stargirl1980 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Day 2. Again. Over the past few weeks, I have been healing, somewhat. I made it to day 5 again on Monday, when I suddenly thought to txt him. I said: "I wanna thank you- the past weeks, I've really been getting my act together and feeling great. I feel 'complete'. It hurt, but the break's helped me alot. No hard feelings?" I don't know what made me think that was a good idea. I guess because it's true- I have been feeling better, and him breaking off with me did make me face up to some serious flaws in the way I treat people. I really have been taking the time to improve myself, and start being a better person. He said himself that I "had some growing up to do" the last time we spoke, 6 weeks ago. I really believe I have been growing up, since then. And...I wanted him to know that, somehow. Maybe I'm foolish. I know there's alot of good, unique things about me- not to mention some of our common interests were things not a huge amount of women are into. So...I'd like to hope he'd think of me again, sometime. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Please dont do this. In his mind, your validating his decision to break up with you. Link to comment
stargirl1980 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Please dont do this. In his mind, your validating his decision to break up with you. Thank you for your response, but I'm not sure I understand? Could you explain alittle further? Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thank you for your response, but I'm not sure I understand? Could you explain alittle further? By thanking him and telling him "You were right" you are saying to him "you did the right thing dumping me" Maybe he is right, if you feel he is, use it to make the changes you need to make. But dont go telling him about it. Link to comment
stargirl1980 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 By thanking him and telling him "You were right" you are saying to him "you did the right thing dumping me" Maybe he is right, if you feel he is, use it to make the changes you need to make. But dont go telling him about it. Ahh. I guess my problem is, I want some way for him to know I've been changing myself. And I don't really know how to go about it. (We don't have any mutual friends or hangouts. The place we met was my work, and obviously he'd never come there again unless he WANTED to see me.) Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 You cant tell someone you changed. They have to experience it. Stay away for a while. He may come looking for you. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 After over 60 days of NC I sent a message to my ex last night. I will be in the city where he lives now in about 2 weeks (1000 km away). Guess I dont want to lose my chance for a reconciliation (or even friendship) but to be perfectly honest, I highly doubt he will contact me. Oh well, at least I will have tried.....I wont contact him anymore after that. Moving on.... Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Day 14 Bittersweet day for me. Made it to two weeks but after today it will be the longest we have never talked to each other since I met her 8 years ago. Kinda sad Link to comment
gottabelieve Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 DAY 1 Minute 12 i've been reading this board for a few days but only now am finally in the challenge. about 10 minutes ago, i sent this to my now-ex: "in any case, wrong place, wrong time. we'll obviously be communicating at work - and that's fine - but unless it's *absolutely necessary* at work, i ask that you do not contact me in any way. i am hurt more by the way this came out, and the lack of communication when you've clearly had these issues for awhile, and frankly the lack of trying on your side, than i am by the actual break-up. as i said once before, i do hope you find whatever it is you're looking for and think it's unfortunate it wasn't me... i think i have the ability to make you stupidly happy, though probably not at this stage of your life." she had just explained that we were breaking up because of, "distance, and [her] realizing that [she] like being wild and free and single... and [she] just can't do relationships." well then, i just can't be her friend. i've read so many of your stories on this challenge thread, and each of you has been an inspiration for my strength. thank you so much, and i look forward sharing more. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Welcome to the challenge!!! Day 66 for me. still think about her but I am getting over the feelings that make me a compete mess. we had a good run and now is over, Life goes on. She will never know what she truly is missing. I am a great guy, she just lost sight of that towards the end and wanted to find someone new. Link to comment
gottabelieve Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 well i was hoping she'd just remain silent, but she's promised me a longer, more sensitive reply when she gets out of work. i was kinda just hoping she'd keep quiet, but alas, it drags on... and drags. Link to comment
carebear697 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 DAY 1: I will accept the challenge for myself. Every time we talk I end up feeling worse about the situation, especially since he broke it off. Suppose to be mutual but I was kidding myself! I know its only been a week and I only collected my things today. Infact can this count as day1 if i seen him just 2 hours ago when I was getting my stuff? Whatever- I cant talk to anyone here as they all have their own opinion of him, of us and they always make me feel sad too... even if they are trying to cheer me up with their "but you were too good together" or their "its been 7 year you will get back together". I really wish for that but I dnt kno anymore after today he seems to have changed and Im scared he'll get over me too fast. Anyway hes now on block and I can see he is online but I will not be speaking to him tonight so can I please have this as day 1? Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Day 15.. Going to richmond for the weekend. Hopefully my mind wont be on her Link to comment
carebear697 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 So hes just text me asking me what I am doing, even tho i seen him today and told him what i was doing...... I dont know how strong i can be! I may bend to his will.... Link to comment
carebear697 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 we have only broke up a week ago with him saying he doesnt know what he wants??????????? Someone said if you continue to talk then id be holding his hand through his heartache and mines would get worse but i want to work it out...................... Link to comment
carebear697 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I dnt think this actually works. I think I am hurting him more when I am ignoring him and I really want to reply. Although I have managed to stop myself so far. My sister is telling me to txt him how i feel but he knows already. I left him a letter at his house. I hate the whole lets be friends thing. Maybe hes just being friendly.... I will go to bed now this has been the hardest day of my life! Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 dont know what day it is, I think it is close to two months, went a month and a half before until she called. Link to comment
looking4ward Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Day 1. Things became more official last night. This really really sucks, Kristen Link to comment
gottabelieve Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Day 2 Going strong so far. I told her not to contact me as I was hurt by the way the break-up happened rather than the actual break-up. She replied that she'd write me a more comprehensive email because she was unable to response "sensitively" at all when in the office (she was quite curt and unfriendly in the official break-up emails). I was so very close to writing back and telling her to respect my wishes and not reply, but of course, on some level I still want to hear what she has to say. I've thought a lot about her three reasons for the break-up and have accepted them, and most importantly, all were about her and her only and things she needed to get past. I don't think I've ever left a relationship where I didn't end up wondering "if only I had done this," but in this iteration, I feel like I did all I could. Just the wrong set of circumstances. It's a bit of solace. Anyway, I just got back from a dance class! West Coast Swing! I haven't taken a dance class since I was 6 (tap dance) - this is a new me trying to meet new people and experience new things. I loved it. Think I will go to Tango tomorrow. (It helps going through this in NY where there are so many things to do!) But I'm feeling strong. Even though I feel like my entire being is waiting for some email from her later tonight (she leaves for vacation tomorrow). On some level, I'll be very happy if she doesn't send me anything because then I can really begin NC, but on another, it's always nice to get that email (even though it very likely will set me back and may well crush me). Nothing is easy... Link to comment
Gateway Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 7 days, no chance of me making contact, not after the way it all went down. just still sucks. Misty eyed, full sotmach feeling all that but i know its over andhapefully that will sink in soon. Anyone have yahoo or wanna chat via IM? Link to comment
gottabelieve Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Day 1 So I never did get that email from her. I think she realized that it was just better not to send me anything. And last night after copious amounts of wine I texted her: "Thank you for respecting my wishes and not emailing. I want you to know that this no contact thing isn't punishment for you or something I'm trying to do to get back at you. It's about my getting past the last 5 bizarre 5 months. I value you as a person and a friend - this isn't goodbye forever." And that was pretty much it. I worry that she initially took the NC thing as my trying to punish her for breaking up with me - I really did want to explain that it was about me and not her. Is that wrong? Oh well, back to day 1. For real now. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Stop explaining your actions. Unless they ask they dont deserve an explanation Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Day 12 for me... wow it has almost been 2 weeks Still sad... although I am not crying as much, yet my heart still pounds/races when I think about him. Question though- after the break up, I wrote a letter, stuck it on my blog and said that I was going to be for a few weeks and heal. Yes, he broke up with me for lame excuses (i also understand why he pushed me away... i went kind of not like me for a few weeks too)... but do you think I shot myself in the foot by that message and in turn he is probably waiting for me to contact him? Link to comment
Beardy Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Day 0 again. She contacted about the car. She was supposed to bring it back today, but is going out to dinner tonight and wanted to use it. I said this was out of order, she got angry and hung the phone up on me! She's probably having dinner with some rich estate agent knobhead, whilst I'm sitting here car-less and feeling like a right mug. I hate her so much right now! Gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! LC sucks the llama's ass people. NC is the way forward. Link to comment
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