Getting back together really does happen!

[Heartbrokennnx3]

S and J were together for 4 years on and off but they really loved each other. J got pregnant first child with each other. Things were going good until the end of J’s pregnancy. The two split up before j gave birth. S was there when J had the baby but things were still weird between the two. S didn’t want to get back with J. Couple of months later they get into a physical fight which led to Dv case. It’s been 6 months and J is depressed because that was the love of her life. She’s never felt this way about anyone and she’s afraid that S may never speak to her again and that he hates her. Not sure if they would ever get back together, I do love them together and believe that this was a misunderstanding.

[moodindigo91]

On 12/3/2021 at 11:51 AM, Je2405 said:

Hey All,

This thread made me find this site and inspired me so much the last few weeks I wanted to come on and add in a couple stories I know off the top of my head to help. I'm 2 months post break-up, went NC about three weeks in just due to logistic reasons. I broke NC this past week, and have tentative plans to meet her to catch-up Monday. I don't expect a reconciliation story to come out of that, in fact I'd put solid odds she pulls out of those plans before hand. 2.5 year relationship, 1.5 years living together, was planning to propose Feb/March of 2022, I'm 33, she's 30. She said she lost feelings, felt like she didn't love me anymore, wasn't sure we were compatible. Which is interesting because less than a month before she was asking me to promise we were going to get married. I'm trying to move on and heal but been struggling to do so, feel like I healed to a point and I've just been stuck there. Maybe this meeting Monday will be the final straw (painful straw) but to help me let go. Who knows.

Anyway, the stories:

• I recently became friends with a couple who are older, late 40s. They've been married since they were 18 (due to unexpected pregnancy). They have three kids. When I met them they seemed very much in love, very much in sync, surprisingly so for how long they've been together. Well when my break-up happened I confided in the guy (I was confiding in everyone at that point to be honest). And just asked if him and his wife had every split in the past. Well here I was shocked to learn that a year earlier they had been separated for 8 months, that he thought it was over, that they had sold their house, living separately, and at the point of getting divorce papers officially. I don't know all the details but I'll share what I know. Apparently he had a brief affair over 2 months, he broke it off but the woman told her husband who told my friend's wife. Apparently there was a brief split of a couple weeks but then they came back together and decided to work it out. But after a few months apparently the wounds she had were too much. He caught her texting a guy from work, multiple times, until finally she just left. He said the next 8 months were the worst of his life, constant depression, couldn't function. They lived apart, and he said he made himself available to her whenever she asked, which he now feels was a mistake. He said he tried to go NC a few times but always broke, and looking back feels like that's why it went on so long. Apparently they had a family vacation planned every year, for two weeks, his daughters didn't want her to come as they were quite upset with her but he insisted that it was a family vacation so she should be there. He said over those two weeks of just constant time together they re-connected a little. When they got back things kind of fell back into the same pattern, living separate, she was apparently seeing the other guy the whole time. I'm not sure the whole story here, but I know that he said they got into a big fight the one night, she left. He thought for sure it was over and was planning to call the attorney in the morning and have the divorce papers started because he was just mentally and emotionally exhausted. Then the next day she calls him repeatedly saying she's at his apartment and wants to talk. They talk, and she says she's done with the other guy, that she's decided she wants to re-commit to them and their relationship, move (he was going to move states as part of a refresh) and work things out. So that's what they did! Interestingly when discussing my break-up with both of them he said don't reach out to her at all just stay away, but then she interjected and said well if you had done that we might not be here.......not saying not to do NC but just thought it was interesting. Now they seem very happy, he said its tough and that there's still a lot of pain to let go, but if you met them you'd never guess it.
• Second story - there was this couple I knew in college who had dated all through high school, went to the same college, etc. My sophmore year they broke up, or took a break. I guess just one of those GIGS things or wanting to make sure they were right for each other. During the "break" the girl did something sexual with a guy friend of hers and the guy found out about it....he freaked. Broke if off with her entirely, wouldn't talk to her, hated her really for a long time. I want to say at least 6 months, maybe more. Then they started talking again, not sure how, and eventually reconciled. They're married now with two kids, I don't talk to them anymore but haven't heard anything bad about their marriage or anything.

I'm on here and other website just like most of you, and for the same reasons as most of you. I know that the only way there's hope is if the other person realizes they want the relationship too and comes back to make an effort. Which is a big reason I'm not hopeful about my meet up Monday because I had to initiate it. But these stories do help, similar to what others have said I don't think its false hope.....to me its almost that just because a relationship ended doesn't mean it wasn't worth something, or that the other person just moves on with nothing residual from the time you two shared sticking with them, reconciliation or not. Reconciliation I think is just an in your face manifestation of that.

Wish me luck Monday, if it even happens, but more importantly wish me the strength to do what I need to do to move on and let go one way or the other. Because I've accepted that that is necessary.

Curious to know how it went 

[Annon22222]

Can I hear anymore stories, currently 5months no contact, I believe she is the one

 

[VanTahoe]

I have one: a friend of mine dated a guy for around 6 years but eventually broke it off because he was a poor communicator, unable to handle his emotions, and a little cold and distant. Several months passed (I don't know the details of whether there was NC) but he wanted to get back together and eventually she agreed on the condition they seek couples counselling. They have been together for a further 5 years now and have had two children along the way. They seem very happy and she told me counselling saved their marriage, they still go for 'check ins' every few months. 

[einorr]

So... one more heartbroken here. 

I'm going to tell you my story... First of all this thread is being motivational and therapeutic, seeing so many happy endings... but I'm aware that is possible my story doesn't end so well. So... I'm keeping my hopes up but with my feet on the ground. 

Well, I met my ex at university. We become great friends and then, we were confused about our feelings (both women). We dated about 7 years, and she's the most wonderful person I've known. In New Year's eve... she broke with me. Reasons? Not really sure about them.

Due to pandemic we haven't had so many time lately (both nurses working at different hospitals, and she's working in a nursing home too, so we did't find time. We didn't live together either. She's said that she's facing anxiety and stress issues... and I wanted to be there, but she is not ready to keep up with the relationship. I'm still thinking that the issues are solvable (I can find time, and pandemic is "under control". ) But she preferred to take "some time". I've tried to be during january to help her with her problems... but it was not healthy for me because she isn't she, so we've decided to not keeping contact, but hoping to could be able to do someday (as a friends or whatever). I quote her "Perhaps in 3 months I realize I cannot live without you, but I can't do it now because I'm fighting every single day against my anxiety". 

I want to try, but give her space too... I really think she needs it. Maybe in a future we could be together again. Or maybe not... but I'm sure I want to try it. 

 

[Jane1230]

I created an account only to post here. Hope one day I'll be posting my own story, but anyway, some stories:

1. My grandparents. My grandmother met my grandfather when they both were 21-22 I think. They got married and were more or less happy, but there were some issues with his fertility so things started getting worse and one day my grandmother offered a divorce. He agreed immediately and she was in shock. My grandfather moved to another city and they didn't talk for 2-3 years. One day he came back, they reconciled and some years ago celebrated their 50 anniversary. 

2. My friend and her girlfriend were together for 3 years, broke up for 6-7 months, she (the dumpee!) reached out, they reconnected for 4-5 more years. 3-4 years ago they broke up again, but stayed FWB. Both of them are content with it. 

3. Not exactly "successful story", but close to it. 

My friend had LDR for 8 years and his girlfriend broke up with him out of blue with practically no explanation. They had plans for the future. He was just destroyed to the ground. They had NC for 5 years (!!!) and one day, in 2018 he posted online that he was going to the city where his ex lived to the concert. And she reached out some days after this post, offered to talk in person and stay in her place. He agreed. They talked and she told him everything, that there was a family drama which she couldn't handle being in the relationship and simply was in her lowest, severally depressed and so on. He forgave her and after some time she delicately offered to try again but he refused because he understood that it would be impossible for him to trust her after all this mess. She accepted it and now they're friends. She hasn't been dating anyone since their breakup which is... 7-5 years I guess? He's been in a new relationship with another wonderful girl for almost 2 years. 

4. One more couple I don't know well - they were together for 1 year, broke up for 1 year and recently I saw their common photo on Facebook. They looked quite happy. 

My personal opinion is that it is possible, but sometimes it takes too long to come to the point where things may work out. People don't want to wait years (and obviously they don't have to!) so usually when the moment comes at least one person is already in new relationship (or both). I honestly believe that it takes time, and I mean TIME, like a year and more to be ready to try something again. People don't change within 2-4 months, if couple reconciled after some months I think there wasn't a serious problem, just simple misunderstanding or circumstances. If someone had to work on themselves, fix something serious, beat some mental issues - it's definitely not a thing with happens overnight. If relationship was serious and long-term you'll only be healing for the first time and it's close to impossible to truly work on yourself while you're wounded. Real work starts when you're ready. 

Hope to see more nice stories here! 

[wilelectro]

Any reason this thread has gone so quiet?

[Batya33]

Likely because it was started in 2009 and only gets posted to occasionally.  By contrast there are many more recent threads and regular threads with specific questions about getting back together.  

[littleLegz]

post more stories 😞

[Anon333]

HI,  I think the best way to post getting back together stories are just by people you personally know.  I think if you are in a relationship where you are happily back together with and ex, than you probably won't be on this forum.   So I have a few stories Ive heard of here and there and couples Ive seen first hand getting back together.  Im 1 month out of a break up and reading these stories was a like a bandaid but I know as months go by I will lose that hope.  

 

1.  My mom and step dad were dating maybe a year or two when he broke up with her.  He came back a month later and they have been married ever since, although I dont think their relationship was ever healthy, they both just were toxic enough for each other.  

 

2.  A long time ago I dated a guy just a couple times very briefly, he had Just broke up with his girlfriend and was rebounding and kind of losing his mind.  I remember going with him to a music show she had, which must have been so painful to her.  I didnt realize all of this stuff till later.  I remember him telling me that she told him she hates him.  He eventually went back to her within a month or two and they have been married ever since.

 

3.  My roommate was dating a guy who had broken up with his ex maybe 4 months prior.  He ended up cheating on my roommate with her, maybe 6 months later and he has been back with his ex for over a year.

 

4.  When I lived with my sister there was a couple that my sister knew and was close to.  They seemed really happy and were married.  My brother in law told me one day that in the beginning of dating they both mutually broke up and dated other people for a few months and then decided to date again.  They are happily married. 

 

5. I dont know the details but I know a friend who was was separated from her partner for a year and then they reunited and have been together ever since. 

 

6.  My first boyfriend that I was in love with eventually broke up with me and started dating someone new.  He dated her a year or two and found out she was cheating on him.  He broke up with her and dated someone else and she was devastated.  He took her back a year later and they have been together ever since (18 years?)

 

7.  A coworker told me how her husband dumped her when they were dating and he went out partying and being wild for a month and eventually came back to her and they have been married ever since. 

 

There are so many that just pop in my head that I've heard of throughout the years.  This is why its hard to give up hope sometimes, because it does happen.  But then I try to remember the hope I had for all my past exes.  Many of them came back when it was too late, and I was thankful for that.  It makes me sad that that may be the case with my current ex.  I can't imagine being open hearted to working things out if he ever did come back.  its definitely a double edged sword, and I need to also be realistic he will never come back. 

 

Hope this helps some people!  Please add more if you know of SUCCESSFUL stories of people getting back together.  Too many people have posted stories of unsuccessful getting back together, or their own break up story.  That shouldn't be on this post.  

[annalovescherries]

Bumping this because I could use some more stories! And here are a few I know of: 

 

1. Good friend of mine and her bf were together for 6 years. They had been doing temporary long distance for a couple of months when he calls her out of the blue and tells her he wants to break up (was in grad school and feeling very overwhelmed). They didn't talk for 2-3 months and then she ended up flying out to him and they had a talk and got back together. Still together a year later and doing better than ever!

 

2. Another friend and her ex broke up after 1.5 years, he immediately got into a new relationship and even moved in with the new girl. Another 1.5 or so years go by and his rebound relationship ended and he reaches out to my friend (they had been in basically no contact except I think a couple messages here and there) and tells her that he has loved her the whole time. They get back together for another year but eventually my friend realized that she had changed a lot in their time apart and he wasn't what she wanted anymore and they amicably broke up for good.

 

3. My cousin and her boyfriend were together for 2 years and very serious. He was a senior in college and she was going to a masters program elsewhere so they were going to do long distance for 1 year. Then he tells her out of nowhere that he wants to be single for his senior year. She is devastated, they break up and and she dates other people. A year and a half later they're both in the same city again and end up reconciling. Stayed together another year and a half or so I think, they broke up for good.

 

4. My family friend and his now wife dated when they were younger and ended up breaking up because he needed to get his sh*t together with work and life. She didn't want to but accepted it and moved on. They both dated other people but he never stopped thinking of her. Eventually (I don't know how long, maybe a 2 years or so) he realized she was the one who got away and came looking for her. Convinced her to give him another try and they are now married with a baby and really happy!

 

So a mix of real success stories and shorter term reconciliations. Really all straight relationships where the guy was the dumper. But overall, what I've seen from friends is that exes (ex boyfriends at least) do come back eventually it's just always when you stop expecting them to and stop needing them to. In all these cases the girlfriend felt like it wasn't over and didn't want to be apart, but accepted it as best they could and moved forward. Seems to me like regardless of contact (do what you need to do, NC definitely works for some people) it's more about letting go and letting things happen in their own time. Trying to force things or plan will only make it take longer. 

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, annalovescherries said:

But overall, what I've seen from friends is that exes (ex boyfriends at least) do come back eventually it's just always when you stop expecting them to and stop needing them to. 

That's very unrealistic.  This forum and the world is bursting with women whose boyfriends / husbands left them, and moved on.  

I'm old, I have a few ex girlfriends and one ex wife in my past.  Some of those relationships were ended by me.  No, I did not go back to any of them.  I now am with the person I will spend the rest of my life with.  

Consider this:  It's not in anyone's best interest to think that "they always come back."  First, because it's not true and living in a fantasy world is unhealthy.  Secondly, if someone broke up with you, you owe it to yourself to move on.  Yes, sometimes they do come back.  If that happens, you will assess how you wish to handle it at that time.  You'll be in a much better position to make the right choice for yourself if you weren't carrying a torch for the guy during the time apart.

[Guest]

It’s so encouraging to read all the replies to this!

I (38F) was broken up with by my partner (44M) of 4 years recently as it seems he ‘lost feelings’ and was stressing about feeling pressured for marriage (not from me). Classic case of cold feet. 

Prior to meeting me he had only ever had short term relationships. I have had them before and know it’s normal for feelings to change and to worry about the future. I’ve always kind of got over my past LTRs without too much pain but this has hit TOTALLY different. 
 

I told him I don’t want his offer of friendship (and was then blocked) and will not try to reach out any further. I can only hope he will see the life he craves with someone loyal and loving was right there on his plate. 

TBH I’ve been to hell and back with all this but I’ve now pulled up my big girl knickers, lost 10kg and getting myself out there. I warned him I might not be around when he realises his mistake.

I so hope he does 😢
 

 

 

 

[darkskies]

Hi. I've been reading through most of the stories on here and I'm kinda sad to see not a lot of updates anymore.

I'd like to add two stories that happened to me, although one doesn't have a happy ending. And one that happened to someone I know.

1) Back in high school I was on and off with this guy. Technically he was my first bf but now I don't consider him much of one. We met through our friend group and got closer during freshman year. We were together for almost a month. I felt like he was being cold towards me so we ended things. We didn't keep contact. Then the following school year he reached out, we started talking, and he would love bomb me (as a friend). Then when things got too serious he'd start acting cold again. This went on until the end of high school. The beginning of the year he'd apologize, make it seem like he changed, then once I start liking him again he acts cold and distant. The last time we got together was the summer after high school. We were friends and it took me a long time to open up to him. I actually dated another guy before him but realized that we just liked each other as friends. Anyways. This time I kept my walls up, had a feeling he was going to flake again, and he sure did. I broke up with him and never looked back. This shows that exes can come back, but I closed off this door for good.

2) This guy I would say is my first real love. We started out as friends for a few months (a couple weeks after the first guy). After being in an on and off toxic relationship I admittedly carried over anxiety onto this one. But he was so kind and gentle with me. I felt loved by him even before we started dating. We clicked so fast that I didn't know I was in love until just before we made things official. He made me feel like I was special. I loved him so much too. He was the first person to ever know everything about me. (Most of the things I say at this point are based on what he told me). Unfortunately, he broke up with me because he has underlying issues with stress and with school. He felt unhappy with the relationship and with himself. Felt like I was blindsided because there wasn't anything seriously wrong with our relationship. He said he hoped our paths cross again. I do too. It's been over a month and we're nc. I blocked him on everything so it can help lessen my anxiety. It still hurts, but I'm trying to move on and work on myself to be happy again. 

3) This one's from my ex's (guy from 2nd story) friend. He's the type of guy that doesn't really settle for a relationship. Once he gets bored he moves on to another, or has fwb with multiple girls. He was seeing this girl who had a bf. Eventually she left that dude for him and they started dating. Not long after their relationship started, he gets her pregnant. They were young, about to finish high school, and he decided to enlist in the army. So right after graduating, he goes off to boot camp. She gives birth a couple months after he left for camp so he wasn't there for the delivery. Sometime between after her giving birth and him coming back for a visit, he was thinking of breaking up with her. I think they did but I didn't get much info. They were broken up for a few months I'd say. I'm not sure if he was seeing anybody else in between. I get a text from my bf saying that they're back together and he thought of proposing to her. I'm not sure if he had already proposed, but either way they aren't getting married anytime soon because they're still young. This showed me that love can come in mysterious ways. I'm glad that they were able to work things out. 

 

[So-Broken]

How to reconcile?

[Elio]

This thread has helped me through some tough times and I'm sad to be at the end of it. Shameless bump.