THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Griffey]

Hmmmm yeah that is an interesting situation.

 

I wouldn't go NC for sure, especially because you both still want each other in essence. However the "I love you" freaked him out for whatever reason.

 

At the same time though you shouldn't chase him, especially after the I Love You. You sort of buried yourself in a little hole by asking for the time apart. I understand that it hurts that he didn't reciprocate the I Love You but maybe he is just the kind of person who isn't as good at expressing his feelings. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but that it's fast for him.

 

Try to get back with him somehow without being needy, and then just take it slow/be yourself and if he loves you, he'll say it eventually. If you love him, don't let him go, he'll realize what he had in a few days and come around.

 

Stay strong, don't initiate contact for now, but pick up his calls and don't be too insecure. It sucks that he didn't say I Love You but it doesn't mean that's how he truly feels...just give him some more time.

[expert01]

In my opinion,you should just enjoy your time with him your at the early stage of a relationship which are usualy the good times,I believe its to soon to tell him you love him that could come accross as needy and scare him away,just enjoy your time with him grow closer and what will be will be...ny opinion of course...good luck

[majorgeek]

I truly appreciate the thoughtful reply. We have plans to see one another this week...we have a concert we are seeing together. I don't know how to act when I see him. I don't want total NC, but I just want to give him a chance to miss me....if he calls, I want to talk to him, but I don't want him to take me for granted.

He is extremely bad at talking about his feelings, and if anything, that will be the downfall of our relationship. I'm a big communicator. He HATES it when I try to talk about feelings. It's not always the "I love you" kind of feelings either. He hates it when I get upset with him and try to resolve the issue. He wants to just forget it ever happened and move on. I can't live like that. He says I'm like a dog with a bone....when I'm onto some issue, I can't let go. I say he wants to sweep everything under the rug and that eventually, that will be a very bumpy and uncomfortable rug.

I can't express how much I miss him. He is, in many ways, the sweetest man I ever met. In other ways, he can be one of the coldest people I've ever met. He seems to shut down, emotionally, when something is too heavy for him.

[Nappyloxs]

Day 13

 

I went on a date last night that went ok. Nothing great, but was nice to know that I can date again and pick up woman. Also I have another date with another woman later this week and Vegas this weekend.

 

Things seem to be going well as far as meeting other woman.

 

Today, on the drive home from work, I just started thinking of ex. and really missed her. I think it was triggered by a car that was the same color as hers.

 

I really just missed holding her. Oh well, I know we aren't meant to be.

[majorgeek]

Day 13

 

I went on a date last night that went ok. Nothing great, but was nice to know that I can date again and pick up woman. Also I have another date with another woman later this week and Vegas this weekend.

 

Things seem to be going well as far as meeting other woman.

 

Today, on the drive home from work, I just started thinking of ex. and really missed her. I think it was triggered by a car that was the same color as hers.

 

I really just missed holding her. Oh well, I know we aren't meant to be.

 

I really love my boyfriend and I miss having him hold me too...and it's only been about 15 hours. I feel like a loser.

[Nappyloxs]

I really love my boyfriend and I miss having him hold me too...and it's only been about 15 hours. I feel like a loser.

 

No you aren't a loser. Breakups are hard, especially the first few days depending on how it occurred.

 

It gets easier. The missing part just lingers for sometime.

 

I still check out the facebook profile of my ex from 12 years ago (my first love). I just check to see that she is doing alright.

[majorgeek]

No you aren't a loser. Breakups are hard, especially the first few days depending on how it occurred.

 

It gets easier. The missing part just lingers for sometime.

 

I still check out the facebook profile of my ex from 12 years ago (my first love). I just check to see that she is doing alright.

 

I sometimes wish that movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was based on reality. If I could just forget he exists for a while then I would be okay. I'm giving him some time to think things through. I'm hoping he will miss me, but maybe he will have so much fun he will realize he doesn't want to be with me. That is really worrysome.

[Nappyloxs]

I sometimes wish that movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was based on reality. If I could just forget he exists for a while then I would be okay. I'm giving him some time to think things through. I'm hoping he will miss me, but maybe he will have so much fun he will realize he doesn't want to be with me. That is really worrysome.

 

You must worry about yourself first and foremost. It is hard. But you must focus on yourself. You can't control him or his actions, but you can control yours.

 

Read books, listen to music, go to the walk or gym.

 

ENA is a great site, but also it can make the healing process hard if you use the information the wrong way.

[vertigoxo]

Day 29

 

I am starting to feel a little angry when I think about how he handled things. There was one thing he said that really confused me when we were together... This one time, when we were supposed to hang out and he canceled for a really stupid reason, I told him that I can't believe he's doing this, and that he shouldn't do this because I miss him and want to see him. You know what that dolt said?! "Oh, we JUST saw each other a few days ago..."

 

Really? Then WHY did you agreed to the date in the first place, then? Why not just tell me, "You know what, I think we should move the date a day or more away from the one you suggested." I would have understood, but no, I'm suddenly the clingy one? Hell, he even thought he was a clingy boyfriend and I keep telling him that he wasn't... UGH!

 

He's so arrogant, especially around with music. He thinks he has the best taste in music than anyone, INCLUDING ME! I mean, really... Music bears no meaning to your relationships or friendships, dude.

 

Sigh. Whatever. Good riddance. Maybe we shouldn't ever be friends, he's too much of a big dummy anyway!

[majorgeek]

I got that comment too...and it makes me so mad. It is so dismissive of my feelings. He should be glad that I miss him...not dismissive.

[majorgeek]

You must worry about yourself first and foremost. It is hard. But you must focus on yourself. You can't control him or his actions, but you can control yours.

 

Read books, listen to music, go to the walk or gym.

 

ENA is a great site, but also it can make the healing process hard if you use the information the wrong way.

 

I agree. He called me about an hour or so and I made sure he knew that I was doing just fine. I didn't tell him I miss him this time and I didn't tell him to call me again tomorrow. I am doing things to make my life worthwhile....I think that is the key.

[VinnieMarlboro]

day 3 - made it!

 

I look at all the responses now from early in NC and there seems to be a common thread - you all start seeing the bad points in your exs eg-how could she treat me like this?

The point here is - doing the NC helps you get over them. It will put you back in a position where you are in control - so you must stick with it.

 

As majorgeek just said above - I am doing this to make my life worthwhile... THAT is the key.

So regardless of why we came here and started this - the benefit is that you will come out the other side a better person - dont forget that!

[PaleSeptember]

...........

[expert01]

Day 5

 

Keep plodding on hoping that one day ill wake up and not think about her

[kangel15]

Made it to day two,

 

it is hard, I feel like he may forget me or not want to be with me or meet someone else, but then I think if that is the case then was what we had strong enough to last, is this something we should be going through so early in our relationship (8 weeks?). Then there are the thoughts of what if I didn't go crazy psycho girl and text and call like crazy, would we still be together? Unanswered questions, trying to stay busy and lean on friends...

[kangel15]

Okay have to start over Day one again... I sent him a text today saying Hi, have your slippers let me know if you want them. Left it at that no response, ughh!

[Griffey]

Day 3 of no contact.

 

At this point I tihnk she's in a state of relief that she has time to cool off. Not expecting any sort of contact for at least a few weeks. I miss her a lot though. This break is going to be good for both of us I just hope that I see her again though.

[bwhite00]

Day 1 NC.

 

She broke contact to tell me she was going to go to a job interview 5 hours away.

 

I told her 'Cool. Good luck' after consideration if I should reply...

 

A few hours later I sent her a couple of texts about the dog I just adopted... She ignored them. What a * * * * * .

 

No more breaking NC from henceforth.

[kangel15]

Broke NC today, sent a text message about stuff I have of his, says he is not in a rush to get it back if it is not in the way. Asked (stupidly I know) if he still wants to be friends and maybe get lunch someday he said yes friends, maybe lunch, not planning anything. Did I mess up? It's only been a few days.

[Griffey]

The only advice I can give is don't send any messages, no matter if they're from the heart or whatever. Dumpers really do need space at first. If it was an amazing relationship for a few years that ended up failing, you have to give them space at first so that they can get over the negatives. They'll get over them in time, but they need you out of sight and out of mind first.

 

Then after the out of sight out of mind period it will turn to either absence makes the heart grow fonder, or they'll just move on.

 

NC is so key at first, yes it's about you healing, but you have to show them that you're mature enough to let them have space.

[let_it_be]

Back to Day 1 for me too...

 

I was doing so well.. but I suddenly got a facebook chat message from my ex. He is hardly even on facebook, and NEVER on the chat so I was completely taken aback. He just asked how I was doing. I debated replying for a while, but then ended up answering. I regretted it right away so about 2 minutes into the convo I told him I had to go and left the convo.

 

He must have been really surprised that I left the conversation so quickly (normally I am always so happy to be talking to him) because he drunk texted me later in the night. After a few text exchanges, he called me, and asked when I'm going to come visit him at his school and continued to have a nice, lighthearted conversation.

 

I don't really know what to think from all this. He was drunk so I don't know whether to take his visiting comment seriously. And even if he does want me to visit, I'm sure it doesn't mean much else.

 

Hm, well, I'm going to try this NC thing again.. talking to him just confuses me. Having a good talk with him doesn't even make me feel that great anyway.

[brandnewday47]

Kind of having a down day today.... woke up doing well, but guess the ever present loneliness is starting to take hold.

 

Oh, and I'm almost 10 weeks of no contact.

[oceanblue535]

I still miss you all the time, but I have no choice but to keep going. I avoid you like a creepy ghost who could pop out and scare the * * * * outta me at any moment.

 

I have my laughter back. I really am starting to feel normal again, despite the constant longing/fear of you.

[vertigoxo]

I got that comment too...and it makes me so mad. It is so dismissive of my feelings. He should be glad that I miss him...not dismissive.

 

I know! How rude!

 

Day 30

 

Well, I completed one full month of NC. How do I feel... Well, NC is great because not only does it really calm down the intense, heartbroken feelings; It also clarifies the mind and helps us see what really happened. Not only that, but now I'm starting to see what a loser my ex really was. He had a great thing and he let it go out of fear and insecurities. Shame!

 

I refuse to contact him. Yes, maybe I'm a touch angry and bitter, but I have every right so. I have been nothing but sweet as pie to him, even the night he broke up with me in the most cowardly, immature way possible. (AIM break ups. Gotta love em!)

 

He has my number, and he knows my AIM screen name. And I'm sure as hell he knows where I live. If he wants to man up and contact me, he can. But let's just say, this pie is long overdue and it's starting to get rotten to the core!

[boswelc]

Sorry, I did not start this challenge from day 1, but I am on day 4 today. I feel alright. She did text this morning saying to have a good day. I am tempted to reply but refuse to play her little games. Just going to continue. Hopefully, I do not hear from her anytime soon so I will not be tempted.