THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Lucy1982]

I'm on day 19 of NC - the last contact I had with him was an email laying my cards on the table basically saying "do you need more space or is it over for good" and I've had no reply. What makes it hard is that his mother has spoken to him and she now wants to come and see me, she says it is not all doom and gloom - I have no idea what that means. I just want him back - today is a really bad day because I just can't see it happening.

[NsKrewtable]

Haven't been to sleep, just been dumped, like eight hours ago. Thats about how long I've been reading through these posts now. We were together for almost 3 years, just recently our relationship started suffering, she moved out(about 2 months ago) and inevitably ended in break-up. I can absolutely see where she's coming from and agree that it's the best thing for us. I just hope that this NC will help win her back, which I know is wrong. I should be doing it so I can heal my wounded heart and better myself. Not for her, but for me. Whether or not we get back together shouldn't matter in the end. At this point it does though (IMO). I'd just like to hold on to that little shred of hope that I didn't push her away for good. But what do I do? I'm now in friendsville. How do I tell her I don't wanna just be friends without making it seem like I never want to be together again? Is there any way of turning that tiny ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel into a sunny clearing? My problem started with the fact that I didn't "care" enough in the beginning, which was just me trying to pretend like I didn't care(Figuring that's what made a girl want you...dumb I know, none-the-less that is what I did, but not for the whole relationship). When I tried showing how I really felt about her, it seemed to distance her from me. Confusing right? I guess I must have smothered her with too much affection too late. I only wanted to show how much I love her. What did I do Wrong towards the end? I've been 100% faithful, I'm only reminded of her when I see other women. Have never laid a hand on her and have always listened to eveything she has to say, even in my "uncaring" stage. If part of the problem was lack of caring, then too much, how do I go NC with out seeming like I don't give a ****, or that the way I felt was all just bull****? Like I said, I understand that the NC is for yourself, but like many of you others on this site I would love for my ex to want me back as she/he once did. I'm aware there's a slim chance things will work out, but in a perfect world if she continually tried to contact me asking for another chance what should I do if I want her back? Which I do terribly. Things can't just jump right back into place, but there has to be some way for someone, maybe not me, to work this out......So yea, Day 1 ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. I could truly use it right now.

[Rotxsen]

Good luck you will make it when you make your first month you will feel so good..

[Rotxsen]

Day 30+

 

I have forgotten what day I started NC and I think that's great your thoughts come and go yesterday she passed through my head only twice I was soo happy today in the morning I seen myself as a better person then before no longer she is on that pedestal I am and will stay that way forever, A man on his best performance loved by everyone charmed by many

[bill9977]

Day 2

 

I started No Contact yesterday and am determined to make this work. I went to bed thinking about her and woke up checking to see if she had sent any texts.

 

Now, I'm so tempted to look at FaceBook to see her profile. We aren't friends on there anymore, but she's left the privacy options open on her profile so anyone can view it (feeds her narcissism). I know she'll just have some status update about going out to party this weekend or a date she's excited about or something else that will make me mad.

 

I think the online social network part of the no-contact challenge is going to be the toughest part for me. We were heavily connected online through FaceBook and other internet channels including websites we built together and even some email addresses that we shared. And the temptation to see what she's posted, see if she's logged in to our sites/emails, etc is very strong.

 

I know NC is the best thing now though, so rather than looking at her FaceBook profile or anything else, I'm posting this message here.

[TSandullo]

DAY 1 - THE JOURNEY BEGINS - properly...

 

Though we broke up proper in the first week of the new year, I only came by this forum much later. My interaction with her has been very limited other than our daily work, club, society, project workings.

 

I am feeling much better than I did two months back however I am still on the roller coaster.

 

From hereon, my interaction with her will be much more limited (unless it involves work) and I will refrain from checking her fb...and the other guys fb. I used to do it before the test my mettle but it hurt...still does.

 

Whether we get together or not, it will no longer be my focus.

 

I do this for me.

 

And so....NC begins.

 

For me.

 

For us.

 

TS

[1guygirl]

stick with it guys and gals...and DO NOT CHECK FB unless you want to go back 300 steps and each one of them painful.

 

day 12...been not so bad, its tomorrow and the next day i dont look forward to, as i go to do my live in care job and stay over. i miss him more when im away from home. the place i work reminds me of nipping up to my room to go answer his text and im still in that habit.. will try break it this weekend ??

 

dreading it

 

im also wondering if hes missing me, or dying to text me or whether hes quite happy and moving on well. no good i know i just get them thoughts.

 

wish i had something positive to look forward to but im stuck in a rut

[bitebenot]

No friendship after a break-up,it will only torture you.Send her an email saying : HI,i know its difficult for you,but worse for me.So please do not communicate with me anymore.I need to reflect on my position.Friendship doesnt work for me because i love you to much.I wish you all the best and send you my all my love. Thats it,nothing more.Go NC and wait.She will react soon or later.She needs time also to find herself.Dont respond to emails or phone calls.If she calls just listen to the messages.The only time you can communique with her its if she ask for reconciliatiion.It will be hard but its mostly for you to get out of the rut,or hell ! No fb ,msn or anything like it. She will have time to miss you if you do it well.Its the best you can do for now,just gang on. Take care of yourself and stay very busy till you are a bit more confortable. It will get better,just need some time. Hope she still loves you enough and theres nobody else in her life.

[bitebenot]

You should remove her from everything except email. Ignoring her is the best way to go.Erase her phone number.Shes the one who has to chase you. Dont worry she knows where you are.Now its about you,not her.Show her that you dont care anymore and move on in anyway that seems fit for you. You're first,shes last ! Let her be and wait patiently. Im sure she will try to communicate with you but dont answer back in anyway.Reconciliation or nothing.(unless you dont want her anymore).Take care of yourself,thats the most important at this point and time.

[bill9977]

You should remove her from everything except email. Ignoring her is the best way to go.Erase her phone number.Shes the one who has to chase you. Dont worry she knows where you are.Now its about you,not her.Show her that you dont care anymore and move on in anyway that seems fit for you. You're first,shes last ! Let her be and wait patiently. Im sure she will try to communicate with you but dont answer back in anyway.Reconciliation or nothing.(unless you dont want her anymore).Take care of yourself,thats the most important at this point and time.

 

Thanks bitebenot. I wish I could erase her phone number, but I've got it memorized. I did remove her contact information from my phone and hopefully with time I'll forget the number.

 

And she actually texted me today....asking if I want to go with her on a business trip next week. We used to do stuff like that since I can work from anywhere. She was sure to include "as friends" in the text though and I just deleted it....no reply.

 

I'm recognizing that the dumper wanting to be friends or texting is just their attempt to relieve guilt, string the dumpee along, or retain power.

[Anon333]

Its been about 15 days of no contact...over two weeks now....the last two days feels like I am reverting backwards.....It feels sooooo long that i have heard from him and it hurts that he hasnt even tried to reach out even if it was as friends....It would show I mattered at least a little in his life.....When we broke up in January he changed his mind the next week, but he also said he was hangning out with another girl but it made him miss me...He said he didnt want to lose me and he could see me as being a good mother. I didnt know how I felt because he broke up with me and then was already hanging out with another women. So I said I didnt see it working and that telling me you are hanging out with another woman is not the way to get me back.....I regretted it a few days later, but by then he was already in the mindset the breakup was for the best...Then I got really upset and pushed him further away until he said there was no hope and that he liked the other girl......Ive been so heart broken...The last time I went out he was with her and I feel like I cant ever go out again until Im over it......I miss him and just want to feel like he misses me too......

[Anon333]

Never thought I would have this weak feeling that I want to contact him..I know I can not..BUt part of me just wants to hear from him..Most likely it will either not be a response or nothing I want to hear..But what if he responded that he missed me? I know I should just leave him be and if he did miss me he would tell me...right?

[dazed_83]

my last post on this thread for sure. I have no desire to contact her any more, IF she contacts me I would reply in kind. I feel I am almost 100% healed and its time to keep moving forward no looking back.

 

Good luck everyone!

[Loxxt]

Feeling better today. It sucks that I know he wasn't right for me, and is severely lacking in many areas that are required in a healthy relationship. Bitebenot, you aren't the first one to say it. At first I made a list of things I that bothered me or I thought were annoying and everyone (not exaggerating) said that those were major problems and they wondered why I put up with it. He was my first real relationship and I honestly didn't know the difference between what should be tolerated and what shouldn't be.

 

Went for my annual doctor's checkup. I knew I lost a lot of weight when my ex left me and then put a bit back on... but WOW. I lost over 20 lbs! I was down from 145 to 120. I'm at 127 as of today. I'm happy I'm at an ideal weight now but how I got there was totally not good for me. I could barely eat anything for almost 2 weeks after he left!

 

Anyways. Been keeping busy, been easier than I thought. It's funny how I put all my energy into my bf and got nothing out of it. I just kept trying to cater to his needs, making sure I did everything that I possibly could to make him happy but it never made me feel complete and I never felt like it was good enough.

 

Now I'm exercising, out with friends more, out meeting new people, doing new things, I'm more put together, less inhibited. That last one's a big one. My ex made me feel insecure about myself at times. Because he was so indecisive it made me feel indecisive. He felt lost and unhappy so I felt lost and unhappy. I feel like throughout this whole relationship he made me feel like I was responsible for how he felt. Like if he was looking sad I would try to make him feel better, give him a hug, tell him I loved him and asked if he needed me to do something. He'd just shrug, ignore me or say nothing's wrong. He really was lost that whole time - it's nothing new. Mutual friends have told me this too. How I always seemed to have my head screwed on straight but he's always been in la-la land and pouty.

 

Meh. He dragged me down, made me feel as depressed as he was. I'm getting back into things that I've loved doing and stopped doing. Last weekend I went shooting for the first time! Handguns, shotguns, rifles... it was really fun! Tomorrow I'm going rappelling off a bridge!! It's funny how these are things that interest me. I dream big, but my ex made me feel closed in. He never was happy with himself so I put all my energy into trying to do everything I could for him and when that never seemed to make him happy then it made me just sit there wondering what was wrong with me! He admitted he's still lost, but that's not my problem and he seems to think he was unhappy in our relationship but really he's just unhappy with himself and how can anyone be happy within a relationship if you aren't happy with yourself.

 

Off to relax! Wishing you all a good night!

[TSandullo]

DAY 2 - THE FB URGE...

 

Ever since I properly started Nc yesterday, I must admit I feel a tad bit relieved.

I spoke to a very close friend last night.

He is in exactly the same situation as I am: GF broke up with him.

We spoke for over an hour.

 

I hope to introduce him to ENA once he has net access in his new flat.

 

So, how do I feel?

Much better after starting Nc properly and talking to him.

We both support each other and give each other advice. We would both love to have our women back.

 

I still do miss her. Keeping off her fb and the other guy's will be a task but I know it will be better for me. The real killer will be seeing her everyday still until exams are over.

We have a group report to write so I'll be interacting with her more frequently. I will however keep it strictly work related.

 

Saturdays are the worst for me, the weekend gets me thinking of her the most. I try to stay occupied with other stuff.

 

Right now, I have no clue of the state of her relationship with the new guy. Well, it is none of my concern anymore...must move on.

 

I was afraid to move on before, because the pain was the only evidence that I still cared for her...or so I thought. But now, I have to do this for myself. I'm not in the mindset of dating others yet.

 

I must admit I was a tad bit jealous of her moving on so fast before me, yet

I am somewhat glad I am taking time to heal rather than dangerously jumping into a rebound like she has. She still misses me, thinks of me, her face changes when she sees me etc...she is not over me, and yet has hastily landed herself in the arms of another, regardless of the way he loves his beer...a lot

 

That aside, one day at a time. Feeling a bit okay now.

 

I have to be strong and get on with my work.

 

TS

[kvb10]

I had to quote myself today because I'm having a low day... Needed to read this to try to help lift my spirits. In case anyone else is having a low day, maybe this will help you too!

[NsKrewtable]

Day 2 I'm finding the mornings pretty easy to deal with, considering there's quite a lot to do to keep myself busy upon first waking up. First night out wasn't too bad, only part that brought me down was coming home. Which basically brought on the feeling that I was coming home to nothing. When usually she would be waiting there for me. Drinking didn't help, if anything it just made it worse. Especially in wanting to contact her more. The blocking of FB helped a lot, I'm not sure I would have been able to ingore looking at it if I hadn't. Still haven't sent her any e-mail cutting any ties left, just feels wrong. I'm gonna have to do it soon, but it also seems like that would be breaking NC. Also I forgot my cellphone where she's living, so one of these days she's going to have it drop it off or I'm gonna have to go get it. Not sure what way would make things easier, either way I know seeing her won't help things for me. Wish there was a way around it, so I don't end back up at day 1.....ugh this sucks

[bill9977]

Day 3, she texted me twice yesterday....I didn't reply to either. But I was weak and looked at her profile on FaceBook. There wasn't anything posted since she dumped me, so at least I'm not sitting here mad. Was still a mistake to look and I'm going to go do something productive now like run on the treadmill to make up for looking.

[bitebenot]

my last post on this thread for sure. I have no desire to contact her any more, IF she contacts me I would reply in kind. I feel I am almost 100% healed and its time to keep moving forward no looking back.

 

Good luck everyone!

 

And good luck to you.If something happens in the near future lets us know.

[bitebenot]

Ask a friend to call her and pick up your phone.Or she can drop it at a friend.

[Anon333]

why does it seem to get harder? Every day I want to contact him now...Whereas before I told myself I NEVER was going to again. I know all my self respect would fly out the door if I did...I just want so bad for him to contact me....TO hear from him...Hear that he misses me in some way....I dont understand why it is hurting more and more...

[bitebenot]

why does it seem to get harder? Every day I want to contact him now...Whereas before I told myself I NEVER was going to again. I know all my self respect would fly out the door if I did...I just want so bad for him to contact me....TO hear from him...Hear that he misses me in some way....I dont understand why it is hurting more and more...

 

Be cool,its been only a couple of weeks...keep remembering his bad side.Dont call him,its going to hurt you even more.Just hang tight,it does get better.Right now its a roller coaster ride and thats when its so hard to stay in control.Just dont give up and think of yourself,be first and him last.Dont forget this,he doesnt deserve you !

[Anon333]

Thanks..I dont feel cool...I feel like a loser lately....I had lost some weight initially from the break up but now I am eating everything in sight. I have bags under my eyes from crying and hardly sleeping. Its not fair I am such a wreck and he just so easily walked away and pushed me in the back of his head....I know if I had some self respect I would tell myself I should never want someone who walked away so easily and was with another woman within a week..It makes me sick..yet within the same token, it makes me wonder why it is so easy for some people to find someone else. I guess it requires alot of open mindedness, whereas the thought of dating someone else for me sounds uncomfortable and even moreso would make me miss my ex....Time, time, time....hurry up and heal me please!

[NsKrewtable]

Good idea, thanks.

[bitebenot]

I still ask myself the same questions and i never find a good answer.But hes the loser,u aint ! Even if he comes back to you it wouldnt be the same anymore.You would probably dump him a week later.See things in another view,he doesnt deserve you,i mean it ! Your way to good for this bum.

He dropped you just like you wernt important. So fuc... him ok ?

You should ignore what your heart says and listen to logic.