to play tennis again, changed my diet where I lost 10 lbs., decided to finish the puzzle we never got to finish, and decided to sell a bunch of things on eBay to repay her all the money I feel I owe her (still in midst of completing that one). I was feeling better about myself and slowly getting my confidence back thanks to work.

 

I decided to give her a call about 2 - 3 weeks ago in which I got voicemail. Then my buddy told me that she was in a new relationship with the guy who pulled these moves on her. I was a bit distraught, jealous, and angry I have to admit but tried to keep my cool as I knew it was probably only a rebound. Well she called me a few days later where we talked. She told me how she was sick and I consoled her like I always did. I then proceeded to ask her if she would like to catch up and talk over some lunch or frozen yogurt sometime as friends to take the pressure off. She said she didn't know what her schedule was like that next week so I told her I would call her next week and we would figure something out for the following week after my trip to Florida. Well she called me back 3 hours later but I let it go to voicemail as I told her I was busy. Next day, she calls me as I am driving home and leaves a voicemail saying "hey, I need to talk to you but I am sure you are driving right now. Call me back when you get this". So about an hour later I called back and was my cheery self. We talked about random stuff for 10 mins until she said to me "I just wanted to tell you and I wasn't sure if you knew but I am in a relationship now". She proceeded to tell me that this was a "legit" relationship (which to me is another word for serious) and that she wanted to tell me first before anyone else did. She also said that because she was in a new relationship she didnt think we could be friends right now as she thought it wasn't appropriate yet. I told her that I wished her and him well on their new relationship and that I thought it would be a shame to sacrifice our friendship. That ended the phone call.

 

So I continued to do myself and took my trip down to Florida for a wedding. Let's just say that trip was a blast. Had so much fun I haven't had in a very long time to the point where it drew my attention away from all this. Well during that week after the passing of Steve Jobs, she called me and left a voicemail mentioning the whole iPhone 4s and Steve Jobs passing. She said she knew this sounded completely random and off topic and she wished me a hope you are having a fun time down in Florida. Well I literally missed that call as I had my phone in the other room and didn't respond back to it. Now it has been almost 2 months coming up and I am not sure what to make of this. She knew I would pay attention to any Apple news so I am almost thinking that she is missing me and just wanted to talk to me (which is what my cousin said also). Not sure what should be my next move here so I am turning to your support.

 

- thekoreandream

[madine]

I broke down completely today. I moved to a neighbouring city after she left me, but I still have to go to class in the city we met, lived together and so many memories are. I hate going there. Every time. But this time things were really bad. I parked my car this morning and starting walking towards my faculty. Tears filled my eyes and half way there I took a right turn and walked a while along the river because nobody was there and so nobody could see me crying full out. I turned around, got back in my car and drove to my parents.

 

I just feel so lost without her, even after almost 5 months! I keep thinking about how happy she made me and how bad I feel not having her in my life. How no other human being I ever met even comes close to how awesome she was.

 

What is she really is THE one? What if this is it for me? If I only experienced true love for one year of my life. I want to get married, get kids and grow old with the love of my life. Why can't I?

[mecastillo1987]

Day 11 of NC

 

I just want to always be there for you - front and center... Most especially when the curtains fall.

[RitaTrue]

DAY 6

 

I feel pretty good. Dont need her but still get a little affected when she is brought up in conversation and I feel guilty for ignoring her texts. Cant help but thinking how shes comparing me to her new guy.Lifes becoming pretty busy and making things easier.

 

 

My ex keeps contacting me with small things.Are we supposed to ignore silly emails from them asking our professors email and such? or atleast remain curteous replying with just the email?

And does NC mean ignoring texts from her friends asking to hang out too?

 

Hi Bbd,

 

To answer your question:

 

Yes. Ignore everything. Every text. Every call. Every smoke signal. Every messenger pigeon. Ignore. It. All.

 

And as far as her texting you stupid things, like "Whats this professor's email?" Thats just her way of checking on you, without directly asking you how you are. She can get a professor's email address, or anything else for that matter- ON HER OWN. She was doing that before you. She can find a way to do it now, especially if its THAT important.

 

You're single. You both need to get used to that.

 

You might feel guilty for ignoring her. But that's because your purging your relationship-feelings. Your mind still feels like its in a relationship with her in some way, and it'll take time before you adjust to really being single. If you've already lasted this long in NC, keep going. It gets easier.

 

Again, Answer nothing. Ignore all texts, and phone calls. All Facebook messages (which by the way, if you haven't already, it'd be good if you blocked her from your facebook. That way, you won't have to hear about her and go back down memory lane. Or worse, hear her new boyfriend).

 

G'luck,

Rita

[RitaTrue]

Day 64

 

Ex told me that he and some of the students are taking a field trip to my city, and that he wanted to meet me if I was fine with that.

 

I do want to see him. But I'm just not ready

[Melting]

Day 6 again BU 1st Sept.

 

Having some ups and downs with my own emotions, but finally working on me for a change!

[TimeToLearn1]

OK, I'm officially starting NC with immediate effect. ...Day 1.

[somethngwrng]

Day 4.. so tempted to check up on her.. Only 3.5 hours until I go out though so I know I'll be fine!

[brandnewday47]

Day 1/2

 

Yeah.. back again. Short termer that ended up dumped for career.. I do wish her well though. Being how I actually have been upset how she was distancing from me for a bit, this probably isn't going to be as hard as what brought me here originally.

[jeepman41]

Just a note to the OP, if you are seeking advice from this board, I would suggest that you start your own thread. This is very concise, long and detailed and I feel it would be better to do it that way.

[In the Midst]

Day 33

 

Yesterday, I believe was a watershed moment. I finally had bouts of anger and emnity instead of straight depression and grief. It wasn't justified but at least I am moving up the emotional ladder. For the first time, I recognized the not so good in you and started to look objectively at some of the dysfunction of our relationship. Yeah, I still care for her and would love just to talk to her, but I am determined to gp through this. I see you have been a necessary component to my growth.

 

I can't wait until I get to the point where I am free from want from everything except the source of my life.

[somethngwrng]

She does NC naturally

It's just a part of who she is

I hope she chokes on * * * *

She'll never feel the regret

Oh she's just choking, she's choking...

 

song verse i composed

[Springs]

Day one no contact again.....lesson is well and truly learned

 

I hope you hurt and want me back sooo much because you will never get me back. How can you be so cold and cruel and just cut me out like a part of your life that went bad, no longer of use anymore. Remember I used to sing that song 'when she loved me' to you and you would tell me not to sing it because it made you sad. I wonder if you were thinking of the pain you'd feel if you lost me, or were you thinking about your other exes. I don't care anymore. I was too good to you and you lost so much. Someday you will realise.

[Tomuch2hope]

Day 23.......

 

Still so confused about the whole thing. If only she had told me she was unhappy with what was happening in the relationship before it got to the stage where she dicided to dump me. We were very happy for ages. Sometimes, I feel so angry because one of the issues she stated as a cause was not living together (we had to move back to our parents, long story - work related crap). Now I've got a better job, moved out and still feel very let down by her actions and my lack of action.

 

I miss her so much and I am so depressed. The last time we spoke, I had called up to her house without notice and it didn't go to well for me. While she remained impassive and stony faced, I was a nervious wreak and made all the wrong moves.

 

I had a big exam a few days after seeing her. She knew about it, and I really hoped I would get a 'good luck' or 'I hope you do well' message from her. Even if it was only out of goodwill.............. but nothing.

 

Also, there is a big social event in the coming days. On one of the last times we spoke, we agreed to go together. Should I break NC and ask???? or just leave it???

 

She claims our break up was directly due to not living together and not seeing enough of each other as a couple.

 

DAMM I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!

[Melting]

Well I failed again, not even back to day 1 as I have already broken it today.

 

Damn, I am so stupid!!

 

STOP CONTACTING ME & LEAVE ME ALONE!

[madine]

30 days mark passed again. Only to have to start over tomorrow.

 

I'd love to go a couple of months without any contact, but that would mean I'd have to give up even more to avoid seeing her. I refuse to do so. At least I haven't initiated anything for over two months, which is kind of a feat after weeks of pursuing her. I really wonder how she feels about that...