THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[FriendnorFoe]

1 more day till 30, happy easter everybody.

[tiggboriqua]

Back to day one sigh

 

 

She called and called until finally I answer she was mad cause I do not want to talk to her anymore , anyway she wants me to pay her car or help her get rid of it cause she cant afford it and she said she does not know if she is going to make it .

 

 

I have paid that car for 3 years + less than a year is left she said we still have stuff to resolve I told her this is not my problem anymore she started yelling so I hang up

 

she called again and I told her if you want something from me the least you can do its talk to me with respect if I feel in any moment that you are not conversation will be over , I told her the person that used to indulged u and protect you its gone u are your own person you got what u wanted and I do not have the least inclination to change that .

 

 

I told her not to call me anymore that if I feel to change my mind about helping her I will be calling her instead .

 

 

so back to day 1

[Cat76]

HI all

 

Day 2 for me and I think I have moved into the anger stage (how many more are there).

 

After receiving a message from a mutual friend saying that the ex had said he wants to friends, but it will be after some time passes. I got incredibly angry and thought he decided when we had a relationship, he decided when we split up and now he thinks he can decide when we are going to be friends (I don't think so). On the other side he may have only said that to our friend to try and come accross as the nice guy, which he does a lot. He doesn't like to be seen to be in the wrong or doing the wrong thing (hates making mistakes) and when he does make a mistake he runs away from it or won't try something incase he might fail. The man has issues and I am well rid of him.

 

I hope these feelings continue, because it is making me NOT want to talk to him ever again.

 

 

[pace of ace]

Day 12

 

Does anyone else find weekends the hardest time when you're missing your ex?

 

I'm having a bit of a down spell this morning, but i know it wont last all day. Feeling a little alone in the world today but am striving on.

 

Do not feel compelled to contact my ex though, the more i think about how she's seeing this guy that blatantly turned her head towards the end of the relationship, (even though she maintains it had nothing to do with him) and she always maintained they were only friends, the more insulted i feel and feel less likely to contact her at all!

 

It's so her loss at the end of the day, it really is.

[msfoolish]

DAY 14

 

I'm so sad today, we've been broken up for 2 months but only day 14 of no contact. I went out on a date last night, and i had a nice time, but this morning i feel like i really miss all the things i thought we had together....... and most of all i really need a hug. i miss that. but i still wont contact him, its over and he's moved on

[Ixtapa]

same old...

 

edit : actually it is day 6, not day 5 ...almost 1 week of NC

[ToodlePip]

I kinda wish I could stop missing her. It's been 7 weeks since we last saw each other and spoke. Been the odd email/text communication initiated by her but no going into detail as I've always kept my responses closed. I guess she'll be coming out of the guilt phase soon and I can feel my anger dissipate slowly so probably starting to come out of that phase. Gonna have to check what's next. It does get easier - not muh, but I can look back and se the progression. My first wind was all denial, looking back now. Feeling my second wind build up.

[Ixtapa]

Aaaaaaaaaargh.....I really miss him !!!!!! Can't believe I might never see him again !!!!

[journeynow]

...... and most of all i really need a hug.

 

(((msfoolish))) hugs

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 9

 

Feeling ok. Going to see a band do an intimate show at a local venue tonight so that should be pretty decent. Its getting easier each day

[4dogs]

day 3

 

Today is going to be hard. Easter, I always spent it with her...I wonder if she misses me...

[ToodlePip]

Day 9

 

Feeling ok. Going to see a band do an intimate show at a local venue tonight so that should be pretty decent. Its getting easier each day

 

Always hot rock chicks at small gigs. Hard part is finding the "right" moment to chat to them, but I find a lot of them are single, in London anyway (there to fantasise over muscicians!)

[IBelieve]

So far so good.

 

I can't get too cocky yet though. She is leaving for vacation in a few days so I won't have contact with her for a good month. I was telling myself that when she gets back I will be able to be friends with her even though she has a bf. I'm not going to make that decision prematurely though. I will wait until she gets back and then see how I am feeling then.

 

I have been doing a lot of reflecting over the past few days and I can honestly say that the breakup was the best thing for me. Our relationship was completely toxic. Although she is a great girl, we just weren't right for each other.

 

I wonder if she will still want to be friends with me? Hmm.. we'll see I guess.

 

For now though I am going to keep on studying and concentrating on my hobbies. I really do feel good guys I RARELY think about getting back together with her. Ahh... I feel at peace! I wonder if this is what being healed feels like? Hmm.. time to study some more

 

Just a note: I'm not saying that I WILL contact her for sure to be friends. I'm definitely waiting for 2 months of NC at least to see how I feel then. Still on day 17

 

Another edit: Given it more thought. Although I feel like I can be friends with her eventually, I don't want to really think about it now. I'm just going to concentrate on me. This NC isn't about healing so I can be friends with her, its about healing for me. Period.

[FriendnorFoe]

day 29, packed up my stuff, cleaned my car, ready for my little day trip tomorrow, I thought about sending her a little text, happy easter, but decided not to do it, especially so close to day 30 and what would I have gained from that, no, I am actually to busy with my life right now to give a * * * * about all the pretty little eggs she painted.

[IBelieve]

good job on holding back friendnorfoe. What do you plan on doing once your 30 days is up? Are you going to keep NC?

[tujna]

Day 12

 

Does anyone else find weekends the hardest time when you're missing your ex?

 

I'm having a bit of a down spell this morning, but i know it wont last all day. Feeling a little alone in the world today but am striving on.

 

Do not feel compelled to contact my ex though, the more i think about how she's seeing this guy that blatantly turned her head towards the end of the relationship, (even though she maintains it had nothing to do with him) and she always maintained they were only friends, the more insulted i feel and feel less likely to contact her at all!

 

It's so her loss at the end of the day, it really is.

 

Oh, my God, weekends are soooo tough, like hell. I truly miss the days when I loved Friday. Nowadays I am scared of it.

 

Sad to admit it guys but... back to Day 1. I had a devastating day yesterday and I had to call him. He did not reply. I am so happy he didn't actually. I intend to send him a message for something important to him tomorrow but am not sure whether I should. What do you say guys?

[twomonks]

hey tujna,

 

i was wondering how you were doing with the NC. we all have our weak moments. i send an email to my ex the other day after 30 days (my sister was so pissed that she had me follow it up with another one basically negating what the first one said)... all that to say, in hindsight i wish had had not sent either email. trying not to get down about it now.. and never heard back from him either... now on day 5 ...

 

so of course it is up to you.. but personally, i would discourage you from sending him a message... unless he was going for some risky surgery and might not make it. if its a birthday or milestone, you can always contact him in a year when you are strong and happy.

 

hang in there..

[tujna]

hey tujna,

 

i was wondering how you were doing with the NC. we all have our weak moments. i send an email to my ex the other day after 30 days (my sister was so pissed and had me follow it up with another one basically negating what the first one said)... all that to say, in hindsight i wish had had not sent either email. trying not to get down about it now.. and never heard back from him either... now on day 5 ...

 

so of course it is up to you.. but personally, i would discourage you from sending him a message... unless he was going for some risky surgery and might not make it. if its a birthday or milestone, you can always contact him in a year when you are strong and happy.

 

hang in there..

 

Thank you, twomonks. Yes, you very well know how it feels. Especially after enduring 30 days of NC! I am fascinated with all you people who can keep it for so long.

 

It is not anything life-threatening but extremely important for his life. I intend to do it as a close person with who he spent 7 years of his life, wishing him nothing but all the best, especially in this regard. I don't want anything in return, no answer, no recognition, nothing. After his not answering my calls, I feel like I can do this without expecting anything in return. I don't know whether this strength is temporary or something I earned over these 2 weeks of NC.

[tujna]

its hard not to be connected to the person you love after the years together.. believe me i know, as my partner and i lived together for 4 years. i adore him, he was my everything (and maybe that was part of the problem), but for me i am going to respect his space and not contact him for his birthday which is coming up...

 

to make sure i don't contact him, i am going to hang out with my sister!! ha, ha...

 

let us know how it goes if you do contact him.

 

As I said, I am still thinking whether to do it or not. I have little to lose, since I called yesterday. I know he will not answer but this is fine. I intend this to be the last unnecessary contanct I initiate although as you can tell I don't trust myself even 70% I am sorry to admit it. I have to do so much more work on myself!! I know it.

[tujna]

tujna,

 

it's a really difficult time. whatever you do, will be right for you.

 

it's your journey.... be gentle with yourself and trust your own intuition.

 

leone..

 

Thank you, leone... I truly appreciate your nice words... I like the way you call it... a journey... Yes, a journey to what I was and what I would have been and will be without him.

 

Thank you...

[LemonCheesecak]

Always hot rock chicks at small gigs. Hard part is finding the "right" moment to chat to them, but I find a lot of them are single, in London anyway (there to fantasise over muscicians!)

 

I wish that had held true. Lots of young 'scene' girls. I felt a bit old being there. There was a stunner of a barmaid though, would have tried the chat if it had been a bit quieter (really small venue, the band were essentially playing on the bar), and had she not seemed so grumpy haha! Good gig though, although they did claim Glasgow was nicer than Brighton. I somehow doubt that.

[hesnotworthit]

Oh, my God, weekends are soooo tough, like hell. I truly miss the days when I loved Friday. Nowadays I am scared of it.

 

Sad to admit it guys but... back to Day 1. I had a devastating day yesterday and I had to call him. He did not reply. I am so happy he didn't actually. I intend to send him a message for something important to him tomorrow but am not sure whether I should. What do you say guys?

 

Im in the same situation as you...i keep arguing with myself, as too if i should contact him next weekend for his 19th, since we planned it b4 the break up, and im probally going to run into him a week later, cuz im going to a mutual place we both hang out at, so i wana text him before i have to face him...

but at the same time, i think it will probally put my healing process back, and ill fall into the trap of switching to all the positives of him, and miss him more..do u agree?

I read somewhere that "Nobody can tell you whats right or wrong, you will learn on your own from your own actions".

Its so hard to know what to do hey! Good luck, and i hope you make the right choice for you

[intolerable]

Thank you, twomonks. Yes, you very well know how it feels. Especially after enduring 30 days of NC! I am fascinated with all you people who can keep it for so long.

 

It is not anything life-threatening but extremely important for his life. I intend to do it as a close person with who he spent 7 years of his life, wishing him nothing but all the best, especially in this regard. I don't want anything in return, no answer, no recognition, nothing. After his not answering my calls, I feel like I can do this without expecting anything in return. I don't know whether this strength is temporary or something I earned over these 2 weeks of NC.

 

NC is hard yes, but what made it easier for me was I kept thinking that I'm doing this for my sake. Because when my ex left our relationship, he was thinking of himself. It's about time I thought of myself too.

[tujna]

Im in the same situation as you...i keep arguing with myself, as too if i should contact him next weekend for his 19th, since we planned it b4 the break up, and im probally going to run into him a week later, cuz im going to a mutual place we both hang out at, so i wana text him before i have to face him...

but at the same time, i think it will probally put my healing process back, and ill fall into the trap of switching to all the positives of him, and miss him more..do u agree?

I read somewhere that "Nobody can tell you whats right or wrong, you will learn on your own from your own actions".

Its so hard to know what to do hey! Good luck, and i hope you make the right choice for you

 

Hesnotworthit,

 

I would not text him if I were you... Behave just like you don't care whether he is there or not. I know it is easy to say it from the side. My situation is a bit different, since I have spent my whole conscious life with this person (7 years) and this is something really important to him although I am sure that there are a lot of people who would advise me not to contact him. And they may well be right. Usually NC is the best, even in my situation.

[hesnotworthit]

...didnt get time to post this yesterday...

 

DAY 13

today was hard. woke up, with the memory of the horrible dreams that i had just dreamt. In the dreams I ran into him at a club, and i ended up doing all these real * * * * ty things with his mates, trying to make him jelious, but it didnt work. He was with a new gf, she was pretty, but at the same time she looked like me. Kinda scary how this dream was so close to what my fears have been lately...if/when i run into him in a couple of weekends at a mutural club im going too...lets hope i just have a vibrant imagionation...

Was sooo tempted to add his name to the list of friends on my fone i was sending a happy easter txt too...but i held back. Reminded myself of last christmas, when he texted me at 12.01 and wished me merry christmas and told me how much he loved me, and how i was his everything, and the best thing that have ever happened to him...but today, i got no happy greetings...its as if hes dead

had to repetively tell family we'd broken up, when they asked how he was...that hit home hard, but the whole time i acted as if i was completely happy talking about it...i wondered if he was doing the same, and feeling the same way in turn.

i missed talking to him i miss his family...his home was like a second home to me...

sigh, seeing friends in a couple days, when they all return from holidays, just focusing on the fun times we should have i love my friends, they really are my rocks, i wish i could replace the little voice in my head with theirs! haha