Getting back together really does happen!

[AllUNeedIsLove]

I have a few stories...

 

1. My cousin was with her boyfriend for about 2 years when he suddenly broke it off with her saying he needed space. She was so miserable, but she still ended up being his friend (of course not talking to him all the time)....it took about 7-8 months for him to tell her the truth of the break up, and after a 2-3 months of thinking. My cousin took him back, and now they are together (I think 4 years now) and happier than ever.

 

2. My other cousin was with her boyfriend on and off. She dated him for about 11 months till he broke it off. they stayed friends, then he came back and broke it off again. They stayed friends, and finally he came back again, and this time ended up having a baby together, and are very happy parents.

 

3. Then there is me. I was with my boyfriend for about 8 months till he broke it off the first time. I was devastated and heart broken, and I did the NC, but he kept sending me messages, Ims, voicemails, texts etc...He kept trying to come back, but he didn't know what he wanted and I was just upset and emotional. FINALLY, he came back after 10 months, 3 of those months as friends. I can't say it was a happily ever after, since we were together 7 months and again he broke it off with me. But its not sad, since I have a really strong feeling he will be back (but if he doesnt it won't hurt).

 

Just remember its good to get back together, but both of you have to forgive and forget the past hurts.

[lolgirl]

Bump! I love this thread! Thank you so much! I'm not holding onto the thought that me and my ex are going to get back together, but its so nice to hear some heartwarming stories.

[Hollister]

This is a great thread. I myself am going thru a rough breakup and my heart is broken, and although I am realistic, I also try to have hope. I am WELL aware that it is not always the case, but below I shared two reconciliation stories:

 

1) A friend of mind dated her bf in college for a yr or 2, they broke up for another yr or 2 and saw other people, got back together, and now they are married.

 

2) 2 friends of mine dated soph yr of high school- junior yr of college, broke up for a few months and saw other people, got back together, and 3 yrs later are now married.

[newwave]

Just to add this, but almost every boyfriend I broke up with tried to reconnect with me. A few pulled the old "I don't want a relationship", broke up with me, then months or even years later called me asking for a second chance. Others I broke up with because of various reasons and they wanted to be back with me. None of the relationships ended up working, but it was because I had moved on and wanted something else. This is why I think the one I like will eventually come back.

[Buzz89]

Somewhat related and ongoing story:

 

Background

 

Woman A (she broke up with me 4 months ago - still in love with her but she has severe commitment issues). No contact for the last 8 weeks after I tried to get her back the first few weeks.

 

Woman B (she broke up with me early 2008 - have zero feelings for her now. mistake relationship)

 

Today's Events

 

Relationship with Woman A ended four months ago. Still heartbroken. I was aware that she had commitment issues but the break-up still took my by surprise. Read this thread this morning and started feeling better. I went for a walk at lunch and, while listening to songs on my iPod, said goodbye to her in my mind. Sad, but I was giving myself permission to move on and heal. Maybe limited contact in the future but for now, work on self.

 

So, I go back to work but left my phone in the car. I go out and get it an hour later. There is a message from Woman B that I dated two years prior. I haven't heard from her in months and, while interested when we briefly dated, I have zero interest in her now. She broke it off with me for another guy and said some things that hurt me deeply and killed all of the attraction that I had for her. So, I went no contact because I really didn't care for her anymore. I see her with common friends once every few months and we exchange friendly hellos but I act otherwise disinterested (which I am Since early 2008, I have improved my life in almost every area so maybe she's noticed?

 

Anyway, Woman B leaves a message asking if we could go out next week "as friends" and do something together and talk. Haha. What a weird day. I'm not interested in her so there will be no reconcilation story to post one day. But reading this thread and hearing things about you have to not care before they will come back. And then her calling today ... it gives me hope that anything is possible. Maybe one day I can come back here and post a reconciliaton story about me and Woman A.

[Theron]

It happens all the time. My ex broke with her BF like 6 times and always got back to him in two weeks, one month etc... she was with him for 2 years.

Then she met me and broke up with him. We were together 10 months, then she came back to him. Then back to me. Then back to him.

 

But I guess she won't come back to me again...this time, I knew what mistakes I made, and I would keep her at my side.

[Brownstone322]

My ex broke with her BF like 6 times and always got back to him in two weeks, one month etc... she was with him for 2 years.

Then she met me and broke up with him. We were together 10 months, then she came back to him. Then back to me. Then back to him.

Er, I dunno if any of that wackiness qualifies as "getting back together."

[Theron]

Er, I dunno if any of that wackiness qualifies as "getting back together."

 

I guess it does. I just lost all the hope, this time it seems definite.

[ForumGuy]

I've been on here a month or two now and following the NC advice. I just got back with my ex a couple of days ago. I've written it in other posts, but as soon as she saw me putting myself out there on singles sites, she came running back. Wish I knew if there is a "syndrome" for people who DON'T want to be with someone, but DON'T want them to be with anyone else either"...both me and my girlfriend have been guilty of this during the 3 year course of our relationship. We have broken up with each other and have both come back when the other looks to be moving on. weird I know.

 

She now says that she has always, and will always, love me. I am taking her at her word and not bringing up anything from the past, or asking any questions about the time we were broke up. I know her, and she doesn't like "talking about things". Nothing was ever real bad during the break-up though, except for my broken heart.

[lavenderdove]

Sure, people get back together all the time, but other people also win the lottery all the time, or get struck by lightning or....

 

I think it is great to hear about people who happily reconcile, but you need to carefully evaluate your own personal circumstances and what the other person is doing and how they are behaving rather than just blindly carrying a torch waiting to get back together, when the odds are probably against you.

 

Sometimes breakups can bring about positive changes in the individual that lead to a better relationship in future, but more often, people break up because the relationship isn't working for a least the dumper, and they don't come back, or they come back for a while and leave yet again because the original situation (their incompatability) never changed.

 

So hope and desire alone won't bring a person back, and one shouldn't waste large portions of your life tortured and waiting for someone to come back. There is a point in time when a normal desire to have someone back after being dumped converts into an unhealthy obsession, where the person just can't let go of someone who is long gone.

 

So keep your eyes wide open and assessing reality rather than slipping too deeply into chasing the idea that YOU will get back together just because you can dredge up a story of someone else who has.

[Igelchen]

Thanks for all these stories. especially:

This thread clearly shows that....

 

No matter what the circumstances are that led to any breakup, (i.e., no matter how heinous, ugly, or seemingly irreconcilable), one thing is for sure:

 

 

***GETTING BACK TOGETHER IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE***

 

 

...as with anything in life.”

 

Who cares if it's false hope? It's gonna get me through my exams. Or it better do.

[Tecan]

I just heard a story last night about a couple who dated for a few years in college broke up. The girl wanted to date other people and be free and a year or so later realized she made a bad choice letting him go and they got back together and got married. They just recently got divorced but the point is that a reconciliation happened!

[Brownstone322]

Sure, people get back together all the time, but other people also win the lottery all the time, or get struck by lightning or....

OK, really bad analogy (not that it's the first time I've seen it here). The odds against most reconciliations may be relatively long (depends on the circumstances), but they're nothing like that long.

 

I know plenty of people who have reunited with exes (I've done it myself), but I still don't know any lottery winners or anyone who has been struck by lightning. Anyone who makes that comparison needs to take a statistics class.

[glucoze]

Well.. I think if I were to ever get back with my ex.. it would work out.

because we would be more serious about the relationship and actually resolving issues lol

[lavenderdove]

>>Anyone who makes that comparison needs to take a statistics class.

 

Actually Brownstone, I am extremely well educated and you are missing the point here. Many people who are obsessed with an ex will scour the bushes looking for cases of people getting back together to feed their fantasies/hopes, then say to themselves AHA! It could happen to me! It WILL happen to me because all these nice stories make me feel good and like i have a good chance of getting back together. All i need to do is wait and it will happen.

 

Just because SOME people get back together doesn't mean that the individual in question WILL get back together, and i recommended that people very carefully consider their own circumstances and not live on false hopes. They can certainly as adults make the choice to wait a while to see if the person will take them back, but when that pursuit becomes a holy grail and the person refuses to accept that there is any other possibility for themselves other than getting back together, they are wasting/wrecking their own lives.

 

There are POSSIBILITIES and then there are PROBABILITES based on the individual's own circumstances. I've seen people waste YEARS assuming/hoping an ex will come back, when the ex has told them many times they're not interested, they want something different for themselves, they don't love the person anymore, they have someone else etc. So if someone is in that position, then the probability of it happening is small, and the person is wasting their time.

 

However, if it is a very recent breakup, both people broke up quickly without really talking about it or making a reasoned decision, there were some really extentuating circumstances causing the breakup, yet both still love each other, then yes, there is a good probability they might get back together and live happily every after.

 

The point i am making is just beause you have a lottery ticket in your hand doesn't mean you'll win it. Many people who have been dumped have such a HUGE emotional investment in the idea they MUST win this person back, that they can truly do desperate things in an attempt to get them back, just like a person who really needs money will spend their last food dollar on the lottery or gambling trying to hit it big.

 

You have to weigh your options, your probabilities, evaluate the situation carefully, status the other person etc. etc.

 

Just reading a cute story about how someone got back together doesn't mean that the individual should waste their life carrying a torch for someone long gone. Only after they have truly accepted the situation (and that the other person may or may not come back) can they realistically analyze the cost/benefit of waiting around expecting to get back together.

[dumped]

I agree with Brownstone. I dont think people take it as they WILL get back together..But it shows there is always hope.

 

It is nice though to read some success stories in the time when you are going thru heart break. I know for me I read a lot of these success stories and it made me feel better at the time. But the positivity helped me get thru antoher day...another week....another month...Then you start to get over it slowly. I think it plays a good role in the healing process.

 

I think a lot of the "statistics" favor those of an older age getting back together say 30+. There are a lot of people on her that are in High School or College that sure may get back together at some point but in reality those relationship will probably fail again.

[Tired Tiger]

Yeah, the nerve of some people... posting reconciliation stories and experiences on a getting back together forum. Who do they think they are?

 

Outrageous.

[Brownstone322]

Actually Brownstone, I am extremely well educated and you are missing the point here.

Yeah, so am I. Some of the least-impressive critical thinkers I ever met were in graduate school.

 

I think everyone understands full well that time and energy are limited resources that have to be applied thoughtfully; everyone implicitly recognizes the concept of "opportunity cost" whether they use that academic term or not. But when you invoke references to "lotteries" and "lighting strikes" to support the idea resource allocation, you actually undermine the perfectly valid point you're trying to make.

[lavenderdove]

^^

Brownstone, you 'police' these getting back together threads and insidiously attack the credibility of anyone else who tells someone that maybe they should focus on healing rather than waste a lot of their lives hanging onto what most likely is false hope for someone who has moved on.

 

So far on this thread you have implied i am uneducated and need a statistics course, and now you're are implying i am one of those 'least impressive critical thinkers' who went to graduate school because i told you i WAS very educated. Neither of those comments is relevant at all to this thread and an attempt to discredit my opinion.

 

The point is everyone is entitled to their opinion and to give advice, and you should be focusing on giving your opinion and not trying to to perform thinly veiled attacks on the characters or opinions of people who disagree with you by implying they are stupid or don't know what they're talking about.

 

You're entitled to your opinion and so am i. i think you are extremely defensive and resistent to the idea that your own ex (and other people's exes) may not come back, because you've been on this board now for at least 18 months carrying the flame for your ex to come back.

 

That is perfecly OK and your choice, but perhaps not all people are well served by being encouraged to carry the flame for their ex for years, nor should you denigrate other posters when they differ in opinion from yours. Just state your opinion and don't do these ad hominem type attacks on other people giving their opinion that maybe the focus should be on healing rather than carrying the torch. Each is a valid position to take, and some people need to hear it, and do benefit from that.

[Brigadoon]

The odds against most reconciliations may be relatively long (depends on the circumstances), but they're nothing like that long.

I know plenty of people who have reunited with exes (I've done it myself), but I still don't know any lottery winners or anyone who has been struck by lightning. Anyone who makes that comparison needs to take a statistics class.

 

1. My mother won €1500 on the lottery; does that count?

2. My brother was cycling home in a thunderstorm when his bike got struck by lightning (which would explain a lot) AND (lol) a guy I was seeing for a while got struck by lightning TWICE!

 

I know a good few people who've gotten back with exes; seems to happen about a year later for the successful ones and I've had exes turn up looking to try again too

[Brigadoon]

I agree with Brownstone. I dont think people take it as they WILL get back together..But it shows there is always hope.

It is nice though to read some success stories in the time when you are going thru heart break. I know for me I read a lot of these success stories and it made me feel better at the time. But the positivity helped me get thru antoher day...another week....another month...Then you start to get over it slowly. I think it plays a good role in the healing process.

 

I agree totally; this thread was a lifeline to me when I needed it. Whether or not it was realistic the hope kept me going while I was dealing with it bit by bit.

I commend Lavenderdove too though,; we do need some form of balance or else we start to make moving on the back up plan instead of working towards moving on and leaving the door open to go back if you see what I mean.

[nowaja]

MY co-worker's gf (he's around 40, she's 34) broke up with him 3 years ago because according to her he was flirting too much and she felt very insecure. He never cheated on her' yet she couldn't take his behavior anymore and she moved to Florida. They had very limited contact, and he was suffering a lot.

A year after, she came back. They met up, talked about the problems they had before and boom they were back together

 

It's been almost 2 years since they're back and they couldn't be happier!!!

 

Another story.

 

Again, 3 years ago my friend in her early 30s got dumped by her 28-year-old bf. He told her he loved her but he was no in love with her bs. She later found out he had dumped her for 23-year-old chick and she was crushed. She left France (that's where it happened) and moved to England because she couldn't stand being in the same city he was. They didn't have any contact for the first few months, but later on they started LC. 2 years after the break up I find out that they're back together...don't know the exact details since I haven't heard it form her but form our mutual friend. All I know they are married and she's 6 months pregnant....

 

I guess...anything can happen

[mr. dd]

A couple years me and my 5 best friends (the 6 of us are all guys) all lived in a place together when we were in our early 20's. At one point we've all been in serious relationships (2-4 years for each) that ended in breakups.

 

4 out of the 6 ended in getting back together!

Of those 4 reconciliations, 2 ended in breakups again (no chance of getting back together for a 3rd time, I can guarantee you that! It's for the best) and 2 are still together even after the breakup. The two that ended up in breaking up for good after the 2nd attempt were cases in which the guys were dumpees, and then the girl came back to work things out, the guy tried, but ultimately switched it around and became the dumper. Basically they just lost interest over time and after having their heartbroken.

 

As for the two that are still together, actually the guy was the dumper and he went crawling back to the girl (not really crawling though). The first one was a heated, emotional, brief breakup, but I have to give credit to the VERY patient girlfriend/dumpee who worked things out with the guy. The other was a long, 1.5 year seperation, they were in LC, but ultimately they both needed a lot of growing up to do. Like I said, we were (and basically still are) in our early-mid 20's. Not sure who here believes in the quarterlife crisis, but i've seen that play a huge role in many breakups. The second still together story, the couple are in the early stages (4 months or so of being back together), but I wish 'em well. I am SHOCKED how much the guy has matured over the 1.5 years apart with his girlfriend.

 

As for the 2 that never resulted in reconciliation, 1 of them was me and the other was a guy who was the dumper. In that situation 2 years after that breakup the dumpee/exgirlfriend hasn't moved on at all, it is sort of sad to see her like that, because the guy basically despises her at this point. (that part wasn't meant to be inspirational, just kinda true)

 

Also, a few months ago another one of my best friends got back together with his ex. She actually left him for her ex - but once she found out he had sort of moved on and got a hotter girlfriend she realized what a horrible downgrade her ex was and went back to John. Not an ideal situation in my opinion, too much jumping around from boyfriends, but as an outsider somewhat close to the situation I can see that she was very genuinely confused and not in a good place, she claims she just made a huge mistake and hopes to make it right this time around.

 

In my experience reconciliations can be quite common. Some work out, some don't, but they definitely happen. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a couple who has been together for 10+ years who haven't separated at some point (ignore our grandparents for a second - I think in their generation once a couple married or got serious - that was it, mates for life). I recently asked a guy who works in my lab, and has been with his wife for 15 years (only 2 married though) if they had ever broken up for any amount of time. He told me they seperated for 2 months and didn't talk and basically hated each other for those 2 months - so much bitterness between them, but here they are now, basically the happiest couple I know. That was over 10 years ago.

[Saffron_]

Not sure who here believes in the quarterlife crisis, but i've seen that play a huge role in many breakups.

 

I'm a believer. A crisis can hit you at any time, not just in your mid twenties or middle age (though those are common) and I think most of us (if not all) go through a few of them in our lifetime. Yeah I'm sure the 'life crisis' plays a part in many a break up.

[Saffron_]

 

Just because SOME people get back together doesn't mean that the individual in question WILL get back together, and i recommended that people very carefully consider their own circumstances and not live on false hopes. They can certainly as adults make the choice to wait a while to see if the person will take them back, but when that pursuit becomes a holy grail and the person refuses to accept that there is any other possibility for themselves other than getting back together, they are wasting/wrecking their own lives.

 

 

The 'false hope' and 'waiting around' stages are all part of the grieving process and something most dumpees go through before either moving on with their lives and in time getting back with their ex, or moving on without them. Yeah there are people that pine away for years over someone who'll never return which is terribly sad and a waste of life, but most people don't fall into this category. I for one found tremendous comfort in these stories. Like Brigadoon says, the hope kept me going while I was dealing with things bit by bit.

 

Almost every couple I know have broken up at least once during their time together. Breaking up and making up or making up then breaking up happen alllll the time. They're as common as muck!