Getting back together really does happen!

[Taji]

Am happy for you both. I hope one day I will post a similar story. We split up with my boyfriend after 3.5 yrs. We have been apart for 8 months now. I did NC for only a month but couldn't ignore him anymore so I decided to stay in contact. He checks up on me each day and we chat hours on end.We meet for dates every so often and have a great time. However, we are both seeing other people. I still love him and hope that one day we will be together again.

[Lightning87]

I wish I could post a nice reconciliation story here...but I don't think that will happen again

 

Glad for all those that have though xx

[Rexcat84]

Ok I have two:

 

One is my own, and its not exactly finalized. But the story is my boyfriend and I had been together for almost four years. We broke up because he decided to move for a job (I felt like he should stick around one more year so I could finish up my studies and move with him , he felt like we shouldn't break up and do long distance again)... there's a lot more to the story, you can read my thread. I think the breakup really hurt both of us, and we didn't speak for about 5 months. We are long distance now and have spent the past 4 months on working to get back together, very slowly. We've seen each other twice and he's coming to visit me in a month. I'm am so thankful for the break up actually... it was really tough, but it taught me so much about myself, him and relationships. However, since we started talking again it hasn't exactly been smooth sailing either... as we are both trying to trust one another. Who knows what is going to happen...

 

The second is actually his brother and his girlfriend. THey were together for a number of years and broke up... I'm not exactly sure why. But she moved away for over a year to teach. I know they kept in touch during this time and saw each other a few times (at Christmas etc). He went out to visit her and then she moved back once her contract was up. THey are now back together for a couple years and newly engaged.

 

What I've learnt is that love isn't crazy, and up and down, rather its constant. Just because you feel like you're meant to be with a certain person, doesn't mean that you actually will be. You have to respect the person you love, and decide whether what they can give you is enough for you to be happy. That person has to compliment your life, but you have to be ok on your own too.

[Monkey ai]

These stories are really help your mood, NOT to get your current hope up, but it really help you to believe the true love will have no limitation, if the timing is right, everything will happen.. But only you let it go, you cannot control the situation, but you can allow the good feeling come back

 

My own stories, 1st -I have dated one of my ex 8 years ago for 2 years, we live together for 1 year, everything was good, but he was not sure( he is not falling love with me) and he miss his home in Italy, so we BU ( technically I am dumper, but almost mutual)and he move back to Italy... we are friends so we keep as friends, we talk and emailing each other, but I have moved on after 6 mos and dated new BF about 6 mo, beginning I was very exciting with new BF and but after 6 mos, for some reason I start miss the connection with my ex( the closeness and friendship), and felt bored by this new relationship...but never thought to getting back( reminder you, when I start missing my ex ,after 1 year mark BU), and sametime I noticed my ex start calling me more often, I was wondering why, but I never pay attention- until one day I was talking with my ex on the phone, he said why don't you make trip to Italy, since I never been over there that time, and I thought I should take advantage for visit Italy( he can be good guide for me, I know it is very selfish reason), so I bought my tickets went to visit him( 2 weeks), at begin, we just try to catch up, he is showing me his county, at last place was his home town we stayed with his parents house, he confessed that he realized that he have falling love for me, and he want to be with me, and he will move back NYC with me… but in the end it was not working, is not we do not love each other, we are still best friend, just went to his wending last year

2nd – I have this crush to one guy that I met online 6 years, we had passion and crazy dates, and that time he was confused and also he was interesting to other person sametime, so decide I let go, but some reason, I always thought of him, we are in LC for 7 mo, and he send me email and ask to start again where we have left before, but that time I just start new relationship, and I was not so trust of him… after 6 year, we are always check on each other( email , text on BDay and holidays), after my current BU, I bump in to him at tennis court, we start talking again, we both just BU with someone this year, and we still like each other, we meet up as friend, and both think about to give try, but will be very slow, who knows life is experience, you just have to give a chance

I have learned from my own experience, you have to let it go, in order to get back, you have to have right mindset, my mistake with current BU, I was hold unreal hope too long, it prolong my recovery…

I have more story on my friends, I will post it later, be strong!

[Taji]

I have around 4 stories:

My cousin dated his guy for 4 years and they even had a son. The boyfriend dumped her and dated some other girl for close to 2 years. Finally, we were all shocked when they announced their wedding. I don't know how they sorted things out and now are very happy, 7 years on.

 

My sisters friend dated a guy. The guy left to date another girl for a whole year. Finally he came back, they moved in and are marrying this year

 

Last year I went to a wedding where they had dated for long but the guy left to date another girl, came back after 3 months, they had a baby and got married.

 

This one didnt last long but my BFF was dumped in college for another gal. After a year, they were back together. It lasted one more year and I think the guy hadn't changed coz he left for another gal again...lol

[kateychitt]

hey guys i have been through a break up myself obviously why im here but i was wondering if there are any stories simular to myn where people have gotten back together. see i was dating this guy for 10months we were so close and got along so well and i was his first love but suddenly he decided he lost feelings for me and just wanted to be friends because he lost the feelings, i could not believe it i swear it happened like over night and we were so happy together and everything and its now been three months apart andi miss him terribly and i love reading these storys because thats what i want is him back but to me i feel hopless kinda but i some reason dont wanna give up. ive never chased an ex but this one i want. although saying this and thinkin oh he wont come back and being all sad about it, i must say i thought about it today and ive actually had two ex come back to me after 1 yr and maybe 2 yrs and i didnt even realise because i was over them then so i guess they do get back together but please any stories simular to myn

[origami]

Another gem from one of those geniuses having one or two posts.

[Maroon]

Yes reconciliations do happen. It happened to me and an ex girlfriend twice. She dumped me twice. She herself initiated NC twice. In both instances, she came back after months of NC.

[tufa4311]

I see they happen a lot between bf/bf - but do they happen between divorced couples?

[cupcake22]

I believe in recon! Sometimes you just have to experience life outside your partner to realize the greatness they bring to you.

[tufa4311]

I believe in recon! Sometimes you just have to experience life outside your partner to realize the greatness they bring to you.

 

Tell me about it! We've both started dating others, but she's always been the one, and as for her, she came looking for me after 15 yrs, but it seems neither of us were where we should have been and the big D happened, all that said, I believe is the sillyness of soul mates and wonder if this happens much, getting back together after divorce and time passes...

[leftme]

I think reconciliation is rare. The Dumpee believes the two are soul mates but the Dumper doesn't believe so. They may have some realisation but only if they truly have made a grave error and not just a slight mistake.

[tufa4311]

I think reconciliation is rare. The Dumpee believes the two are soul mates but the Dumper doesn't believe so. They may have some realisation but only if they truly have made a grave error and not just a slight mistake.

 

I know what you mean Leftme. In my case, love didn't have much to do with it. My ex-wife, a relationship counselor, always felt we were soul mates...but I learned that love isn't enough, even being a soul mate isn't enough. There are so many aspects in a relationship that affect it - in my case, I basically became complacent. I stopped taking "action" in life, didn't reach out to make new friends, didn't go after the things I wanted outside of our relationship. Things like furthering my education, finding a career I loved even though I had a great paying career it didn't light me up inside, basically just doing new things in life. These are the things, in addition to just bad communication, that led to our divorce. She has told me that she could see us starting new, that she wasn't against it, but that she wasn't going to wait for it, for me to get out of the "funk" that I was in.

 

It's been said many times, in life, and in this forum, for some reason most people just don't believe that second chances can or should happen, that you broke up for a reason and that reason can never change, that if there was real love it would never have happened, that the "dumpee" has no interest, etc. From my POV, this is a somewhat shallow school of thought. For one, there very rarely is a "dumper" vs "dumpee" scenario. Yes, there usually is a person that brings it up first or says they want to do it first, but if one has experience with long term relationships, esp. a marriage, they know that break-ups are caused by actions of both partners. That the "dumper" did the dumping because they were not getting what they desired out of the relationship at that point - and usually the only way that happens is because they are not communicating well and/or the other partner is not listening. The dumpee almost always has at least half of the blame for what happened - they just were blind to it until the dumper basically explodes and is done...but the dumpee has to take a lot of the responsibility. They loved their partner but it's very likely they didn't hear them, or more to the point, didn't listen. My ex-wife simply wanted me to become more "alive" again, like I was in the past, but I allowed the work stresses in my life to cloud my head up, the slow me down in my personal life, to stop connecting with my wife and more importantly with MYSELF.

 

Where am I now? Where are we now. We are both living our lives. We are both dating others. I have become very active in my own life, I've become more physically healthy and more mentally healthy. With all that said, yes, I do love her, I am in love with her, and while I am NOT letting that hold me back in life I am also not going to lie to anyone on this forum or to myself about my feelings.

 

She has said that she wasn't against a future potential for us but will also continue living life, just as I have started to do. The reason for this post is this: I am now a player in my own life, I am now aware of myself in my life, and I am now going after things I want in my life. Yes, she is one of the things I would love to have again in my life and while I know it is too soon and I am not ready for it I also would like to hear how others paths have gone in this respect. For me, all this is something I see ahead of me, not behind me. And just as I know that I may not accomplish all that I want in my life like getting a second degree, like getting a driver's license even though I have epilepsy, and like reconnecting my with ex, it does not mean I will not try, try when the time is right....

 

Sometimes there is a very thin line between realism and pessimism...I know reconnections happen, I know couples remarry each other, and I know it is somewhat unlikely - just as unlikely perhaps as being seizure-free for almost a year after having them for the last 25 years (new meds). This is not about holding on to the past, this is simply about including reconciliation as one of many possibilities that may happen in one's life and getting something positive out of hearing others stories that have done the same.

[Sophie7710]

I really hope my ex- will come back to me one day

[tufa4311]

I guess that aren't many stories of couples getting back together after getting divorced?

[FabulousGrace]

A good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend three times....they'd been childhood friends. On the third time,she said, 'no more....I will NOT let you do this to me again' and he went away. The next time she saw him, he turned up with a ring. They're now married and have two kids.

 

And who can forget the future King of England Prince Wiliam? He broke up with Catherine after 3 years together because he didn't think she was wife material. They were apart for 6 months...and we all know how that story ended!!

[tufa4311]

1. One of my ex's parents got divorced when he was a kid. A few years later, they got back together and are still together! He is forty now, so they have been back together a long time!

 

2. One of my friends married kind of young and ended up divorced. They went their separate ways for several years, including other serious relationships. They got back together, remarried, and have two boys!

 

Thx oldspinster, it's so hard to find divorced couples that reconciled, even here, and you just gave 2.

[wowor]

This is a great post. I am going through similar realizations about my prior relationship. I lost who I was and what made me an individual. I am recapturing that aspect of my personality back, and whatever the future holds I need to be sure to maintain myself alongside a companion or partner.

[tufa4311]

This is a great post. I am going through similar realizations about my prior relationship. I lost who I was and what made me an individual. I am recapturing that aspect of my personality back, and whatever the future holds I need to be sure to maintain myself alongside a companion or partner.

 

Thx wowor...

[Newnew]

I just want to bump this up

[Sophie7710]

I really hope I can get back together with my ex- but on the other hand Im scared if he will leave me again and in other condition

[Newnew]

What are you doing about it? And what are the details?

[MagicForest]

From my experience, all dumpers have eventually come back...and it's taken as long as ten years (for the one situation I thought for sure would never end in my favor, but then again, by then it was too late). For the guy I ended up eventually marrying (now divorced), he broke up with me two months after we dated. It took another two months before we were back together in a mostly "undefined" relationship, and another two months after that before we both decided we were committed.

 

On my part, I have dumped someone once. That was my ex-husband. It took 1.5 years of hell for me to completely bail, even after I KNEW it was over. I think that when the decision is made abruptly, a dumper might be more likely to come back. I am a very reflective and methodical person; I didn't just wake up one day and decide I was leaving. This was the result of a long and difficult and complicated process, and the damage had built up over a number of years. I still love him for everything we have shared, and while you NEVER know what the future will bring, I highly doubt we would ever get back together in the long run (especially since I'd lost all sexual attraction to him after about two years of being together). Sometimes incompatibilities are too serious to entertain another shot.

 

On the other hand, depending on the circumstances surrounding a breakup, I think it's possible to heal and to resuscitate feelings that may never have disappeared but just went underground. In my case, as the "dumper," it's not a matter of coming to my senses and realizing I made a mistake. Sometimes a breakup isn't a mistake, but the result of a deliberate and carefully weighted decision.

[UnshkableFaith]

Hey all, this is my first post here on ENA. Read through all 113 pages of this thread and I have to say that it has really helped me a lot with what I am going through, and has a lot of really good advice for those whose hearts are breaking. Before I even came here, I knew that I needed to make changes in my life (for myself, and my son) whether the future holds a reconciliation story or not for her and I, it doesn't matter. This thread has taught me that things don't just fix themselves, it takes time to truly make positive changes in your life that will STICK, and to not just hoax yourself into changing yourself ONLY to try to make someone come back, because love doesn't work that way.

 

Even though I love her with all of my heart, this thread has made me realize the many reasons why I should be glad that she hasn't contacted me yet (not to say that she ever will, at least in an attempt to reconcile) because it will truly give us both time to evaluate our lives with where we are at now, and truly make some positive changes in our lives, and grow. It's shown me that even though I love her with all of my heart, and with every fiber of my soul want to spend the rest of my life with her, that I will NOT sit around waiting for something that might never happen. She knows with all of her heart how much she means to me, and she knows the amazing times we had together, and I honestly feel that is more than enough to leave her with to remember me by, rather than risking tarnishing our friendship, the relationship we had, and even our breakup by pleading, calling, begging, etc.

 

As for me, I've been vigorously working on getting my life on track, getting healthy, staying vigilant, re-establishing my connection with God (that I never should have lost) stronger than ever. I have recently started a new well paying job that I am thoroughly enjoying for the first time in my life. I've (healthily) lost almost 20 pounds and have been hitting the gym daily, and eating right. I think it's important to remember that at even at the lowest, and darkest points in our lives, there are always things to strive for, and to be reaching for, and to never ever let go, because what would that prove? And to also remember, and never forget the reasons why a relationship didn't work in the first place. It's never just one person, as humans we all do things that we regret, and that don't work with our significant other for whatever reason. It's important to consistently remember those things, and learn from them, or we will NEVER grow.

 

I truly deeply believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, and that no matter how long, or how far, or how impossible something may seem, when you least expect it, it will happen. Cherish them on the way in, and cherish them on the way out, because you just never truly know. Life is a great mystery.

[rebellefleur]

I have been struggling so hard with NC tonight. I've been crying my eyes out for the past hour just wondering how this is so easy for him, how he could just let me go, wondering if this is really it forever...so thank you for this post. I needed it so incredibly much.