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I'm a cynic at the best of times, and I'm no longer pining for my ex and I'm ready for the chance to explore something new.   However I'm always miffed by posters who seemingly rain on the parade of

My ex-fiancée broke up with me 14 years ago (see my first posts on ENA). 14 years later she contacted me, we are back together and getting married this coming October.

That said...I've gotten back together with an ex "successfully" before.   I was in love with this guy, we had been dating for a short amount of time but it was very intense and real. I broke up with

  • 3 weeks later...

Reading through this thread has helped me carry on after my recent break up, so I thought I would share a (sort of) reconciliation story I know of.

 

I was talking to my brother the other day and he was telling me about an ex that got in contact with him recently.

 

They were together for about 8/9 months and were very in love, talking about a family etc. and serious about each other. They eventually broke up because my brother had told a few lies about his job situation etc. (nothing major, no cheating or anything alike), and she was also getting jealous of one of his best friend's girlfriend who was messaging him at the time for advice regarding his best friend (nothing happened between them it was all just friendly). Anyway she broke up with him and pretty much hated him - told him she didn't love him, didn't want to ever see him again, wanted him to die, blocked him on all social media and was hurdling all the abuse at him. My brother was devastated. Eventually after pleading with her etc. he went no contact.

 

About 6-7 months later she messaged him out the blue asking how he was etc. and telling him she missed what they had and if he had kept photos of them two. They spoke briefly but my brother did not enter anything with her because he had already been talking to a girl he was really into. They went back into no contact. Then she popped up again around xmas time and again in January (this month). I don't think they are going to get back together simply because my brother is still pining after the girl he was really into, but the story shows that the dumper did come back to reconcile even though she pretty much wanted him dead at the time of the break up.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I can't imagine reconciling with an abuser.

 

Look up the statistics. Men who VOLUNTARILY attend intensive therapy designed specifically for abusers have about a 3 percent success rate of never abusing again. These are men who WANT to stop abusing.

 

I bet the success rate for men who are only going to therapy because it's court ordered or to win back their abuse victim is much lower.

 

Why do you want your abuser back? That to me is the bigger question.

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Yeah, I got that backwards.

 

I would never recommend anyone reconcile with someone who abused them.

 

Intensive individual therapy with a professional who specializes in abuse (NOT anger management...totally different issue) is called for. At least a year of this intensive therapy with no attempt to date or to reconcile with your ex.

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Hello! This thread was my go-to for such a long time... Then finally I gave up, although my instict always told me its not over. Its been 2 years since my breakup, and even though Im now standing tall and proud, the feeling in my gut never left me.

 

Short story, after 2 years, a relationship he had in the meantime, couple of NC periods (couple of months), we are hanging out again.

 

I dont want to claim or hope its a reconciliation story just yet, as we are taking it slow and hanging out as friends for now. I need to see who we are now as new people. But things are happening that I never thought they will.

I wanted to come back here, and write a short update....

 

Ill keep you posted how it goes...

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  • 1 month later...

Hi everyone,

 

I've loved reading these stories, while it does partly fill me with hope in my situation, it's also nice to read that love is all powerful and has many ways of helping you find comfort, with or without the dumper.

 

Is going NC always the best option? Break up was one with no fights and no pleading since. It's been just less than a week but she's text everyday asking something about me/what I'm working on. While I enjoy her texts, it makes me second guess at times whys she's messaging me. Love will find away, but if that's through staying friends, or cutting contact, I do not know?

 

Obviously for now, I know that any decision I make will be swayed slightly as I'm still coping with the break up, and that we've both said we miss and love each other still.

 

This thread is a beautiful thing and I'm looking forward to reading more posts!

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I'll add a story that I know, as I've asked for advice, it's only fair.

 

Close friend of mine (dumpee) and her feller (dumper) broke up after nearly 10 months. His reasons was she was controlling, but also very insecure and needed reassurance a lot. I know them both and they would always bicker about rubbish but make amends. He ended it, they still spoke on and off for every couple of days (only on texts). Three weeks after the break up (I can't remember who initiated the talk) they got back together, seem a lot happier and still together 3 years after getting back together.

 

It goes to show that there are no rules for the healing process. Sometimes distance works, while sometimes some contact works.

 

I've noticed that if you want to let your partner know you're going NC, but you can't actually tell them, then there's something in that. If it's your intuition that I should keep the contact, or fear of not hearing from them again, then that's another question.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey guys, I started reading this thread last year after a ~ 1 1/2 relationship ended out of nowhere. I was distraught and he was posting pictures of his now gf of a year. It was what I needed to go fully NC and move on. This forum helped me get through the rest of a rough college semester, move on, and realize I didn't want him back. I ended up meeting my most recent ex not long after. He broke up with me on Saturday after almost 9 months. It was a shock, but the issue wasn't new. He wants to move to the U.K. and I want to go to medical school. He freaked out over quarantine and started applying for jobs in the U.K. I guess he got a different response than he expected. They basically told him they would take him if he had a year of experience and we weren't in the middle of a global pandemic. Saturday was the first day we really got to see each other in 2 months and he broke up with me as soon as I got in. I miss him. We are very LC right now and are going to meet up on the 25th to talk it out. I don't expect to reconcile anytime soon, but am hoping we can at least talk things out and make a path to becoming friends. Wish me luck.

 

I do not have any reconciliation stories, but will make sure to update if it ever happens. Thank you all for now helping me get through 2 breakups, I wish you all luck.

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Here's a bit of a fairly tale ending for y'all..

 

30 years ago, I was dating a NZ girl, and her sister was dating a friend. In 1995, we all went our separate ways, my girlfriend went to the UK, her sister went back to NZ and got married.

In 2010, I reconnected with both of them - thanks FB - and the sister came out to visit me. On NYE 2011, the friend, the sister, and me and my kids all went into the city to watch the fireworks. The friend ended up staying at my place with the sister, and now they've been married for around 5 years.

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Wiseman2 - I wouldn’t say it doesn’t happen. I didn’t post last year, I only read through the forum. The ex I was reading the forum for last year I ultimately realized I was better off without for a lot of reasons and would not take back. Reading this forum was very cathartic when I needed it and helped me realize problems and fix them. It also helped me realize a lot of red flags and that I was more upset with the relationship and that stability ending than losing him. My current breakup is only 4 days old, so only time will tell. Best of luck to you!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Here’s my story... met a guy online and we ended up in a relationship for 2 years. Towards the end I was going out a lot with my friends for girls nights which ended up with me drunkenly making out with a guy I knew from way back when at a club one night. So many people told me not to tell him or throw away my relationship over a drunken make out session but dishonesty isn’t my style so I came home and fessed up. During our argument I realized that even though I loved him if I was capable of doing that what else would I be capable of doing as I had no intentions of slowing down with my friends and maybe I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. At that point he was CRUSHED, first because I had cheated on him and secondly bc in the same breath I was telling him I needed to be alone even though I loved him dearly and we had a great relationship. We had light contact over the next 6 years and both had other relationships during this time. Eventually i bump into him one night after going to a known spot he hung out at and sparks rekindled. This time we dated for 3 years and the relationship ended bc he developed a drinking problem. I tried to be supportive and work with him through the problem but after getting arrested for driving drunk and then blaming it on me for him being out drinking in the first place after an argument we had - something in me just died at that point and I no longer saw a future with him so I ended it again. He was devastated as he thought we were going to be together forever (it probably didn’t help that this was the second time I was ending it but this time it wasn’t me that screwed up). We have remained friends and he has since gotten help to quit drinking all together and is doing great with a new girlfriend who I believe he is going to marry someday.

 

Another ex and me had a TERRIBLE tumultuous relationship for 1.5 years where I left due to his manipulation and mind games (borderline emotional abuse) and he ended up coming back a year later admitting how terrible he was to me and seeking another chance to which I said NO WAY. It has been 8 years since that relationship and every so often he pops back up and I’m fairly sure if I wanted to we could give it another go but I wont subject myself to that again.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello everyone! I've been reading this thread from start to end over the last few days and it has really made me feel better. My ex broke up with me because of long-distance and some communication issues and I hope one day we can reconcile. This thread has allowed me to reflect back on our relationship and I do think the break-up was needed if we ever stand a chance in the future. If it does happen I hope I can come back and update you guys!

 

Some stories I know from people close to me:

 

A good friend from university dated her boyfriend from first year to about third year. They broke up because they couldn't agree about things in the future and after that she dated around for a bit. I think they had some contact, but at one point he found out she slept with someone else and they had a massive falling out where he said some awful things. She also said he was a completely different person and expressed to me how much she didn't want to be with him. Around a year later I started professional school and found out they got back together! Unfortunately they broke up another ~7-8 months later because the issues about their future came up again. She said this time they're not even trying to be friends because they know they love each other too much to be in each others lives casually. So maybe down the road they will be able to sort things out! But I never expected them to even get back together that first time.

 

My sister worked for a few months in the states (we live in Canada) and while she was there she met a guy and they had a really good relationship for the time she was there. When it was time for her to move back, he broke up with her as he didn't see a point in them staying together (this was two years ago and she was devastated). To this day he still messages her to see how she's doing and they chat once every ~2 weeks or so. He's even mentioned looking for jobs in Toronto, but at this point she is quite over him!

 

I had a boyfriend in my last year of highschool and we broke up after a few months. At the time I was devastated, especially since he got a new girlfriend shortly into starting the first year of college. Just a week ago I got a text from him and then another one a few days later (this is 6 years later now) inviting me to hang out. I think if I wanted to I could easily set up a meeting, but it just goes to show that even years later they might be thinking about you.

 

A girl I know met her boyfriend in highschool and they were together all throughout uni and then broke up (they were together 6 years in total I think). They've currently been broken up for around 8 months but just a week ago I saw an Instagram story where he was eating with her at her house. Maybe they're just friends but I have a suspicion they will be getting back together soon!

 

I have been in no contact for about 2 months now. Each day is getting easier but I still think about him a lot. Hopefully this thread can help others like it helped me!

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  • 3 months later...

I first read this forum when me and my high school sweetheart broke up back in 2016. I thought he was the worst heart break of my life. He never got back in contact with me and I don't think it would ever interest me. The guy I dated after him though we dated for two years and I broke up with him. He reached out to me a few months after trying to get back together but I declined. Honestly, I believe that reconciliation is always possible if two people truly loved one another, those feelings don't ever truly go away.

 

I'm back on this forum because the man I was living with and planning to marry broke it off with me four months ago. We have been on and off during this. He has told me countless times he is done and that we will never got back together. He reached out to me a month ago and we were trying to work things out but unfortunately we had a big fight this past weekend and he is back to not wanting to fix things. I have no idea if he will reach out again at this point because he has broken it off a lot. It's not a success but he came back even when he told me he hated me. I hope that we can figure out how to overcome our issues without him shutting down. He has a lot on his plate right now though so it may never happen for us again. Sadly, timing has to be right for both people. I do want to add that he has broken up with me before a year prior and he came back to me. Who knows, maybe this time it will be for good.

 

Here are some personal stories from friends:

 

1) My one close friend John met this girl off tinder and they hit off really good. They dated for a few months until he broke it off with her because he said she was too clingy. She stayed in contact with him though. Eventually they got back together after a few months. Now it's been two years ad they are building a house together.

 

2) My one friend Sam was pining for this girl that kept telling him she wasn't ready to be in a relationship. She was off fooling around with multiple guys while he waited around for her. Eventually she came to him wanting to be together. I can't remember what happened but they broke up for a short time. He was devastated, but they remained friends. She came back to him again and they are talking about getting a place together. I think it's been almost a year they been back together.

 

3) This guy Alex and his girlfriend would always break up and get back together like crazy. They never broke up for too long though. Finally Alex broke it off with her for "good". He went on dating another girl and his ex was dating around. They were broken up for a year and swore they hated each other. His ex posted a picture of them together one night and comes to find out, they are back together again lol They have been back for about six months now.

 

Hang in there people! I am a sappy person, I believe you will be with the person you are meant to be with one way or another. Things will work out on its own. I have learned the hard way that NC is the best. You are respecting the other person's wishes and you are not hurting yourself at the same time.

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  • 2 months later...

I first discovered ENA when I broke up with my ex-ex and learned a ton, so perhaps I can give back and share with you all my experiences in case it might help anyone :) IÂ’m a long-time lurker and this is my first post. I have two stories: an unsuccessful one and a successful one.

 

 

Unsuccessful Reconciliation with the ex-ex:

 

- My first serious rs. Dated for 11 months, broke up because he became irritable and got mad at everything I did and I was overly attached. He changed all of a sudden into this angry person when he was really kind before. I thought no contact would make him realize how patient and nice I was with him because heÂ’d get mad at really weird things that made no sense (I can give you examples but itÂ’d make this post too long). Cried, begged, and pleaded for 1 day and went straight into NC.

- No contact for 1 month and then I initiated contact with an excuse to bring up a past memory

- Since then he would initiate conversations just to ghost me (learned what breadcrumbs were!). Sometimes it would be a really straightforward “i miss you” text, but some other times it would be just an excuse to talk which isn’t as obvious to what the intention is.

- I learned not to respond to breadcrumbs and started to keep my responses sweet and short. I stopped initiating any contact and tried hard to move on and date others; however he started to show up at hang outs with my friends.

- After a few months, at one of our hang outs, he came and kissed me and asked to reconcile (we drinking btw), just for him to take it back the next day! This happened again a few months after this btw. I totally lost all respect for him after the second time. I asked him both times why he changed his mind and he said he missed me and the break up is hurting him but his brain tells him that we are never going to work out. This all lasted for 1.5years after the break up btw.

 

 

Successful Reconciliation with the ex:

 

- Dated 14 months, broke up because he has ADHD and was unreliable, and I was irritable and got mad a lot.

- I acted pretty cool and gave him the break up because at the time I was kinda fed up too.

- My parents got COVID just 2 weeks after and he got nervous and started contacting me and my friends to ask about whatÂ’s going on, and even went to the hospital to pray for them. He said he still cared but it wasnÂ’t love. Told me that because he didnÂ’t want to give me false hopes he said. Honestly did not give me any false hopes because of what I went through with my ex-ex.

- Told him we shouldnÂ’t contact each other and stay friends, and by this time I went to see a therapist because I became a total wreck. Worked on my anger issues, started to read the bible and pray a lot and really told myself I would change. Kept track my emotions and had an anger log.

- We werent in contact for 1-1.5months so he started to contact my friends to ask how my family was. One of my friends (who is in a relationship with my other friend) responded to his messaging as an opening to something romantic because she was in a rocky state with her bf. Anyway, my friend (the bf) found out and went nuts and told me, and I went nuts too.

- This made me initiate contact to ask what happened (i know not my business but still did it lol). Thankfully at the time he just ended their relationship because he didnÂ’t think it was right. We started talking about us and talked about our issues and what could be done differently. Told him I had been working on myself and how I really am changing not for him but for me. I also told him what he can work on for his own life and future. ItÂ’s weird because I said the same things to him at the end of our rs and he didnt listen like he did this time. Took a 2 month break for him to hear me out. He was really impressed and told me someone like me is indispensable but still no feelings, so I then told him politely we still shouldnÂ’t be friends.

- However, he kept initiating contact after that until one day I asked him what he wanted. Turns out he wishes to change too and for me to wait for him until he does. I told him that if we were to do that weÂ’d have to be exclusive because I wasnt going to wait around and potentially get myself hurt.

- We began talking everyday for about a week until he told me he wasnt sure if he had enough feelings. I suggested NC for a month and he agreed

- But he texted me 2 weeks after to wish me happy birthday. I was getting a lot of texts that day so I only responded the day after. Apparently he kept checking his phone lol and when I finally responded he asked to meet up and that was it. WeÂ’re back together and that was 2 days ago.

- We are trying our best to have open and honest conversations about everything and to speak up and talk calmly when somethingÂ’s wrong. Going slowly and praying that this will end in marriage.

 

 

Conclusion:

 

From my experience, I think there are two parts to a reconciliation: the brain and the heart. NC works for the heart to miss and want you, but you need to convince your ex logically that youÂ’ve changed and that the issues you had wont repeat. Identify your issues and work on it. Even if your ex canÂ’t see your changes, it doesnÂ’t hurt to be a better person!

 

(Sorry for typing so long but I hope it helps somebody. DonÂ’t think IÂ’ll be on here for quite some time though. Took quite some effort to come back and post lol yes most people donÂ’t come on ENA when theyÂ’ve reconciled/moved on.)

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Here is a story.

 

I worked with a girl at my old job. She moved to LA from San Francisco, and her boyfriend of almost 3 years was due to move with her. Anyway, she was in LA for about 4 months and kept wondering why her BF was taking so long to move down, but his reasonings were that he needed to find a job and also finishing things up in the bay area. Eventually, on a trip home to SF one weekend, he took her to the airport to return to LA after the weekend and told her he had met someone else and would not be moving down to meet her. Cold and cruel and SHE WAS DEVASTATED ! She packed up all her stuff in LA and moved back up to SF to try and reconcile things with him. He would not give her the time of day at all and she spent the next 6 weeks begging then gave up. His reasoning was that she did not want kids and he did, but he completely let the relationship go the wrong way despite this issue. She spent the next year and half taking cocaine, drinking, traveling etc. I felt so bad for her. After 2 years at her new job in the bay at a hair salon, her ex's mother came into the salon to get her hair done. Weird thing is, she was asking my friend a ton of questions about her life and saying how her son is doing. She just listened and didn't take much note. Either days or weeks later, his mother contacts her again to go for lunch and she agrees. His mother was talking all about how his new girlfriend was crazy and hell to live with, and she then told her that he wanted to invite her to a baseball game. She didn't say a word, declined and left. Her ex was trying to get her back through his mother because he was a coward to even do it himself. The weeks following, she received all kinds of messages, etc asking her to go out from the ex. She had already moved on and the pain of the breakup had been enough to bare. Eventually, she packed all her stuff and moved back to LA to restart her dreams and life again. She told me, the biggest mistake she made was leaving when he broke up with her because he wasn't worth that much for how much of a coward he was. So there you have it ... they didn't get back together but he definitely came back. His loss and her gain to improve herself and move on.

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Back in 2019 I experienced the most painful breakup of my life and I often came to these forums for comfort and maybe a little hope. I promised myself that if the person who broke my heart ever came back that I would post on here to hopefully give others the same feeling I got from this site.

First a little backstory: We dated for 3 years, I was sure that she was my soul mate and that I had found the 'one' etc etc. The relationship was overall very happy, despite the occasional stupid arguments that almost all couples get into. We had trust, a lot of common interests and we considered each other best friends. I never once doubted how she felt for me and I know she never doubted me. 7 months prior to our breakup, she moved a couple hours away for study, which of course we both knew would strain our relationship but we were both convinced we could manage. The 7 months we had left were generally pretty happy, we visited each other and made sure to have dates and things to look forward to. Unfortunately the single student life with no tie downs or people to worry about was too appealing for her. She broke it off with me after I drove up to see her, leaving me to experience a very tearful drive home. The breakup was pretty emotionally intense but we left it on a relatively ok note.

The following month consisted of me going off the rails and trying pretty much anything I could think of to contact her and to get her to change her mind. This included letters, emails, texts and I'm ashamed to admit it but even gifts. After a while of course I got blocked and after a month I decided to go no contact and try to pick myself up from rock bottom. The next 5-6 months I isolated myself from my friends and became extremely introverted. I hurt myself many times and thought I would never be able to pick myself up. Once that half a year mark reached I started to feel more ok, like myself again and felt like I could maybe manage this world alone after all. 

This is when she came back into my life. I used to read everywhere that they only come back once you start to move on and in my case, it couldn't have been more true. She didn't want a relationship though and was very clear on that, and being the desperate idiot I was, we slept together a few times and became close again. This was the point that I tell my best friend about it and what I should do to proceed, he however tells me that she has been seeing someone else as well and lying to me about it so I decided to cut it off - for real this time.

She kept on seeing this person until another few months later when her family was stuck by devastating news and somebody she was very close to had passed away. I knew that she would be hurting so I messaged her and told her that I hoped she was okay and that I was sorry about the news and that if she ever needed to talk to someone who knew how close they were that I would be there (silly, I know, but it was honestly innocently motivated). Turns out that she had been depressed most of the year we were broken up and this had pushed her to spiral out of control. So we spoke frequently and she confided in me again, it was very nice and after a couple months and when she started to feel more positive again it felt like how we used to be. This was when she asked me to be her boyfriend again and I gladly accepted, and we were happy again, for a few weeks.

We lasted 2 months because I had found out that the original reason she left back in 2019 was because of somebody else and it caused me a lot of emotional pain which I often took out on her by being sad and depressed all the time. She knew she couldn't help and that I needed to get over these things before we could work so she ended it, again.

Another 5 months goes by and I feel so much better than the first time. She tries to contact me a few times and I manage to ignore her and go about my life. One day though I decided to reply to a message and we met up and ended up talking all night until 6am. She was home from studying now, for good, and she had 180'd again back into the girl I knew when we first started dating. We spent another 4 months talking and getting close again until deciding to officially get back together. The painful emotions from our last breakups and everything that happened after had all gone, it was a clean slate and we decided to take it. So far, it has been better than it ever was. We no longer rely too heavily on each other for our comfort and we are fine being left alone. We have our own lives now that overlap really well so I'm optimistic but also slightly cautious.

So it can be true, they can indeed come back. But if you're not fully over the emotions surrounding the breakup then it'll be really hard to build trust and have a smooth relationship. I hate that I spent so long pining and not grasping life with both hands and doing everything I wanted to do. I regret it so much and if I had focussed more on moving on, maybe we would have been able to be back together sooner than we actually were.

Stay positive everyone :)

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Just to add some more. Getting back together really is quite common .. My brother just got back with his girlfriend after they broke up over 5 months ago. She was heartbroken, wrote him love letters, and he blocked her. Now they are suddenly back together..... My friend, she was in a 4.5 yr relationship with her ex and they broke up 4 years ago. Had limited contact in the first year, then lost contact after. She dated a couple guys, got married, had a baby and is now getting ready to divorce her now husband. She told me the other day she contacted her previous ex and was very intrigued to hear from him ... They've spoken briefly, but from what I can tell, her interest has sparked because he moved on and made progress in his life and she finds this very attractive. Even told me she felt like she made a mistake leaving him and wish she didn't walk away so easily and tried harder, and felt she was young and slightly immature about it. I actually don't think they will get back together but who knows. He was honestly the best she's had even from my knowledge and she knows it. All my ex's have come back, but I myself had honestly moved on, although I entertained one which turned out to be an absolute disaster and more heartbreak, but I learnt. One guy... we dated for about a month , then bam, he ghosted me. I was so hurt because I really liked him, but managed to move on. This idiot then spent 2 WHOLE YEARS texting me trying to get me back on his good side again, but he was honestly a waste of space and I never entertained him again because he was super emotionally immature. One of my previous ex's was mad that I didn't chase him enough after he broke up with me ... weirdo. My current ex who broke up with me made some extremely childish and nasty comments when he broke up with me after a year. Went NC and he messaged me 6 weeks after asking how I was and he was checking up on me ... I barely responded because I didn't want to start the up and down of him being in and out the picture. The relationship looking back was extremely lacking in many areas BUT I miss him like hell, so I'm conflicted in seeing him again if it was possible. I broke NC *bad bad* and called him after almost 8 months and we had a phone conversation just to see how he was but we haven't spoke since. 

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35 minutes ago, myuko1 said:

. The relationship looking back was extremely lacking in many areas BUT I miss him like hell

This is a great example of why it's best to delete and block exes and all their people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Moving forward is a good thing to do. Backpedaling is usually out of fear, defeat or loneliness.

At best, backpedaling leads to on/off relationships.

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16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is a great example of why it's best to delete and block exes and all their people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Moving forward is a good thing to do. Backpedaling is usually out of fear, defeat or loneliness.

At best, backpedaling leads to on/off relationships.

I did. Blocked him on all social media etc , just not his phone number. Even though he broke up with me I wouldn't completely eradicate his existence in case something happened to him. I'm moving on, but I'm not that pent up in my feelings or that cold. I'm not very keen on the sudden disposal of ex partners mantra. If someone is that disposable to you because they didn't appease your needs, then it makes me question the sentiment of the relationship because often these things are very tangible. Of course, It's not questionable where there is abuse, cheating, things of that nature involved. The whole 'don't contact' ex thing ... I get it, it works, but there are cases where people do contact their ex's and go on to marriage. It's not super common, but it happens and it really makes me wonder how many relationships were completely lost for a fighting chance, due to the advice of NC. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

hi,

i have some stories of exes coming back - i am not a native english speaker, sorry

first, my current situation and why i am even on this forum:

i have been dumped last september by my first serious bf of 8 years ( the last 4 years were long distance and we saw each other about every other week or like every 2 months, i am 36 and he is 41) we were crazy about each other and he asked me to marry me at one point, but we agreed we´ll wait. i thought we would stay together forever.  he kind of dumped me out of the blue - but on the other hand, we had the worst fights ever (about random silly things, especially the last time we saw each other before the break up) and our sex life lacked, i blame this  on my frustration with being long distance. i often took him for granted and i was behaving so bad sometimes, i was angry and screaming, he said he can´t do it anymore 😞 i am sad he did that so suddenly without giving us another chance, he just left. we sometimes talk on the phone, the last two times he called to see how i am and when i called him a week ago he did not answer the phone or call back. i am heart broken and depressed and honestly i would not care just not waking up in the morning anymore 😞 still i have hope, because we were a very close and playful couple and basically planned out whole future together, we travelled whole europe by car and wanted a baby and a dog etc. i was not putting any effort into this relationshop anymore and when he asked if he should move in with me i said, i need like 2  more years to finish my masters degree. i feel i ***ed it up. although when he extra came from his parents place to break up with me i cried and begged and said please lets try, i could see he was trying to stay hard and stick with his decision. ( he lives about 4 hours away from me with his parents again, his dad is really ill, so he is helping them, he also lost his job because of corona, so he had a rough time for the last year) i am working on myself to become a better person and to not get angry so easily. it´s been 4 months since the break up and it gets worse! the longer he is away the  worse it gets. i am crying a lot. and i really wish he could see that i am more than willing to change my behaviour and needed this wake up call. ( in the beginning of the relationshop he was quite mean, but changed completely because i said otherwise i would break up. and after 8 years i would think i would deserve a chance too)

two stories of my  past of guys that came back:

i was crazy in love with a guy for years in my early twenties, and we would just hook up and i was hoping for more etc. after like 3 years i couldn´t take it anymore, i told him he is a *** for behaving like this, i cried and begged.. he said no no no. i don´t want. (he is now 40 and never had a serious relationship..) i moved away for university and grew ice cold towards him. no contact. never saw him again. he contacted me 4 years later with some questions about a city i have lived in. he was going there for an internship and the weird thing is, i had a holiday booked in this city, so we met up. it was like no time had passed and we hooked up, it was amazing. a couple of months he came back home and we had a nice fling for 6 months until he ghosted me. i cried again for a few months and he left for 1.5 years to asia. he started to write me every month with some funny videos, it was ok, i was over it. one day he was back home again and we met through mutual friends in a pub, and hooked up again. he told me he wanted to be with me, he had difficulties talking about it with me and he just did not understand why it was so complicated between us. i was super happy, but knew he will be away again for months, so we kept it easy. when he was back again, i wanted to become his gf but he was over it and we had a long talk and agreed to stay friends. so he basically came back twice: once after 4 years and once after 1.5 years

second guy:

i met him at a party when i was living abroad we did friends with benefits for like a year, i was madly in love he was not over his ex. he moved to another city and did ignore my message where i told him how i feel until months later he replied he is sorry. about three years later he started to write me on instagram and whatsapp he thinks about me he wants to visit me in my home town etc. i already was with the love of my life so i did not care. altough he now lives in china for work, he is still writing me weekly and sent me a gift box recently!! *** he wants to visit me etc etc... he seems like he is a bit obsessed with me. i wished so much for his love, you have no  idea how love sick i was,  and now i think he is annoying....

so yes, guys come back. and i just really hope my ex bf of 8 years and me have a strong enough foundation to find our way back together.

 

 

 

Edited by mae
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