THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Gateway]

I've made it 11 straight days of NC so far. Mostly by keeping busy.

 

It's been 7 weeks since he talked to me. And...I don't know, it's starting to sink in that I might never see him ever again. And that still hurts.

 

That's tuff I hear ya. I know if one of us doesn't reach out we will never ever run into eachother again. That's could be great but it and be a terible feeling too.

[SnowFox]

Focusing on NC has been very helpful to me.

 

I know that I have tons of qualities/traits that my boyfriend will never find in anyone else. I treated him extremely well and have absolutely no regrets about my behavior toward him. I was like the dream girlfriend to him.

 

He will not find another woman like me again. He is close to 40, and the odds that he will find someone who he can be his geeky/nerdy self with, someone who laughs at his jokes, who accepts him exactly the way he is, who respects and admires him and who doesn't have a ton of baggage and personal problems.....its quite slim.

 

I don't want to sound egotistical, its just that I know I am high quality and women like me are hard to find. He is nerdy/geeky and doesn't have the best social skills, so that is more strikes against him for finding someone like me. I happen to be part geek (my dad is an engineer), so I loved his geekiness.

 

He freaked out about his finances and job and kids and thought that dumping me would be the solution.

 

I know he will always regret losing me.

[Gateway]

I always pick the wrong one. I have never gave up on or walked out on a relationship. I'm loyal and will to work on problems, there are very few problems i cant get through. Short of being some sort of terrible criminal I open to the problems. So I know she will never find anyone more loyal. All the other stuff who knows.

 

also i think i said this before........ i hate my phone now cause when its not her i am disappointed. thats so silly. its funny how you jump when the phone rings because ur conditioned to associating a ring tone with a person. she used to txt me 100+ times a day right up til the end.

[ACarrington]

Im on Day 3... This is hard! For a while I was going 5-7 days at a time, and at one point 9 days without contact, but since we have been getting together recently I have been contacting more...

 

Unfortunately I think I am planning to go over to her house on Monday, but after that I am done. NC for a month! Maybe I should just start counting on Tuesday then? haha

[SnowFox]

If you are still reading here, I went back and read this thread and I can relate to your situation -

 

Like you, I was in a great/happy relationship (16 months) and then we were together 8 years ago as well, so some history as well - we've always wanted to be together, but circumstances got in the way.

 

Anyway, my boyfriend talked a lot about growing old with me, spending his life with me, I am his dream girl, etc. and I believe he was sincere.

 

But a few weeks ago, he had a crisis with one of his kids and this made him realize he is very stressed about finances and career. So he thought breaking up with me would be his solution. (we are long distance and out of the blue he said he can't do long distance anymore- all he would have had to do is tell me it was really wearing on him and we could have talked about me moving there to be together, but he just had an emotional meltdown about his whole life and that involved breaking up with me).

 

Anyway, it reminded me of your sitch - that you really want to be with your girlfriend and you love each other very much, but due to life circumstances the other person is choosing to break it off.

 

It really sucks, doesn't it?

 

I have a bit of hope that my boyfriend will choose to continue things once he has had some NC to focus on his job/income/kid problems. I am willing to give him 2 months to get it sorted out.

 

When we last spoke, we didn't officially end things, he just said he needs some time to clear his head, he doesn't want to make any major decisions at this time, and he can't imagine his life without me.

 

So......it still could be that it all goes down in flames...but this NC board is helping a lot!

 

Sorry your girlfriend didn't want to do LD - do you think you were at the point where you're ready to get engaged to her? maybe she would respond to that? you could do a long engagement.

 

anyway, just some ideas TG

[Elektro]

Broke up 2 months ago, finally went NC just over a week ago on my request which she didnt take too well, and after cheating on me, apparently now she is hard done by because i asked for space to move on?!?!

 

But this is still so hard, i miss what she brought to my life when things were good, it was a relatively short relationship (4 and a half months) but it was intense. For those four months she made the daily 9-5 grind a breeze to deal with, as i knew i would see her after work. But now i am back to not enjoying work and i find the daily work routine so boring and frustrating. I guess thats love though, thats the magic of it, it just makes life easier and better.

 

But then it can also smash your world into a million pieces. So... Here i am, missing her feeling terrible. But i know i only miss the girl i fell for, i obviously dont miss the person who treated me worse than ever anyone has treated me before and took me to a place i never ever want to go back to again. It was two extremes, from extreme love and companionship to extreme disrespect and heartbreak all within 4 months! It sort of all feels unreal now, like a haze, like it was a dream (she was beautiful) to my worst nightmare (she was selfish and cold).

 

But here i am posting on an NC thread, i admit it, i still would like to hear from her. Its so wrong i know, but last night i knew she was out so i stupidly and annoyingly hoped for a drunken call/text. It never came... Now i am annoyed at myself for wanting this from this person who treated me with such little respect and care.

 

Facing the reality that maybe she just doesnt care is hard to take, but i have to do it. She didnt care the night she slept with another guy so why care now?! I think she does care and maybe misses me, but her innability to take responsibility for treating a good person badly, will put a stop to any sort of friendship or whatever in the future. Right now, the cheating seems to have faded into the past for her, but i hope some day it hits home what she did and what she lost.

 

I have thought about texting her to just say hi, but i know that would compromise any dignity and self respect i gained in announcing NC. Sorry guys, just needed to vent and write all this down so i dont text/email her!!

[looking4ward]

Day 2 NC, doing ok, have a date set up with a new guy later this week- been going out with friends a bit, trying to keep my mind off him. Last night was rough- trouble sleeping, obsessive thoughts, it really sucked! Didn't break NC even though had the urge. He knows where I am, knows that I want to work things out, but can't wait around forever for him to make up his mind,

 

-K

[CFD656]

Made it through day 2! Starting to feel really good about this!

[toni2007]

I made it through Day 8, just barely.

[SnowFox]

Looks like there are a few of us who are in the early stages of this!!!

 

Today was day 5 official NC.

 

I miss him. I love him. I hope he realizes the mistake he made and comes back to me.

[CFD656]

Day 3 ain't got nothing on me!

 

TennesseeGirl, I miss her, still love her, still long for the day where I can crawl into bed with her and fall asleep with her in my arms again. But until that day, if it ever happens, I will continue with my life and grow from this experience!

[gottabelieve]

Day 7 of NC: made out with a girl at a club on Saturday night. Have had 2 dates already. Have 3 scheduled for later this week. I know people might say that this isn't the way to get over an ex - and that I'm just shielding the pain that I'll have to deal with later - but it seems to be helping so far. It's nice to be wanted.

[looking4ward]

Day 3- but he emailed me this morning asking to spend time together this week- yay! NC/LC and backing off is totally working. Hm, maybe can't post to this thread anymore? It's hard when its less black and white in terms of contacting them- need to continue to hold back and find out where he's at without being too pushy. Stay strong all!

-K

[CanesGirl85]

Day 29.

 

I'm doing better day by day. I'm still making sure that I am spending plenty of time with friends and family....and I'm doing pretty well. Each day gets easier, and each day I think about him less. It's NOT easy, it still is SO hard, part of me still idealizes the person I initially fell for, the guy my ex USED to be before he changed into the monster I broke up with.

 

Good thing is, this late in the NC game (it will be a month tomorrow night!!!) I'm finally starting to separate the good from the bad and accept that if he has moved on, or if he never returns, then that is OK because he'll be some other girl's problem, and not mine. I won't miss his moodiness, and his lack of appreciation for me, the condescending names he used to call me and the way he never could bring himself to label us, although he was plenty happy with having his cake and eating it too.

 

Mostly I'm just glad I had the resolve to end things when I saw they werent going anywhere, and to put the brakes on when I saw that he was going to make it all about him, and keep me in a limbo, only wanting to see or talk when HE wanted to. that's not a loving relationship, and thats not working on a relationship....it was less than I deserved, and now I have to let go entirely, and that's okay.

 

I still have my angry days, and my sad days. I still go through my moments where I want to bust out crying and where I feel a little hopeless. But those days are few and far between, and I'm caring and letting it affect me less and less every day.

 

I do NOT wish to be friends with my ex, and at the very least I bet he will contact me one day wanting that, and he'll be sorely disappointed. I have seen now and went through how he treated me, and have witnessed his friendships besides for me and he was totally an ahole...so I can do without that. If he comes back on my doorstep then I will deal with it, but I really don't know if he even cares anymore at this point, and while that does still sadden me I will get over it (i love him but I will not wait for him...and I will begin to love him less and less)....but I will not answer his phone calls, texts or emails. If he wants to ever find me, he knows where to find me. After all he put me through and after all the days I spent wasted crying over him he needs to be a man and approach me in person if he ever gets his balls up. It's his duty now, I did everything I could and treated him like gold when I was with him. And if he's done, it's his loss- a very BIG loss but that's not my problem!! Someone else will court me and LOVE me...and I will have the love I deserve one day.

[brokenheart311]

I've lost count of how long it has been since we broke up. It has been 9 days straight of NC. It would be more, but I had to talk to her to arrange for her stuff to be moved out of my house. It was all moved 9 days ago, I feel fine about it too. Love her=yes, want her back= not right now, want her as a friend= don't really think so, I told her from the beginning that I was lookinf for just a friend.

 

It the past 9 days I've been on 3 dates with 2 different women. Having a good time, but dating is darn expensive when you're on a tight budget.

[FriendnorFoe]

hmm, I think its around 60 days NC but I am not sure, I shouldnt be jelous or comparing my past relationships with other's, but reading these "success stories" of how people got back together after cheating, abuse, lying ect. makes me feel things are so unfair. I know I smothered my ex and we eventually became kinda a boring couple(realizing now its important to keep attraction going throughtout the relationship) but never did any of those things and my relationship seems hopeless and unsalvagable.

 

sigh, nice guys do finish last, it seems like people will overlook so many bad qualities and keep coming back if they are still atrracted to their bad boy image or something, my story is quite the opposite. I am sick of people walking all over me, they know how to push my buttons and take advantage because I am nice and care. Also unfair that such virtues become vices in a way.

[Gateway]

Day 16:

 

 

Did ok yesteday only freaked out once. Today has been terrible. I almost broke down and called a few times. Only slept two hours though last night. I gotta get myself together. Hard to believe I feel like I never meant that much to her.

[SnowFox]

today is a hard day.

 

We last spoke 12 days ago. I sent a letter last week, so the NC starts after that.

 

I really miss him.

 

The reasons he gave me for ending it (if they are true, which I think they are) are related more to stress in his life than anything related to me.

 

I am not sure if he does come back by the deadline I've set (August 17th) I can take him back. His actions have tarnished my feelings for him a great deal.

 

I interpret his current silence as "I hate you and want nothing to do with you ever again." That is how it feels. And it hurts.

[Gateway]

Hang in there. I'm sitting in stake n shake as I type like a loser by my self cause if stay home I won't eat. Nashville is dead on monday nite lol

[IntegrityGal]

This is my first day on eNotAlone and I am glad to find the emphasis on No Contact.

 

We agreed to cut off all communication 11 days ago. Day 7, 8, 9, 10 & 11th have been the hardest.

 

He is so "PC" and is so careful to not lead me on, but has never said anything negative either. Grrrrr, i asked him to say SOMETHING turned him off & that's why we broke it off but he couldn't. He's such a gentleman and mature, but I wish he would have said he never see's us together again.

 

I'm in obsessive/infatuation mode right now.... freaking out!

[FriendnorFoe]

Just another day tomorow, finding it hard to look forward to anything so I might as well be at work

[SnowFox]

Hang in there. I'm sitting in stake n shake as I type like a loser by my self cause if stay home I won't eat. Nashville is dead on monday nite lol

 

I know how you feel - I have dropped about 10 lbs in the past 2 or so weeks. the first few days after he said he wanted to break up, I could only eat fast food because nothing else appealed to me.

 

the good thing is that I really wanted to lose 10 lbs, so now I am at my ideal weight!

[SnowFox]

This is my first day on eNotAlone and I am glad to find the emphasis on No Contact.

 

We agreed to cut off all communication 11 days ago. Day 7, 8, 9, 10 & 11th have been the hardest.

 

He is so "PC" and is so careful to not lead me on, but has never said anything negative either. Grrrrr, i asked him to say SOMETHING turned him off & that's why we broke it off but he couldn't. He's such a gentleman and mature, but I wish he would have said he never see's us together again.

 

I'm in obsessive/infatuation mode right now.... freaking out!

 

I can understand this. My possible ex (not sure because we didn't officially break up) is a lot like this too. Very polite, gentleman.

 

I can understand why you're frustrated by his lack of feedback.

 

When You think about it though, if someone is going to drop you, do you REALLY want them to say, "well, your stomach is too fat" or "your laugh makes you sound like a hyena"? I don't think I would want to hear anything negative about myself like that.

[CFD656]

Day 4!!! Well, I think this is day 4... my ex texted me last night to make sure I was ok and not in the Metro crash in DC yesterday, so I replied telling her I was ok. Does this still count as day 4?

[gottabelieve]

I think I'd give you the benefit of the doubt on that one - life and death situations probably go a little beyond NC. I was in NYC on 9/11 and remember getting in touch with an ex (who had cut me out of her life otherwise) who was wondering if I were okay.

 

NC Day 8 for me! Not too much of an urge to contact her. It helps when you remember a relationship that was one-sided, but hearing her voice and seeing her name at work still cuts me pretty deeply. I envy all of you who only have to de-friend someone on Facebook to get them out of your direct line of view!