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In the Midst

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  1. In the Midst
    Day 43- Feel So so. Still thinking of her just not as much. Dont want to see her. Thank God I haven't.
  2. In the Midst
    Day 34 Hmmmm...... Still thinking of her constantly, but not accompanied with paralyzing grief and heartache. I am sad on occasion. Still miss her. I am worried a bit that I lost a little of my Zeal to improve and change. Got to keep moving
  3. In the Midst
    Day 33 Yesterday, I believe was a watershed moment. I finally had bouts of anger and emnity instead of straight depression and grief. It wasn't justified but at least I am moving up the emotional ladder. For the first time, I recognized the not so good in you and started to look objectively at some of the dysfunction of our relationship. Yeah, I still care for her and would love just to talk to her, but I am determined to gp through this. I see you have been a necessary component to my growth. I can't wait until I get to the point where I am free from want from everything except the source of my life.
  4. In the Midst
    DAY 29 Today was the best day I had since the NC. I even smiled and laughed over a couple things from the past. Got some sage advice and reassurance. I am beginning to realize that no matter what the outcome I will survive and I plan on being better on the other side. That is not an option. Interesting thing, she rescinded her facebook friendship request which i ignored, which temporarily blocked her profile from me but she removed the block I am assuming because I can see her profile in my email. Won't be going on her page or requesting until I can think of her and not feel anything. One month anniversary tomorrow.....
  5. In the Midst
    DAY 25 I am experiencing this tightness and weird feeling around my heart. I have heard grief and heartache can manifest physically. Can anyone else bear witness to this? Sometimes, I am good, but it just seems that I can't get her out of my mind. I so want to communicate with her but know it would set off a chain of events that would not be good. I am just going to ride it out until my relief comes. I have learned a valuable lesson about your head and heart being one when you make a decision. Damn, I miss her.
  6. In the Midst
    Day 23 of NC It has been rough the past couple of days. Depression has definitely set in. It makes it worse because I really did not do right by her and she still wanted me but I couldn't commit. I know it will pass, God willing. But I definitely can see the pathology that set off these chain of events. I am alot more humble and definitely have grown over the past few months. After all that she still wanted to befriend me on FB, I painfully had to ignore it. I can tell I have grown because although I would like her to be happy with me, I don't want her experiencing a painful break just to get her back. We both acknowledge that we were the most compatible with each other. Sometimes timing is everything in fact it is the only thing. Well have a trip planned this weekend that I will use to help in the healing process. I miss her.......
  7. In the Midst
    Day 22 - No Contact Almost Broke down yesterday. She sent me a request to be her friend on facebook. This was after my last contact where I stated that we should not worry about reaching out to one another due to her new(old) BF moving in with her after I refused. When the request came through on my phone I got kind of emotional. I was tempted to email her and let her know that I couldn't maintain contact and be her friend. But when some advise I just decided to ignore it.
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