Getting back together really does happen!

[doiiiieeezie]

One of the veterans here... your old posts were great. Congrats on getting back together with the girl!

[gluestick]

Guess I'll add a story too. It's about my cousin and his wife. They dated during the last year of high school, but broke up as they moved and went to different colleges. They reconnected towards the end of college and got back together for another 2 years and broke up again. The main reason they broke up a second time was because she wanted to settle down and get married, while my cousin wasn't ready. They talked about getting married in a few years, but she kept pushing up the date. As a result, they would constantly fight and towards the end of their relationship, my cousin had already mentally checked out. Then a small fight erupted into them breaking up a second time. It took 2 years for her to completely move on and it was only achieved through no contact. She started dating another man and fell in love, but decided to one day visit my cousin's family. They hung out for 2 days before he realized that she's the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Ultimately, she decides to leave the other guy and go back to my cousin. 4 months later, they got married. The weird thing is, my cousin's wife later found out the other man she dated died from cancer not too long after she left him. Her mom always tells her that it's a good thing she ended up choosing my cousin. Funny how life works...

[maron]

...It took 2 years for her to completely move on and it was only achieved through no contact.

wow, so she completely stopped speaking to your cousin? she didn't think that they'd ever speak again?

[gluestick]

wow, so she completely stopped speaking to your cousin? she didn't think that they'd ever speak again?

 

She did contact him during those 2 years of NC and wanted him back, but he rejected her both times. After the 2nd rejection, she decided that enough is enough. It's time for her to move on and give up hope of having my cousin back in her life again. She really believed that they would never reconcile, even though she still cared about him as a person. After the 2 years NC, she dropped off a gift at his house and that made my cousin realize that she still cared about him.

[robintoronto]

Thanks very much for posting this.

[Uncosame]

Hi all,

 

I can't believe I have read all 855 threads!! Here is my 2 cents on getting back together (or reconciliation). It really does take 2 people to make any relationship work; unless you are ok with just going through the motions, it's not worth getting back together if it is one-sided.

 

I have been broken up with my ex for 3.5 months now after being together for 3 years. I can say that she's the love of my life and I have never been loved by any other the way that she loved me, but things happened and the timing was off. I have to admit that I wasn't "whole"; I have many childhood wounds that have impacted my life, including my time with her. She doesn't know the details, but I know she's not ready to hear my story. I have been in therapy for almost 2 months, trying to heal these wounds and grow as an individual.

 

This was an amazing thread. For those who are currently heart broken, keep your chin up because everyone deserves to see all of you (including your ex).... You never know what will happen, but in the meantime, focus on living a fulfilling life...

 

Cheers all!

Unco

[dabbledave]

bump ... for those who want to smile

[rescueme]

Do you think reconciliation can still occur even if as you as the dumpee have tried to contact them a few times and got little response, and then told them you still care and that you're going to back off now and let them decide what they want to do. He told me he'd fallen out of love and we've had very LC/ NC for the last year (but have to see one another every day at Uni) we were together over a year. HE said we could be friends but then told a mutual friend he was finding it "too hard" very early on and so mostly avoids me.... I tried to move on... had another relationship- but then I broke up with him because it was wasn't working right.

 

Or is there only a change if you totally walked away and had NC?

[NCMaster]

Do you think reconciliation can still occur even if as you as the dumpee have tried to contact them a few times and got little response, and then told them you still care and that you're going to back off now and let them decide what they want to do. He told me he'd fallen out of love and we've had very LC/ NC for the last year (but have to see one another every day at Uni) we were together over a year. HE said we could be friends but then told a mutual friend he was finding it "too hard" very early on and so mostly avoids me.... I tried to move on... had another relationship- but then I broke up with him because it was wasn't working right.

 

Or is there only a change if you totally walked away and had NC?

 

Hi Rescueme,

 

Im not sure how long you guys dated and what the dynamic of your relationship was.

 

There is always hope, if you lose all hope of reconciliation. Catch 22, but if hoping for reconciliation is prohibiting you from living life to the fullest, you probably will not get back with him.

 

The more my ex-ex wanted to reconcile, the less I wanted to reconcile!

 

Forget about him for the time being, he is probably not interested at this point. He might never be again, or he might be. But I would just not put any energy into thoughts of him whatsoever. Spend time loving yourself and making yourself happy

 

To my experience, when I needed/wanted a relationship the least, they just showed up. weird. The more I wanted a relationship, the more desperate my actions were, and the less successful I was. I can also say that the more I wanted a relationship, the more I was only in it for the relationship and not the other person.

 

So be in it for yourself, and watch your world change.

[rescueme]

thanks for that.

could i send you my letter to read? you see i think what i did in the letter was tell him that. that im not waiting around forever and that im happy now with my life- but hes always welcome to talk to me etc... id really like a second opinion on what i wrote, as im scared of it having a bad effect on him.. it was more to make him think on things and to give me closure then to coax him back tbh.

can i pm you it? x

[mecastillo1987]

I have a reconciliation story, though not as successful as I wanted it to turn out (but that's another forum post)

 

My ex-boyfriend "A" and I had a short-lived but substantial relationship on the summer of 2010. Getting to know each other was the main objective of the relationship - we had many differences (personality traits, religion, etc.), but we rarely fought - up until the time I told him I talked to a recent ex-boyfriend who wanted to know how I was doing. I was dumped because A's ego was so bruised. He knew this ex-boyfriend of mine meant a lot to me, though I tole him there was no malice in talking to him at all. We still kept LC though, since nothing really major broke the relationship.

 

I was angered at A's ability to let go so easily... so two months later, I start dating someone else. And this was when "A" starts texting me again, asking me out for a movie and such. But I've decided to push through with this new guy, knowing I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with A anymore - thinking he still had a lot of growing up to do. My attempt at the new relationship was unsuccessful after a couple of months, so I became single (and jaded) for about the next six months.

 

Out of the blue, A texts me again (We had been in complete, cold NC for 7 months) and asks me out for coffee. This was nearing the end of the 2011 summer. We catch-up, and became more honest with each other about our feelings. We were no longer in that getting-to-know stage, and we actually backed ourselves up with genuine friendship. This eventually blossomed into the best relationship I've ever had that lasted for a little more than a year. He was the best boyfriend in the world, and the new relationship felt like heaven to me. We laughed, we cried, shared experiences, traveled abroad, met each other's families, etc.

 

We broke up more than a month ago because of my fault. I got too comfortable with my abusive anger issues, but that's a completely different story.

 

Do I pray for a reconciliation?

 

Every minute or everyday.

 

Am I scared it won't happen again this time?

 

Yes I am. Because we never had major unhealthy issues to deal with before, but now we do.

 

But hope springs eternal. It happened once, I'm more than praying it can happen again...

[mecastillo1987]

Correction 2009 summer* and end of 2010 summer*

[Goodfellas]

Great story, thank you for that. One question though: Did the thought of her with others bother you and vice versatile for her?

[why do we]

It does happen indeed. My friend just got married in Vegas to a rich (and spoiled ) man who dumped her after engagement in 2007 to be single and see other probably numerous women. Limited contact and different countries for almost 4 years.

 

They reconnected on facebook in May, he invited her to move in soon afterwards, now married and blissfully happy. Who would have thought

[alertstatusred]

I have a few stories. I believe it does happen more often than people think.

 

1)My friend and her ex boyfriend dated for a year, broke up, then got back together a little over a year later. They broke up again...and got together again a few months later before calling it off for good. They dated other people in between these breakups.

 

2)I have another friend who got dumped by her boyfriend because he didn't want a serious relationship, although afterward he kind of led her on and tried to remain physically intimate with her. One day, he finally decided to commit, and even talked to her parents and apologized for being such a douche.

 

3)I have two friends whose parents have gotten back together after divorcing, and remain happily married to this day.

 

4) I went to school with a couple who dated in 8th grade then broke up. They got back together in high school, and they're now in university and engaged.

 

5) My ex boyfriend's best friend got dumped by his girlfriend, and they reunited a year later. They're one of the most nauseatingly affectionate couples I know

 

6) This isn't an example of getting back together but it shows how exes do come back into your life. After my first boyfriend and I broke up, I was a mess. I resorted to crazy schemes to get him back, went to parties where he would show up, and constantly texted and IMed him. I was pathetic and it only succeeded in driving him away. One day I just decided to ignore him completely and move on. Sure enough, I started getting messages from him asking what I was up to. At that point, though, I didn't want any sort of friendship or relationship with him anymore.

 

You can't just make a plan to get your ex back. You really do have to move on first, date other people, and take some time to grow as a person. Pining over them won't help at all.

[TSandullo]

bump.

 

Quickie. Old story of a celeb. Jean claude van damme remarried an ex wife of his.

Nice kicks he has.

 

TS

[hodgeheg]

If we're including famous people then Prince William and Kate Middleton broke up for a while. Complete different lifestyle to anyone on here, I know, but the whole world saw how happy they were to get married

[AnnaN]

All these stories about getting back together make me more miserable as I realize that are couples that were meant to be together or at some point they wanted to overcome any obstacles and try again because they trully loved each other. Something that is not going to happen with my ex...

[lovebroken]

So, my bf of four years told me he didn't love me anymore three months ago. I begged, pleaded, then finally tried NC. It worked for a few weeks, then he starts texting me and wanting to hang out while telling me he had no feelings for me at all. I tried to do some of that, but it hurt too much. So, I deleted him off of facebook and msn and did some more NC. Then eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. He called me one time and we had a long meaningful chat where we both agreed that we were too special to each other for us to not talk anymore. We hung out a few more times casually (once a week or less) and as friends. He started to express how much he enjoyed spending time with me and talking about the past a lot. He started to call me daily again. Eventually, I asked him again if he liked me. He said he still had feelings for me but didn't want to be together with an insecure heart. At that point (3 months into the break up) I expressed that I wanted to get back together. He told me to give him a week to think. During this time, we talked everyday and hung out once. I gave him a lot of space. Today was the end of the week! I gave him two days extra to think. Today, he said he wants to give us a try again! Though we are not official yet, but I think this is enough.

[jbug]

bump. sorry if anyone finds this annoying but im having a really hard day.

 

please share any reconciliation story, even its its not yours.

 

thanks

[alertstatusred]

Sorry to bump up this thread, but as of yesterday, I guess I can now add my story to this list too.

 

I was at work and one of my old exes came in (I work at a university where we are both students). We dated 3-ish years ago for about 6 months, and he broke up with me because he "just wasn't feeling it". I took the breakup really badly and I haven't spoken to him in over 2 years. Well, yesterday we chatted, and it was like talking to a completely different person. He looked a lot better and was very friendly and talkative..he used to be extremely awkward. Before he left, he asked me if i'd like to go for coffee, and I accepted. We went this afternoon, had a surprisingly great time, and made plans to meet again next week.

 

I still don't know if i'm ready for another relationship so soon after my last one, but we did have a good time so I guess we'll just see where it goes. Seriously, I never in a million years thought that we would ever meet up again.

[meowmix88]

Not my story, but I know two couples who have broke up and got back together.

 

1. They dated for years then guy catches girl cheating. He ends things and she fought for him for months. They dated for about 3 years after getting back together and are now engaged.

 

2. They dated for years, but broke up and were LC for years. About 2 years ago, they've decided to try again and are now expecting a baby.

 

People break up all the time but they also get back together all the time. Sometimes it's for the long haul and sometimes it's not, but it does happen.

[hausser]

It happens all the time, it's just in the real world the vast majority of couples who recon don't post on eNA. It also DOESN'T happen a lot in the real world, and a lot of those don't come to eNA either.

 

I know a girl who cheated MULTIPLE times on her boyfriend, and when I say that I mean slept with several men in a very short space of time, and they are happily back and have their first child now.

[lanaa]

it happens all the time but usually if both have let go,,so if you are calling, begging,stalking that's a big NO

[jeepman41]

Thanks for sharing. That's a really feel good story. That's when it happens a lot is when you have gotten over the relationship and moved on with your life.