thekoreandream

Hey guys, My first post on eNA as I have followed a couple threads carefully to help out with my own situation, but I think its time for me to reach out to this community. So my story goes pretty much like this. My ex-girlfriend and I were dating in a pretty serious relationship for about 3 and half years until she decided 2 months ago to break up with me. Prior to that, we had been having some issues considering she now was just starting graduate school for her masters degree and I was trying to find work and a direction to go in. To give background, the last 3-6 months have been rough for me. I have always dealt with an anxiety issue ever since grade school and retrospectively attribute that to why I didn't take a 30,000 job with Verizon. Well that was really the start of a downward spiral as I knew she was wanting me to take it deep down so I could start financially supporting us both and move ahead with our lives. Fast forward, to the summer when I crashed my vehicle and it ended up being considered totalled. Not only was I out of a car now but my confidence I once had when we first dated now became shaken up and was decreasing. We seemed to work through that mess but she kept asking how we could fix things as they weren't the way they were before (as in she missed some of the emotional connection I guess). Granted we still had fun and I was slowly trying to get myself back in that I created an internship opportunity for myself, finally got a car from my aunt, and was actively searching for a job to accompany my internship. Fast forward to the week before the breakup on Friday. I was going to come over after my first or second meeting with my new boss and I was panicking when in the car because I didn't know how to get to her place using backroads and was scared of a new situation. Well we got into a fight about the directions, but I eventually got to her place so we could hang out. Well when I get there she tells me I look cute and to come in. So I did and we go upstairs and she sits on my lap in the chair. We talked a bit about random stuff and then she asked me again how can we fix things. I didn't have much of answer because I wasn't sure how to fix things at that point. Well basically I start freaking out because I thought this was going to be the end and start crying. She consoled me and told me that she thinks it would be best if we could just have a break (not a break-up) for about a month so we could sort out our issues as individuals. I agreed because I knew deep down that it made sense for where we were at that point. So we spent the next couple hours go getting a bite to eat, holding hands walking the streets, and sitting talking on a park bench like nothing was wrong. We eventually left and came back to her place where we said our goodbyes for now and she gave me a consoling leave. She came over and we made out for a good portion in the car before I left for home. She texted me when I got home to update me about one of her friends and that was it until the following week. So I had been handling the break we took fairly well trying to resist from texting, calling, etc. I was doing stuff with friends, catching up, etc. Well Wednesday after I stupidly put up on FB how I was applying to get jobs, she messaged me and said "we need to talk". I asked what about and she said she rather tell me in person. I asked was it a bad thing. She said depending on how I looked at it, yes. I kind of knew right then and there was this all meant. I started to beg a little as I was panicking and she said "please stop" so I did. So she had to go do something with her mother that day and I was left panicking until Thursday. I started looking up all the things not to do during a breakup so I wouldn't make all the common mistakes men make. Well I had a horrible day that day and only got worse on Thursday. Thursday rolls around and she said she would come over after her dentist appointment in the morning. She arrived and I could tell right away something was obviously not right. Bracing myself for the eventual realization, she took me downstairs and proceeded to talk to me heart to heart. She started talking about the entire week that happened in between. She said over the weekend (I think) she went out to the club with her friends and had all her feelings went away. Eventually, this guy who I knew as he was mutual friends with the group for a long time decided to pull a couple moves on her and somehow she ended up at his place. She told me they were just laying there and he asked her "would you slap me if I try to kiss you". She responded with "I really don't think that is such a great idea right now given the circumstances" as this guy was fully aware of me and such. Well the guy decided to do it anyway because I guess he liked her for a long time and she just stood there speechless to the whole thing. She said he only kissed her on the bed, they watched tv, and that was it. Well the next came and she said her feelings came back and I would assume she felt guilty and was mega-confused. Well she was talking about whether I guess to break it off with me for those days with her friends. Well she decided to pull the trigger on it as you already know. I listened intently while trying to hold back my emotions. She said she felt as though recently she was feeling like my mom and not my girlfriend and that she regretted not pushing me enough. I said it wasn't your fault but it was all mine even though she mentioned it was both our faults. I tried not to cry and break down but that was near impossible. She was crying, hugging my bear throughout this entire breakup as I could tell she was visibly upset with this. I put my arm around her shoulder as she was crying like we always did for each other. I told her at the end that I understand her decision and I think right now that she right it is best as I have my own issues to sort out and she does too. I said I felt like I have to let her go in order to have a chance in the future (even though I didn't want to) and said if somewhere down the road we can work things out I would be more than willing to do that. She asked me if I needed to speak to my brother (as we were all close) and I was like I just want to hold you right now. So she came on top of me and hugged me as I was lying down on the sofa. It just felt so right to have her in my arms, a very warm and consoling type feeling. We did that for a couple of minutes until we went upstairs. So she took her things but interestingly didn't take everything even though she asked me whether I had anything to return to her. She knew what she could have taken but she didn't. We made our way out to my driveway where she proceeded to tell me to "be strong". We told each other our "I love you" and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I then proceeded to hug her one final time and we kissed on the lips as we said those things. She got in our car and I stood there as we waved goodbye. Well I was a distraught mess as many of us on here were and continued like that for pretty much the next couple of weeks. My dad told me that he checked her FB for me because it was driving me nuts and that it looked like she lost her motivation for doing stuff for school for the first couple of days and looked to be upset (even though its hard to tell). Anyway, I proceeded to do myself and use no contact for the first month like every book said to. So I was working hard in my internship, decided to play tennis again, changed my diet where I lost 10 lbs., decided to finish the puzzle we never got to finish, and decided to sell a bunch of things on eBay to repay her all the money I feel I owe her (still in midst of completing that one). I was feeling better about myself and slowly getting my confidence back thanks to work. I decided to give her a call about 2 - 3 weeks ago in which I got voicemail. Then my buddy told me that she was in a new relationship with the guy who pulled these moves on her. I was a bit distraught, jealous, and angry I have to admit but tried to keep my cool as I knew it was probably only a rebound. Well she called me a few days later where we talked. She told me how she was sick and I consoled her like I always did. I then proceeded to ask her if she would like to catch up and talk over some lunch or frozen yogurt sometime as friends to take the pressure off. She said she didn't know what her schedule was like that next week so I told her I would call her next week and we would figure something out for the following week after my trip to Florida. Well she called me back 3 hours later but I let it go to voicemail as I told her I was busy. Next day, she calls me as I am driving home and leaves a voicemail saying "hey, I need to talk to you but I am sure you are driving right now. Call me back when you get this". So about an hour later I called back and was my cheery self. We talked about random stuff for 10 mins until she said to me "I just wanted to tell you and I wasn't sure if you knew but I am in a relationship now". She proceeded to tell me that this was a "legit" relationship (which to me is another word for serious) and that she wanted to tell me first before anyone else did. She also said that because she was in a new relationship she didnt think we could be friends right now as she thought it wasn't appropriate yet. I told her that I wished her and him well on their new relationship and that I thought it would be a shame to sacrifice our friendship. That ended the phone call. So I continued to do myself and took my trip down to Florida for a wedding. Let's just say that trip was a blast. Had so much fun I haven't had in a very long time to the point where it drew my attention away from all this. Well during that week after the passing of Steve Jobs, she called me and left a voicemail mentioning the whole iPhone 4s and Steve Jobs passing. She said she knew this sounded completely random and off topic and she wished me a hope you are having a fun time down in Florida. Well I literally missed that call as I had my phone in the other room and didn't respond back to it. Now it has been almost 2 months coming up and I am not sure what to make of this. She knew I would pay attention to any Apple news so I am almost thinking that she is missing me and just wanted to talk to me (which is what my cousin said also). Not sure what should be my next move here so I am turning to your support. - thekoreandream

Hey guys, My first post on eNA as I have followed a couple threads carefully to help out with my own situation, but I think its time for me to reach out to this community. So my story goes pretty much like this. My ex-girlfriend and I were dating in a pretty serious relationship for about 3 and half years until she decided 2 months ago to break up with me. Prior to that, we had been having some issues considering she now was just starting graduate school for her masters degree and I was trying to find work and a direction to go in. To give background, the last 3-6 months have been rough for me. I have always dealt with an anxiety issue ever since grade school and retrospectively attribute that to why I didn't take a 30,000 job with Verizon. Well that was really the start of a downward spiral as I knew she was wanting me to take it deep down so I could start financially supporting us both and move ahead with our lives. Fast forward, to the summer when I crashed my vehicle and it ended up being considered totalled. Not only was I out of a car now but my confidence I once had when we first dated now became shaken up and was decreasing. We seemed to work through that mess but she kept asking how we could fix things as they weren't the way they were before (as in she missed some of the emotional connection I guess). Granted we still had fun and I was slowly trying to get myself back in that I created an internship opportunity for myself, finally got a car from my aunt, and was actively searching for a job to accompany my internship. Fast forward to the week before the breakup on Friday. I was going to come over after my first or second meeting with my new boss and I was panicking when in the car because I didn't know how to get to her place using backroads and was scared of a new situation. Well we got into a fight about the directions, but I eventually got to her place so we could hang out. Well when I get there she tells me I look cute and to come in. So I did and we go upstairs and she sits on my lap in the chair. We talked a bit about random stuff and then she asked me again how can we fix things. I didn't have much of answer because I wasn't sure how to fix things at that point. Well basically I start freaking out because I thought this was going to be the end and start crying. She consoled me and told me that she thinks it would be best if we could just have a break (not a break-up) for about a month so we could sort out our issues as individuals. I agreed because I knew deep down that it made sense for where we were at that point. So we spent the next couple hours go getting a bite to eat, holding hands walking the streets, and sitting talking on a park bench like nothing was wrong. We eventually left and came back to her place where we said our goodbyes for now and she gave me a consoling leave. She came over and we made out for a good portion in the car before I left for home. She texted me when I got home to update me about one of her friends and that was it until the following week. So I had been handling the break we took fairly well trying to resist from texting, calling, etc. I was doing stuff with friends, catching up, etc. Well Wednesday after I stupidly put up on FB how I was applying to get jobs, she messaged me and said "we need to talk". I asked what about and she said she rather tell me in person. I asked was it a bad thing. She said depending on how I looked at it, yes. I kind of knew right then and there was this all meant. I started to beg a little as I was panicking and she said "please stop" so I did. So she had to go do something with her mother that day and I was left panicking until Thursday. I started looking up all the things not to do during a breakup so I wouldn't make all the common mistakes men make. Well I had a horrible day that day and only got worse on Thursday. Thursday rolls around and she said she would come over after her dentist appointment in the morning. She arrived and I could tell right away something was obviously not right. Bracing myself for the eventual realization, she took me downstairs and proceeded to talk to me heart to heart. She started talking about the entire week that happened in between. She said over the weekend (I think) she went out to the club with her friends and had all her feelings went away. Eventually, this guy who I knew as he was mutual friends with the group for a long time decided to pull a couple moves on her and somehow she ended up at his place. She told me they were just laying there and he asked her "would you slap me if I try to kiss you". She responded with "I really don't think that is such a great idea right now given the circumstances" as this guy was fully aware of me and such. Well the guy decided to do it anyway because I guess he liked her for a long time and she just stood there speechless to the whole thing. She said he only kissed her on the bed, they watched tv, and that was it. Well the next came and she said her feelings came back and I would assume she felt guilty and was mega-confused. Well she was talking about whether I guess to break it off with me for those days with her friends. Well she decided to pull the trigger on it as you already know. I listened intently while trying to hold back my emotions. She said she felt as though recently she was feeling like my mom and not my girlfriend and that she regretted not pushing me enough. I said it wasn't your fault but it was all mine even though she mentioned it was both our faults. I tried not to cry and break down but that was near impossible. She was crying, hugging my bear throughout this entire breakup as I could tell she was visibly upset with this. I put my arm around her shoulder as she was crying like we always did for each other. I told her at the end that I understand her decision and I think right now that she right it is best as I have my own issues to sort out and she does too. I said I felt like I have to let her go in order to have a chance in the future (even though I didn't want to) and said if somewhere down the road we can work things out I would be more than willing to do that. She asked me if I needed to speak to my brother (as we were all close) and I was like I just want to hold you right now. So she came on top of me and hugged me as I was lying down on the sofa. It just felt so right to have her in my arms, a very warm and consoling type feeling. We did that for a couple of minutes until we went upstairs. So she took her things but interestingly didn't take everything even though she asked me whether I had anything to return to her. She knew what she could have taken but she didn't. We made our way out to my driveway where she proceeded to tell me to "be strong". We told each other our "I love you" and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I then proceeded to hug her one final time and we kissed on the lips as we said those things. She got in our car and I stood there as we waved goodbye. Well I was a distraught mess as many of us on here were and continued like that for pretty much the next couple of weeks. My dad told me that he checked her FB for me because it was driving me nuts and that it looked like she lost her motivation for doing stuff for school for the first couple of days and looked to be upset (even though its hard to tell). Anyway, I proceeded to do myself and use no contact for the first month like every book said to. So I was working hard in my internship, decided to play tennis again, changed my diet where I lost 10 lbs., decided to finish the puzzle we never got to finish, and decided to sell a bunch of things on eBay to repay her all the money I feel I owe her (still in midst of completing that one). I was feeling better about myself and slowly getting my confidence back thanks to work. I decided to give her a call about 2 - 3 weeks ago in which I got voicemail. Then my buddy told me that she was in a new relationship with the guy who pulled these moves on her. I was a bit distraught, jealous, and angry I have to admit but tried to keep my cool as I knew it was probably only a rebound. Well she called me a few days later where we talked. She told me how she was sick and I consoled her like I always did. I then proceeded to ask her if she would like to catch up and talk over some lunch or frozen yogurt sometime as friends to take the pressure off. She said she didn't know what her schedule was like that next week so I told her I would call her next week and we would figure something out for the following week after my trip to Florida. Well she called me back 3 hours later but I let it go to voicemail as I told her I was busy. Next day, she calls me as I am driving home and leaves a voicemail saying "hey, I need to talk to you but I am sure you are driving right now. Call me back when you get this". So about an hour later I called back and was my cheery self. We talked about random stuff for 10 mins until she said to me "I just wanted to tell you and I wasn't sure if you knew but I am in a relationship now". She proceeded to tell me that this was a "legit" relationship (which to me is another word for serious) and that she wanted to tell me first before anyone else did. She also said that because she was in a new relationship she didnt think we could be friends right now as she thought it wasn't appropriate yet. I told her that I wished her and him well on their new relationship and that I thought it would be a shame to sacrifice our friendship. That ended the phone call. So I continued to do myself and took my trip down to Florida for a wedding. Let's just say that trip was a blast. Had so much fun I haven't had in a very long time to the point where it drew my attention away from all this. Well during that week after the passing of Steve Jobs, she called me and left a voicemail mentioning the whole iPhone 4s and Steve Jobs passing. She said she knew this sounded completely random and off topic and she wished me a hope you are having a fun time down in Florida. Well I literally missed that call as I had my phone in the other room and didn't respond back to it. Now it has been almost 2 months coming up and I am not sure what to make of this. She knew I would pay attention to any Apple news so I am almost thinking that she is missing me and just wanted to talk to me (which is what my cousin said also). Not sure what should be my next move here so I am turning to your support. - thekoreandream