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Since i'm currently going through my own situation I completely forgot about some of the stories I know:

 

1.) Z and B dated in high school for about 2 years until Z cheated unexpectedly with one of B's best friends (shocker right?). Eventually B couldn't take it and broke up with Z. She moved and went to a different high school for her senior year and didn't talk to Z for ten months. I mean full 10 months NC. They lived their lives and it hurt B to see Z with other girls time to time but nothing got serious. Eventually they reconciled and I have no idea who reached out to who but they've been together for about a year happy as can be. I mean they're literally perfect together.

 

2.) This couple involves both of my best friends. K and L. They've been through a lot together and I mean a lot so I'll give as much details as I can. K met L in our high school her sophomore year. K is a very pretty girl who could essentially get anyone she wanted but she eventually got really into my boy L. K and L dated for a year in state and then L moved to another state where they did long distance. L cheated on K numerous times. I mean numerous times and K just kept on taking him back and one time K just had enough and left. I think L cheated 5 times. L dated other people and K found a new boyfriend but eventually L realized that he really loved K that she was the one for him. He called K to tell her how he felt and she said that she had a new boyfriend and that she couldn't take him back but she did care a lot. L had friends back where we lived so he decided to visit them and he ran into K and ended up hanging out with her. She knew she wanted him back and she ended up breaking up with her new boyfriend and dating L again. This is the first time they reconciled. And this is this is around our freshman year of Uni. So L decided he loves K so much he's going to move down her to go to school. He moves all the way from across the country to come back to her. He's a changed guy, never cheated again, and ultimately ended up spoiling K. Within 2 weeks of L moving down here. K broke up with him. He begged K to reconsider but she said no she didn't want to be with L she felt like they weren't good together and that L was immature and childish. K ended up having feelings for someone else who happened to be an old friend of L. So she jumped into a rebound that lasted 6.5 months. She always chased this other guy whom she said she was crazy about and though she would never get over. She really liked this new guy. But things never took off, he would ghost her, not reply, he seemed to just be in it for the sex. She ended it with her new guy and realized L is the one. L begged for 3 days and went NC for 6.5 months and she would call periodically but he would never ever answer. Like never. She begged me to talk to L and see if he was single. I talked to L and asked him about it and he was so reluctant at first. He thought she wasn't coming back. But all in all she did. They had a talk worked things out and ended up being together for 3 weeks until K ended up screwing another guy behind L's back. L left for another month of NC. She came by his house and stated that she was done playing games and she wanted to be together. L took her back AGAIN. They lasted for a total of 4 months until they called it quits again because of K's busy job schedule and L's focus on life. They're extremely civil now. And I believe they'll get together again after i've asked both of them and they've both said never but nothing ever clicks for those two besides themselves, so naturally I believe they'll find there way. But goes to show, they've reconciled 3 times through pretty much pure love. And its amazing.

 

Thank you for sharing your stories but that last one sounds awful to me. That doesn't sound like a very healthy pure love to me!

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I'm a cynic at the best of times, and I'm no longer pining for my ex and I'm ready for the chance to explore something new.   However I'm always miffed by posters who seemingly rain on the parade of

My ex-fiancée broke up with me 14 years ago (see my first posts on ENA). 14 years later she contacted me, we are back together and getting married this coming October.

That said...I've gotten back together with an ex "successfully" before.   I was in love with this guy, we had been dating for a short amount of time but it was very intense and real. I broke up with

Hi guys, long time reader first time poster in this thread.

 

Now, I will home up my end of the bargain and share with you some stories I know of couples who broke up and returned lovers again. But afterwards I’d also like to offer some advice.

 

- Couple 1: She broke up with him, he was a good guy and seemed like they had a great relationship but she seemed bored and he was perhaps too nice and safe as an option while she was in her mid twenties. She didn’t seem particularly happy though trying to be single (quite a neurotic girl) I think the break gave her the reset and perspective she needed to realise she had a great person. They got back together and are newly married.

 

- My parents, my Mum was THE girl to a lot of men and my dad was your sorta intriguing but hopeless artist. My mum had many suitors and broke up with my Dad to travel and find herself when she was in her mid twenties. My poor Dad was heart broken and said he waited by the mailbox to see if she had written him! They were still in contact but she definitely was calling the shots. My mum dated a very successful man for a while who promised her everything but my mum came back to my broke Dad because she ultimately wanted a humbler, simpler life. They have been married for 30 years. My Dads still smitten.

 

- My friend and his now wife were broken up for about 6 months. She left him because she was attracted to someone else and they had been dating for a serious part of their youth. He dated as well but was ultimately very upset about it all. After a while she realised that he was all that she wanted and needed and came pleading for his forgiveness. He took her back and they’ve got a lovely child together.

 

The point is; it does happen but be careful about the concept called hope. It’s a tough one. Hope for the hearbroken is what we cling to when we have nothing left. The mental gymnastics some of us will do to convince ourselves that there is still a chance they’ll come knocking on that door or we’ll get that text one day is admirable in a way. It’s the optimist in us that can still seek forgiveness and love and still see the potential for good to come of extreme pain. So keep that going guys, keep reading the thread if it gets you through the day but be careful not to get too obsessed with other people’s stories of love lost and won again because the parallels are not parallels they are merely messages of good faith in the power of love for some.

 

My message to the heartbroken as I have been there very recently is that remember your brain right now is like a drug addict, your whole being wants it’s comfort zone back and I assure like any addict going cold turkey you will eventually equalise. There will always be something you crave but eventually you won’t need it to function. Reading this is like using a nicotine patch, it gives you that slight hit to keep you going. But you wouldn’t use a patch forever. So, don’t force it but expect life to feel really ty for quite a long time and there’s no set time period. Don’t try and put a positive spin on trauma just accept it and if you can, laugh about how unfortunate you were because in a lot of ways it’s hilarious the hand you can be dealt. The most powerful tool we have is to let go of expectation when we mourn and the only way we do that is by letting go of the need to control the lives of others. Genuinely, I assure you, life will be good either way and it doesn’t take as long as you think it will. You may always feel pain but you can still feel pain and be happy eventually. So keep reading and keep exploring the advice on here, don’t get addicted to hope for one outcome just read and laugh and don’t force happiness because it’s travelling towards you, you just don’t know where it is.

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Hi guys, long time reader first time poster in this thread.

 

Now, I will home up my end of the bargain and share with you some stories I know of couples who broke up and returned lovers again. But afterwards I’d also like to offer some advice.

 

- Couple 1: She broke up with him, he was a good guy and seemed like they had a great relationship but she seemed bored and he was perhaps too nice and safe as an option while she was in her mid twenties. She didn’t seem particularly happy though trying to be single (quite a neurotic girl) I think the break gave her the reset and perspective she needed to realise she had a great person. They got back together and are newly married.

 

- My parents, my Mum was THE girl to a lot of men and my dad was your sorta intriguing but hopeless artist. My mum had many suitors and broke up with my Dad to travel and find herself when she was in her mid twenties. My poor Dad was heart broken and said he waited by the mailbox to see if she had written him! They were still in contact but she definitely was calling the shots. My mum dated a very successful man for a while who promised her everything but my mum came back to my broke Dad because she ultimately wanted a humbler, simpler life. They have been married for 30 years. My Dads still smitten.

 

- My friend and his now wife were broken up for about 6 months. She left him because she was attracted to someone else and they had been dating for a serious part of their youth. He dated as well but was ultimately very upset about it all. After a while she realised that he was all that she wanted and needed and came pleading for his forgiveness. He took her back and they’ve got a lovely child together.

 

The point is; it does happen but be careful about the concept called hope. It’s a tough one. Hope for the hearbroken is what we cling to when we have nothing left. The mental gymnastics some of us will do to convince ourselves that there is still a chance they’ll come knocking on that door or we’ll get that text one day is admirable in a way. It’s the optimist in us that can still seek forgiveness and love and still see the potential for good to come of extreme pain. So keep that going guys, keep reading the thread if it gets you through the day but be careful not to get too obsessed with other people’s stories of love lost and won again because the parallels are not parallels they are merely messages of good faith in the power of love for some.

 

My message to the heartbroken as I have been there very recently is that remember your brain right now is like a drug addict, your whole being wants it’s comfort zone back and I assure like any addict going cold turkey you will eventually equalise. There will always be something you crave but eventually you won’t need it to function. Reading this is like using a nicotine patch, it gives you that slight hit to keep you going. But you wouldn’t use a patch forever. So, don’t force it but expect life to feel really ty for quite a long time and there’s no set time period. Don’t try and put a positive spin on trauma just accept it and if you can, laugh about how unfortunate you were because in a lot of ways it’s hilarious the hand you can be dealt. The most powerful tool we have is to let go of expectation when we mourn and the only way we do that is by letting go of the need to control the lives of others. Genuinely, I assure you, life will be good either way and it doesn’t take as long as you think it will. You may always feel pain but you can still feel pain and be happy eventually. So keep reading and keep exploring the advice on here, don’t get addicted to hope for one outcome just read and laugh and don’t force happiness because it’s travelling towards you, you just don’t know where it is.

 

That's a long read, understand that hope is not good to hang on to. Look, if it was meant to be it will be in the end, I promise that's the truth, they say love always wins

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The point is; it does happen but be careful about the concept called hope. It’s a tough one. Hope for the hearbroken is what we cling to when we have nothing left. The mental gymnastics some of us will do to convince ourselves that there is still a chance they’ll come knocking on that door or we’ll get that text one day is admirable in a way. It’s the optimist in us that can still seek forgiveness and love and still see the potential for good to come of extreme pain. So keep that going guys, keep reading the thread if it gets you through the day but be careful not to get too obsessed with other people’s stories of love lost and won again because the parallels are not parallels they are merely messages of good faith in the power of love for some.

 

My message to the heartbroken as I have been there very recently is that remember your brain right now is like a drug addict, your whole being wants it’s comfort zone back and I assure like any addict going cold turkey you will eventually equalise. There will always be something you crave but eventually you won’t need it to function. Reading this is like using a nicotine patch, it gives you that slight hit to keep you going. But you wouldn’t use a patch forever. So, don’t force it but expect life to feel really ty for quite a long time and there’s no set time period. Don’t try and put a positive spin on trauma just accept it and if you can, laugh about how unfortunate you were because in a lot of ways it’s hilarious the hand you can be dealt. The most powerful tool we have is to let go of expectation when we mourn and the only way we do that is by letting go of the need to control the lives of others. Genuinely, I assure you, life will be good either way and it doesn’t take as long as you think it will. You may always feel pain but you can still feel pain and be happy eventually. So keep reading and keep exploring the advice on here, don’t get addicted to hope for one outcome just read and laugh and don’t force happiness because it’s travelling towards you, you just don’t know where it is.

 

Completely agree. After a year of a clear heart and mind, I've reached a state of acceptance that my relationship was based on a fantasy that I built up around my ex - none of which was based on evidence of effort, value or respect. While we've both moved on with other people, the pain is gone (I'll still admit to being angry about it) but what I've gained by relinquishing false hope of reconciliation is worth more than anything she could ever give me.

 

I'm sure that many of you who are reading this are in the most painful emotional state of your lives. This is normal. How you choose to move forward will determine the amount of growth and preparation for a relationship that will exceed the one that you've left behind in more ways than you can imagine. Unfortunately, depending on where you are in the healing process, that may seem like a distant ship on the horizon (I know, Pink Floyd - but its true!).

 

I know that I read this thread so many times when I was moving through the "denial stage" of my recovery. Now that I'm operating with a clear mind, its easy to say, "Don't read this stuff!!! False hope is your worst enemy!!" But, man, there were sometimes that this thread (and others) were like that aforementioned emotional nicotine patch........

 

However, all of us will reach a stage one day where we realize, "Hey, you know something? My life ain't so bad..." and then you assess the fact that you've got too much going on professionally, socially and have found new things to involve yourself with that have slowly taken over the space that your ex once had. What's really cool is once you've healed and you're not emotionally attached to the fantasy of reconciliation or "what might have been", you're open to new people in your life and someone who is something totally different in many ways to your ex comes into focus. You'll see that all of things that you held onto by reading this thread, stalking them through social media, finding ways to run into them, etc......were all an exercise in futility because you didn't need your ex to be something great to someone else.

 

I hope all of you who are struggling move forward in some small way. If reading another thread (instead of this one) is that step today, then take it.

 

Things will get better. I promise.

 

Be well.

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  • 1 month later...

So I have a story about being a dumper and regretting breaking up. It’s

not the success story though. So 4 years ago I broke up with my ex I was devastated for 4 months when I met a girl. I thought to myself that I like her and maybe it will help me with forgetting about the last girl. So we started dating, talking a lot and she became my GF. First 6 months of relationship were really great, we were in love even though I never said those words to her. But after those 6 months I started to have a lot of problems with my company, it was going bankrupt and all. So I gained weight like a lot, maybe 25 kg. And the next 2 years of relationship we’re really bad, yet she was always supportive, trying to find a way to make it work. She was an angel. Truly an angel cause mind you I was really a horrible boyfriend. Like I have to admit i feel disgusted by my behavior But I was depressed I could see she’s not happy either. So I broke up with her. She was crying a lot, but not begging. For 6 months she was calling me once a month to ask how was I. It was always a nice chat. Nothing else. I had no feelings left for her or so I thought. Because one day, after 8 months, I just woke up and realized she is a love of my life. The best girl there is. And I would do anything to get back with her. Started slowly. But she’s completely not interested. I’m texting her, she’s mostly ignoring my messages, sometimes she replies. Doesn’t want to meet. Once she said she wants to have a good contact with me, so I asked if it means only as a friend, but she never answered. She’s not telling me to stop texting her or anything. She just doesn’t care. But well, I don’t care. I can’t use NC anyway after 8 months if I want her back so I will be persistent. Everyday now I send her a message that says good morning love and I add one memory of what I miss or have loved from our relationship. No answers but I can see she reads those messages instantly, while other messages like do you want to meet are left unread for several hours. Mind you she didn’t block me and never said to stop texting her, even when I asked (though she didn’t reply either :D)

 

Anyway, I’m the dumper, I came back after 7 months and I’ve been fighting to get her back for 4 months already. I told her I’m going to fight for her until she is after her weeding. And these are not empty words. I will fight for her, because she’s the love of my life.

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Hi everyone. I have been reading these stories over the past few months and just finally finished. I finally got up the courage to post my own story. And now I would like to share some reconciliation stories I know of since reading everyone else's has helped me so much in the last 3 months.

 

1) My friend B and her boyfriend K were together for 3 years. They had a child together and were engaged. Then he decided he wasn't in love with her anymore and left her for someone else. He moved out and shortly after moved in with the new girl. B was distraught and didn't handle it very well at all. They didn't have any contact with each other for a year and a half unless it had to do with their son. K stayed with the new girl for about a year and B finally went on a couple dates in that time but didn't have anything serious with anyone. K ended up leaving his new gf and one day when he was dropping their son off at night, he ended up coming in and they talked about a bunch of stuff and ended up sleeping together. B told me over and over how she didn't have feelings for K anymore and she had finally gotten over him and she wanted strictly a fwb situation. But after a month of that they ended up back together and are still together 1 year later.

 

2. My friend C and her now husband D went out for like a year but D would never commit to her. He would always tell her that they weren't exclusive and he would see other girls too. She finally told him that she wanted some kind of commitment or they were done. So he chose to keep seeing other girls and about a month later D ended up in a serious relationship with someone else. They had the same circle of friends so they remained friends. C started seeing someone as well. Neither of their relationships ended up working out and about 3 years after they stopped seeing eaxh other they got back together. They are now married with a 3 year old boy and a baby girl on the way.

 

3. C's sister MB was with her boyfriend D for around 3 years. D told her from the beginning that he wasn't interested in marriage and MB told him from the beginning that marriage was something she wanted. On top of the marriage issue D was also very controlling of MB. After a while MB told D that she wanted to know that he would at least be open to the idea of marriage one day or she couldn't be with him anymore. He said he wasn't going to change his mind and they broke up. MB started seeing this guy M who has been chasing after her for some time while she was still with D. M was kind of a tool in my opinion and didn't treat her well. Always blew her off to hang out with his friends. Didn't answer her calls or texts. MB stayed with M for around 6 months and then they broke up. She said she knew the whole time that D was the one she wanted to be with. In this time D also realized that MB was the only person he wanted to be with. I don't know who contacted who or how much contact they had while they were broken up but they have now been married for 2 years.

 

4. A girl I used to work with C and her boyfriend M had been together for 2 years when she noticed he started becoming distant and acting funny. She ended up finding out that he had been cheating on her (emotionally) with a younger girl that he had met at his work. They broke up. They had lived together so C moved out. M tried to start a relationship with this new girl but it never really went anywhere. C took it really really really hard. She started going out drinking all the time, lost 30 pounds because she couldn't eat, slept with a couple guys we worked with. M tried talking to her a couple times after things with the new girl didn't work out but C wanted nothing to do with him. They had previously lived together in Washington and had moved out here together. After M tried to reconnect with C and she wanted no part of it, M moved back to Washington and C moved back into the apartment that they used to share here. Apparently he left a couple things there and after a couple months of living back there C contacted him about his things. I don't know how the reconciliation occurred other than her contacting him about his belongings but next thing I knew she had put in her notice at work and was moving back to Washington to be with him. That was about 4 and a half years ago and they are still together in Washington now.

 

As I write each of these stories it makes me think of more. I guess I didn't realize how many couples I know that have broken up for periods of time and gotten back together. Maybe because I see them now as couples and how perfect they are together and forget that they all had times when things weren't so perfect for them either. I will try to add more stories as I think of them.

 

 

just wondering... for story number 2, do you know how they managed to remain friends? because I'm pretty much in the same boat right now. we took a break for two weeks but started talking again because we have the same circle of friends but I don't want to have to go back and forth again because he is still not wanting to commit so I just want to really remain friends

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  • 2 weeks later...

Okay this isn't a getting back together story as such but it could be if I wanted it to be...

 

Now this thread was like a lifeline for me last September when my bf broke up with me. I know people say about false hope but I honestly think it gave me a chance to heal. Made me realise whether he comes back or not. I'll be okay and guess what I am!

 

I went instant no contact after the break up last September. He did it over the phone so I felt I had no closure. Think I sent him an essay to get it all off my chest and told him to never contact me again and I never contacted him.

 

For the record he was a lovely person minus the fact I had to live in secret with him from his family as his mum never approved. We were in our mid-twenties! His family aren't religious so the problem with his mum I'll never know but she was like this with her eldest son too. So all in all it wasn't by no means perfect. But I've always said if it wasn't for his mum it would have been an amazing relationship. He had the same core values as me. We shared so many similarities and we were litterally like best friends as well as lovers.

 

Fast forward 8 months from the breakup. I'm a better person feeling some what healed. Yes he pops up in my mind from time to time but that was normal when I would see things that reminded me of him.

 

One day going to work there he was at the train station. Shocked as he would never get that train. Funny enough I was running super late that day so it was all by chance meeting him. Then guess what... He only happens to need my train too. We stopped on the platform and spoke. It was bizzare. Got on the train and spoke some more. He got off the stop before me and hugged me goodbye.

 

Now you can imagine by head is spinning as I can't believe what has just happened. I would say a solid 6 months after the break up I would have done anything to see him again. The hope he would text me was there again and the tempation to text him also re-emerged. The next week I had hoped to see him at the station again. He was only using the station for 2 weeks so by time his last week set in and I didn't see him I felt a little deflated. I kinda felt like the same girl after the break up who lived on this forum reading away.

 

The day before his last day using the station I see him again. My heart lights up and we sit on the train again. Chatting away like nothing ever happened. As he is getting off his stop he hugs me goodbye and says we should do this again sometime and hopefully see you soon. Now I didn't know why I said it at the time but now know why I did but I said "hopefully not".

 

I headed into work that day and went over and over as to why I said that. I had my chance I had been waiting for and ruined it by not hinting to meet again. As I knew him well enough to know that he would see it as please leave me alone and never contact me again.

 

So his last day using my station... I get there in hope to see him again and maybe repair my "hopefully not" statement. But he is no where to be seen. Now when I had seen him the week before, when I got home I rooted around for his phone number and found it in an old address book. So that morning after not seeing him on the train I texted him something like "was a shame not seeing my train buddy this morning". He texted back instantly!

 

Now this was a Friday. We had texted all weekend as if things were normal. Catching up about old friends. Even had a phone call on one of the nights. It felt like old times. Now the Monday of that weekend was a national holiday - we had arranged to meet up.

 

The Monday came and I got doubts. Like I said texting him the weekend felt like old times. Reason being he hadn't changed in those 8 months. He was the same person. His mum situation hadn't changed it was all the same. The only difference was me. I had changed. I had become this confident outgoing women in his absence. I was going out more with friends and doing well at work. Things was genuinely going well with family and life in general. I was a new improved me in the 8 months away from him.

 

The thought of meeting him and going back to that life before the break up scared me. Yes he was a nice guy but his situation was still the same. Seeing me Monday would have meant he would have had to sneak out and lie to his mum. A grown man at 26! I couldn't deal with that anymore. So I cancelled and dropped contact. We deleted each other's numbers and that was the end of things so it seemed.

 

Fast forward to a couple weeks later. Yes it messed up my mind a little. I was thinking about him more than I had been in the last two months and maybe a slight temptation to text him crept back in but I didn't.

 

One day out of the blue I get a Facebook message from him! Now he never used Facebook when I was with him. It was bizzare. He was checking in on how I was doing. I replied a couple days later, we messaged backwards and forwards. He asked for my number as he deleted it (didn't want the temptation to message). Which explains the odd Facebook message.

 

What struck me was the fact he didn't even add me as a friend as he knew his family would see. So it hit me things hadn't changed!

 

Anyway we texted all that day. It then arrived to the topic of meeting. I decided not to yet again. He respected that and we haven't spoken again since.

 

I know it's not a getting back together story. But I do believe if I wanted to settle for being a secret from his family again we would have got back together. Would I of been happy? No!

 

Deep down despite wanting to hear from him and being confused from seeing him. In my gut I knew as he was leaving the train that day I didn't want to reconnect as I said "hopefully not".

 

I can't tell you if I would have been more inclined to meet him if the situation was different and I wasn't a secret from his mum. Like I said he was a lovely guy just the situation of being a secret wore us both down emotionally. Guess I will never know.

 

Anyway the reason it's so detailed and explains all my thoughts was because this time last year I was you guys. I was clinging on to hope. All my thoughts and energy was focused on him. Focused on getting him back.

 

I was so focused on the no contact rule. Even crafted the text I would have break the ice with. Guess what I never sent that text after the 30 days or 3 month period like your are meant to. I decided to focus on that engery on me.

 

I'm not going to lie it took some time. It took me 8 months I would say. I'm so glad I met him after my transformation as this story would have been so different. Probably would have been back with him out of desperation and been really unhappy now.

 

Right now I'm in a good place emotionally in terms of him and in terms of dating and being ready for a relationship.

 

It goes to show that time away from a relationship can really make you realise why it didn't work out the first time around. I was so focused on making us work I damaged myself by being a secret in that relationship. Once I stepped out of it I knew I would never settle for that life again.

 

So taking time out to reflect on the relationship is actually a good thing. You may find your promblem is fixable. Or like me you may see it as a deal breaker.

 

All I can say is take some time to grieve and heal. Whatever happens, happens. Whether your ex comes back or they don't, you will be okay. I didn't think I would be but here I am writing this message a year after my break-up.

 

Wish you all the best in your journeys :)

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Hi!

I just want to start by saying this thread has helped me tremendously the past 6 months. I came here when my ex and I were broken up 6 months already ( we are broken up a year now with NC ). Anyway, this is a getting back together thread so I thought I'd post my own stories to remind myself and show you that they do come back.

 

- Relationship 1: He was my serious first bf and I was really in love with him. At 6 months he breaks up with me saying he didn't love me and that he was in love with another girl. This crushed me hard. I remember crying my eyes out for days. I didn't know about the NC rule at the time but I applied it immediately after the breakup. 10 days post BU and NC, he texts me that he still loves me and he wants to try again. It made me so happy and I agreed to get back together. Another 2 months pass he breaks up again. I am sad again but get over it faster. A couple of weeks later he comes back again. I give him another chance ( stupid I know but I had low self esteem and I still loved him). We are back together again for a few weeks and ......yes he breaks up again.In total I gave him 5 chances!!! But in the end I got tired of the games and just never contacted him again. I moved on happily with my life ( hadn't seen or spoken to him since ) and 5 years later I see a dream about him and the next day he suddenly appears at a coffee shop I was at. I was shocked but I was so over him I actually hid so that he wouldn't see me and come talk to me. Thankfully I have never heard or seen him again. ( I was dumpee /he was the dumper )

 

- Relationship 2 : He was more of a rebound guy after guy #1. We had a thing for 3 months but I just wasn't feeling it so I broke it off with him. I moved on with my life and I even tried to set him up with a friend. We had limited contact until we just stopped talking to eachother. A few years later ( maybe 4?) I bump into him on the street! We chat and he asks for my new number. I give it to him and less than 24 hours later he texts me asking to get back together. I politely decline. He sends another text a few days later asking again. At this point I had not feeling for him and he started to annoy me so I just never replied. Thankfully again he hasn't reached out again. ( I was the dumper / he was the dumpee )

 

- Relationship 3: I was together with guy #3 for 4 months in total. I enjoyed his company but never really loved him. Towards the end I realized that we were just not compatible. Weeks before breaking up with him, I met someone else and fell in love. I broke up with guy #3 and it was mutual ( or so it seemed). I immediately start a relationship with guy#4. This is where I started using social media, so I remove ex#3 from my social media. About a year later I somehow find out that ex#3 got married and I am genuinely happy for him but never reach out to him. We are NC since BU. I think another year passes and I get a text from ex#3. He got divorced and tells me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I was so in love to new guy I was seeing in my new relationship so I ignore the message. A few months later I get a friend request from ex#3. I accept and he wants to chat but I again ignore. A few months after that he texts me again and I ignore. He probably texted 2-3 more times after that throughout the years but I ignored all of them. At this point I had been with the new guy 4 years. ( I was dumper/ he was dumpee )

 

- Relationship 4: Guy #4 and I had the best relationship but our love just faded. We remained best friends ( and still are).

 

- Relationship 5: Guy #5 had been in the picture for a while but we never acted on our mutual attraction because we both were in relationships at the time. Some time between 3 and 4, we had met and gone on one date but nothing ever happened after that so we left it there. Fast forward a few years later and he and I start talking and decide to give it a go. There was a lot of passion between us and it all seemed perfect. We had dated only for a month and my insecurities got in the way and I became needy/ clingy. This turned him off and he literally disappeared. He ghosted me. That hurt like hell. I unknowingly did NC again but after a month post-breakup I reached out to him. He ignored my message and never replied. That crushed me because I was in love with him. I deleted him from my social media to heal but in my heart I wished he would contact me. This is where I started reading about LOA and the NC rule. I stuck to it and visualised of the day he would come back. For a year I was still thinking about him and longing for his message. Nothing happened. A year and a half ( or 2 years ) went by and I ad forgotten about him living my life happily. One day out of the blue guess what? He contacts me! I was so shocked. Unfortunately for him I was over him already. We did talk but I was cold and just cut him off. 6 months later he texts me again but I ignored ( I was dumpee/ he was dumper ).

 

I have more stories but they were short flings so I'm not gonna mention them. The thing is even in those flings they always reached out again.

 

I am now waiting for guy #6 to come back. We had the most intense 1 year relationship. He thought I was the one and I thought he was the one. It started falling apart 6 months into our relationship and due to explosive continuous fighting, I ended it. He contacted me to get back a month later and we got back together. A month after we were together the fighting got worse became really bad and we broke up again. In retrospect, we rushed into the second try without resolving our issues. It was so hard on both of us. We both even moved countries to leave the hurt behind and start over. We have been NC ( and also don't follow each other on social media) since and its been a year now. I still think about him every day and have faith that we will reunite again soon. I know I will come back with "get back together" story about him and I promise to keep you posted when it happens. ( I was the dumper/ he the dumpee )

 

Writing this post made me realize that all my exes have come back and it gives me hope that I will be back with guy#6. However I won't sit waiting. In all the stories above they all came back when I moved on with my life. So I guess it's a fact that once you move forward, get better and most importantly live your life, it's like they can sense it and they come back. In some cases I was the dumper and in others the dumpee. So in the end it doesn't matter who dumped who. Reconnection happened.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My bf broke up with me out of the blue 2 months ago after 6 years together, 5 of them living together.

We never fought. We always laugh together.

He gas been unemployed since January and became 30 years old 1 week after he left me.

Im his first serious gf and the first to Meet his family and friends. We use to talk about buying a house together and names for our furture kids together.

 

The day he broke up with me, he told me he did"t love me and never had. That he dosn't see a furture with me.

 

When I ask him now, he says he made the right decision and that he does not regret and we never will get back together.

It hurts to hold on to a hope that never happens, and it hurts me to love him so much when he does not love me back. I do not know how to let go and get on. He is the love of my life

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Beginning of August 2018, I decided to text him a simple text just cause August was when we first met and I was feeling a bit emotional. I honestly, did not expect a response and went on with my day as usual ( I have/had come to a point where I was not attached to response from him. Whether he responded or not, I did not care). He CALLED me. We spoke for almost 3 hours straight about everything we were up to and he mentioned that he had missed me but did not know how to reach out to me after everything he had said to me. He eventually came over and we really talked and ended up sleeping together and him staying over. It's been two weeks but things are still going great. I'm trying not to rush things since I do not want to make him feel like I am pressuring him even though I love him and want us to be how we were, I've noticed that I have changed a lot over the years and I have to be patient with "US". Today, as I was I was getting ready for work, I watched him sleep in MY bed and I honestly couldn't believe it - I thought about how hopeless everything had seemed over the years and months and here we are cuddling in bed, going on dates, talking on the phone and making plans. It's honestly unbelievable.

 

I registered just so i can reply to your post. It brings me a tear in my eye every time i read this portion of your post, especially the part i bold-ed.

 

I loved that part and i am very happy for you two. I am in the same situation but i`m the guy in my story( me 33y her 31y). It was a short but very intense story. After 2-3 months when she decided that she is not well emotionally and she wanted to be alone (even though i tried to tell her that i can be there for her and help her go trough all her problems) . I left without begging or anything because i know anything i do or say will only push her further away and my actions during the period we ware together spoke louder than any words i could say now. Every date we had was a surprise for her, i would take her to a place i knew she loved, or i would bring her preferred chocolate, picnic at home, i would left her notes in the house to tell that even though i`m not there i`m thinking of her. Don't get me wrong, i gave her the space she needed also, i wasn't trying to suffocate her with my attention. When we split up she told me that i'm the best man she ever know. We never told each other the words "I love you" but she slipped a few times when i surprised her and said quietly "this is why i love you" and i told her that i`m falling fer her. I haven`t spoken to her in two weeks(NC) and if she never decides to write to me or call me i won't initiate contact. I know she has to fix her emotional problems and after all the fog is gone she will see if she truly loved me or not. I think the hardest part for me to let go is that i'm afraid that if i let go that can happen to her as well. I did some social stalking but now i un-fallowed her on IG and made a new facebook account because i didn`t want to unfriend her there but still wasn't able to go trough the day without looking if she is online, when she was last online, did she post anything new and i'm afraid any post i will make will be influenced by my state of mind and indirectly will speak to her. I had a few long relationships but i was kinda immature then, it took me about 4 years to be alone and don't get involved in any relationship to get to know myself, to know what i want in my love life and get ready to open my heart to someone new and when i was ready there she was.

ATM i can`t sleep well, hurts every second when i'm at home, i hate weekends because i have nothing to distract myself from thinking of her, my chest hurts, there is a battle happening in my stomach.

I want her back, but i want her to reach the place you reached, for her to be sure that i am the best for her until then i'll try to pick up the pieces that she left behind and build a better self.

On a positive note i am sure that anyone can get back with his/her ex( except maybe the toxic/abusive relationships) but it takes some kind of maturity on both sides for the relation to succeed.

- Never take someone back until you are sure that he/she won't do that again, because if you do, you will always be afraid of that and you won't be able to be the best self around him/her.

- Never beg, call, text a person that broke up with you, remember that him/her found in her heart that you are not good to them. If you do any of those things it will never change her/him mind. Let them figure for themselves and if they do( most of them do ) than you know that is their decision that brought them back. Let them the time to miss you. Let the actions and the person that you ware when you ware together to speak for you. The only time i recommend to initiate contact is when if he/she broke up with you for something you did, and that only after you pick up yourself and can have a mature conversation about what you did and how you change.

- And last but not least, always and i mean ALWAYS try to fix yourself or the relation while you are still in it. Always take a step back and think what you want in life, is he/she someone to you could live with for many years, and i tell you, in most cases the answer is yes, because you picked him/her already, and the motives that are against that in most cases are some things that can be fixed trough communication., it all depends if you are willing to make some changes of if he/she is willing. The timing is the biggest fact. I see people coming to this forums only when they have a big problem, most of the people come here to see how they can get their ex back, few come to see how can they fix a problem in their relation, by the time they get involved the damaged is always done.

 

I wish you all the best and to have your happy ending and don't let an bad experience go by, learn from it, be better.

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I' sure many may not agree with me, i know that i'm a positive person, incurable romantic and always try to see the best in people. I'm not going with the tough that she will come back, she might meet someone today and fall in love like never before, but i know that she ever comes back i have to work on myself, to get out of this state and again be the man i was when i meet her, maybe even a better version of myself.

If she came back today to me i would say no for two reasons, i'm not yet healed and i know that the time has passed is not enough for her to be really be sure that she made a wrong decision and in a few weeks time we will be in the same position.

Every time i was the dumpee, at one point in my life they came back, one way or another, but most of them ware to late, and when i was the dumper i always went back even if only to see that i made the right decision.

Stay positive, hope has a small place in our/your recovery but the most important thing is to try to move on as hard as it is.

 

To share one story at least :) :

My first relation was about 14-15 years ago(we ware around 18-19yo old). We ware together for about 2 years. In that time we had many many ups and downs, we ware young and she had the the grass is greener syndrome. i think we broke up 2-3 times until i finally said it`s over. Even though i was the dumper i only said what she wasn't able to say, so i could easily say that she dumped me. Hurt like hell but time passed and i managed to move on. After 1-2 years (NC) she tried to come back but was to late. She tried to reach me for over 7-8 after, called me every time she remembered something from our relation, every time she could find an excuse but i wasn't in there anymore for her.

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Being smart woman as you seem to be, you must always think what is best for yourself in life. After his words of never loving you, try to think what could made him to say it. Another woman? Possibly. You can try to get him back - there are many courses on line. Or you can try to get another guy. He is not the only one in the world. And don't forget tyhe world doesn't end with him. Good luck.

 

I dont Think he is ever coming back, he is that kind og guy who never Goes back.

Thanks for your reply it means alot

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Being smart woman as you seem to be, you must always think what is best for yourself in life. After his words of never loving you, try to think what could made him to say it. Another woman? Possibly. You can try to get him back - there are many courses on line. Or you can try to get another guy. He is not the only one in the world. And don't forget tyhe world doesn't end with him. Good luck.

 

I just can't see me with anyone other than him. I really felt deep in my heart that he was the One

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  • 1 month later...

Hi all, it has been roughly 4 months since my ex of 4 years left me and started seeing someone else a week after our break up (and only a week of knowing the new girl too before we broke up). It has been a long journey and I can feel my healing process slowly coming to fruition. I’ve received so much support and emotional strength reading through all these stories. I do have some I can share.

 

Story 1:

- A coworker of mine (M) and her now husband (S) split up for almost a year back then when they were dating. They both were fighting a lot and going through issues. Eventually they mutually split up out of anger (she couldn’t even remember who broke up with who). S eventually moved away. They both went NC for the whole year and moved on with their lives, never expecting to be together again. Then a year later they happened to reconnect through social media and still knew they cared for each other. M didn’t date anyone in between. Not sure about S. But they decided to give it a go again and took it very slow from then on and grew up from the communication issues. 20 years later they are married and have kids!

 

Story 2:

- not a successful one but exes do come back. A really good friend of mine who is helping me cope with my toxic break up told me her story. She was the dumper (but felt like the dumpee because her ex was abusive and flirting around with other women in front of her). She left him and took a long time to heal. This was well over a year ago and she is still healing from the abusive scars (but she does not love him anymore). He eventually wanted to move to another country and live a different life (grass is greener) and couldn’t care less about my friend who was heartbroken. She gave the relationship her all and got nothing in return. A few months after the break up and hard NC from my friend, the ex-bf comes back to test the waters. She ignored him. Then weeks go by and he starts being desperate and telling her he has grown up and leaned his mistakes. That he is full of regret. She absolutely hates him to this day with the way he treated her. And at the same time to this day, he still wants her back.

 

Story 3

- my first ex and I were LDR for three years. It was a toxic relationship and full of drama and trust issues. Eventually my ex left me for someone else that was a coworker. I was devastated and being young and dumb, begged for a couple of weeks and cried my heart off. I went through the darkest time of my life. Eventually I moved on and I am now being sad over my most recent ex. Ironically the moment I started dating my recent ex back then (4 years ago), was the day my first ex reached out with texts almost every week! I wasn’t sure if my first ex wanted me back or was looking for an ego boost, but I NEVER expected to hear from them again back then when they left me. I ignored all texts for a while. Last I heard she has moved on and is married with a kid coming along. I’m really happy for her and wish her the best. I’m indifferent to her though in terms of our random once in a year catch ups.

 

We never know what life may bring us. It takes two very mature people who have gone through the motions of many painful events in order to take the time to reflect on what true love is. And that true love is also a full time job despite what movies and Disney-logic wants us to believe, which is that it’s easy and happily ever after. I’ve come to realize that my situation is nothing special. It’s the typical ‘I love you but not in love with you’ reason. At the time of the break up, I thought that I was the only one going through this because what I had with my ex was so ‘special’. But in reality she left for greener pastures (or at least her idealized version of the new partner). And that type of break up is so common and I ignored the red flags for years. She hasn’t been single for over 12 years and had three LTR back to back, monkey branching. At the time I thought it wouldn’t happen to me cause she was so in love with me and ‘got me’ so much (silly me). She did admit to me that I was her ‘ideal’ but she was bored (immature view of excitement), didn’t want sex (lost attraction from lack of effort on both our ends), didn’t feel a spark (which she deemed very important after four long years), and crushed on others (who logically are NOT good partners for her).

 

It seems her logical side has gone out the window. Her new partner cheated on their ex for her. Her logic is, ‘If they cheat for me, they won’t cheat on me.’

 

We sometimes really question our choices in life. I think when you are dumped, the initial shock and trauma is a lot to handle. But as you start reflecting all your ex’s words in hindsight, you start seeing the BS that comes along with it.

 

Keep in mind that your ex is now NOT YOUR PROBLEM. I can think of many flaws now that my rose tinted glasses are off. Sure I miss her still and think about her still, but it’s not as intense anymore. And I also think about her flaws and tell myself that I no onger has to deal with them. She was quite abusive as well. My friends saw it, her own family saw it. Except I didn’t see it. Until now. I can safely say that even if she comes back now (after her honeymoon phase dies with her new partner) and all the masks comes off, I will NOT take her back. We all know our exes very well. We can tell their maturity level and they may be predictable. It is VERY HARD for people to change. They must go through TOUGH life experience (like we are right now) and look inside themselves. I know she will NOT be doing the self improvement that I am doing as when she is so focused on someone else, there is no room to focus on herself.

 

Rest assured that in the long run, if you were left for someone else/single life (assuming you were a good partner and did nothing wrong), you will come out on top. Because they will be stuck in the same chapter and recycle through it over and over again while we, the heartbroken, are forced to pick up a new book (and good thing we do).

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  • 3 weeks later...

I don't know the exact time frames but I have a story.

 

It's actually about my parents. My mom and dad first started seeing eachother when they were around 16 years old. Since then they broke up about 3 separate times. It was due to my dad being young and selfish and not wanting to commit fully to my mother. She dumped him because he was full of hot air.

 

But they got back together each time. They were both very stubborn and never quit. My dad found an excuse to go see my mom at her house and would not leave before she came out to talk to him. Since then, they were together for good. They were about 20 at the time.

 

It shows that if 2 people care it will happen. My mom told me that a real man admits his mistakes and fixes them for the woman he loves. If they don't go the distance they don't care enough and we should forget them. Never wait around, never beg. Dad said pretty much the same. So it rings true.

 

They are 60 now. So you can see it worked out for them :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

If things continue as they are, i will have a full Getting Back Together story to share about getting back with my ex after 3 years apart (around 1.5 - 2 years of no contact minus a few google searches hehe)

 

We were together 1.5 years. We broke up due to tensions due to life events. He broke up with me. I tried to get him to re-consider the first month or so, but then i said i except. I decided to go travelling. I really worked on myself. i mean REALLY!! This last year i threw myself completely into loving and enjoying my life. It was for me. I never expected to hear from him again.

 

We both dated others.

 

I am mid 30s, he is early 30s.

We've both grown A LOT

 

He reached out to me, and we are taking it slowly.

I can't deny, reconnecting has been MAGICAL. Electrifying and exciting - This is clearly due to the existing attraction and connection. Despite the amazing feelings i am experiencing, i was moved on enough for the reconnection to be a new chapter. I don't feel desperate or eager (like i think i would have felt two years ago). No pressure.

 

It's going great (AMAZING REALLY), but i want to wait until it has matured more before sharing more details (thats if anyone is interested haha).

 

Just know, it can happen! It happened to me!!

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If things continue as they are, i will have a full Getting Back Together story to share about getting back with my ex after 3 years apart (around 1.5 - 2 years of no contact minus a few google searches hehe)

 

We were together 1.5 years. We broke up due to tensions due to life events. He broke up with me. I tried to get him to re-consider the first month or so, but then i said i except. I decided to go travelling. I really worked on myself. i mean REALLY!! This last year i threw myself completely into loving and enjoying my life. It was for me. I never expected to hear from him again.

 

We both dated others.

 

I am mid 30s, he is early 30s.

We've both grown A LOT

 

He reached out to me, and we are taking it slowly.

I can't deny, reconnecting has been MAGICAL. Electrifying and exciting - This is clearly due to the existing attraction and connection. Despite the amazing feelings i am experiencing, i was moved on enough for the reconnection to be a new chapter. I don't feel desperate or eager (like i think i would have felt two years ago). No pressure.

 

It's going great (AMAZING REALLY), but i want to wait until it has matured more before sharing more details (thats if anyone is interested haha).

 

Just know, it can happen! It happened to me!!

 

 

Good for you!! I hope that I'll have the same opportunity.

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I've only gone back with two men in my lifetime. BIG MISTAKES! I will never go back again. If you are looking for fairy tales, read a book. People break up because the relationship is not working on some level. That never changes. You can get back together, but it is still not a healthy relationship most of the tme.
I believe if it is fresh and you guys break up to work on yourselves and then come back that it can work out but if you were together for years and broke up then got together again I can see why it wouldn't work out.
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