Getting back together really does happen!

[beingawesome]

I posted on this board both when I got dumped and when we got back together, but I figured I might as well put it in this thread too, since I read the whole thing during my own heartbreak! My boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years, then broke up due to increased fighting and our own personal issues. Looking back, we both had insecurities and issues that we were not addressing because we were just getting too consumed by the relationship. (Personal growth is important!) We had no contact for 4 months, and then I reached out to him because I received some of his mail. After some emails, mixed messages, and phone tag, we finally got back together. Tackling your old problems after getting back together is definitely not easy, but the time we spent apart was really beneficial. After having lots of time to think about how he acted in the relationship and to miss me, my boyfriend is now making proper communication a priority. And he says I laugh and smile a lot more now, which he finds immensely attractive. Also, I should note that he had started seeing someone for a week or two, but he ended that immediately. We're now two months in, and two weeks away from our tropical vacation!

[Lucha]

Awesome story. Made me smile a little

[sharky988]

Again -- ?? She broke up with you and you eventually got her to take you back as a FWB -- then she dumps you a second time for this other guy -- and you wrote all these seething posts about her.... and now you're thinking of trying to get back together AGAIN?

 

Last time you played the "we don't need a label" card as well.... have you learned nothing?

[maysan]

I have the best story ever! Happened to me. My ex and I broke up twice.

 

First time, he initiated the BU because I was super clingy and he was immature. He was cheated on by his ex and was hesitant on putting in a 100% for me. We broke up for 3 days but we reconciled after and he changed completely! He was the sweetest thing ever and was the best anyone could ever ask for. Constantly going the distance for me and surprising me.

 

But gosh it was the second time that stole my heart. I was always very doubtful if he truly loved me because my over protective parents always said he doesn't seem to, just because he is usually very shy and quiet in front of them and they don't see what goes behind the scenes, like him taking hour train rides to my house when I'm sad to comfort me (I have to sneak him in my bedroom when he does that). Also, on top of my insecurity issues, my clingy and demanding behavior never went away, but it worked because he was very clingy too, you could say we were extremely co-dependent, living for each other in our own little bubble. We even held hands to sleep. We were both schooling then.

He was about to go for exchange in Feb 2013, and on the day he was leaving, I was really moody because he was about to leave and i was sad because he was busy packing instead of giving me attention (immature, I know!). He was really sad to leave me too. We had a huge argument and I threatened to breakup. He went mental and said alright and I revealed a big lie I kept from him for a year and a half just to hurt him (I know I'm the most awful person ever!!). The poor boy left for exchange with his heart in pieces. When he reached Amsterdam, he was still angry with me and I begged and he heartlessly rejected me so I threw away everything he ever gave me. After 2 days of NC and a few days of LC, we sort of reconciled. On Valentines day, I was just carrying out my day, going for night yoga. When I came home, there he was in my living room! With a bouquet of flowers!! He endured a 19 hour transit and a 12 hour flight back, and spent a TON of money to do it even though he was not rich! I cried and said I didn't deserve it but he just smiled and he gave me a card and a book in which he wrote how he felt and the pain he went through. He also printed out photos of us and framed them! (During this breakup, I came on this forum and everyone told me he's never coming back and I should move on and he'll find another girl)

 

Everything was perfect after that, even after he came back, I was on internship and he was on internship too and we had our own goals and aspirations but we were a team, a unit. However..

 

We broke up recently just a day before New Years Day 2014. I still never got over my problem of being too clingy and demanding of his time. I gave up my life goals and interests for him, hoping that he would do the same. Which he did too. He started officially working in August last year while I'm still in school. Towards the end of our relationship, I remained clingy. I had no goals, no passion, no motivations, nothing to busy myself with. So I turned to him. I guess when he started working, his perspective in life changed and he grew up. His world wasn't and cannot be simply me and him anymore. I obviously refused to accept it when he tried to tell me. We bickered, we fought and he tried his hardest to be the man I wanted him to be and make me happy. But eventually, he became tired from meeting me almost everyday after work. He couldn't focus on his work and he had no energy left. So he ended things saying that he needs to focus on his career for now and have his space to grow.

 

I was devastated and blamed him. My parents did too. But if there's anything that I've learnt from this, it's never to take anyone's advice. YOU know your relationship best. YOU know what YOU did, and you know best how much he loved you.

 

As for me, I've accepted what happened. I need to grow and mature. I never got the opportunity to because before we could ever be apart, he always came back, before I could ever change. Now I just want to focus on growing up and securing my goals and fulfilling my aspirations. At first we tried LC but it was awful, I'd be always crying to him and he'd hate to see me cry so he'd be very very strict with me, telling me to pick myself up. However, 2 days ago, I decided that if I love him I'd let him go because I truly believe he will be happier without me lingering around. I want to do something selfless for him for once, like he did for me. I will always love him and who knows what the future might bring for us? But for now, I think it's best for me to move on and better myself. I decided to see a counselor because I truly want to change for the better - to stop being uptight, calculative, clingy and selfish, and I don't think I can do it alone and in a short time. I've also stopped harboring any hopes of getting back with him because I really really want to be totally ready and healthy before I find someone new (or old).

 

So there's my story! I actually have a lot more romantic stories of me and him! So many more! We were really sweet together. It's a sad ending I guess, but full of hope too because both of us are growing. Just wanted to share a beautiful story with you guys Hope it gave some people hope and remember to always be the best for your partner. If time apart is what it takes to make yourself better, then that is the best road to take, even if it's painful.

[Boomshine]

So there's my story! I actually have a lot more romantic stories of me and him! So many more! We were really sweet together. It's a sad ending I guess, but full of hope too because both of us are growing. Just wanted to share a beautiful story with you guys Hope it gave some people hope and remember to always be the best for your partner. If time apart is what it takes to make yourself better, then that is the best road to take, even if it's painful.

 

It's only sad if you frame it that way, hon. But look at it this way: Even in his departure, he's doing what every person who comes in our lives is supposed to do - Help us learn about ourselves and grow. To become better!

 

Will you two be apart forever? Only time will tell, and you two (and you two ALONE) are telling that story. BUT, you've picked up some valuable lessons! Like, you've started to learn the Golden Rule of Love: ALWAYS love in a manner in which the other person feels free. So long as your actions always uphold that standard, you know whether you're doing the right thing or not.

 

I think you're absolutely doing the right thing here! Give everything some time, let him have some space, and see what happens in the coming months. Karma has a way of paying you back just how you deserve, so if you take this time to focus on yourself and your needs (which it definitely sounds like you are - I say congrats and huzzah to counseling!), the universe will pay you back tenfold in a way it deems fit.

 

YOU, ultimately, are in charge of your destiny, who you're becoming, and where you're going. Do this work on yourself, and get yourself ready for the next big love of your life, whether new or old (to steal your phrase)! You never know when they'll be knocking at your door, so you best be ready for it!

[beesknees910]

Any new stories? Today has been a little rough for me.

 

Even though I tried telling him that this time apart was good and helpful, my ex was still initiating contact every 2-3 days. Now i havent heard from him in four days and cant help but think negatively about it...

 

Would love some new hopeful stories.

[PearlHarbor]

Well, here's a story but it's not a positive one for me. I met this wonderful guy and in a short time we fell in love. Happy wonderful, comfortable love. He's divorced, has a great relationship with his ex-wife (for the kids sake). Our first date he didn't do it for me - he actually went on about his ex-girlfriends and relationships. I didn't' fall for him until about the 4th date. And boy, did I fall. He shared that he'd only be in love three times - (he's 47) so when he finally told me he loved me, I knew it was real. We had a great new years trip to Hawaii. I trusted and loved this man. So much so, it didn't bother me that he was going to see an ex (who broke up a year prior after 10 months dating) who had reached out to him.

 

When I saw him next, he tells me she's told him she wants to get back together with him. He's conflicted and after a week decides to go back with her despite his love for me. He said he needed to explore these residual feelings and if he had them while he was with me, it would be untenable for us. So, there you have the 'get back together story' as the "other woman" who lost out.

 

I do hope to come back here with a story that he realized he made a big mistake and he comes back to me, but I'm trying to close that window as fast as I can. Boy, does it hurt!

[mbee]

I have two additional stories.

 

I found out before Christmas from my sister in law that her and my brother had broken up several times. She didn't give me the gory details but basically told me that my brother had cheated on her while they were dating, during their first year together. She immediately broke up with him, and he spent months trying to get her back. Over 8 years they broke up another couple of times due to their own personal issues. The cheating thing never occurred again and they are very happily married and have 2 daughters.

 

I also found out through Facebook that a friend of a friend who has a very popular and adorable blog about marriages and family, admitted that she broke up with her husband who she's been with for about 10 years (married for a few years and have a daughter) several times during the course of their relationship.

[doicare]

my best client broke up with his gf a couple years back. I was a little surprised. I think they were apart for at least 6 months, Im guessing closer to a year. They are back together as of the fall. Not sure the status right now, but i think it's on it's way to marriage.

[Monkey ai]

my two colleagues both are married, one was broke up 4 mos due to misunderstanding( she thought he kissed other girl), now they are married for 6 years have 2 kids. other broke up 6 years, and bump to each other, and married and have one child.

[cookies_2411]

Reading these stories give me some hope that sometimes life can give surprises, Ive been broken up with my ex for about 4 months already. I know he loves me but hes a stubborn man, people tell me he misses me as well but he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship or be in lockdown he wants to be "free". We brokeup because he said we didn't share nothing in common and I lived in a fairytale. He was a great guy to me and we both made mistakes I realized my mistakes but Idk if he sees or learn from his, he hurt me soo much that if a reconciliation ever happened he would have to work towards my trust.. When we were together people also gave him negative advice instead of deciding for himself he would compare other couples to us. We were together for 1year and 8 months and till this day its hard to forget about him, he wasn't my first love but we had a very strong connection. I miss him soo much but idk if he misses me as much as I do. I tried to contact him twice each in a period of two months but he always responds "whose this".Time maybe does give people time to grow. I was his first serious relationship and so was he. I never gave up on him but he did, I read stories here about people getting back together and it makes me happy that their relationship is much more better. My ex was always adviced that people who get back together don't last, but I don't believe that I believe if both learned and grew from the parts that tore them apart the relationships is better and even stronger. It makes me daydream and hope that maybe one day that will happen to me, time passes by and i have my negative times that it won't happen to me because of the way he is and how stubborn and prideful he is. I hope he contacts me one day and realizes that a relationship is worth fighting for the one you love. Because no matter how much time has passed if it was true love it will always win

[shaduo]

I know a few

One of my brothers dated this girl fit about a year or two, they broke up think he did the breaking. One year later he went to a bar and she was there and magic happened. Old emotions came out and then it's history. They are even happier then ever now.

Next story my friend her mother left her day when they were dating in their early 20's. I can't recall how long but she wanted to explore and see what was it there. She then realized this guy was the one and she got him back. Married for 25+ years now. They were broken up forIbelieve 2 years.

Another one was my friend he broke up with his gf because of something she confessed to doing. A really nasty breakup, I thought they would never get back. 4 months later they are back together. I got more but I'm pretty busy right now ill post some more later

[Geekinthepinkx]

wow thank you whoeever posted this thread! I still have faith that my boyfriend for 4 years will come back, we broke up 3 months ago, and right after that he is with a new girl (bad influence, not what he likes) thank you for keeping my hopes up that everything will be ok.

[mathgirl86]

Hey everyone,

I just stumbled upon this site. Like most of you, I also hope that someday I'll get back together with my ex. Now this thread is not for sharing my story, but I've been reading these posts to feel a bit better and I just remembered that I know a getting back together story that ended happily, so I thought I would share

 

I had a friend in high school who started dating her boyfriend at the age of 17. Neither of them had a real relationship before that, if I recall correctly. They dated for a few years, they were happy, but one day the guy decided that he hadn't lived enough, he wanted to see what's out there. Also I think he didn't find my friend attractive enough anymore and started to chase "pretty girls". My friend was devastated, but they had been each other's best friend for years so they decided to keep that friendship going. The guy soon started to date another girl, my friend felt terrible but still she was by his side, trying to stay friends, they were talking and hanging out a lot just like before. That new relationship lasted a month maybe. After that, the guy still went after other girls, had one-night stands, etc. My friend tried to get close with other boys but she was still in love with her ex. This went on for a while, I don't remember how much time exactly, but more than 6 months, probably even a year. After that they got back together. Now I don't know how this happened exactly, but I know that they managed to stay really close even when he dated other girls, and he always looked at my friend as his soul-mate, they just had a really special connection. I think this was what led him back to her in the end.

This whole story took place about 8 years ago. I don't keep in touch anymore with my friend, but as far as I know they never broke up again, and recently I saw on facebook that they are now engaged.

 

This story used to give me hope but honestly my situation is completely different, so... Anyway, I'm not giving up hope entirely, but I'm still trying to move on, and hopefully everything will work out in the end.

[NoIdea2013]

wow thank you whoeever posted this thread! I still have faith that my boyfriend for 4 years will come back, we broke up 3 months ago, and right after that he is with a new girl (bad influence, not what he likes) thank you for keeping my hopes up that everything will be ok.

 

That's not the best mindset. If you guys end up back together down the road then great but right now everything being ok should not involve him coming back but you being happy with yourself.

 

A little hope is ok,but it cannot dominate your thoughts.

 

I'd suggest you post a thread in the "healing after break up" section. Get some advise and start the process if healing and letting go

 

Hugs to you, people are here for you!

[Geekinthepinkx]

That's not the best mindset. If you guys end up back together down the road then great but right now everything being ok should not involve him coming back but you being happy with yourself.

 

A little hope is ok,but it cannot dominate your thoughts.

 

I'd suggest you post a thread in the "healing after break up" section. Get some advise and start the process if healing and letting go

 

Hugs to you, people are here for you!

 

 

Thank you for the replyNoidea2013 weve been together for 4 years, And Im on 2months NC already, my exbf is still with his new gf for 3months, i havent contact my ex because of his gf snooping around. His mom isnt responding to my messages. I just heard of today that he is awfully thin now that you can see his cheekbones protruding, in short he became the worst version of himself while he is with the new gf. He is not like this, he used to be smart sexy, great bod.. Is depression starts kicking in him?

[bison67]

My roomate last year and current NHL hockey player dumped his gf last july before he left for camp, his ex gf (good friend of my ex gf and current heartbreak...) got back together in november as she talked to him and they both realized they were happier with each other after being with other people. They have been better then ever the past few months and he is very happy, funny thing is that the dumpee initiated the reconciliation and got him back. She talks to me and my ex alot now and thinks there is hope me and her to get back together just i gotta give her space and time. Well see how it goes!

[sharky988]

My roomate last year and current NHL hockey player dumped his gf last july before he left for camp, his ex gf (good friend of my ex gf and current heartbreak...) got back together in november as she talked to him and they both realized they were happier with each other after being with other people. They have been better then ever the past few months and he is very happy, funny thing is that the dumpee initiated the reconciliation and got him back. She talks to me and my ex alot now and thinks there is hope me and her to get back together just i gotta give her space and time. Well see how it goes!

 

Given your situation as described in your threads, I tend to doubt it. Please don't let your former roommate's reconciliation give YOU hope for a similar outcome with someone who's treated you so horribly -- or use it as an excuse to initiate contact as the dumpee!

[bison67]

Not gonna intiate contact, but i think itll happen at somepoint, weather i have moved on or not by then is the only question.

[sharky988]

Not gonna intiate contact, but i think itll happen at somepoint, weather i have moved on or not by then is the only question.

 

Given how she's already used you as an emotional safety net while sleeping with another guy, I'm sure she WILL contact you.... as soon as she's bored or lonely or looking for someone to stroke her ego. And unless you protect yourself by BLOCKING her access to her before this happens, you'll likely be reeled right back in to the same horrible situation you were just in with her!

[bison67]

I guess well see what time tells, she kinda told me not to contact her for awhile, so well see what happenes, but i made it very clear not to comeback unless its 100% and im not gonna let her in that easy, shes gotta earn it in ways. Hard women to resist though, those damn attractive features....

[Vibing High]

New user here. I have spent the last 2 weeks reading every post. I am so happy for those that have reconciled. As for the rest of us, time will tell.. Just remember, positive thoughts will magnetize your desires (physics of the universe). Like attracts like!

 

Perhaps one day I will have a LDR reconciliation story of my own to share with you lovely & brave people. 5 months NC going strong. I'll save that story for another thread....

 

In other news, my first love went back to his ex (the girl he was with before me) after we were together for 4 years. They are now married and have a daughter. That was 9 years ago and he still messages me to this day with small talk. Back then I was shattered, but now I am happy for him. It wasn't meant to be and I'm OK with that.

[undergirl]

my friend's boyfriend broke up with her after dating for a little over 3 years, said he wants to be single (old friends moved back in town, everyone was single and he found that exciting). two months later he realized the grass is not greener, went to talk to the girl's mom for permission to date her again with the intention to marry her. they got back together and are now married.

 

although...if i were the girl i am not sure if i would take him back, i'd feel like the fallback girl...

[Rabbit 5]

Thanks for help

[Indifference]

My best buddy broke up with his girlfriend for about 6 months after 2-3 years, they're gertting married in September